Authors: Cathy Kelly
The wedding … you know,’ she said, just in case Simon
hadn’t got the message. ‘I hope there isn’t another one
being held here on the same day,’ she added cleverly,
knowing that nothing got his mind working faster than the
notion that he was somehow being cheated by the powers
that be. The idea of two bridal parties should do it.
‘Lord, I hope not!’ he said in alarm. ‘I never asked in the
first place. We should do.’
Evie nodded encouragingly. ‘Yes, you’d better.’
While Simon hotfooted it in search of a wedding
co-ordinator, who was probably at home glued to EastEnders
by that hour of the evening, Evie enjoyed the bliss of being
alone with her thoughts.
A young waitress brought their aperitifs and Evie gratefully
sipped her Campari and soda. She glanced at the
other couples out for a meal in the quiet restaurant, people
who seemed for the most part happy in each other’s
company. Nobody else looked like they’d spent years
wishing for a husband and, now that they were on the
verge of marrying one, wished he’d vanish into thin air.
No, no, she didn’t mean that. Evie didn’t want Simon to
disappear. She loved him, cared deeply for him. But she
didn’t know if she was in love with him anymore. How did
you know? she wondered.
Up until ten days ago, she hadn’t known there was a
difference. Loving and being in love were pretty much the
same things. But it had all changed in the blink of an eye.
Simon sank down into the chair opposite her.
‘Sweet Mother of God, I thought we were in trouble
there,’ he said, wiping imaginary beads of” sweat from his
forehead.
‘Really?’ Evie said, desperately trying to sound interested.
‘Only
kidding,’ he said jokily. ‘The deputy manager
explained that they only have one wedding party at a time.
Bit of luck, that.’
‘Yes,’ she replied faintly. ‘Bit of luck.’
An hour and a half later, replete after a meal she had no
real memory of tasting, Evie sat woodenly beside Simon as
he drove her home. They reached the junction on the
Stillorgan dual carriageway where they’d turn left if they
were going to Simon’s house and right for Evie’s. Suddenly,
it was important that they went to bed together, that they
made love. It might exorcise the thoughts in her head, Evie
thought a little frantically.
She touched his arm. ‘Let’s go to your place for a while,’
she said abruptly. ‘Just an hour.’
She couldn’t see his eyes because he was concentrating
on the road, but Evie know he was pleased at the idea from
the way he cleared his throat and patted her knee as he
daringly swung the car into the left-hand lane.
In his house, she went into the immaculate kitchen
while Simon was pulling the sitting-room curtains and
switching on the lights.
‘Could we have a drink, love?’ she said, going straight to
the cabinet where Simon kept the booze. She wanted a
drink for some reason. Something to blank out the things
short circuiting all the sensible thoughts in her mind.
If he was bewildered by this sudden and unusual desire
for a nightcap, he didn’t say anything.
Evie poured herself a generous vodka and topped it up
with orange juice. She’d seen Cara have one of those once.
Not really used to drinking spirits, she liked the fact that
the sweet juice masked the harsh bite of the vodka. She
gulped back half of it and turned to Simon, kissing him
while still holding her glass in one hand. He kissed her
back, then pressed his body against hers, proof that they
hadn’t made love for at least ten days evident in his sudden
erection. He groaned and moved even closer to her, pelvic
bones grinding.
Evie pulled away. ‘Let’s go upstairs.’
‘Yes,’ he said thickly.
He ran ahead of her, probably to make sure the impossibly
tidy master bedroom was still as clutter-free as it had
been that morning, Evie thought. She finished her drink on
the way up the stairs, wincing as the last, least diluted bit
of the vodka hit the back of her throat with a kick.
Simon was eagerly unbuttoning his shirt when she
entered the room. Evie unsteadily put down her empty
glass and began to take off her cotton jumper, feeling about
as unsexy as was humanly possible. Amazingly, Simon
didn’t seem to notice her lack of interest, even though
she’d been the one to suggest bed.
He ripped off his trousers, pulled his socks off and then
carefully put his clothes on the back of a chair, making sure
to get the trouser creases just so.
Max wouldn’t have done that, she thought irrationally.
He would have been so mad to touch her that he’d have
taken her as soon as they’d got inside the front door. He
couldn’t have waited. He’d certainly never have let her
take her own clothes off. He’d want to slowly strip every
item from her body, gazing at her with those hungry eyes
as he did so.
Mindful of the lights, Simon left his underpants on while
he pulled down the striped navy duvet and slid under it,
patting the side of the bed invitingly Evie overcame the
desire to back out of her side of the bargain. It’d been her
idea, after all.
Still clad in her bra and pants, she automatically
switched off the overhead bedroom light, plunging the
room into darkness only relieved by the street light shining
in through the thin pale blue curtains. Simon was a hump
in the bed.
She climbed slowly in beside him and his bare arms
wound themselves around her, his mouth reaching for her
shoulder, sliding down to her breasts immediately.
As his lips fastened voraciously on her nipple, Evie lay
back against the pillows. For the first time in their relationship, she found herself merely enduring his caresses instead
of enjoying them. His body, the one she’d been getting
used to after years of celibacy, felt alien to her. His familiar caresses felt awry, almost improper. As if she shouldn’t be
doing this at all.
Furious even to he thinking such a thing, Evie pulled
Simon closer to her and found his mouth with hers. She
kissed him with fierce abandon, desperately trying to
obliterate traitorous thoughts. She wouldn’t think about
Max Stewart, couldn’t.
Encouraged by Evie’s renewed passion, Simon couldn’t
control himself any longer. Fumbling briefly under the
covers, he removed his underwear and hers, struggling as
usual with the clasp of her new Dunne’s lace bra. He
pushed himself inside her, groaning heavily into the pillows
as he did so. Evie’s hands roamed up and down his back on
auto pilot, stroking him as he moved because it was what
she’d always done.
Every few moments, he planted kisses on her shoulders
and neck before resuming his fevered thrusting. She could
hear his breathing become rapid and suddenly her eyes
filled with burning tears. Why couldn’t she be happy? Why
was she lying here, enduring this, when she should have
been in raptures with her adoring lover?
‘Evie, are you ready yet?’ he asked, panting. ‘I’m sorry
but I’m so ready for you. We’ll stop for a minute if you
want.’
She knew what he meant: he’d lie beside her and fumble
earnestly between her legs until she was ready to come,
then he’d plunge back in and they’d come together. Well,
that was the theory,
Evie was ashamed to admit that she’d faked it more
often than not. Faked a shuddering orgasm because it
would take about three times as long as they usually
spent on foreplay to give her any satisfaction at all. Simon
was considerate enough to want her to have an orgasm
whenever he did, but sadly not experienced enough to
tell the difference between when she did and when she
pretended to.
‘Will we stop until you’re ready, darling?’ he asked now. Faced with the prospect of even longer in bed wishing she was with someone else, Evie chose the easy way out.
‘No,’ she said, injecting a bit of passionate panting into
her voice. She moaned softly. ‘I’m nearly there. Oooh,’ she
groaned.
‘Darling,’ he said thickly, increasing his tempo.
Evie moaned some more and raked his back with one
hand to show enthusiasm. She matched his moving body,
wriggling as passionately as she could.
Simon was beyond noticing.
With a hoarse cry, his body spasmed and Evie, wishing
momentarily that the Academy Awards people could see
her performance now, did the same. It wasn’t quite Meryl
Streep in Out of Africa, but it wasn’t bad. She moaned
convincingly, injected a little sigh and let her body relax in
time to feel Simon slump on top of her.
‘Oh, Evie,’ he sighed, burying his face in the pillow.
‘Darling.’ she muttered mechanically.
He shifted slightly so that his entire weight wasn’t on
her, and Evie moved until she was linked to Simon only by
one leg and the arm he’d draped over her rib cage. She
could tell by his even breathing that he was on the verge of
going to sleep, but she lay there open-eyed and let the
tears that lay halfway down her cheeks dry.
What have you done to me, Max? she asked silently as if
he was in front of her in the darkened room, standing on
Simon’s rather old-fashioned shag pile and staring down at
the figures in the queen-sized bed. What have you done to
me?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Zoe’s red head was bent studiously over her desk but she
knew exactly what Cara was up to.
‘I never thought I’d see the day when you were wearing
lip liner, Fraser,’ she remarked without turning round.
Cara jumped guiltily, one hand still holding the tiny
compact mirror she’d bought the previous weekend, the
other wielding the small pencil as if it was a Class A drug
instead of Boots 17 lip liner in Morticia.
‘I’m just looking for my lip balm …’ She started,
jamming the lip liner and compact back into her rucksack
hastily.
‘You’re just looking for lurve with Lurve Doctor Ewan
Walshe,’ Zoe chuckled, finally turning round. ‘You don’t
have to apologise to me, Cara, I’m only teasing you.’
She relaxed with a rueful grin. ‘Arlene gave it to me
when we were all in Ryan’s the other night, insisted I took
it. Said it would “define my mouth”. I haven’t worn
anything like this for years.’
‘It suits you,’ Zoe said, birdlike head angled sideways as
she admired the effect of the lipliner and mauve lipstick
on her friend’s voluptuous mouth. ‘Does Ewan like kissing
it off?’
They both laughed.
‘Yes.’
‘Where are you going for lunch today, 007?’ Zoe asked,
resuming her work at the drawing hoard.
She was referring to Cara’s insistence on meeting Ewan
in out-of-the-way places so that nobody at work would
know they were going out with each other.
Both Ewan and Zoe thought this obsession with secrecy
insane, but at least he was prepared to put up with it on
the basis that he was a very private individual and preferred
it when people didn’t know too much about him.
Zoe, who’d blithely discuss her most personal details with
someone she’d met in the supermarket queue, simply
couldn’t understand her friend’s reluctance to date Ewan
openly.
Cara had tried to explain that she preferred to keep her
private life just that because she’d never really got over
being the butt of jokes once Owen Theal told a couple of
students how she’d thrown herself at him. But Zoe, who’d
pointed out that all that had happened a long time ago,
refused to entertain the notion.
Cara was actually sloping off to meet Ewan on the canal,
guaranteed to be free from all Yoshi Advertising staff
because it was Thursday, or pay day, and they were all
blueing their wages on big, beery lunches of steak marinated
in Guinness.
‘We’re meeting on the canal,’ she admitted grudgingly,
‘in five minutes.’
‘If I was going out with Ewan, I’d have a site on the
Internet telling everyone about it!’ Zoe said, abandoning
any pretence of working.
Cara snorted. ‘So speaks the woman who discusses her
sex life with the woman at the launderette.’
‘Lack of a sex life, you mean.’ Zoe retorted. I’m gagging
for it and you’re getting it every day and won’t tell anyone.
I don’t know why.’
‘Well, you know, dating someone you work with,’ Cara
said defensively. ‘It’s bound to be frowned upon. You know
how difficult Bernard is. He’d fire one of us and it’d be me,
I know it.’
‘Fuck Bernard,’ said Zoe, echoing Ewan’s sentiments.
‘Anyway, haven’t you heard about employment law? This
isn’t a dictatorship. There are laws about hiring and firing
people, you know.’
‘It bloody well is a dictatorship,’ Cara retorted. ‘I was
here till half-ten last night purely because Bernard wants
to throw his weight around, and you were here until nine
the night before.’
‘Yeah, well, I might not be here for much longer,’ Zoe