New Life (17 page)

At home, Baby greeted me as if I’d been gone
three years instead of three hours. She leaped up and tried to
climb me like a jungle gym so she could lick my face. Instead of
breaking the habit like I should, I reinforced it by picking her up
and letting her cover me with kisses. But even doggie adoration
wasn’t enough. My fingers itched to dial Jason and ask him to come
over. I was almost drunk enough to give in to temptation, but pride
stopped me.

Call it fate, karma, or kismet, I had an
unusual encounter the following day. I was shopping in the whole
foods market when I ran into Tim. He had a market basket full of
wholesome-looking foods on one arm and his other around a blonde
woman.

His eyes widened when he saw me. “Anna! How
are you?”

“Fine. Busy. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. I work too many hours and
still I’m never quite finished. But Kim here is helping me learn to
slow down and enjoy life a little more.” He smiled fondly at the
pixieish woman from whom wafted the scent of sandalwood.

“Well, that’s great.” My smile must have
looked more like a corpse’s rictus than real happiness. Pixie Kim
returned my smile but looked a little nervous as we shook hands and
exchanged pleasantries.

It’s never fun to run into an ex in a public
place when you’re not expecting it, and although I’d never felt any
deep sorrow over the loss of Tim, the fact that he seemed happy to
change for Pixie pissed me off. When we’d dated, he hadn’t been the
type to eat nonprocessed anything, and he had made fun of
patchouli-wearing New Age types.

As Tim talked about himself—something he’d
always been good at—I realized he appeared more relaxed and happier
than I’d ever seen him. When he laughed over some comment Kim made,
his face lit up.

I, on the other hand, felt like crap.
Hungover from my night out, unwashed, unkempt, and unhappy because
my significant other was MIA—and because I didn’t even know if
Jason really
was
my boyfriend or just a guy I’d dated for a
while. Were we on or off? What was he thinking, feeling, expecting
from me? Was some of the blame for his sudden need for
self-examination mine because of the way I’d acted toward him
around my parents? Had I made him feel diminished, or were his
issues strictly his own?

Too many questions, and I’d lost track of
what Tim was saying. Not that it mattered. He was fully capable of
carrying on a conversation all by himself.

“Well, it was great to see you, but I have to
get going,” I interrupted at last. “Nice to meet you, Kim.” Kim and
Tim. How adorable.

“
Shanti.
” The girl actually put her
palms together and bowed at me—so alternative lifestyle, so
not
Tim’s style. Only apparently now it was. The guy was
actually wearing sandals over socks.

I beat a hasty retreat from the shop,
grabbing a few more items I didn’t need and forgetting the ones I’d
come for in my hurry to get to the checkout.

I breathed easier once I got out of the
store. That’s when the idea of fate kicked in. Running into Tim had
been like God sending a lightning bolt. Seeing my ex and witnessing
the changes in him now that he was apparently truly in love made me
consider Jason in a new light. I’d been
happy
with Jason,
honestly, truly, effortlessly happy, a rare thing in this world. To
let him slip away because of fear, on either my part or his, would
be crazy.

Pride be damned, I’d call him and tell him
how I felt.

****

Tracking down Chrissy’s phone number was
harder than I expected. I didn’t feel like I could ask Lisa for it
considering our make-out session, after which I hadn’t called her
again. Cell numbers aren’t easy to get unless someone gives them to
you. I finally ended up calling Chrissy’s mom, who still lived in
Pickens.

“Hi, Mrs. Atkins? This is Jason Reitmiller.”
My pulse was racing, and I half expected her to hang up on me. Had
she known about Chrissy’s abortion? I couldn’t imagine Chrissy
telling her, but she might have.

There was a pause, then, “Jason. It’s
so…unexpected to hear from you. How are you doing? I heard about
your accident.”

“I’m okay.” I rushed on, anxious to get to
the point. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with some people from
my past, piece together some holes in my memory. I wondered if you
could give me Chrissy’s cell number?” Another pause followed, so I
added, “Or give her my number and she can contact me if she wants
to.”

“Sure, Jason. I could do that.” Mrs. Atkins’s
voice was suddenly so familiar. A memory flashed in my head. A
moment at the Atkins’s dinner table. Mrs. Atkins serving slices of
ham so fragrant I could almost smell them now, telling how she and
Chrissy’s dad had met, and all of us laughing at the stupid pickup
line she claimed he’d used. I’d looked at Chrissy and, in that
moment, thought
I could marry her and this would be my life for
the next fifty years
.

I realized Mrs. Atkins was waiting for me to
respond. “That’d be great. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

It took a couple of days, but Chrissy did get
back to me. The call came while I was filling the toilet paper
dispenser in one of the men’s johns at work. Getting out my phone
to answer, I nearly dropped it in the toilet.

“Jason, it’s Chrissy Atkins.” The voice
didn’t stir an ounce of recognition in me. I waited for it, but no
flood of memories came.

“Hi. How are you?” Even though I’d rehearsed
what I’d say if she called, I was suddenly tongue-tied.

“Okay. How are you doing? I meant to check in
after you came out of your coma, but then… I just didn’t.”

“That’s all right. I probably wouldn’t have
known you anyway. My memory’s kind of Swiss cheese. Just a second,
okay?” I walked out of the men’s room, peeling off my gloves,
leaned against the wall in the hallway and took a deep breath
before resuming the call.

“Chrissy, I talked to Lisa and she helped me
remember some stuff, about you and me back in high school. I want
to apologize for being a douche back then, for the way I treated
you and how I handled the, uh, the abortion.”

Silence followed. I started to wonder if I’d
lost her when I put her on hold.

“Well. It was a long time ago,” she said at
last. “I’ve put it behind me. You should too.”

“It may be old news to you, but it’s new to
me. I’m uncovering bits of my past and finding out I don’t much
like the guy I was.”

Another pause. “We all do stupid things when
we’re young. I’m a different person now too.” She exhaled, a soft
little sigh. “Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it or think about
it. It was a hard thing to do, but there’s no point dwelling on it,
you know?”

“Sure.”

I hadn’t been supportive back then, but I
could make up for it a little now. If Chrissy didn’t want to be
reminded, I should respect that. “Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m
sorry. So, what have you been up to since high school?”

“I went to Hollingsworth. It’s a private
college in Delaware. But I dropped out after about a couple of
years. About the time you had your accident, as a matter of fact. I
was home visiting my parents when I heard. I’m sorry that happened
to you.”

“My own fault.” I was ready to change the
subject and, quite honestly, ready to end the uncomfortable call.
Other than an apology, I didn’t have much to say to Chrissy. We
weren’t going to reminisce about good old days or chat about our
futures. “Anyway, thanks for returning my call, and, again, I’m
sorry.”

“It’s all right. It really is, Jason. I
prefer to remember the good times we had rather than the way it
ended. You were my first love. First loves don’t usually last, but
there’s something really special about them.”

She sounded so wistful, it burned me that I
couldn’t truthfully say the same.
Oh yeah, you were my first
love too
. Hell, maybe she had been, but I had no memory of it.
But one thing I did remember, and I blurted it out. “I have this
baseball cap. You gave it to me as a gift. I remember that day. It
was…really nice. I still wear the hat.”

“No shit?” Chrissy’s laugh was sweet and
light. I could imagine falling in love with a girl who laughed that
way. Anna’s laugh sounded sort of like that. “I remember that day
too. We didn’t do anything special, just shopped at the mall and
hung out at the DQ afterward, but it was a special day.”

I smiled. We were remembering two different
days because I wasn’t picturing her at either the mall or the Dairy
Queen. But I said, “Take care, Chrissy. I hope life brings you
everything you want.”

“You too, Jason.” Her voice was warm. “Thanks
for contacting me.”

After we both hung up, I exhaled a long
breath and leaned my head back against the wall to stare at the
fluorescent light overhead.

Someone had once been deeply in love with me,
and I’d casually brushed her off. Now it seemed I was doing the
same thing with Anna. Pushing her away in an attempt to protect
myself from getting dumped? Stupid Jason. Apparently it took more
than a blow to the head to knock the douche out of me.

Chapter Twenty

After moping for most of the following week,
I finally broke down and decided to call Jason to find out where we
stood. I literally had my cell in hand and was gathering my courage
to press his number, when the phone rang. Caller ID told me it was
Jason. My already racing heart sprinted faster. I waited a few
rings so he wouldn’t think I was sitting with the phone in my hand,
hoping to hear from him. “Hi, Jason.”

“Hey. How you doin’?”

The familiar cadence of his husky voice, the
slight halting between phrases, made me ache and heat in all the
right places.

“I’m okay. You?”

“Good.”

Silence. How could two people who’d spent as
much time together as we had and who’d been so intimately involved
feel so awkward?

We both spoke at once. “I just wanted to
say…” “I’m glad you called.”

Jason laughed. “Go ahead.”

“I wanted to say I understand your reasons
for needing to take things slow. But if ‘take it slow’ is code for
‘I’m breaking up with you,’ then please be straight with me. I’d
rather know and have it over with.” Nervousness made my tone
sharper than I’d intended. I held my breath and waited to hear his
answer.

“I don’t want to break up! I’ve missed you so
much this week. I was stupid to say that about taking it slow.
Maybe I was a little pissed off by how things went with your
parents.”

“I knew it. My mom insulted you before I got
there, didn’t she?”

“She didn’t say anything, but it was pretty
obvious they weren’t thrilled about me. But it was more how
you
felt about it that made me decide to skip the
dinner.”

“What? I told you I wanted you there.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t believe it. You were
ashamed of me. I could feel it. And if your parents had come a day
later like they were supposed to, instead of running into me by
accident, you never would have introduced me to them.”

“No,” I lied. “That’s not true.”

“Come on, Anna. Be honest.”

How could I respond to that?
You’re right.
I’m a little embarrassed to be dating a janitor with no apparent
plans to be anything else.
Jason was hardly the guy I wanted to
bring to the law firm’s Christmas party or a family event, and I
couldn’t reconcile that feeling with my very real love for him.

I gripped the phone, glad we weren’t talking
face-to-face. It would be even harder to say this. “Okay, I’ll
admit it is sort of difficult dating someone who’s not part of the
business world in the same way I am. It’s hard to imagine going out
with other couples, for example. But we can’t stay in a little
bubble of our own forever. I can’t pretend the discrepancy between
our economic positions doesn’t exist, but my feelings about it are
just something I’ll have to work through. You’re not the only one
struggling to adjust to this thing between us. Give me some time.
I’ll get there.”

Well spoken, Anna
. Jules would be
proud of me if I argued that well in court. But was it too much
honesty? Jason remained silent for several seconds, and I winced at
how snobbish I must have sounded.

“Thanks for being honest,” he said at last.
“That’s all I wanted. And I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I
do too. You’re successful, and I’m scrubbing toilets. It’s
weird.”

Ow! I felt like I’d kicked Baby. It wasn’t
Jason’s fault the best job he could get was a menial one. Maybe
even for the rest of his life. I wished I’d never let him know it
mattered to me, because it really didn’t. My ego didn’t depend on
having a boyfriend with an equally high-powered career.

“Jason, can I come over? I need to see you.
We should talk in person.”

“Okay. I have a little time before work. I
can be late. I want to see you too.”

“I’ll be right over.”

I grabbed my purse and practically flew from
my office. One nice perk about my job, I didn’t have to claim an
appointment with a client or a court date. It was assumed I had
some work-related engagement, as I told the receptionist I’d be
gone for a few hours.

I could count on one hand the number of times
I’d been to Jason’s place. He always came to mine. Even when I went
there, he usually came out to the car and never asked me up. Now,
as I climbed the steps in the rank-smelling stairwell and walked
the dimly lit hallway, I knew why. It was a pretty creepy
building.

One rap on the door and it flew open. Jason
pulled me inside and hard up against him. I wrapped my arms around
his waist and nuzzled my face into his shoulder. All the reasons
for us not to be together evaporated like mist. This was exactly
where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with.