New Life (15 page)

“We met at work. He cleans the building. We
hit it off, and since then we’ve been seeing each other. I don’t
know how serious it is yet.”

“Serious enough that he hangs out in your
apartment pet-sitting while you’re at work. Does he live with you?”
She sipped her scotch.

“No. He just stays over sometimes.”

“What’s with the scar and limp and the way he
talks?”

“Jason got into a car accident a few years
ago and went through extensive rehab. He couldn’t return to college
because of a brain injury that caused memory issues, and that’s why
he can’t handle more than a menial job.”

“So sad to see potential wasted. You know,
the nurturing instinct can be a strong aphrodisiac. Maybe you crave
someone who needs you but doesn’t challenge you intellectually.
Because your career is so demanding, you want something simple at
the end of the day.”

I poured another drink for myself and one for
my dad. “You really are unbelievable. Is there anything you think
that you don’t say?”

“Hey, is that drink coming any time soon?”
Dad called from the living room.

“I’m simply trying to understand, Anna. Try
to see this from my perspective. It seems you’re lowering your
standards and making a ridiculous choice. No wonder I’m
worried.”

I snatched the drinks off the counter.
“Please don’t be worried, and
please
don’t make Jason
uncomfortable at dinner tonight.”

“I’ll be perfectly charming. This discussion
is just between you and me. Mothers and daughters should be able to
talk about these things.”

“They
should
,” I said dryly as I
carried my dad’s drink to the living room.

It was going to be a long weekend.

Chapter Sixteen

This is the part of the story where you’ll
expect to hear how I went to the restaurant and made a complete
fool of myself in front of Anna’s parents. Likely that’s what would
have happened—if I’d gone. Instead, I took the coward’s way out and
texted Anna.
Sorry. Can’t make tonite. Something came up.
I’d invent an excuse later. Maybe someone called in sick and I had
to go into work. Floors wouldn’t polish themselves.

After spending an hour with her parents that
afternoon, making small talk and feeling the judgment in their
eyes, I wasn’t up to an evening with them too. Besides, I had a
strong suspicion Anna hadn’t really wanted to ask me to dinner but
felt she had to. This would save her more embarrassment. I wasn’t
officially her boyfriend and I think she would’ve been happy not to
have to introduce me at all. That’s what I told myself as I turned
off my phone so I wouldn’t have to see her response to my text or
deal with any calls.

Now I had a night off and nowhere to go.
Funny, how quickly I’d gotten used to having a destination to go
to, a person—and a dog who were happy to see me. I missed them
already. I didn’t like the out-of-control feeling of my happiness
depending on someone else. Sooner or later, Anna would stop
slumming and start dumping. Maybe sooner was better.

I considered calling Rob to ask him to hang
out. Over the past few weeks, we’d become sort of friends, going
out after group for coffee. But the idea of a night of Rob’s
relentless negativity sounded about as fun as a dose of
E.
coli.
Just then my gaze caught on the paper with Lisa
Brightman’s phone number still on my dresser where I’d tossed it
weeks before.

Lisa Brightman, a blast from my murky past. I
wondered if she’d be willing to meet or if it was too short notice.
She must have plans, exams to study for, a party to go to. She was
still in college, living that kind of life.

I picked up the piece of paper. It wouldn’t
hurt to call and at least talk to her. Maybe that would shake loose
more memories, shed light on what dick move I’d played on Chrissy
that I couldn’t remember.

I turned my phone back on, ignoring messages
from Anna, and dialed the number. After three rings, a voice
answered. “Hello?”

“Uh… Hi, Lisa. It’s Jason. Reitmiller. I saw
your number and remembered I was going to call you.”

“Oh!” Surprise colored the exclamation.
“Jason. It’s good to hear from you. What’s going on?”

“Not much. It’s my night off, and I thought
maybe we could go out for dinner or drinks and catch up. I’d like
to find out what everybody from high school’s doing.”

“Everybody like Chrissy?” she teased.

“Chrissy, Joe, all of them.” Actually I
couldn’t remember any other names, although familiar faces flashed
through my mind. “And I’d like to hear all about what you’re up
to.”

Silence followed. “Sure. Why not? I’ve got a
paper I should work on, but my brain’s fried. A break would do me
good. Where do you want to meet?”

I gave her the name of the bar around the
corner, walking distance for me.

A little over an hour later, Lisa entered
Benny’s. I waved to draw her attention to the corner table where I
was sitting.

Lisa was short and curvy, with dark brown
hair and brown eyes. Cute in a girl-next-door kind of way. She was
sort of overdressed for a neighborhood bar like Benny’s, like maybe
she considered this more of a date than a meeting of old
friends.

She sat across from me, smiling. “How’s
everything going, Jason?”

“Fine. How about you?”

“Busy.”

We were already scraping the bottom of the
conversation barrel. I beckoned the waitress and ordered another
beer for me and a seven-seven for Lisa. I asked Lisa about the
paper she was working on and listened to her explain the
juxtaposition of light and shadow in some literary work, which I
forgot the name of the moment she said it.

When the drinks arrived, Lisa held up her
glass. “Remember when we got drunk on seven-sevens at the Kinneys’
wedding reception? We had Joe’s older cousin go to the bar for us
over and over until they cut him off.”

I nodded, although her recollection didn’t
ring a bell. There were other stories from the past I was more
interested in. “Lisa, I wanted to ask you about Chrissy.”

“Yeah? I didn’t really think you just wanted
to go out with me.” The disappointment in her voice was
unmistakable, and I suddenly remembered that Lisa used to have a
crush on me in high school. I’d known but ignored it. She was
Chrissy’s best friend, and Joe was mine.

“I did want to see you, for old time’s sake,
but I was also hoping you could help fill in some blanks.”

She sipped her drink. “What do you want to
know?”

“What happened between me and Chrissy? Did I
cheat on her or something?”

“Or something.” Lisa stared at her drink. “I
feel like I’m breaking a confidence telling you this, even though
it’s your secret too.”

I waited.

“Chrissy got pregnant senior year. You gave
her money for an abortion, but no support. You left her to deal
with it on her own. I think you were already planning to break up
before you both left for college, but it was the
way
you did
it. Really harsh.”

“Oh.” Shit. I’d essentially handed my
girlfriend a whisk broom and dustpan and said,
Clean up the
mess.
The more I pieced together about the old me, the less I
wanted to know.

“Did she want to have the abortion?” I
asked.

“Yeah. I mean, no, not really. Nobody
wants
to have an abortion. But she knew it was the best
choice for her. For both of you. She wasn’t going to skip college
to become a mom or try to juggle a baby and continue school. She
knew you wouldn’t be any help.” Lisa set down her almost empty
glass and looked me in the eye. “I used to have a serious crush on
you back then, you know? But after I saw how bad you hurt Chrissy,
that kind of knocked it right out of me.”

I stared at the tabletop, feeling I’d been
flayed raw. Jesus, I wished I’d left the holes in my memory
alone.

“You really don’t remember any of this?”

I shook my head. “Sucks to find out what a
prick I was.”

“You weren’t always. You know what’s really
stupid? When I ran into you at the ballpark, I felt that old crush
flaring up. Guess old habits die hard.” Lisa paused, then added,
“But you’re not that same guy I knew, are you?”

“Jesus, I hope not.” I truly meant it. Better
to be a semidecent person with memory issues than a competent but
arrogant asshole.

“You don’t seem the same. You seem a little
lost and confused and…sort of pure or something. Like a sheet of
paper that hasn’t been written on yet.” She reached across the
table to touch my hand. “Horrible as your accident was, you gained
something few people get to have—a chance for a real fresh
start.”

“I guess so.” Her poetic view of me didn’t
reflect my reality at all. I wasn’t fresh or new, and I definitely
wasn’t pure or innocent. I was still a fuckup who blew off a date
with his girlfriend’s family because he couldn’t deal.

“Thanks for telling me about Chrissy.” I
changed the subject, no longer wanting to talk about the past. “How
are your classes going? Are you enjoying college?”

“‘Enjoying’ is a stretch, but yeah, I am. But
I’m ready to be done with school and start real life.”

I only half listened as she talked about her
post-college plans. I couldn’t stop trying to pin down more
memories of Chrissy like elusive butterflies. If she’d had the
baby, we might have been tied together for life. But now I could
hardly recall her.

I dragged my mind back to Lisa, who was
waiting for a response to something she’d said. “Sounds good,” I
said.

“What’s
your
plan? Will you go back to
school?”

I shook my head. “My memory’s too
sketchy.”

“Maybe just a class or two at community
college? You want to do something with your life, don’t you?”

“I’m making the world a cleaner place. My
job’s very Zen. Wax on. Wax off.”

“You always did take the easy way out.”

“Don’t pull any punches.”

“I won’t. Old friends should be able to be
honest with one another.”

I studied Lisa’s face. She was pretty in a
fresh-faced kind of way, with her big brown eyes and thick brown
hair. And the expression in those eyes said her high school crush
still lingered.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “Want to order
something here or go someplace else?”

“We could pick up a six-pack and go park
somewhere and drink it.”

I considered. It might be nice to go
someplace private with this pretty girl who had a crush on me and
see what happened. After all, Anna and I had never defined our
relationship. We’d never said we were exclusive.

I smiled. “That sounds really good.”

Chapter Seventeen

When I got Jason’s text saying he wouldn’t be
able to make dinner, I was both annoyed and relieved. But when I
got no response to repeated texts and his phone went straight to
voice mail, I was annoyed. By the next day, when he remained out of
reach, I was pissed, although I wasn’t sure whether it was more at
Jason or my parents. What had they said to scare him off? Jason had
always been good about keeping in touch. I could only think he’d
been offended by my overbearing mother.

By the end of the weekend, after my parents
had left and Jason
still
hadn’t responded to my texts and
calls, I was really upset. Maybe something had happened to him, an
accident or family emergency so huge that calling me was the last
thing on his mind.

Or this could be his way of ending our
relationship. Guys had played the “no response” card on me before.
But it didn’t seem like Jason to just drop off the planet.

Maybe he’d lost his phone. Something as
simple as that. No reason to be jumping to conclusions. I was
thinking like a possessive, needy girlfriend, when we’d never
established we were a couple or talked about being in a
relationship. So what if he’d canceled last-minute dinner plans, or
he’d been busy all weekend and hadn’t gotten back to me? Maybe we’d
hook up again next week, or maybe not. I’d wanted our relationship
to be casual and not too serious, hadn’t I?

I went to work on Monday, determined to stop
fretting about Jason. I’d left Baby at pet care and wouldn’t count
on him to take care of her the next day. I focused on my work, and
there was plenty of it, so time flew by.

It was almost evening by the time I gathered
my things and prepared to go home. No real reason for leaving so
late, except, of course, I wanted to run into Jason. He hadn’t
really left my mind all day but festered in my consciousness like a
wound I couldn’t stop poking at. I had to talk to him before I left
the building.

I started to search for him in the quiet
building. Short of calling his name like he was a lost dog, I
couldn’t do more than wander the corridors, poking my head into
various office areas. Most were empty for the night, though there
were a few straggling workaholics.

Finally, on the third floor, I heard the
floor polisher whirring down the corridor. I turned a corner, and
there was Jason’s familiar coverall-clad figure. His back was to
me, shoulders hunched as he guided the buffer back and forth. He
was listening to his MP3 player, and between that and the buffer
motor, he couldn’t hear me. I felt suddenly shy about approaching
him, as if he were a stranger instead of the guy who’d become my
friend and lover over the past month. I reviewed what I wanted to
say. I’d play it casual. The last thing I wanted was to come across
as shrewish, accusing him of ignoring my texts when there may have
been some good reason at play.

I caught up with Jason and tapped him on the
back. He whirled to face me, and I thought I saw both pleasure and
a flash of guilt in his startled eyes. He switched off the machine
and pulled the buds from his ears. “Anna!”

“How’s it going?” I responded a little more
tartly than I’d intended.