Never Let Me Go: The Complete Set (14 page)

“I didn’t say we were going to have sex, although if you’re offering, I wouldn’t turn it down.”

“Then why are we here?”

“To talk, that’s all. We can order room service.”

“This feels like a bad idea, but I don’t have the energy to fight about it.”

He linked his fingers with mine, and we walked through the lobby to the bank of elevators.

“Still mad?” he murmured against my ear when we were alone in the elevator.

“Yes.” I tried to push him away, but he held me tighter.

Once we got into the room I slipped my shoes off and curled up on the bed. Being mad really took it out of me. I faced away from him, wanting to look at anything but his eyes.

“Tell me this, why exactly are you mad?” He sat next to me.

I hated how rational he sounded. “I’m mad for all the reasons you already know.” I traced little patterns on the comforter.

“Tell me again.” He reached out and put a hand on my hip. I stilled instantly at his touch.

“I hate the secrets.”

“We went over this already. I’ll tell you what I can. I don’t want to keep secrets from you. What else?” He leaned over and pressed a kiss on my hip bone.

“No, not what else. I want answers. You need to give me something,” I demanded, still not looking at him. I knew if I faced him now all my arguments would be forgotten.

“Fine. I’ll tell you what I can. What do you want to know?” He sounded resigned.

“Who is Annabelle?”

He got up from the bed and walked to where the dresser was and leaned against it. “She was a girl we knew from a long time ago.”

“Who is we?” I finally turned over so I could see his face as he spoke.

“Fiona, Smith, and me. We all used to party together. Smith and Anna used to hook up when they were high.”

“Did you ever sleep with her?” I demanded.

“Probably. I slept with everybody back then. Fiona did, too. It never really mattered to either of us.” He looked embarrassed.

“So, what’s the big secret then? Why the hell would I care about some druggy chick from a million years ago that you and Smith used to bang?”

“There’s a lot that I can't tell you for now. It’s not all my story. There are other people involved.”

“Who, Fiona and Smith?”

“And a few others, yes.”

“Well, Fiona obviously doesn’t care if I know since she was the one who threw the name out there to begin with.”

“Why does this all matter so much to you? It was over fifteen years ago. It doesn’t matter for us, for our future. Can you leave the past where it is?”

“I don’t know. I’ll try. I guess I just hate that you won’t tell me. It makes me think that you'll do this in the future, keep things from me. I don’t ever want to be blindsided like I was in New York.”

“I don’t want to keep anything from you. I would tell you everything if I could. Do you believe that?”

I nodded.

“Good, what else?” He sat next to me again.

“Fiona. I hate her. I hate that you had a child together, and I hate that she was in your apartment naked.”

“Join the club. All except hating that I had a child with her. I loved Jackson more than my own life. I’ll never hate or regret him.” A flicker of anger marred his beautiful features.

“No, Logan. That’s not what I meant.” I instantly hated myself for even saying those words.

“I know. The scar is still raw, Kitten, maybe it always will be. But you know that she’s not in my life anymore. If it would make you feel better, we can get a new apartment in New York, one that’s just ours. What else is making you so mad.”

“Right now? How fucking calm you are when I want to jump out of my skin.”

“I’m not calm. I’m anything but calm right now, Kitten. I’ll never be calm when it comes to you and me. I just have had a lot of practice at hiding my emotions.” He leaned in and gently touched his lips to mine. “Is that all? Anything else you’re pissed about?”

“Not at the moment, no. But I’ll let you know as soon as I think of something.” It was impossible to be angry with him. He had this way of talking me out of all of my valid arguments.

He was trying to hide his amusement. It wasn’t working.

“Stop looking so smug.”

“I’m not smug.” He laid down next to me, pulling me against him.

“What are you then?”

“Happy. Whenever you’re around me, I’m happy.”

“Oh man, why do you have to say things like that. You make it so hard on a girl to stay mad.”

“I think you know my stance on that.” He kissed me.

“Hey, aren’t you going to at least feed me before you tear off my clothes?” I giggled as he slipped his hand under my shirt.

“Who said I want to tear off your clothes? Maybe I just wanted to grope you a little.”

“Uh uh, feed me first. You lured me here with talk of lunch. Now feed me!” I gave him a shove to get him moving.

He grabbed the room service menu and plopped back down on the bed next to me.

“Twenty dollars for a hamburger? It better be made of gold for that price.” I shook my head.

“Kitten, order what you want. I think I can afford a twenty dollar hamburger.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

THINGS WITH LOGAN WERE BETTER
. We had been in Chicago for almost a month. I was trying to move past everything and go along with Logan’s plan of a fresh start. So far so good. I still wanted to be with him more than I didn’t.

I drove out to Hope’s after work. I needed some baby snuggles.

“Hope? Are you around?” I called as I walked into the house.

I heard a mumbled reply.

“Hope?”

“No, sorry it’s me.” John came around the corner.

He looked like hell. Like he hadn’t been sleeping.

“Hey, I thought you would be at work.” I hugged him.

“I’m on my way out now. Hope’s upstairs with the baby. See you later.” He kissed me on the cheek and left through the garage.

I walked through the living room to the stairs and noticed the bed made up on the couch. This left me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Hope was upstairs in the baby’s room, sitting on the floor in the dark with her back against the dresser. Grayson was asleep in his crib.

“Hey,” I said gently.

She turned and looked at me but didn’t say a word.

“What’s going on? Why are you in the dark?”

“John,” she whispered and started to cry.

I sank down to my knees next to her and cradled her in my arms. “What happened?”

“He told me today that he had an affair.” The words were choked out with her sobs.

“Oh my God.” My free hand flew to my mouth. I couldn’t believe it, not John, not our John. He loved my sister so much, I couldn’t imagine a scenario where he would cheat.

“He says it’s been over for a long time, and he had to tell me because it’s been eating him up inside.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could say something more, something better. But I’m at a total loss with this.”

She shook her head. “I knew something was up. The past few months he’s been weird. Like he can’t be around me. Now I know why.”

“When did this all happen?”

“When I was pregnant with Gray. About two months after I was put on full bed rest in the hospital. He said it just happened, he didn’t mean for it to, but he was so lonely.”

“Bullshit. It never just happens.” I was so angry.

“It was a woman from work, of course. And it went on for a month before he says he came to his senses.” She looked so sad.

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. So, you’re telling me that while you were lying in a hospital bed trying not to miscarry your child, he was out screwing some other chick?” I wanted to throw up.

“He says it didn’t mean anything. But how can I ever believe him again?”

“What are you going to do? I just saw him when I got here. Is he still going to live here?”

“How can I ever trust him again? How can I look him in the eye and trust him with my heart, with my life?” Hope sobbed

I didn’t have the answers she needed. I was still looking for my own with Logan. Hope and John were my canary in the coal mine. They were my example. I needed them to be solid, I needed it so I could believe that Logan and I could make it eventually.

“What are you going to do?”

“I told him he needs to find somewhere else to stay for a while. I can’t look at him. I feel physically sick when I think about it. Him with another woman, touching her, kissing her. It makes me want to vomit. The worst part is that I probably know her. I’ve probably seen her a billion times and let her hold Gray and coo over him. I’ve always been friendly with the women that work at the station.”

“This is shit,” I sighed.

“It really is. I feel so lost.”

“When did he tell you?”

“Just before he left for work. He’s been so weird lately, not even sleeping in the bed with me because he says he’s too restless and doesn’t want to keep me up. Now I know it was his guilty conscience.”

“God, I’m so sorry. I know I said it already, but I really am. I hate that you’re hurting, and I can’t help you.”

“Fuck men. You’re better off single. I know I’m supposed to be on team Logan now, but fuck him and fuck John. We can be single together and you can move in and we can raise Grayson together.”

“Hold up a second, what do you mean you’re supposed to be on team Logan?”

“The day after you got home, Faith arranged a breakfast with me, her, him, and mom. We all agreed that we would help him win you back. But now…now I don’t know if that’s the best thing for you. What if he hurts you like this? What if the secrets he keeps are something like this or worse? Can you live with not knowing?”

My heart lurched. What if she was right? What if his secrets were worse than this? “I’m not going to address that right now, honey. We need to figure your situation out more than mine at the moment.”

“I can’t stay here tonight, with all of his things hanging in the closet, and his smell all over the pillows.”

“You’ll come and stay with me and Faith for a day or so until you figure out what you want to do.”

“I’m sure Faith will love that.” She snorted derisively.

“Hey, give her some credit. She loves you and Gray, and she will literally want to chop off John’s balls when she finds out about this. I know our place tends to be party central because of her lifestyle, but she can tone it down for a few days for your sake.”

She nodded, and I helped her off the floor. After we packed enough clothes for them for a few days, I got Grayson into the car and opened the door for her.

“God, we were so fucking happy. Now it’s all smashed to hell.”

On the drive into the city, I called Faith to give her a heads up.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“It’s not a good time, let me call you back.” I heard a man’s voice and her smothered giggle.

“No, now. Listen the fuck up.”

“Geez, what has your panties in a bunch. Okay, what is it?”

“Hope’s staying with us for a bit. John told her today that he had an affair when she was pregnant with Grayson.”

“Shit.” She sucked in a breath.

“Yeah. She’s in rough shape. She’ll need us both.”

“I’m on my way.” She hung up.

I called Logan next to cancel our plans for the night.

“Hey beautiful.” His sexy voice filled my car.

“I need to cancel for tonight.”

“What? Why?” He sounded disappointed.

“Something came up with Hope. I need to be with her for a few days. I’ll call you when I can okay?” I went to hang up, but he stopped me.

“Wait, what’s going on? Is she okay? The baby?” His voice full of concern. It melted my icy heart.

“She’s not okay. Not even close to being okay. John had an affair when she was pregnant with Gray. She was in the fucking hospital trying her hardest to not lose her unborn son, and he was out there sticking his dick into some other woman.” Tears I had been holding in began to fall. My heart hurt. John had betrayed us all with this. He was my brother, the one who always looked out for me, protected me.

“Oh God. Where are you now?” I heard the scrape of his chair pushing away from the desk.

“In the car on my way back to the apartment. Hope’s just in front of me.

“How soon until you get home?”

“I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes, depending on traffic. Why?”

“Drive safe, Kitten. I’ll call you later okay?”

Damn him for hanging up without telling me anything. I cried the rest of the way home. Letting myself feel all the hurt that poured out of my heart. I needed to be strong for Hope, she didn’t need me falling apart, too.

Logan was standing on the sidewalk in front of my building when we pulled up. He didn’t say a word, just took me in his arms and hugged me tight. His lips were soft and tender as they pressed against mine. He searched my face to be sure I was okay before going to Hope’s car.

She sat motionless with her hands on the wheel, tears streaming down her cheeks. Logan opened her door and unhooked her seatbelt. He helped her out of the car and enfolded her in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, never letting her go.  He held her until her sobs subsided and passed her over to my waiting arms.

Without being asked, he got Grayson’s seat out and all of the bags and helped us up to the apartment. I was grateful. Sometimes the best kind of help is the kind you don’t ever have to ask for. He came. He was here for us when we needed him, when I needed him. Maybe his secrets didn’t matter. If this was who he was on the inside, in his heart, maybe I didn’t care about all of the rest.

After we got inside, he lingered by the door. I walked over and let him hug me again. I craved it, I needed his strength. I was tired, emotionally exhausted. He rested his cheek against the top of my head, and I breathed in his scent, my face buried against his chest. This was what I had needed, even when I thought I didn’t. I was beginning to see who he really was.

“I ordered dinner for you guys. I assumed Faith would be coming, too, so I got enough for all of you. “ He kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair down.

“Thank you. Not just for dinner but for being here when I needed you, when we needed you. Hope needed to see that not all guys are bad. She was ready to jump ship from team Logan. She needed this, too.”

“Kitten, wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, you will always be the most important thing in my life. I’ll always come. You needed me. Whether you said it or not, I knew it. I heard the sadness in your voice. I’ll always come.” He tipped my chin up to look in my eyes. “Always. Do you understand that?”

I nodded, and he kissed me.

“Good. I’ll call you in the morning okay? Go and take care of your sister.”

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I didn’t. It was too soon.

“Logan. Wait please?” Hope called from the other room.

She came out and stopped in front of us.

“Thank you. For being here for me and for Grace. This is a shitty day, probably the worst I’ve ever had. Thank you for your kindness and for just being here.” She hugged him, her head fitting into the notch of his neck.

I watched as the man I just realized I loved, comforted my sister. I could tell he wanted to tell her everything would be okay. He stroked her hair, and pressed a kiss to her head.

“Hope,  I wish I could tell you I could fix all of this for you. The only thing I can do is give you a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Night or day, you call me if you need anything .” He held her cheeks in his hands, looking into her eyes.

“Thank you.”

He kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow, Kitten?” He looked at me over Hope’s shoulders.

I nodded, feeling a little breathless. I guess that happens when love barges in.

After he left, Hope looked at me.

“Forget what I said earlier. That one, he’s worth it.”

My heart clenched. I knew she was right.

ON THE DRIVE BACK TO
the office, I searched my phone for any information I could find on John Fragiatti. There wasn’t much to find. A few commendations for heroism, things about promotions. I found out which station he worked at and had my driver take me there.