Nightingales at War (31 page)

JENNIFER CROUCHED BESIDE
the big tub in the ward bathroom, cloth in hand, and steeled herself.

It was only a quick look, she told herself. Just a quick glimpse of her distorted reflection in the shining chrome of the bath taps. All she had to do was open her eyes, for a second, then close them again. Where was the harm in that?

But her throat was dry and her heart was drumming against her ribs as she moved closer, counting inside her head. One . . . two . . . three . . .

‘What are you doing?’

Jennifer shot to her feet as the door opened and Daisy Bushell stood there.

‘Nothing,’ she mumbled. ‘Just polishing the taps, that’s all.’

‘They look shiny enough to me.’ Daisy shrugged. ‘Have you finished in here? Only Nurse Riley says I have to run a bath for the new gastric patient before I can go off for lunch.’

‘All done.’ Jennifer folded the cloth, pleating it between her fingers. She would try again later, she decided. No point in rushing these things.

You’ve been saying that since Christmas, a small voice inside her head replied.

‘Good news about your friend, isn’t it?’

Jennifer looked round. ‘What?’

‘Your friend Cissy. Any idea when the wedding might be? I hope it’s soon. I think spring weddings are smashing, don’t you?’

‘Cissy’s getting married?’

‘That’s the general idea, when someone gets engaged!’ Daisy grinned at her through a rising cloud of steam. ‘I expect you’ll be a bridesmaid, won’t you?’

But Jennifer wasn’t listening. ‘Who told you she was engaged?’

‘Oops!’ Daisy put her hand to her mouth. ‘Sorry, it was supposed to be a secret, wasn’t it? But I haven’t told anyone else, honestly. I heard her discussing it with Eve Ainsley yesterday. I thought I could talk to you about it, as you’re her best friend. I mean, it’s not as if she’d keep it a secret from
you
, is it?’

Jennifer looked down at the cloth, bunched between her fingers.

‘You’d be surprised,’ she muttered.

As soon as lunchtime came, Jennifer rushed down to the basement dining room to find Cissy. To her relief, for once she didn’t have her little lap dog Eve with her.

‘Jen!’ Cissy looked up as she approached. She looked so touchingly pleased to see her friend, for a moment Jennifer almost forgot to be angry.

But then she remembered. ‘When were you going to tell me you were engaged?’ she demanded.

Cissy didn’t even bother to deny it. She stared down at her empty plate. ‘Who told you?’

‘Never mind who told me! What I want to know is, why didn’t
you
tell me?’

‘I wanted to, honestly. I just didn’t know how.’

Jennifer dropped down into the chair opposite her. ‘What do you mean, you didn’t know how? I’m supposed to be your friend, aren’t I?’

‘I know.’ Cissy looked thoroughly miserable. But Jennifer knew she was just feeling sorry for herself.

‘It’s all right,’ she said bitterly. ‘I know the real reason why you didn’t want to tell me. And you don’t have to worry, I won’t embarrass you on your wedding day!’

Cissy stared at her blankly. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘You don’t want me to be a bridesmaid, do you? You’re worried I’m going to ruin your wedding pictures with my ugly face.’

To her fury, Cissy laughed. ‘You’re joking!’ Then, seeing Jennifer’s expression, she sobered and said, ‘That’s not what you really think, is it? Honest to God, Jen, the thought never crossed my mind.’

‘Why else would you keep it such a secret?’

‘If you must know, I didn’t tell you because I was worried you’d be upset. You know how we’ve always talked about getting married at the same time? I didn’t want you to feel left out . . .’

‘Left out?’ Jennifer gave a hollow laugh. ‘That’s a good one! You sneak around, getting engaged in secret and then telling everyone but me, and then you say it’s because you don’t want me to be left out? I might be ugly, Cis, but I’m not a fool!’

‘You are if you think I’d leave you out because of the way you look!’ Cissy shot back. ‘Of course I want you to be a bridesmaid.’

‘Don’t sound too excited about it, will you?’ Jennifer said sarcastically. ‘It’s all right, you don’t have to ask me just because you feel sorry for me. I’m sure your new friend Eve would be happy to take my place. Heaven knows, she has done in every other way!’

‘And why do you think that is?’ Cissy jumped to her feet. Her cheeks turned mottled pink, the way they always did when she was angry. ‘Why do you think I go around with Eve all the time, and not you?’

‘Because she’s prettier than me, I suppose.’

‘It’s because you’re never there! All you’ve done since you got back from hospital is hide yourself away. Whenever I’ve asked you to go out dancing or to the pictures, you always make an excuse not to come.’

‘Do you blame me? Would you want to go out if you looked like this? Would you like to go out, knowing everyone is pointing at you, whispering behind your back?’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake! Why do you have to keep on about your wretched scars? Nobody even notices them except you!’

‘That’s easy for you to say,’ Jennifer mumbled.

‘You know what? You’re right, I don’t want you to be my bridesmaid. But it’s got nothing to do with you being ugly, or me being ashamed of you. It’s because I’m worried you’ll ruin my big day by being miserable and going on about yourself all the time! Because that’s what you are these days, Jennifer Caldwell. Miserable and selfish—’

Cissy shut up when the jug of water hit her full in the face. Jennifer didn’t know which of them was more shocked: Cissy, dripping from head to foot, or herself standing there with the empty jug in her hand.

‘Caldwell and Baxter!’ Miss Hanley’s booming voice rang out across the dining room. ‘Matron’s office at once, if you please!’

It had taken Kathleen hours to write her resignation letter.

She had been trying ever since that morning, but every time she made a start, Miss Hanley seemed to interrupt her with some trifling matter or other. The laundry order had arrived with several pillowcases missing, a nurse had broken a thermometer, one of the porters thought he smelled gas near the stoke hole . . . Every hour seemed to bring a new problem, and each time Kathleen had to put her letter aside to deal with it.

It was difficult enough to write in the first place. But she had thought long and hard about what James had said and had finally realised that he was right. She loved him, so why shouldn’t they be together?

Of course it would be a big step to leave the Nightingale. It had been her first Matron’s post, and she liked to think that in the seven years she’d been there she’d made an impression on the place.

First – and last, she corrected herself. She would never run another hospital, not once the news about her and James became public knowledge. There would be a scandal for sure, especially as he was still married.

But none of that mattered, she reminded herself, as long as they were together and happy. And she deserved to be happy. She had never been loved by a man, and she dearly wanted to enjoy it while she could. She had already given enough years to nursing. Now she deserved some time for herself.

She was still trying to put her thoughts down on paper when Miss Hanley interrupted her yet again.

Kathleen laid down her pen. ‘What can I do for you this time, Miss Hanley?’ she said with forced patience.

‘Two VADs, Matron, fighting in the dining room.’

‘Fighting?’

‘Like cats,’ Miss Hanley confirmed. ‘One threw a jug of water over the other.’

‘How extraordinary.’

‘Indeed, Matron.’ Miss Hanley glanced at the letter on the desk in front of Kathleen. ‘Excuse me for asking, Matron, but I couldn’t help noticing you’ve been dealing with that piece of paperwork for some time. Is it something I could do for you?’

‘No, Miss Hanley. It’s a personal matter.’

‘But if you’re busy, I could always—’

‘As I said, Miss Hanley, it’s personal.’ Kathleen slid a paperweight over the letter so her Assistant Matron couldn’t read it. ‘Now, I suppose we’d better see what those VADs have to say for themselves.’

DORA CHECKED HER
watch again and stared in frustration at the double doors. It had been nearly an hour since she’d sent Jennifer Caldwell off for her lunch break. Until she returned, Dora couldn’t go for her own lunch, which meant she wouldn’t get all her work finished before her duty ended, which meant she would have to stay later . . .

If my kids are asleep by the time I get home, I’ll strangle her, she thought. Putting Walter and Winnie to bed, and being able to snuggle up with them while they covered her face with warm, wet goodnight kisses, was the highlight of Dora’s day.

It was Daisy Bushell who put an end to the mystery. She galloped back on to the ward, ignoring the rule about not running except in case of fire or haemorrhage.

‘You’ll never guess what, Staff?’ she cried, eyes shining with excitement. ‘Caldwell’s been hauled up in front of Matron – for fighting, would you believe?’

Dora sighed. She could believe it, only too well. She had learned not to put anything past Jennifer Caldwell.

What was the wretched girl fighting about anyway? she wondered. Although given her permanently low mood, it wouldn’t take much to provoke Jennifer. These days she seemed to go through life with her head down and shoulders hunched, looking for trouble.

‘I don’t care if she’s gone ten rounds with Max Baer, she should be back here,’ she said crossly.

‘I could hold the fort, Staff, if you want to go for your lunch?’ Daisy offered.

Dora thought about it for a moment. She knew Sister Holmes didn’t put a lot of faith in Daisy Bushell’s abilities. But she was willing enough, and she’d more or less stopped fainting at the sight of blood.

‘I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,’ she agreed reluctantly. ‘As long as you promise not to try and do anything? If anyone needs a nurse, go next door and find Nurse Padgett.’

‘Yes, Staff,’ Daisy agreed cheerfully. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t kill anyone while you’re gone!’

I hope not, Dora thought as she headed across the courtyard.

She met Helen Dawson coming out of the basement dining room.

‘You’d better hurry up, lunch is nearly finished,’ her friend greeted her. ‘The dining room was nearly empty when I left.’

‘Just my luck!’ Dora sighed. ‘Lucky I’m not that hungry.’ She smiled at Helen. ‘How are you, anyway? Long time, no see.’

‘I know. We’ve been sorting everything out for the grand reopening of the Casualty department.’

‘How is it coming along?’

‘Oh, it’s grand. Almost restored to its former glory.’ Her smile faltered. ‘It’s a pity David isn’t here to see it. He would have been so proud.’

‘Have you heard from him?’ Dora asked.

Helen nodded. ‘I had another letter from him this morning. He’s almost finished his basic training, so he reckons they’ll be shipping him out soon. He doesn’t know where they’re sending him yet, though.’

‘If he’s anything like Nick I don’t suppose he’ll know until he gets there!’ Dora said ruefully. She noticed her friend’s wistful face and said, ‘He’ll be all right, you know. I’m sure he can take care of himself.’

‘I know,’ Helen sighed. ‘It’s just going to be so hard to say goodbye. It was upsetting enough when he went off to the army camp for his training, so I don’t know what I’ll be like when he finally gets his embarkation date.’

‘It ain’t easy, but you have to put a brave face on it for his sake,’ Dora advised. ‘What else can you do? I mean, it ain’t like you can stow away on the ship with him, is it?’

She laughed, but Helen didn’t. Her friend looked thoughtful, her dark brows drawing together over her brown eyes.

‘It might not come to that,’ she said quietly.

Now it was Dora’s time to frown. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Oh, nothing.’ A moment later, Helen’s smile was back in place. ‘Just something I’ve been thinking about lately, that’s all.’

‘And what’s that?’

‘I’ll explain later. I need to discuss it with Matron first. Anyway, I mustn’t keep you,’ Helen went on. ‘You’d best get down to the dining room before they close. You know what they’re like about pulling those shutters down . . .’

‘You’re right. I’ll be seeing you. And don’t get any ideas about stowing away!’ Dora called after her.

‘I told you, it might not come to that.’

Dora couldn’t shake off her friend’s comment as she headed for the basement. It wasn’t like Helen to be so mysterious. What was she planning? Dora wondered.

She went to push the door open to go down to the basement, but it was stuck. She pressed her shoulder against it, but she still couldn’t shift it.

Then, as she was leaning her weight against it, she suddenly heard a voice as clear as day whispering in her ear, ‘G-go home, Dora. Go home n-now.’

She stopped, still leaning against the door, and looked around. There was no one in sight. She knew there wouldn’t be, because there was only one person that voice belonged to.

‘Danny?’ she whispered.

‘G-go home, Dora. Th-the twins . . .’

Without thinking, she turned and ran across the courtyard, through the archway and down the drive. Mr Hopkins and his hospital Home Guard unit, who were practising their drill outside the Porters’ Lodge, scattered like ninepins as she sprinted past them.

‘Oi, you!’ Mr Hopkins called after her. ‘You know nurses aren’t allowed out of hospital in their uniform. I’ll report you, so I will!’

By the time she got home, her lungs were nearly bursting. Her mother looked up in surprise as Dora fell through the door.

‘What on earth—’

‘Where are the children?’ she demanded.

‘Having a nap. Why . . .?’

Dora didn’t wait to hear the end of her mother’s sentence. She pushed past her into the bedroom, her heart pounding painfully.

Winnie and Walter were fast asleep, their thumbs lodged in their mouths. Raggy Aggy slept between them, under Winnie’s arm.

Dora stared at them, watching their chests rise and fall, her own heartbeat slowing down with each breath.

Her mother came in behind her. ‘What’s happened? Are they all right?’

‘Yes, they’re fine.’

‘What on earth is it, love? You looked like you’d seen a ghost when you came in.’

Dora looked rueful. ‘I dunno about that, Mum. But I reckon I’ve just heard one.’

Her mother listened, mystified, as Dora told her what she’d experienced. ‘I know it sounds daft, but I heard him, Mum. Just as clear as I’m talking to you,’ she said.

‘I believe you, love. And Danny loved those kiddies so much, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he was watching over them. But why should he tell you to go home, when they’re as right as rain?’

That was when they heard it. The unmistakable sound of a distant explosion.

Eve and Dr Jameson were silent as they followed the ambulance in his car.

‘Well,’ Simon Jameson said finally, ‘as first dates go this is certainly unusual.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Eve apologised again. It was all she had said since the ambulance arrived.

‘Don’t be. It’s not your fault your aunt was taken ill.’

Eve closed her eyes briefly against the memory. ‘Will she be all right?’ she asked.

Simon’s face grew sombre. ‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘But she should never have discharged herself from that convalescent home.’ He glanced sideways at Eve. ‘You did everything you could,’ he said.

‘No, I didn’t. I panicked when she collapsed. I just didn’t know what to do . . .’

‘Anyone would be the same. It’s one thing when it’s a stranger, but it’s another when it’s a loved one, isn’t it? Anyway, you mustn’t blame yourself.’

It was such an ironic comment, Eve almost smiled. Blaming herself was exactly what she’d been doing for years. She had gone through her whole life thinking that it was her fault her aunt didn’t love her, that she must be a truly terrible person.

But now she realised that it was the circumstances that were at fault, not her. Her aunt couldn’t love her, no matter how hard she might have tried.

‘I don’t,’ she said. Not any more, she added silently.

The ambulance pulled up so suddenly, Simon had to swerve to avoid running straight into the back of it.

‘What the—’ He stopped the car and got out. Eve followed him. ‘What’s going on?’ he called out to the ambulance driver.

‘We’ve just been told we’re being diverted to the London,’ the driver told him.

‘The London? Why?’

‘Been a big explosion at the Nightingale, apparently. Rumour is an unexploded bomb’s just gone off. They’re not allowing anyone near it.’

‘Oh, my God,’ Simon muttered.

‘Oliver!’ Eve hadn’t realised she’d said his name out loud until Simon turned to frown at her. ‘I’ve got to go,’ she said.

‘But your aunt . . .’

‘Will you go with her, make sure she’s all right?’

‘Well—’

‘Please?’ Eve begged. ‘I have to go to the Nightingale. There’s someone I need to see.’

‘You heard what the driver said. They’re not letting anyone through.’

‘I have to try. Please?’

Dr Jameson pulled a wry face. ‘So now you’re abandoning me for another man,’ he said. ‘This really is turning into a very strange first date indeed.’