New Life New Me: Urban Romance (3 page)

W
aking in the morning Cynthia decided to take her laundry for cleaning. In that way she could keep herself from thinking about the embarrassing scene that was at her doorstep the previous night. Passing the security desk in the foyer, she wished that she could turn into thin air and just slip by without being noticed. It was not going to happen. She had to face the same people who had seen her in the previous evening in full flight. Regardless, she still had to pass through and so she decided that wearing a huge straw hat that ran down her chin would be the perfect camouflage and that it would shelter her. The feeling had reminded her of the day that she learnt for the first time about her fiancé’s infidelity. She had felt so embarrassed and wished that she could have had a whole in which to sink. She wished that the earth would simply open up and swallow her whole. She was once again alone and depressed. Just when she thought that she was on the right track back into the land of the living, she was dealt a major blow. It seemed to her that love indeed did not love her. What were the chances that one woman would suffer the same fate in love whether she was in a city inland or the city with the perfect views of the beach side? Now what would her former friends say to this had they the chance to see what has become of her?

While she sat and watched her laundry spinning inside the big washing machine a stream of tears came running down her cheeks. She was not crying about what had happened in her flat the previous night, no! She was not crying for James, no. She was not just crying for one boy. She was crying for all the boys that had let her down in her life. She was crying for the boy in fifth grade that refused to sit next to her because she was a girl, but when that pretty Miss Katy came along he dashed to sit next to her. She was crying for that boy in high school whom she so loved and tried to make him aware of it but the stupid thing decided to pin the letter that she had written to him on the school notice board. She was crying for that other boy at high school whom, after asking her on a date over lunch, decided to take her best friend to the date instead while she was made to remain behind and stay guard for their school bags. She cried also for the boy who had taken her to prom but spent the whole night dancing with someone else while she sat and watched from the side benches. She also cried for the boy at college whom she found in bed with her roommate. She had had so many reasons to cry in her life but she did not. In this one instance she did not have a reason to cry but she just did.

Although she had managed to pull herself together after the night of wine and popcorn, she just did not have the will to do the same in this case. She was simply too weak to even say exactly why she even attacked James or cried when he tried to defend himself. She started folding her clothes to get ready to go. It took her ages to fold a single blouse because she was not even in it as she as doing it. Her mind had wondered off back to the days when a girl was determined to find a boy she could sit or play with after school. Cynthia was never ever chosen by anyone. The only time that she did find a partner to sit with after school was when her cousin had arranged it for her. It was a new boy in their street so he did not really know the other boys very well. As soon as he got acquainted with them and they started talking about her like she was a weirdo, he stopped coming over to her house, let alone spend some time with her.

That experience maybe what had changed her attitude towards boys forever. In her experience, they only came to her when they had nowhere better to go to. As soon as they had found a replacement for her, she was sure to get kicked to the curb. No boy ever wanted to be with her for the long haul. Even that one who seems to be interested to go all the way like her ex fiancé, he would make the engagement drawn out so that he could wait to see if someone better would come along. As soon as that somebody was there, the boy would disappear. Boys were a source of short-lived entertainment and eternal pain and frustration. They made her feel special only if they wanted to get close to her friends. They used her like she was a bridge to connect to other girls. They made her feel worthless. But how did all that relate to James? There was no other girl he seemed to be interested in except for her. Maybe it was the genuine interest in her that made her to be even more suspicious of him. If he had shown some guy signs as she knows them, something like trying to get her in bed, she would not have been so confused about his intentions for her.

Another reason for the mistrust must have come from the small guy club from work whom she had approached for some advice on the man department. Although her initial thought on them was that they too wanted to give James some competition and therefore any advice they would give her would be biased. It was the first fall out with the man that made her go to the very people whom she had first written off as a bad choice. Now she had another fall out with him and her first reaction was that Monday would come and things would be discussed in great detail with her new source of girl inspiration. She was further confused and she just kept crying. She did not even notice when there was a family who had come to do their laundry and were made somewhat uncomfortable by the sight of a lone woman sitting along and crying.

“
Are you ok dear”
, a woman carrying a toddler called out to her.

“
I said are you ok Ma’am”
, she called out again. It was only then that Cynthia realised that she had been the subject of many stares from the young family
.

‘Yes, yes, yes I’m ok’.
She said as she quickly folded the rest of the clothes into her bag.

“
I’m ok”
, she assured them before quickly dashing for the door as if to avoid their further probing her about her state.

Upon getting into her place and offloading her bag, she was sitting with a slice of toast and jelly in hand. Before long it was all finished and she needed another to go with the cup of tea that was in front of her. She got up and made two more slices. She gobbled through both bread and tea like a mafia man. She was obviously too distraught to even care that the diet which she had worked so hard to stick to was starting to get out the window. All she was doing was eating to fill up. Maybe she was too oblivious to the fact that whatever gap she felt like feeling was not just in her stomach. It could also be in her heart and James was just the person trying to fill it. For the first time since leaving her town, that old wound was open and it was time to get it all cleaned up. It was obviously affecting her and she wanted to know why it had all happened right under her nose and not once did she even suspect a thing. She had to find out also how so many people whom she knew and loved to well could all lie straight to her face. So she decided that she was going to make a few phone calls to former friends and give them the chance to relate their side of the story to her. In a fit of anger, she had left them all behind without giving them the chance to explain themselves. After all, if she was to manage to move on from it all, it would have to be after she had clearly understood why it happened in the first place.

The weekend was over and she had to get up the next day early in the morning to get to work. She was too ashamed to tell the boys about what had happened to her at her place of residence. At tea break she pretended to be a busy body and did not join her friends at the truck park. Her boss noticed that she had not gone out for tea break with the boys as usual and that she seemed to be hitting the type writer with more vigour and strength than usual. So he did not call out to her to make him some coffee but instead he decided to make two cups himself. It was a little embarrassing to Cynthia to be the one being served with coffee by her boss. The cup was already on her desk and there was no point in refusing the offer as the big man had made himself comfortable sitting in the chair on the other side of Cynthia’s desk. He made small talk about the sound of the steam ships and the blowing wind before he got frank and asked her what was going on.

“Are the boys bothering you my dear? Are you being harassed here
?” he asked with much concern
.

“I would not want anything to happen and if something does I need to know so that I can deal with the culprit,
” said Mr Baltimore.

Cynthia shook her head while she held the steamy hot cup close to her mouth to have a sip.

“
No sir
”, she replied. “
I am perfectly at home here”
, she added.

Cynthia preferred working with boys to working with girls. All her life she wanted an environment where she did not have to be measured against any other girl for the fear that she would lose every time. She also dreaded the gossip that usually came with a female only environment that was what got her to leave her previous town. Now she was at home with the boys here. Despite her attempts to convince her boss that she was OK, he simply did not buy it and stared straight into her eyes. She avoided eye contact and put her cup down to hand him some documents which she usually did at the end of the day. She was aware that by then, tea time was over and that she needed to get back to work. Mr Baltimore shook his head and said that they did not have to hurry to work,

‘In my experience, anyone who buries themselves in work or books has a pressing problem elsewhere. It is either a problem at home or a problem with money. Which one is yours
?’ He asked.

Cynthia finally gave in. She turned away from her computer and sat straight to face the man in front of her. She was not very interested in finishing the cup of coffee that was in front of her either. All she wanted to do was to get rid of the towering man in front of her and get on with her work. Since that did not seem as a possibility before the greying man got to the problem.

“
There is this guy where I live
”, she started to talk.

“
Arg! I should have known. It is always a guy”
, Mr Baltimore joked.

“
What is going on with him”,
he asked
.”

“I don’t know”
, she replied.

That answer was the best answer she could give to Mr Baltimore or anyone else for that matter. She was really not sure what was going on between herself and James. There had been no talk of love whatsoever between them yet they had a chemistry so strong it could blow up a nuclear plant. He had never made or broken any promises to her but she was angry with him.

He had tried to get close but he was pushed away by her. She had sought advice on the matter but all what that had done had made her feel even more entitled to spend some time with him. That had been the resulted in even more trouble.

“Tell me how you met this boy”
, he asked.

“
He came over to my house
“she said.

“
Why did he come?”

“
It was the first day I got here. He saw me lying on the floor through his window and decided to check if I was ok. I did not open but asked him to leave and I assured him that I was ok. After that he offered to spend the evening together and I refused.”

“I then made a complete idiot of myself and went over to his place instead. I did not want to create the impression that I was desperate and that I wanted him so I turned around before he could see me. We had an awkward moment in the lift when he caught me. I decided to apologise and offer him an evening together instead but that was a disaster. You see he took long to come over and I had already had two drinks when he came. He then abandoned me for days and did not come to my place anymore”
.

“
Did you ask him why he did not come to your place anymore?”
the boss asked
.

“No, I simply assumed that he thought I was a terrible woman and decided to stay away”.
She then paused.

“I completely understand that. How sure are you of your analysis of the situation?”
The old man asked
.

“I am sure. Even the boys here agree with me”.

"If he had left me in that state and did not come to see me or check to see if I am ok over some days, I was right to feel that way. The next time we met was at the café and he had the nerve to chase me down the road after he had stopped talking to me after some time"
.

Mr Baltimore paused for some time before he asked the next question.

“
Tell me my girl, if you had seen someone through your window and they did not let you in, what would you make out of them? I would think that they were reserved and they did not want strangers in their home. I would also leave like he did. Now based on that, what was your expectation of him when he saw you at your weakest moment, considering that the last time he had tried to help you, you refused his help and asked him to walk away?”

"
I don’t know", she said.

"I just know that he abandoned me as the boys had confirmed”.

“Tell me my child, if you were at a store and saw a beautiful blouse that you also wanted, but you could not have for any reason. It could be that you did not know about the sale or you had no cash on you. What would you say to the woman who seemed to be interested in having it and had the money with her, would you tell her to go for it or would you tell her that the shirt made her look ugly?”