Never Let Me Go: The Complete Set (33 page)

“I kind of do, but we can do that after this blood test.” Butterflies flew around in my stomach.

“Come on; let’s go see the vampires, then.” He had taken to calling the lab techs that.

We went when they first opened so we would have the results back early. I hated the waiting. I was happy when we got my favorite lab tech Ginger.

“How are we feeling today?” She smiled as she put the tourniquet on my arm.

“Nervous.” I grimaced.

“I have a good feeling about you this month.” She patted my hand before cleaning my arm with the alcohol swag.

“Let’s hope you’re right.” I winced slightly as she inserted the needle and took my blood.

“All right, all done here. Dr. Welsh will call you later today with your results.”

I nodded, and Logan and I wandered back out to the car.

“So, back to bed?” He smiled hopefully.

“What will you give me if I say yes?”

“Hmm, what do you want?” He pulled me against him, and I could feel exactly how excited he was about the prospect of spending the day in bed with me.

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe we should just go shopping or something.” I put a finger to my lips.

“Shopping can wait. I can’t,” he growled and scooped me up into his arms and practically threw me into the back of the car.

“Logan!” I giggled when he descended on me in the back of the limo.

“What?” He looked at me with an innocent expression before nuzzling into my neck.

“Mmm, nothing. Keep doing that,” I sighed as he pressed kisses to my collarbone.

When the car stopped in front of our building Logan sat up and looked down at his lap. “Do these jeans effectively hide my thunder?”

I laughed. They certainly did not hide anything. “Not even a little bit. Better hold your jacket in front of you.” I couldn’t stop giggling as he gingerly got out of the car and tried to hold his jacket in front of him with one hand and reach for me with the other.

We raced through the lobby to the elevators, both of us laughing uncontrollably. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed that hard at anything. The laughter shifted to lust in the blink of an eye. The look on his face told me exactly what he wanted once we got inside and it shot a fiery arrow right to my center.

Logan fumbled with the keys and we practically fell through the front door. We tore at each other’s clothes, both wanting to feel skin on skin contact.

He had me against the wall, my legs wrapped around his waist. This was quick and hard, the way I needed it today. Both of us were selfish, taking what we needed without caring if it was too much for the other.

I craved the times when he lost control and took me. He was rough and wild and took me to places I didn’t know existed.

“Tell me if this is too much.” His teeth scraped against my earlobe.

We slipped to the floor, and I knew my knees would hate me for it later. My hand pressed flat to the hardwood as he gripped my hips and pushed me to my limits.

I screamed out my pleasure and melted into the floor below me as fireworks went off behind my eyes and a liquid warmth spread over me.

“Remember me now?” I turned back to look at him as he sat back on his knees panting.

“Yeah, I remember you now.” He leaned forward and cupped my cheek before helping me to my feet.

After a long steamy shower, both of us were squeaky clean and in pajamas snuggled up in bed.

“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.

“For what?” I snuggled closer to him.

“For coming back to me.” He kissed the top of my head.

“I never left you, baby. I was just a little lost for a bit.” I reached up and touched his cheek, loving the raspy feel of his stubble.

My phone rang from the living room, and I sprinted into the other room to grab it. I was immediately nervous when I saw that it was Dr. Welsh.

“Did the results come back already?” I looked up and found Logan standing next to me.

“They did. I’m happy to say that it looks like you’re pregnant, Grace. Your level is at fifty-eight right now. We’ll have you come in a day from now to repeat the test, but so far I’m happy with that number.”

“Really? This is for real?” I whispered, totally in shock.

“It looks that way. Just try and relax and don’t forget your prenatals. We’ll see you day after tomorrow for more labs, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks for calling, Dr. Welsh.” I pressed the end button and turned to Logan.

“What did she say?” He looked at me expectantly.

“I’m pregnant.” Tears fell down my cheeks. I was so happy, yet terrified to let myself love this little life because of what happened last time.

“Kitten, that’s the best news ever.” He hugged me tight. “What are you thinking right now?”

“I’m really happy, but totally scared at the same time. I don’t want to lose this one, too.” My hand went to my abdomen.

“It’s okay to be scared. I’m scared, too. What else did she say?” I put his hand on top of mine.

“That my number right now is solid and to come back the day after tomorrow for more labs. I’m going to be a nervous wreck until I get those results. I want to be over the moon happy right now, but I’m too nervous to be happy.”

“That’s totally understandable. We’ll just take it a day at a time for now. Come on, let’s go back to bed and watch some trashy reality TV.”

He must really love me since he hated all those reality shows that I loved. I let him lead me back to our room and tuck me into the bed before sliding in next to me.

The next day was all about distraction. Logan did everything he could to keep my mind off things. He even made me come to work with him, telling me that he needed my help organizing something in his office.

“Um, isn’t this why you pay James?” I asked from the pile of file folders I was wading through.

“Could be.” He was distracted by something on his computer screen.

“Could be what?” I prodded.

“I’m sorry, what did you ask me to begin with?” He smiled sheepishly.

“I said, isn’t this what you pay James for?”

“Yes, it is. But you are far more attractive than James. Plus, you wouldn’t sue me for sexual harassment if I said I would pay you in sexual favors.”

“Yeah, the lawsuit would be kind of annoying.” I grinned and went to sit in his lap.

“I think I like this sexy secretary thing you have going on.” He gave my butt a squeeze.

“Why, Mr. McFadden, that kind of behavior will not be tolerated,” I playfully chided him.

“And just what are you going to do about? File a claim with HR?” He gave me his best stern look. The one he gives all of his employees, his world ruler look.

“Maybe I will.” I leaned across him to grab the phone, and he swatted my hand away. I had to say, he was doing a really good job of distracting me.

When we finally dragged ourselves away from the office at seven, I was too tired to do much more than eat a quick dinner before I fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t even stir when Logan picked me up and carried me to bed.

The next morning, I sent Logan off to work before I went to get my lab work done. He tried to come with me, but I wasn’t having any of it. Ginger drew my blood again, and I was in and out within five minutes.

To occupy my time, I wandered along Fifth Avenue and dreamed of the maybe baby inside of me. I wanted to hope so badly but hope led into dangerous territory. My phone beeped in my purse. I checked and it was a text from Charity.

Charity: What’s up?

Me: Not much, what about you?

Charity: Feeling homesick, will you come and get me?

Me: Did something happen?

Charity: No, just wanna come home. I miss normal food and American accents.

Me: Say the word and I’ll send the jet.

Charity: Promise?

Me: Pinky swear. How’s Jude? Still dreamy?

Charity: The dreamiest. He wants me to move in with him this summer. I told him I’d think about it. I wanted to come home for at least some of the time, but now I don’t know.

I sat staring at the screen for a moment, figuring out what I wanted to say as a reply.

Me: Home will always be here but will he if you decide not to move in with him? Sometimes it’s scary to take that next step, but you need to just close your eyes and jump in.

Charity: *Sigh* You’re right, I know you’re right. And p.s. when did you start sounding like a self-help seminar?

Me: Shut it. Take the damn advice and be happy about it.

Charity: Fine, consider it taken. Any baby news on your front?

God, the one question I had been dreading. I always hated being asked that. I wanted to be like,
Don’t think I would tell you if there was something to tell?
And maybe this time there would be something to tell, but it was way too soon at the moment. And yet… I sat down on a bench and steeled myself for the words I was about to type.

Me: I think I’m pregnant

Less than a minute later my phone rang and the familiar voice of my sister rang through loud and clear.

“What! How did you not lead off with that? Why did you not call me?” she screeched.

“It’s so early that it may turn into nothing like before. I shouldn’t have even told you just now, but there it is.” I felt the sliver of hope in my heart starting to expand.

“How early is early?”

“I would be like four weeks if it’s real this time.” I pulled at a loose thread on my sweater.

“Wow, okay. So when will you find out for sure?” Her tone was gentle.

“I went in for my second labs today, so within the day.”

“Okay. You’ll call me when you know? Or have Logan text or whatever if you can’t do it?” She sounded so anxious. I knew how I had been to talk to the past few months. Everyone treated me like I was made of glass.

“I promise that someone will call you. And you, promise me that you’ll think long and hard about Jude’s offer. He’s a great guy, and you two are awesome together.” I needed to change the subject, talking about the maybe baby was getting me too excited.

“I will. Okay, I need to run, class is about to start. I love you, sweets.”

“Love you back, baby doll.” I smiled as I pressed the end button. I missed her. I wished she lived in the states so a flight to see her was only an hour or so and not all day.

I got up and resumed my meandering, enjoying the hustle and bustle of the busy sidewalks.

WE HAD REALLY DONE IT
this time. Grace was pregnant. Her numbers had doubled every two days for a week before they stopped having her come in to test them. To say she was happy would be an understatement. She was exuberant, as radiant as the sun.

Today was the first ultrasound where we would get to see what we had made together. I couldn’t wait. After everything we had gone through, I really felt like I was dreaming.

“Logan, come on, we need to leave,” she called from the living room. Neither of us had slept much the night before. We had lain awake contemplating about who our baby would look more like.

She followed me around the house, hounding me until I was finally ready to go.

“Sorry, I’m just really excited.” She kissed my cheek in the elevator.

“It’s okay. I’m excited, too.” I squeezed her hand as we walked out into the waiting car.

They brought us back pretty much right away, which was good because I didn’t think Grace could have taken much of a wait. They gave her a gown, and we waited for Dr. Welsh to come do the ultrasound.

“Nervous?” I asked her after she had changed and hopped up on the table.

“Not even, I’ve done more of these than most women in America.” She laughed.

I often forgot how invasive this whole process was for her because she didn’t talk about it. Not for the first time I thanked my lucky stars it wasn’t the man who was responsible for conceiving. Women were far stronger than men.

Dr. Welsh breezed into the room with a megawatt smile, and we got right down to business.

“You ready to see this little one?” She grinned as she positioned the probe for a better view.

I couldn’t really tell what we were looking at
,
but Grace could. She gripped my hand tight as tears fell down her cheeks.

“You see this big black thing here?” Dr. Welsh pointed out. “That’s the amniotic sac, and right there in the center is your baby.”

My breath was stolen from me, could there be anything more amazing than the tiny little heartbeat of my child?

“Do you see that, Logan?” Grace sobbed. “That’s our baby.”

“I see it, baby.” I leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Judging by the size, I’d say you’re about six weeks along now, but you knew that already.” Dr. Welsh winked at Grace.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen and the little beating heart. It was miraculous to me; we had made something together. I loved this little baby intensely already.

“What should we be doing now?” I asked.

“Nothing. Grace, you just need to take it easy. No strenuous workouts for you. Just enjoy this experience.” Dr. Welsh patted Grace on the knee. “I printed out a bunch of pictures for you.” She held out a string of black and white pictures to me which I gratefully accepted.

We were on cloud nine as we walked out into the morning sunlight. Grace couldn’t stop smiling and staring at the pictures in her hand.

“When are we going to tell the family?” I asked.

“I kind of already told Charity.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Really? When?”

“The day of the second blood test. I couldn’t help myself. But she’s sworn to secrecy for now.”

“Do you want to tell everyone now?” I was trying to gauge how she was feeling about it.

“Part of me wants to wait until the second trimester, but it’s going to be too hard not to scream it from the rooftops.”

I knew exactly what she meant. I was so excited. I wanted to call Leah and tell her and then Smith. But I would do whatever she wanted.

“I’m going to call my mom today and tell her. So, if you want to tell Leah and Smith, you can.”

We strolled down the sidewalk hand in hand, feeling as light as air. All the months of heartache and loss were all over. We finally were getting our happy ending with this. I turned my head to look at her. God, she had never looked more beautiful to me. My wife, the mother of my unborn child. She was a goddess in my eyes.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” She wiped at her cheek.

“You’re just so beautiful.” I stopped walking and took her face in my hands, wanting to memorize this moment.

A slow smile spread on her lips. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re just amazing. And I’m so in love with you.” I kissed her, bending her back in a Hollywood-style kiss. We broke apart to a round of applause, and I didn’t know what made me do it, but I blurted out, “She’s having my baby!”

We continued to walk through shouts of congratulations.

“You’re such a dork, but I love you anyway.” She squeezed my hand.

When we got home, she sat on the couch and pulled her phone out to call her mom. I sat across from her with a magazine. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was reading at all, the joy in her voice made it impossible to see the words on the paper.

“Mom? I have some news,” she started, a huge smile on her face. “I’m pregnant!” she squealed. She paused as her mom spoke, tears dotting her eyelashes and cheeks.

“The doctor says I’m six weeks. We just had our first ultrasound this morning.” She tucked her knees under her.

Her words faded away as memories of Jackson flooded my mind. When Fiona found out she was pregnant, it wasn’t joy that I felt, it was fear. I hadn’t been anywhere near ready to be a father—I was as irresponsible as a person could get.

She hadn’t wanted him right from the start. In fact, she hated him and hated me during her whole pregnancy. I’d never forget the sound of his first cry as he made his way into the world or the feeling of his little hand gripping my finger. He was mine, and I loved him instantly.

There was never a happier baby than Jack, he was always smiling. Fiona was gone almost as soon as we left the hospital, too concerned about getting high again than her son or me. I moved us into a new apartment with Leah for the first few months so she could help me. There were times I thought we wouldn’t make it
;
that being a single parent was too hard. But he was always worth it to me.

I never understood what true unconditional love was until he was born. He opened my heart to love, and after he had died, it slammed shut again. Grace had brought me back to life; she made me see that life wasn’t worth living without love in it.

“Logan?” She shook my arm. “Mom wants to talk to you.” She handed me the phone.

“Hello?” I mentally shook myself away from the past and rejoined the present.

“I’m so happy for you both,” Love gushed. “And I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my girl through all of this.”

“Thanks. We’re over the moon with this. Grace is strong; she walked through fire for this. If I could have shouldered some of the pain for her, I would have.” I got up and walked out to the patio.

“It was hard for me not to jump on a plane every day and come out there.” She sighed.

“I know, but Grace would have hated that. She barely tolerated me some days.”

“She’s so much like her dad that way. But it was all worth it, right? You’ve got your baby, and that’s all that matters.”

“I’ll feel a lot better once we get past this trimester.” I paced along the balcony.

“I know, honey, we all will. You’ll take good care of her and keep her stress-free, right?”

“As much as she’ll let me.” I smiled. My Kitten was more of a tiger. She was so fierce and independent.

“Okay, I love you. I’ll be out in a few weeks, okay?”

“Love you, too. Send me the date and I’ll get the jet out to you guys.”

“You spoil us.” She laughed.

“What good is money if you can’t use it to spoil the ones you love?” I turned and found Grace standing by the door watching me.

After hanging up, I opened the door to let her out.

“She’s worried?” She cocked her head to the side.

“No, she’s thankful.” I pulled her against me and kissed her. “We both are.”

“I am, too. I feel so relieved, knowing that I don’t have to do the shots anymore. That all of it is done for now.” For the first time in months, her shoulders weren’t slumped down from the weight of the world.

“I can’t wait to see what the future hold for us, Kitten.” I kissed her.

“Me, too,” she sighed. “I’m going to call Faith, so I suggest you call Smith if you want to be the one to tell him.”

I handed her phone back before pulling my own out of my pocket and dialing Smith’s number.

“Hey, I was just going to call you. I think I’ve solved our Italy problem.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, we can talk about that in a minute. I called to tell you that Grace is pregnant.” I smiled as I said the words.

“Really? Man, that’s awesome. How far along are you guys?” He sounded so happy.

“Six weeks, so still really early. Grace is calling Faith right now so be prepared for some serious squealing over there.” I looked out over the city as I spoke.

“I’ll be glad to hear something other than wedding plans. You had the right idea by eloping.”

Sometimes I had wondered if I cheated Grace out of her dream wedding by pushing for the small ceremony. “You may have the right idea by letting her plan what she wants, though. I’m running the risk of Grace waking up one morning and wishing she had gotten married with everyone there.”

“Nah, I think you’re good on that front. I’m marrying the wedding crazy sister in the family. Anyways, tell me more about the baby. Have you gotten the sonogram yet?”

“Yeah, just today we did. I remember how it was seeing Jackson for the first time when Fiona was like twelve weeks along. This was intense.”

“I know what you mean. It becomes so real when you see that heart beat doesn’t it?” He sounded wistful.

“It really does.”

We spent the rest of the phone call discussing a mixture of work and babies. Grace and I ordered in for dinner and she made me look at baby stuff online for the rest of the night. All in all, I couldn’t have asked for a better evening.

FIVE WEEKS OF BLISS. I
walked around in a haze of love and dreams for five straight weeks. The morning of my eleventh week, I woke up to cramps and knew immediately that something was wrong. I ran to the bathroom and found blood in my underwear.

“Logan!” I screamed from the bathroom. “Logan!” I was terrified.

“Grace, what’s wrong?” He burst through the door.

“I’m bleeding,” I sobbed, clutching my aching midsection. “Please call Dr. Welsh.” This couldn’t be happening. I refused to believe that I could be losing this baby. Not after everything we went through to conceive.

He looked hesitant to leave me, but I pleaded with him to go call. I sat alone on the toilet, feeling the blood drip from me and knowing that I was losing the baby.

“Can you get up?” he asked gently.

“Do I have to?” I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

“We need to go to the hospital, honey.” His face was ashen. I could only imagine what Dr. Welsh had said to him.

He helped me down to the car and we sped off to the emergency room. I felt hollow inside.

Logan raced me through the doors in his arms and barked out orders for them to put me in a room. He was not a man to be ignored, and I was thankful for that.