New Life New Me: Urban Romance (2 page)

A
s she walked past groups of men working she did not notice their stares and whistles. She did not care even when she was offered a lift that could save her from all the harassment. She kept on walking because she believed that it was the only way by which she could clear her mind. She tried to block the thought of what had happened the night before but it all came back flooding. She sat down at her desk to start the work ahead.

She tried to answer all calls with the best professionalism that she could project. She did not want anyone to catch the wind of what was going on in her private life. In fact she did not even want to admit it to herself that she indeed had a private life that was separate from work.

The thought of what she was going to do next kept eating her from the inside out. She was restless. She was pacing the floors. She behaved like a criminal who was all too aware that the police were looking for her. Suddenly she needed to talk to someone. Who was she going to tell? She did not have any girlfriends that she could talk to at her work place. She was not going to tell the guys that there was someone else that had taken her interest and that is why she did not want to go out with the guys.

She was not going to tell the boss either, because he was the boss and he was much older than she was. For the first time since she left her last town, she missed the network of friends that she could tell everything to. She quickly shut that thought by protesting that they were not equally generous with information relevant to her, so she was better off without them. She continued to be consumed by the shame and she knew that something had been done.

She decided that talking to the guys at work was not just a way to intertwine her personal and professional lives. She saw them as a valuable resource that she could use to find out the male side to her dilemma. If she could talk to a man, she could find out what James was thinking because that was what was eating her.

She was consumed by the thought of what James was going to make out of her. He had tried to get close to her but she refused. She ultimately had found a relative that lived in his apartment whom she had forgotten about on the first night she came to town. It sounded like a brilliant plan. She was going to finally get inside his head and see what was going on there. The best thing to do according to her was to join the boys for the afternoon drinks and then sit down with them to discuss the matter. They would give the boy side to the issue and she was going to take notes.

There was a problem with this analysis. How could she trust that any answer that the boys gave her was genuine? Trusting them to give her an honest opinion was even worse that trusting a duck to look after a cabbage field. They already had an ulterior motive. Whatever answers they gave would be biased. They would say whatever they could to let the brother down so that she is only left with them as an option. Such is the dilemma of a black girl who finds herself the only one with a pair of boobs in a male dominated industry. She cannot have some girl talk. She is like meat to every guy on the plant. They all want to be with her and she cannot trust them to give her their honest opinion.

After deliberating on the subject for a very long time, she knew that she must make a decision quickly. Whatever decision she made, it should be sensible enough for her to maintain her dignity and get back on track with her goal to not develop any feelings for James.

Finally, she had made her decision. She was going to wait for James to come and knock at her door and lord knows he would. This time, she was going to accept him to come in with grace. She was going to be the one offering the movies and popcorn. They would sit down and talk it out like mature adults. She was going to come clean and tell him that she had gone to his building to check on him. After all she cannot let a stranger into her home until she was sure that he had a stable place of his own to stay and that he did not only come into  her apartment to avoid another night sleeping on the park benches. That was going to be her story line. She felt pleased with her new idea. She was so pleased that she even stopped the pacing and started to get to some serious work. That was about the same time that the five o’clock ship was about to dock.

Cynthia quickly finished up finalising the paper work that had started to pile up in her desk as she had spent the day, day-dreaming about her love interest. All T’s were crossed and i’s dotted. She then went over to leave some files at the boss’s desk and took some from the guards that she had to process the next day.

She was feeling at ease. In fact she was so pleased with herself that she even decided that instead of taking the same route that she always did when going home; she was going to change routes. She wanted to have more time to walk and take it all in. That evening was going to be good and she could feel it. What better way could a new girl in town end-off the day other than a good movie and some good company? Nothing was going to ruin her evening. Although she had had a bad start to the day, she was determined more than ever to end it off with a good evening. The good times that she had once known were about to come back again!

Upon entering her apartment, she got into her comfortable clothes and sat down with a glass of wine in her hand. She wanted to make sure that when James came over, she was well rested and at ease. She did not want another round of jitters like when she encountered him on the lift and had to explain herself. As she went on sipping on the red thing in her glass, she decided that her apartment was not ready for a relaxed setting of two mature adults. She started to move the furniture around to leave more space for them to sit on the carpet. She pulled out the air freshener and sprayed it around the lounge. The sweet smell of summer flowers filled the room and she had the perfect accomplice for it in her mind. She put on some soft music and layered out the DVD’s on the coffee table. She made some popcorn and gave it some seasoning.

She was ready and so was the apartment. The place was clean and smelt good. She had achieved her goal of getting ready for her fond neighbour who made her feel like moving to the new town was not a bad idea after all. The music was playing softly in the background. Two cushions were on the floor in front of the coffee table. On top of the coffee table was a bowl full of popcorn for them to share and some DVDs for him to choose from. A thought flashed her mind that she should turn the lights lower to go with the atmosphere that favours the enjoyment of some movies. Her expected guest was a bit later than usual but that was OK. She thought that it had actually bought her time to tone down on the décor that she had prepared for the unofficial date. She did not want to give the obvious impression that she was expecting and waiting for him. He was supposed to first show up at the door and then she was going to make the apology. She would make the invite into her place a by the way thing and that was it. Moreover she did not want to show him that she was desperate.

So in the spirit of making the apology seem simple and not over rehearsed, she took the cushions back to their place and shifted the furniture again back to its original place. The DVD’s were shoved back into the space saver. She sat with the popcorn in her hands and she finished the little bit that was still left in her wine glass.

James was definitely going to come in later, she thought. Anyway, she was new around here and she did not really know his schedule. The bowl of popcorn on her lap was emptying. She decided to get up and make some more. While she was still at it, she started to rehearse some lines she was going to say to James. It only seemed smart that she should reach for the fridge and refill her glass again. So she did and went down to sit with a refilled glass in her hand. At long last, there was a knock on the door. She did not respond to it on the first go because she wanted to verify that what she had heard was really the door. When she finally did open, it was indeed her expected guest. The brother started to apologise for the awkwardness that he had brought to her but she decided that she was to take the blame and she invited him in.

The evening had started late but she was determined that it goes the way that she planned it would from the very go. She got another glass and offered some to her guest. They both sat down to enjoy the movies. With a head full of vino, the sister started to sing like a canary! She did not even let the poor man have a chance to chip in into the conversation. Instead of them having a cheerful conversation between friends, she turned out to be like the old woman and the barman. She called out for him to fill up her glass and he obeyed. In the spirit of being properly introduced to each other, Cynthia started telling James about herself. Among the things that she talked about was her new job and the sounds of the large ships as they came over to dock. He had but a little chance to talk about himself too. Before he could say much, a flash from the past must have crossed Cynthia’s mind. It was like the floodgates of tears that had been shut for ages were finally open.

James watched in dismay as the sister ugly-cried herself to hiccups on the couch. She related to him about what her former fiancé and boss had done to her. James offered to get some Kleenex for her but she said no. As she continued crying she somehow managed to get hold of his sweater that he had taken off because he had started to feel hot. That became the grand handkerchief that the sister was going to use to wipe off her tears and clear the nasal ways. She was a complete mess and so was the floor. The two of them did not even realise when the movie had finally stopped playing as James tried in vain to console the inconsolable neighbour. At last he decided that there was no way that he was going to win and offered to take her to bed. The once impeccably clean apartment was a mess with popcorn and tissues on the floor. It sounded like a beer hall with an old fat lady who could never stop talking as Cynthia went on and on with the talking and crying. After attempting to leave a few times, James decided that he could no longer take any of it and he left her lying on the couch.

Cynthia was woken up by the five o’clock ship that docked in the morning. A pounding headache made her feel like she was in the middle of a steel works workshop. She lifted her head and looked all around her. The floor as all covered with white substances all around and that was when it all came back to her. To say that the sister was flushed with shame and embarrassment would be an understatement so great it would win a Pulitzer Prize in literature. She lowered her head back into the couch once again. First off all she was hung over and she could not think clearly. It was a work night and she had had a bit too much to drink.

As she started to think about what she could have possibly said to her guest she felt like burying her head into the couch and never ever get it out. The evening was supposed to be her chance to redeem herself from the embarrassment from the day in the lift but it left her with an even deeper scar. She had managed to remove all possible doubt about her sanity and she was convinced that it was going to be the end of whatever chance she could ever have with James. She rose to look for a broom from the kitchenette but suddenly tripped on a piece of clothing that was lying on the floor. When she looked down and saw the state that James’s sweater was in, her heart just sank.

H
er date night with James was a disaster! She had finally embarrassed herself beyond imagination. As she continued to pick the tissues all spawn in front of the television, she knew that she did not have much time. If she was to ever make it to work in time, she was supposed to go there and then. All she managed to do was have a change of clothes and brush her teeth. She was going to get a strong cup of coffee along the way to work. In that way, her head would have cleared enough for her to have a fruitful day at work, so she thought. At work all she could think about was how stupid she was and how much she had embarrassed herself. There did not seem to be any way in which one could have a comeback from such an embarrassment. It was all eating her up inside. By tea time, she was exhausted not from work, but from over thinking.

Even though she had first considered that talking to the guys at work was impossible, they were the only other available resource for a heartfelt conversation considering that she had burnt that bridge with James. Moreover, the conversation that she needed to have here was going to be about the very same brother. She decided that she was not going to have tea alone but she was going to join the boys at the truck park. She seemed to be a welcome addition to the family. Although they knew her and even tried inviting her for afternoon drinks, they had never been in a relaxed environment with her. She was a definitely welcome addition to the scene.

In a place flooded with testosterone, a sister does not have to be in stilettos and wear expensive perfume and makeup to be appealing. At least that was the impression that she got from them and she felt a bit more at ease. After a little bit of some small talk, she introduced the conversation of what makes boys and girls tick. The group was just getting heated up on the subject when they had to get back to work.

As she sat with the workload in front of her, she was thinking about the embarrassing situation and what would happen when she got back home. She knew that things were messed between herself and James and she wanted to have them fixed. While she was still in her office deliberating on the issue, a guy came from the cluster of truckers. She was being invited to join the boys for an after work drinking session at the pub not very far from where they worked.

Cynthia had a dilemma. She wanted to get home to James in time to apologise and explain herself. She was also the one who had brought up the subject matter of the boy and girl thing so she was by implication the one who necessitated that they all meet for drinks in the evening. While the talk or even the advice that the guys would give her had the potential of bias, she could still gain valuable insights on the mind of a man by going out with them. The other side of the coin was this; James was going to come up to her place to see if she was doing alright after a terrible night. She would also get the chance to apologise to him for her bad behaviour and even offer to get him a new sweater.

She played around the two possible places where she could spend the evening. There was a downfall to each one of them. She did not want to lose the momentum that she had created with the guys earlier on in the days and she sure did not want to give them the chance to make advances on her. On the other hand there was no guarantee that James would show his face and in fact it would be more logical for him to steer clear of the psychotic woman that she had shown herself to be. A decision had to be done. She had to choose between the boys at the pub or James in her lounge. That thought was interrupted by an incoming phone call which seemed to drag forever. She still had more work to do and the boss did not stop calling out to her every now and then. She never realised just how much time had passed by until the sound of the five o’clock ship docking. That was when she visited the issue of the two possible ways to spend the evening.

Cynthia decided to take the lesser of two evils. She decided to go with the boys. She saw the possibilities of spending the evening alone expecting someone to come to be more traumatic than to listen to the boys bragging about the sizes of their guns. Besides, even if the brother would show up at her door, she would not know what to do with herself or even with him. Going along with the boys would give her a glimpse of the mind of a man. It would help her not to make the same mistake that she seemed to be doing over and over again. Drinks and pool, it was.

The sister seemed to be out of place with a pair of spectacles and her afro pulled back at the pub. None the less, she did not seem to be bothered by it very much. All she did was listen to the conversations going on and she enjoyed watching the boys fight over who was going to pay for her drinks. The issue that had started during the tea break at work came up. The whole bar seemed to light up as more people joined in. From local working ladies to aging sailors, everybody had something to say about the subject matter. So in the end everybody was talking and it became harder for her to ask questions or give answers to anything that was being said. She decided that she was going to move away from the pool tables and go to the quieter place at the bar. A Latino guy from her workplace noticed that she was sitting along and decided to join her. His name was Alejandro.

Cynthia and Alejandro spent the evening talking and laughing. When he offered to get her a refill she objected. That was also the time when she finally decided to let it all hang out about the night before. The two of them sitting at the bar had a really deep conversation about the attraction of boys to girls. Alejandro was a good listener and he was very patient. She suddenly felt comfortable enough to open up to him and tell him what had happened the previous night at her place with a friend. She was comfortable enough to even relate to him what had happened in her last town and why she had moved. By the time she got to the part of herself drowning in a pool of tears in front of the television, it all seemed to be a joke as they both laughed about it out loud. Their laughter may have been the reason why other colleagues from work came to join them and the matter of the drunken evening was discussed at length. The guys were of the opinion that her man must love her the way she is, tears and all. They even said that he had the duty to check on her to see if she was alright and that if he did not do that, he was not worth it.

After an evening well spent with colleagues, it was finally time for her to go home and face her demons. She quickly tidied up her place and had a long bath thereafter. She did not really expect anyone and even if she heard the doorbell, she was really in no mood for company. Luckily for her, she did not get any. So she was well rested and refreshed. It was time to go to bed and get ready for the next day ahead.

After not hearing from her male companion for a few days, she was finally convinced that he did not care as the boys had told her. She thought that what had happened on the evening on which they spent together, he had made up his mind about her and he did not want to see her again. In all that time, his apartment was never lit and she thought that he could be out of town or maybe he worked in the night. And then one afternoon upon returning to work, she caught a glimpse of a figure having a shower opposite her window. It was James. The brother was naked to the skin! The foam from the shower gel made a lather that seemed to hug his well-toned body. Cynthia was shaking. She had managed to get herself composed for over two weeks. She had even started to forget about him until she saw him in all his naked glory.

She shut her eyes tight and opened them again. He was still there. Now he was rinsing off. Cynthia tried to avoid looking and walking away but her feet seemed to be glued on the floor on which she stood. She watched in awe as the water splashed against the perfect body of what looked like a chocolate statue. He was now done and the water stopped running. He was literally smoking hot as he went to get the towel and he did not even bother to cover his bits. As he disappeared into his room, the image refused to disappear from Cynthia’s mind. She had now moved from thinking about her embarrassing moments with him to actually thinking of moments with him.

The only sense of shame she felt at that moment was that she was feeling weak. Her aim was not to ever show him that she felt anything for him but that was proving to get harder and harder. She tried to strengthen herself by convincing herself that he did not come over to visit anymore and that was a sure sign that he was not at all interested in her. She further cemented her ideas by once again running the talk past the boys when she got to work. They were all in agreement about the whole thing. She had a renewed goal and a ballooned sense of self-esteem as the boys had advised her to be. She tried to occupy her time and her mind by watching more movies in the evenings that she found herself alone at home. She thought she was doing fine and had in fact passed the hurdle until the day she ran onto him at the coffee shop in the morning.

She saw him first and started to stare. All she could think about was how great he looked under the suit that he was wearing. She did not even realise that everybody was noticing the stare and so did James. There were murmurs at the café but she did not notice. A few older ladies teased James about the lady that was so interested in him but he tried to downplay it. After an awkwardly long time staring at him, she finally realized that he had seen her and that and she was caught! She quickly made her way towards the door and outside of the café. James pursued her but her steps were quick. In a short space of time she was lost in the small crowd of pedestrians all waiting for the light to go green so that they would cross to the other side. Cynthia did not stop walking until she got to work.

At her desk her mind wondered off to a fairy Loveland where she could eat all that she want out of the chocolate statue that was James. She tried to stop herself a few times and recall her wondering mind whenever it got lost. The day kept advancing and she was looking forward to going out with the boys more than ever before. To her greatest disappointment, none of them wanted to go out because the month end was a long way off. So she took the dreaded walk towards her home and she made it as slow as she possibly could. Just when she had convinced herself that it was late and she was safe from him, there was a knock on the door. She so wished that he could just leave but he did not.

The visitor was relentless. He would not leave. He kept knocking at her door and told her that he would not leave. "I saw you walking up here Cynthia, open-up", he said. She slowly stood up from the sofa and went to attend to the door. When she finally opened the door, the brother did not wait to get invited but let himself in. There was a moment of silent before James started to talk. He wanted to find out why he was being avoided but Cynthia was quick to defend herself by saying that he was the one who had not come to see if she was ok after the last time that they had been together.

Although James had come with the intention of finding out the truth about why he was snubbed and possibly make peace, Cynthia was not prepared to listen to reason. She was stuck on the analysis that the guys at her workplace had given her about the possible reasons why the guy in her life did not show up at her door for weeks.

The scene at Cynthia’s kitchen resembled a battlefield. Both of them were screaming at each other at the top of their voices. Some words were said and many of them were not really meant. A small crowd of tenants was starting to gather just outside her door to see if they could help out in what they believed to be a case of domestic violence. There was even a suggestion that the police are called to defuse the situation inside. Tenants were banging on the door to Cynthia’s apartment but she did not answer she continued to exchange verbal assaults with James.  In the end, the genitor was called and he used his key to open the door. James was dragged out of the building and concerned tenants offered to stay with Cynthia for a while but she refused. She went into her bedroom and cried herself to sleep.