Never Let Go (9 page)

“My impression is that you already know.”

“Gossip,” Rachel said, waving her hand dismissively. “I never listen to gossip.”

“Then what brought you into my office?”

“A need for firsthand information. Now, talk, or I’ll tell everybody that it’s true the two of you spent the entire night making whoopee in the neurosurgery on-call room.”

At that Mallory’s eyes blinked fully open and her head came up. “Is that what’s going around?”

“Well, not exactly. I added the part about the on-call room. Word is, though, that you were in the cafeteria together at some very late hours—and I do mean hours. A follow-up report has the two of you necking in the lobby at dawn. How’s the accuracy so far?”

Mallory moaned. “On the mark.”

“Oh my, I would pick today to come in late.”

“Rachel, if you’re not here for something constructive, buzz off.”

“Constructive?”

“Like how am I going to live this
down? I’m a professional. I do not go around
necking
in hospital lobbies, any more than I
make whoopee
in an on-call room.”

“Apparently you do now. Justin’s even better for you than I thought. I hate a woman who’s not in touch with her emotions.”

“Thank you for your kind moral support.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Rachel, I’m serious. What am I going to do?”

“About Justin or the gossip?”

“At the moment, they seem to go hand in hand.”

“Nothing.”

Mallory looked at her incredulously. “My professional reputation is on the line here, and you think I should do nothing?”

“Hogwash. Your reputation is not on the line. If this place got uptight about every stolen kiss, we’d have a staff of ten, and none of them would be doctors. I take that back. Until this morning, Justin would have been among the ten.”

“Terrific. I’m destroying his reputation, too.”

Rachel’s impish smile finally faltered as she caught on that Mallory didn’t consider the incident to be a joking matter. “Mallory, you’re making too much of this. What’s really wrong?”

“Does the word terror suggest anything to you?”

Rachel peered at her, then erupted into laughter. “I see,” she managed between giggles. “I love it. You’ve been so busy ensnaring Dr. Whitmore you never stopped to consider the implications. Now that he’s in your arms—so to speak—you’re beginning to panic.”

“Bingo!”

“Like I said, you’re making too much out
of this. You’re clearly in love with the man or you wouldn’t be…”

“Don’t say it.”

“…this upset,”
Rachel said, then added defiantly, “I was not going to say you wouldn’t be necking with him in the lobby.”

“Okay, yes. I am in love with him, but he’s so much more complex than even I imagined. What if I can’t deal with all of his problems?”

“Do you want to be his lover or his shrink? The way I see it, you’re supposed to support him, not cure him.”

“That’s all very simplistic and wonderful, but I don’t think you have the vaguest idea what I’m up against here.”

“Mallory, there’s not a man alive who’s our age who doesn’t come with a complicated past history. You accept the whole package. If it’s flawed, you’d better know it going in. Apparently you do.”

“That’s precisely my point. What if I can’t cope with the flaws?”

“Again, do you want to live with them or get rid of them? If it’s the latter, don’t count on it. If you want to live with them, you work at it. If some of them clear up along the way, so much the better.”

“It sounds like you’re talking about acne.”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about,” Rachel grumbled. “You’ve been babbling in riddles ever since I came in here. I’m just doing the best I can with what you’ve given me. I think I’m beginning to see why shrinks need shrinks.”

“Me, too,” Mallory said and put her head
back down on her arms. “Go away. I’m going to take a nap. I have to go to a baseball game tonight. I haven’t been to a ball game for years. Not since my father got the entire family thrown out of a Little League ballpark for threatening to kill the umpire if he ever called another strike on my little brother.”

“Sounds like my kind of guy,” Rachel enthused. “Why are you going if you hate baseball so much?” She sighed. “Never mind. It’s one of those things we women do for the men we love, sort of like the way I go camping with Hal, even though I abhor bugs and fresh air.”

“You’ve got it.”

“Enjoy yourself,” she kidded, then added seriously, “I mean that, Mallory, and I’m not just referring to tonight. Enjoy every minute of this time with Justin. You know better than anyone that time can go by all too quickly.”

That was exactly what she’d needed to be reminded of, Mallory realized once Rachel had gone. This fleeting moment of panic was an anomaly. It would never come back. The love that had been building inside her for Justin was still there, as strong and sure as the beat of her heart. He was letting go of his past more and more every day she spent with him. It would be the ultimate irony if she were to become the one to cling to it, to fear its implications.

It was 6:05 when she got to Davey’s room, and he was practically bouncing on his bed with impatience. He had a baseball cap perched rakishly on his blond hair and he was wearing a Giants warm-up jacket.

“Where have you been?” he said the instant she walked in. “Dr. Justin just went to look for you. We’re gonna be late.”

She thought he looked
feverish. “Are you sure you’re up to this?” she asked, putting her hand on his forehead. “You seem a little warm to me.”

Justin walked in just then. “Hey, who’s the doctor around here? I’ve checked his vital signs. This kid could play first base tonight.”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t have to.”

“Come on, you guys. Let’s go,” Davey urged excitedly. “Come on.”

“Okay, pal. We’re on our way,” Justin said and hoisted the boy up in his arms. “You’ve got a four-hour reprieve. Let’s make the most of it.”

When they reached the stadium, the parking lot was still practically empty. “Are we early?” Mallory said.

“Maybe a little, but I wanted to get a good parking space,” Justin said, flashing her a secretive smile. The man was up to something, but she couldn’t begin to imagine what. She was too busy trying to figure out why she hadn’t thought to bring along a book to read.

When they reached the gate, the guard took one look at Justin and beamed. “Hey, doc, it’s great to see you. I’ve been watching for you.”

“How’ve you been, Louie?”

“Terrific, thanks to you. Never thought I’d be thanking somebody for drilling a hole in my head, but I ain’t had a headache since you cut into me and took out that tumor. Had one of them fancy tests last week and everything’s clear.” He looked at Davey then. “So, this must be the big Giants fan you’ve been telling me about.”

“This is Davey Landers, and this is my friend, Mallory Blake.”

“If they’re friends of yours, then they’re okay in my book. Let’s go on in. The guys are expecting you.”

“The guys?” Mallory murmured under
her breath. An idea was beginning to take shape in her mind, and suddenly she could hardly wait to see if she was right. If she was, Davey was going to be thrilled beyond belief.

Sure enough, Louie didn’t lead them toward the stands, but instead took them through a maze until suddenly they were on the edge of the field where the teams were warming up. Davey’s eyes were as round as giant blue marbles. He was staring around the stadium with an awed expression on his face.

Gradually the players began to trot toward the dugout, and every single one of them called out to Davey. Several of them even stopped to speak to him. Mallory would have expected the boy to be speechless, but he was chattering away with the aplomb of a seasoned politician. To the delight of the players, he even threw in a few batting averages from the previous season.

“Justin, how did you arrange this?” Mallory said, feeling a spirit of excitement steal over her in spite of herself.

“Don’t give me any credit. I just made a call to Louie. He did the rest.”

“Louie, you’re incredible,” she said, squeezing the old man’s gnarled hand. “This is a night Davey will never forget.”

“It ain’t that much, miss, considering what the doc did for me. I owe him. You’ve got yourself a fine young man there.”

Mallory’s gaze locked with Justin’s. “I know that,” she said softly.

Louie took them to their seats then, and Davey insisted on giving them a detailed account of everything that had gone on in the dugout, as if they hadn’t been there to see it for themselves.

“You’re the best,” he said. He threw
his frail little arms around Justin’s neck and squeezed. Mallory caught the shimmer of tears in Justin’s eyes, then was enveloped in a hug herself. “I love you, too, Mallory.”

“And I love you, sport. Now settle down a little. The game hasn’t even started yet. You’ve still got a big night ahead.”

Trying to calm Davey down was like trying to steer a rampaging herd of bulls back on course. For a little boy who had been through such an incredible ordeal, he seemed to have more energy than any ten children she’d ever seen before. She was worn out just watching him.

By the fifth inning, though, the activity was beginning to tell on him. His skin was pale, and his eyelids were drooping.

“I think this is about enough for tonight,” Justin said.

“But the game’s not over,” Davey protested sleepily. “I’m okay.”

“But you won’t be okay if we don’t get you back, and then I’ll be in trouble. You can listen to the game on the car radio.”

That seemed to satisfy him for the moment and by the time they’d driven back to Fairview General, he was sound asleep. Justin got him back into bed, checked his vital signs and recorded them on the chart.

Then he turned to Mallory. “And what about you? Are you worn out from all the excitement?”

“I just may be able to muster up enough energy to get home.”

“Would you do better with a chauffeur?” he inquired lightly, but she could tell from the lines of tension around his mouth that asking made him nervous. He still seemed a little uncertain how she would react to what he’d told her the previous night, now that she’d had time to think about it.

“Much,” she said, her voice thick
with the sensual implication behind his question and her response.

They had barely gotten into Justin’s car when Mallory’s head fell back and her eyelids fluttered shut. She was still asleep when they arrived at her apartment. Justin switched off the ignition and just sat staring at her. Dark eyelashes fanned across her cheeks, and her hair was mussed. He loved it when her crisp, workday image fell away, and she became a vulnerable, incredibly sexy woman.

Her professionalism daunted him. She was so damn good at what she did that he sometimes feared she could read his mind, see into his soul. Only once before had he allowed anyone to get that close and it had ended in disaster. He had sworn never to let it happen again, but he hadn’t counted on Mallory.

Apparently she had seen something in him that he’d kept carefully hidden from everyone else. She’d seen the sensitivity he held just out of reach and had climbed over the walls he’d built with the ease of a tomboy intent on reaching the top of a tree. She’d been nurturing him ever since, encouraging him to open up, to give as he’d always wanted but had learned early not to dare to do.

Tonight he’d wanted to give her back some of what she had given to him. He’d wanted to make love to her slowly and gently and with every part of his being. It was the risk he’d feared the most, and he was ready at last to take it.

He regarded her sleeping
form with an ironic twist to his lips. Showing her would clearly have to wait for another night.

He eased her out of the car and carried her upstairs, but he was stymied at her door. Her key was buried in the depths of her purse, and he had no free hands with which to search for it. On top of that, she was snuggling into his neck, making soft little mewing sounds in her throat and it was driving him wild. It was a wonder he could stand at all. There was nothing to do but wake her up. Quickly.

“Mallory,” he said softly, jiggling her in his arms. “Mal, come on, sweetheart, wake up.”

She clung more tightly to his neck. “Dr. Blake!” he said crisply.

Her eyes opened immediately and she looked instantly alert. It was astonishing…and just a little disturbing.

“We’re home. Could you dig around in your purse and find your key?”

She reached in and plucked it out with ease. “Why didn’t you wake me before?”

“I thought I had this all organized until it came time to open the door.”

“You could put me down now.”

“I think I rather like having you under my control like this.”

“I’ve got the key. You’ve got me. Which one of us is really in control?” she inquired tartly.

“You have a point.” He shifted her weight in his arms. “Mallory, would you mind opening the door?”

“Am I heavy?”

He knew the trick
in that question. “Nope, light as a feather.”

She began nibbling on his neck and the arousal he’d just managed to bring under control came back with even greater urgency. “The door!”

Her tongue ran around the shell of his ear, then dipped inside. A tremor ripped through him. “Do that again, witch, and you’re going to land on your bottom,” he growled. “Now, open the door.”

“Can I do it again inside?”

He shifted uneasily as his blood surged. “Mallory!”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“You can do anything you want inside,” he promised, his voice low and husky with anticipation. She gave him a thoroughly impish and absolutely beguiling grin.

“What a lovely prospect.”

M
allory’s playful mood lasted
for about thirty seconds after the door was closed. Then the atmosphere turned very serious indeed. Justin had had no idea that any woman could awaken so thoroughly so quickly.

She stood on tiptoe to link her fingers behind his neck. Her body swayed against him, the pressure just enough to make his flesh burn and his heart pound in his chest.

“Did I tell you how wonderful I think you are?” she murmured, her lips merely a hairbreadth away from his.

He wasn’t one bit interested in her praise. He just wanted to capture more of her sweetness. He tried to close the distance, to lock his mouth over hers and slide his tongue inside for a taste of honeyed moistness, but she was having none of it. Why had he never realized how strong she was…or how much willpower she possessed? He could feel her body trembling in his arms and still she kept that infinitesimal distance between them. He realized then that he’d have to play out the scene on her terms.

“What did I do to convince you
of my charms?”

“Your charms, as you put it, are not the issue.” She loosened the arms she had clasped around his neck and poked him in the chest. “I’m referring to what’s in here. You’ve got a big heart, Justin Whitmore, and never again will I allow you or anyone else to deny it. What you did tonight for Davey was incredible. I’ve never seen a kid so happy.”

He returned her gaze, suddenly somber. “He deserves to be happy all the time.”

“No one is ever happy all the time and, unfortunately, you and I are not the ones responsible for seeing to Davey’s well-being. We can only hope to steer things in the right direction.”

“Let’s not get off on that subject again. I don’t want to talk about Davey’s future right now. I want to talk about ours.”

He caught the startled expression in her eyes and cursed himself for a stupid slip of the tongue. He’d been thinking only of the immediate future, of the promising night ahead of them. She’d obviously thought he meant much more, and he wasn’t ready for that yet. He’d made giant strides since meeting Mallory, but he might never be ready for marriage, for a commitment to a happily-ever-after he didn’t believe existed. His dilemma was growing every day because he didn’t think he could bear the thought of not having her in his life. Still, he wondered if he could correct the impression he’d just given her without seeming like a rat.

“For instance,” he began suggestively, sneaking in a quick kiss to the line of her brow, then one to the tip of her nose, “what are you doing for the rest of the night?”

“You clearly have a rather shortsighted
view of the future,” she taunted, obviously seeing straight through him. Her remark wasn’t made in anger, however, but rather with that wry amusement that delighted him. She was clearly the sort of woman who was confident enough to give a man the slack he needed, knowing that sooner or later she could reel him in.

“We’ll talk about the future another time,” he vowed solemnly.

“Then we do have something to talk about?”

“Yes,” he murmured, running his hands along her sides until they rested on the curve of her hips. “I’m beginning to think maybe we do.”

“Why does it sound as if all those positive words add up to a question, rather than a statement?”

Instead of answering, he tilted her body forward until it rested tightly against his. “I’m not much interested in talking about this right now. How about you?” He lowered his head to capture an already hardening nipple between his teeth. He heard her sharp gasp and felt the suddenly accelerated pace of her heart. Mallory’s back arched as she sought the pressure of his mouth against her breasts, telling him silently that she, too, was beyond talking.

Suddenly he couldn’t wait an instant longer to be inside her, to make her his in the only way he knew how, by pleasuring her, by lifting them both out of the present and into a world filled with possibilities. The patience he’d had all evening shattered and he shoved aside her clothes, then his own with a heated urgency. His pants had barely dropped to the floor in a tangled heap, when he lifted her up and settled her on his throbbing manhood. She was as ready as he was. Her legs clamped around him and she buried her face against his chest, her lips burning him as they sought out his masculine nipples.

He leaned back against
a wall for support and moved with a sort of frantic desperation, his eyes locked with hers. He watched the tension on her face change to surprise and delight as she shuddered in ecstasy, her head thrown back, her body shimmering with perspiration. Only then did he seek his own pleasure, thrusting deep into her silken warmth, feeling her muscles tighten around him and sheathe him in her love.

When the explosion rocked him, it seemed to last forever, a bursting of light and sound and sensation more spectacular than any fireworks display, more intoxicating than the finest champagne. Once more, as it had done only with Mallory, it touched not just his body, but the depths of his soul.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to be that way,” he murmured in a voice that was thick and breathless.

“And what was wrong with it?” she inquired, peering at him indignantly, her eyes luminous.

“Not a thing, but I’d had every intention of taking you to bed and making love to you all night long.”

She gazed at him with wide-eyed innocence. “What’s stopping you?”

“You want more?”

“Shameless, aren’t I?”

“And insatiable.”

“Do you object.”

“I don’t, but you may, if I keep you
awake two nights in a row.”

“Try me.”

The taunt was enough to get them as far as the bedroom, but exhaustion won out over desire, and they fell asleep still locked in the midst of a passionate embrace.

It’ll be an interesting position from which to start, Justin thought as he drifted away on a sea of contentment.

In the morning, though, there was no time to recapture the wild tension, the reckless abandon and explosive promise of the night before. In their weariness, they hadn’t set the alarm, and Justin awoke to the sound of his beeper going off. By the time Mallory got out of bed, he was on the phone to the hospital, being told by the scrub nurse on his team that he was already fifteen minutes late to prep for surgery.

It took him two minutes to shower and three to untangle his clothes and get into them, but it took him five to say goodbye. It would have taken longer, but Mallory at least had some sense—and indomitable willpower. With any luck he would make it to the operating room before the anesthesia was administered.

Mallory watched Justin rush through the door with a satisfied gleam in her eyes. He had just indicated very thoroughly that he was tempted to put her ahead of his work. She’d never let him do it—at least not at the cost of a scheduled surgery—but it was reassuring to know he would. It was another breakthrough to be logged on her rapidly lengthening list.

She had barely walked into her office an hour later when the phone rang. It was her real estate agent with the news that the closing on her condominium would be on Friday. “You can move in by the weekend, if you like.”

“That’s great news,” she said, wondering how
she’d managed to forget all about the apartment in recent days. She’d filled out the papers at the bank and pushed the whole thing out of her mind. Or, rather, Justin had. He’d kept her more than occupied physically and mentally for weeks now. She probably ought to thank him. In the past she’d have been worrying herself sick over every detail of the transaction. If she hadn’t, her mother would have been.

Suddenly, she realized she hadn’t even told her parents about the new place or asked them to send her furniture. On impulse, she picked up the phone and called her mother.

“Mallory Marie,” her mother exclaimed the minute she heard her voice. “Where on earth have you been? And what are you doing calling at this hour on a weekday? Are you all right? I’ve called you the past two nights until late.”

Guilt flowed over her in predictable waves, exactly as her mother intended. “Nothing’s wrong, is it?”

“You tell me. You didn’t call on Saturday. I haven’t been able to reach you since. What’s going on up there?”

“You mean there’s nothing wrong at home?”

“Of course not. We’re just fine, except for fretting about you.”

Mallory groaned. “Mother, I’m a grown woman. You can’t go into a panic every time you can’t reach me. If you’re really concerned, you could always call the hospital.”

“I didn’t want to bother you at work.”

“If you thought I was in such terrible shape, what makes you think I’d have been working? At least the hospital could have told you if I was being held by the authorities or locked away in a mental ward.”

“Don’t be cynical, Mallory. It
doesn’t become you. Why are you calling home in the middle of the week again, if nothing’s wrong?”

“I called to tell you I’ve finally found a condo, the bank has approved the loan and we’re closing on it on Friday.”

Silence greeted the announcement.

“Mom, did you hear me?”

“I heard.”

“What’s wrong?”

There was a heavy sigh. “I guess I was just hoping you might not make this move permanent. You’re so far away. We miss you.”

“I miss you, too, but it’s permanent. I like it in San Francisco, and Justin’s here.”

“Justin? Who’s Justin? You haven’t mentioned him before.” The mention of a new man in her life would have distracted Mallory’s mother from the impending arrival of a tornado.

“He’s a friend, a doctor.”

“Is it serious? It must be if you’ve been with him the past two nights.”

She should only know, Mallory thought. Aloud, she said only, “I said he was a friend.”

“You don’t have male friends.”

“Who says? Men and women can certainly be friends without it implying anything more about the relationship.”

“Then there’s nothing more to it?” Her mother’s disappointment was obvious in the deflated tone of her voice.

“I didn’t say that, either.”

“Mallory, are you trying to drive me crazy?”

Mallory chuckled. “Sorry, Mom. Actually, I just called to tell you about the condo and to ask you to ship my furniture.”

“On one condition.”

“Don’t even say it. I will tell you all about Justin when—or if—there’s anything to tell. Just send the furniture. Saturday would be great if they can do it by then.”

“Oh, all right. Sometimes you are absolutely impossible. I’ll call you tonight and let you know the details. Will you be around?” she inquired pointedly.

“I’ll be there,” Mallory assured her.

She was, in fact, home and Justin was with her, when her mother called. He was rather ineptly trying to make a salad. Vegetables were scattered from one end of the kitchen counter to the other. On her way to the phone, Mallory skidded on a lettuce leaf that had fallen on the floor.

“If that’s the extent of your skill with a scalpel, remind me to use another surgeon,” she taunted him as she picked up the phone.

“If you had a decent knife, I wouldn’t be having this problem,” he retorted, as her mother said, “Who is that? Is that Justin?”

“Yes, Mother,” she said, then cut short that particular line of questioning. “What’s happening with the furniture?”

Her mother uttered a pained
sigh that made Mallory smile. “I had your father call. He and Steve Falcone are bowling buddies. Steve promised to rush the shipment and get it to you on Saturday. He said it would probably be there by noon. I think your father has to buy the beers for the next six months.”

“Thank Dad for me. Tell him I’ll buy the beers.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” her father said. Apparently he’d picked up the extension just in time to hear her promise.

Mallory chuckled. “Hi, Dad. Does this Falcone guy drink a lot? Should I take out another loan?”

“I think you’ll be able to handle it. How’s my girl?”

“Fine. Loving San Francisco more every day. You’ll have to come visit, once I’m settled.”

“Your mother tells me there’s a new man in your life. Is he treating you okay? Does that have anything to do with your appreciation of San Francisco’s finer points?”

“It might have a little something to do with it,” she said, smiling as she watched the furrow of concentration on Justin’s brow as he tried to dice the spring onions.

“I’m happy for you. Maybe we will take you up on that invitation one of these days. Your mother’s already dying to give this guy a once-over. I’m surprised she hasn’t ordered a check of his bank records and social standing.”

“I’m sure she wants to,” Mallory said dryly.

“Will you two stop making fun of me?” her mother said. “I’m just concerned about your welfare. You’re my daughter.”

“Right. Now let me go, so I can finish fixing dinner. Talk to you soon. Love to everyone.”

When she’d hung up, Justin asked casually, “What was all that about furniture?”

“Good heavens, you mean I
haven’t told you, either? My condo deal is going through this week. I’m going to move in on Saturday.”

“Condo deal?” he asked with an unexpectedly ominous edge to his voice.

“Justin, don’t go all vague on me. You were there the day I bought it, the night Rachel and I ran into you at that restaurant.”

“You never mentioned that you’d bought a condo.”

“But we were talking about decorating it,” she argued, then her voice trailed off and she added weakly, “before you got there. Sorry. I guess I’ve had other things on my mind. I’d practically forgotten about it myself until the real estate agent called this morning.”

Justin said very little after that, and she had the strangest sensation that he was angry. Finally she could stand it no longer.

“Justin, are you mad about something? Are you upset because I didn’t tell you about the apartment?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m not sure I can explain it.”

“Try.”

“It just seems like such a big step, and you never even mentioned it.”

“But I’ve explained that. I’d practically forgotten it myself and at the time I actually found the place, you and I weren’t exactly close.”