Nightingales at War (32 page)

‘
MATRON? MATRON, CAN
you hear me?’

Kathleen heard someone calling her name and opened her eyes to dense blackness. She tried to breathe, but the thick, gritty air filled her throat like sand, making her cough and retch.

‘Oh, Matron! Thank God you’re alive!’ Miss Hanley’s voice came out of the darkness from somewhere to her left. Close, or far away? Kathleen couldn’t tell.

‘Miss Hanley?’ She tried to move towards the sound, but something was pinning her down. She put out her hands, touching splintered wood and torn leather. Her armchair, lying on top of her. How had that happened?

‘I’m over here, Matron.’ Veronica Hanley’s voice was a hushed whisper. ‘I think I must be against a wall, but it’s difficult to tell . . . no, don’t try to move. You might upset something and bring more down on top of us.’

Kathleen gingerly flexed her limbs. Apart from the weight of the armchair pinning her, there was no pain, and apparently no bones broken.

‘How are you, Miss Hanley?’

‘I’m alive, Matron. As to anything else, I really couldn’t say. What happened, do you think? Not an air raid, surely? I didn’t hear the siren, did you?’

Kathleen reached out in the blackness, exploring. Her hand grazed rough stone, great boulders of it heaped up like walls around her.

Like a tomb.

‘Whatever it was, we’re well and truly trapped,’ she said. She lifted her head and called out, ‘Hello? Is there anyone down here with us?’

A faint whimper came from further away, to her right this time, beyond a wall of fallen masonry.

‘Hello?’ Kathleen called out again. ‘Who’s there?’

‘C-Caldwell, Matron,’ the voice came back, reedy with terror.

Of course, Kathleen thought. The VAD she had just reprimanded.

‘Is Baxter with you?’

‘Yes, Miss. But I don’t know if she’s—’ On the other side of the rubble barricade, the girl started to cry.

Kathleen struggled to ease herself free from the chair that was pinning her down, and crawled through the darkness towards the sound of weeping. Groping ahead of her, her fingers grazed against a wall of rubble and she started to try to pull pieces of it free, before she remembered Miss Hanley’s warning. She had no idea how precarious the barrier was on the other side, and she didn’t want to bring an avalanche down on the girls.

But further down the rubble heap, where it met the wall, she found a chink. She flattened herself on to her belly and felt a rush of air on her face. Somehow the fallen masonry had wedged itself in such a way as to leave a narrow gap between the wall and the floor.

Kathleen tested it with her hand, trying to gauge its size. It was barely wide enough for her to get her shoulders through.

‘Matron?’ Miss Hanley’s voice came from behind her. ‘Where are you?’

‘I’m just here, Miss Hanley. I thought there might be a way through . . . but it’s too small.’

Exhausted and frustrated by her efforts, Kathleen stared helplessly into the darkness of the hole. ‘Try to stay calm, Caldwell,’ she called out. ‘We’ll be rescued soon, I’m sure. But in the meantime, you need to be brave and do what you can for your friend. Do you understand?’

‘Y-yes, Matron.’

‘It will be all right, Caldwell. Just sit tight and wait.’

Her reassurance seemed to work, because the girl gradually stopped crying. A moment later Kathleen heard her murmuring voice, talking to her friend.

‘It’s all right, Cis,’ she heard her say. ‘Matron says we’re going to be rescued soon. This is a right pickle, isn’t it? But we’ll be safe soon, you’ll see.’

Hearing her broke Kathleen’s heart. She remembered that these were the two girls who only a few minutes before had been standing truculently before her, refusing to look at each other.

‘Do you think we will be rescued, Matron?’ Miss Hanley said.

‘Of course. They’re probably looking for us now.’ Kathleen stared up at the ceiling. Her mouth and throat were gritty with dust and dry with fear.

At least I hope so, she thought.

Think, Jennifer told herself.

It wasn’t something she did very often, she realised now. She preferred to drift along, pleasing herself and making up her mind on a whim, while everyone else danced around her. But suddenly, in the space of a few seconds, life had become very serious. Now she was certain that her life and Cissy’s depended on her coming up with a plan, doing something right for once.

She had been in a situation like this before, but then she had known nothing about it until she woke up in a hospital bed. Was this better or worse? she wondered. It was more frightening, but at least she was conscious. And she wasn’t in any pain either. Although she was aware of rubble all around her, miraculously she was untouched.

Unlike Cissy, who lay as motionless as a doll beside her.

‘Cissy? Cis, wake up.’ Jennifer couldn’t see in the darkness, was only aware of her friend’s body lying beside her. She was like the dummy they’d used in the First Aid classes, lifeless and heavy-limbed.

Think.

Jennifer cast her mind back desperately to those classes, trying to remember something of what she’d been told. Why on earth hadn’t she listened when she had the chance, instead of playing the fool all the time?

And as for that pathetic row she’d had with Cissy – it all seemed so ridiculous now. Unimportant, like her scars. She would willingly suffer any kind of disfigurement if it meant she and Cissy would be safe.

Think.

Light. That was what they needed. Nothing would seem so bad if she could see what she was facing, good or bad.

There was a torch in Cissy’s shelter bag. They were supposed to carry them all the time, but typically Jennifer had given up once the air raids lessened. But Cissy hadn’t. Jennifer was sure her friend had had her bag with her when they were summoned to Matron.

She groped around in the darkness, her hands scraping over broken bricks and fractured shards of wood and metal. How none of it had injured her was a miracle. And then another miracle happened, and somehow there was Cissy’s shelter bag under her hand.

As she was groping inside for the torch, Cissy suddenly stirred beside her. Jennifer’s heart leaped. ‘Cis?’

Cissy groaned, as if waking up from a long sleep. She must have opened her eyes, because the next moment she was panicking and struggling in the darkness. ‘W-what happened? Where are – ow, my leg!’ She screamed in pain.

From somewhere on the other side of the rubble wall came Matron’s calm, strong voice.

‘Is everything all right, Caldwell?’

‘Yes, Matron. Cissy’s just woken up.’

‘That’s good news, my dear. Try to keep her calm, won’t you?’

‘Yes, Matron.’ Jennifer rummaged in the shelter bag. ‘You heard her, Cis. Keep calm and don’t try to move. I’m just trying to find – ah, here it is.’ She produced the torch and switched it on, then immediately wished she hadn’t as the pool of light illuminated a terrifying landscape of jagged walls, shattered furniture and a mountain of fallen debris, all seen through a thick veil of grey dust.

‘We’re trapped, aren’t we?’ Cissy’s voice came out of the gloom, trembling and fearful.

‘Don’t be so melodramatic, Cis. Now, let’s take a look at you.’ Jennifer turned the beam on to her friend. Cissy’s face came into view, hazy through the dust, but unharmed. ‘Well, you look all right,’ said Jennifer. ‘Did you say your leg was hurting?’

Cissy nodded. She tried to move it and winced with pain. ‘I think it might be broken,’ she whispered.

Jennifer ran her hand carefully along the length of Cissy’s leg. She had no idea what she was looking for, but Cissy hissed with pain when she reached a spot in the middle of her shin.

‘It doesn’t seem broken,’ she said. ‘I’d better put a splint on it, just in case.’

‘You, put on a splint?’ Cissy managed a short laugh.

‘Why not? I think I can remember how to do it.’ Jennifer searched around, and found the broken leg of a chair. ‘This should do nicely.’

‘You do know it’s supposed to be padded, don’t you?’

‘Of course I do! You don’t have to order me about, Cissy Baxter, just because you’re training to be a nurse now!’ Jennifer circled around in the darkness with her torch, but she couldn’t see anything. ‘I know, I’ll use my apron.’

As she reached over to help unfasten the strings, Cissy said, ‘You needn’t think that I’ll forgive you, just because you’re doing this. This is all your fault, Jen Caldwell!’

‘What? How do you work that out? I didn’t ask the roof to fall in on us, did I?’

‘No, but if you hadn’t thrown that jug at me, we wouldn’t be here!’

‘And if you’d told me you were getting married, we wouldn’t be here either!’

Jennifer stopped talking then, suddenly realising how pathetic it sounded.

Cissy seemed to be thinking the same thing. ‘What are we doing, Jen?’ she sighed. ‘We could die at any minute and we’re arguing about jugs of water and weddings!’

‘I know,’ Jennifer said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Me, too. You’re right, I should have told you I was getting married. I don’t blame you for being upset. I know I’d have been, the other way around.’

Jennifer kept her head down, padding the splint. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Yes, it does. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want you as a bridesmaid, honestly. You do believe me, don’t you?’

Jennifer nodded. ‘I don’t blame you for being angry with me. I know I’ve been unbearable lately. I’ve driven everyone mad, haven’t I?’

‘Just a bit!’ Cissy winced as Jennifer tied the splint in place. ‘But I could have been a bit more understanding, all the same. I just wanted the old Jen back.’

‘I thought you’d replaced me,’ Jennifer said in a low voice.

‘No chance! I like Eve, but you’ll always be my best friend. It’s always been you and me, hasn’t it?’

‘True.’ Jennifer smiled at her. ‘And when we get out of here, I promise I won’t be nearly so miserable.’

Cissy cast her gaze gloomily towards what was left of the roof. ‘If we get out of here,’ she said.

‘
THEY’VE GONE VERY
quiet. I hope they’re all right.’

Kathleen listened, trying to hear the voices of Cissy and Jennifer from beyond the rubble. ‘How long has it been now, do you think?’

‘An hour. Perhaps two.’

Kathleen gazed up at the roof. ‘They’re taking a long time to reach us, aren’t they?’

‘I suppose it’s a delicate process,’ Miss Hanley replied. ‘And we don’t know how much debris there is lying above us. If it’s anything like when the Casualty Hall came down . . .’ Her voice trailed off.

Kathleen shuddered. Why did she have to mention the Casualty Hall? That was the day six people had died, some crushed by falling masonry, others buried alive. It had been the worst day of her life. So far.

‘I’m sorry, Matron, that wasn’t very comforting, was it?’ Miss Hanley sighed in the darkness. ‘I’m not terribly good at offering words of solace, I’m afraid. But I have every confidence that help will be here soon.’

Kathleen looked across at her. Now the thick dust had settled and her eyes were growing used to the dark, she could just about make out the Assistant Matron’s shape in the gloom, slumped against a wall.

Her voice sounded weak and tired. ‘Are you all right, Miss Hanley?’

‘Yes, thank you,’ she replied stoically. ‘Just a little cold, that’s all.’

‘I wish I had a blanket or something I could offer you.’ Kathleen scanned around in the darkness. ‘I keep looking for my cloak. I know it must be here somewhere . . .’ Not that she knew where to look. It was as if someone had put all the contents of her office in a cup, shaken them up and rolled them out like dice.

‘It doesn’t matter, Matron, really. I’m just making a fuss over nothing.’

Kathleen crawled over to her, clambering over the remains of what had once been her bookcase. ‘We’ll have a nice hot cup of tea when all this is over. What do you say to that, Miss Hanley?’

‘That would be very acceptable, Matron.’ There was a smile in Miss Hanley’s voice. ‘I could do with something to get this dust out of my throat.’

Kathleen leaned against the wall beside her. ‘I wonder what caused the explosion? It can’t have been an air raid.’

‘Perhaps it was gas? I did mention one of the porters thought he’d smelled something this morning . . .’

‘So you did.’

There was a long silence. Then Miss Hanley said, ‘Did you ever finish your paperwork, Matron?’

‘What paperwork?’

‘The letter you’ve been trying to write all morning.’

‘Oh, that.’ Was that only today? It seemed like such a long time ago now. ‘No, I never did finish it.’

‘Perhaps you were never supposed to resign?’ Miss Hanley spoke in a hushed tone.

Kathleen whipped round to stare at her, glad the darkness hid her own shocked expression. ‘How did you know?’ she hissed back.

‘We’ve been working together for some time, Matron. I understand you better than you might imagine.’ Miss Hanley glanced over at the shattered wall, as if to make sure the girls on the other side couldn’t hear her. ‘I know about you and Mr Cooper, too. Don’t worry, you haven’t given yourself away,’ she assured Kathleen. ‘Not to anyone else, at any rate. But I guessed something might be going on, after I saw you together at the Christmas dance. That was when it all started, I suppose?’

‘Yes.’ There was no point in denying it. After today, it wouldn’t matter anyway.

‘And I imagine you’re planning to leave the hospital, start a new life together?’

There was something slightly mocking about the way she said it that made Kathleen’s hackles rise. ‘You make me sound like a lovesick schoolgirl,’ she accused.

‘I beg your pardon, Matron, I hadn’t meant it to sound like that. As I said, I don’t always choose my words carefully.’

Kathleen felt the weight of the silence that followed. She might not choose her words carefully, but Miss Hanley could make a silence say everything she couldn’t.

‘We do want to be together,’ Kathleen said finally. ‘And yes, we are planning to leave London. I deserve to be happy,’ she blurted out, wondering why she even felt the need to justify herself to Miss Hanley. The Assistant Matron would never understand anyway.

‘Indeed, Matron,’ Miss Hanley replied. ‘But I wonder if you ever could be happy, knowing it was at the expense of another?’

Kathleen turned to face her. She couldn’t make out her face, just the denser shadow of her profile in the darkness. ‘Mr Cooper and his wife are living apart. His marital problems were nothing to do with me,’ she said.

‘I’m sure they weren’t. I’ve met Mrs Cooper and she seemed a thoroughly disagreeable woman. But she is also a very troubled one.’

Kathleen knew all about Simone Cooper and her troubles. James had told her about his wife’s wild mood swings, her violent passions. There was a time when he’d even considered sending her away to Austria for psychiatric treatment, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

‘She will find it hard to cope alone, I daresay,’ Miss Hanley said. ‘And if I know you, Matron, you will find it very difficult to live with that.’

‘And what about me?’ Kathleen knew she sounded peevish, but she couldn’t help it. ‘Should I sacrifice my own happiness just so Simone Cooper can live the life she wants? Perhaps I find it difficult to cope alone, too. Have you thought about that?’

‘Oh, Matron.’ Miss Hanley sounded almost pitying. ‘You have coped alone all this time, haven’t you?’

‘Yes,’ said Kathleen, ‘and I’m sick and tired of it. I want someone I can lean on for a change.’

‘But women like us don’t need a man to lean on.’

‘Women like us?’

‘Strong women. Women of a deeply moral character.’

Kathleen laughed in spite of herself. ‘You’ve never described me as having a deeply moral character before! If anything, I thought you had the opposite impression of me.’

‘Then I’m genuinely sorry. Because I truly think you are one of the strongest, most moral people I know.’

Kathleen suddenly found it hard to swallow, and not just because of the dust clogging her throat. She could feel Miss Hanley’s eyes on her in the darkness.

‘Oh, I don’t blame you for wanting to walk away. Why shouldn’t you fall in love and be happy, if that’s what you really want? But I would be very disappointed if you left now. The Nightingale needs you.’

‘And I need to be loved,’ Kathleen said. ‘Although you probably wouldn’t understand that.’

‘I do understand, Matron, better than you might think.’ Miss Hanley’s voice was tired. ‘I know you may not believe it, but I have known great loneliness too. But unlike you, I’ve found solace in my work, and in my friends here. The Nightingale is my home, my family. It’s all I need. But you’re different. I certainly can’t blame you for wanting to find your happiness elsewhere.’

Kathleen stared at her. She was so used to her Assistant Matron being judgemental, it came as a shock to find out she had a softer side.

‘It’s not for me to choose your path for you,’ Miss Hanley went on. ‘You must do that for yourself. But you know I trust your judgement, Matron.’

How many times had she heard Miss Hanley say that? But this time Kathleen felt as if her Assistant Matron truly meant it.

‘Thank you,’ she said.

‘Hello? Is anyone there? Can you hear us?’

A shaft of light pierced the gloom above their heads.

‘Hello!’ Kathleen left Miss Hanley’s side and crawled to the centre of the room towards the light.

‘Matron?’ a man’s voice called out. ‘Are you all right down there?’

‘We are quite well, thank you.’ It was all she could do to stop herself from bursting into tears.

‘How many of you are there?’

‘Four, I believe, Miss Hanley and myself, and two VADs, Jennifer Caldwell and Cicely Baxter.’

There was a pause as the information was relayed down the line. Then the voice called out, ‘We’ll come down to you. Stay where you are.’

Even then, it seemed to take an agonisingly long time before the first of the rescuers was lowered down to them. Two porters and a fireman came down first, followed by James Cooper, his medical bag in his hand. It was all Kathleen could do not to rush into his arms, and she could tell from his face that he was fighting not to do the same.

She flinched as the fireman shone his lamp around the room. ‘Where are the others?’ he asked.

‘Trapped through there.’

As the fireman went off to examine the rubble wall, Kathleen let her hand brush against James’s in the darkness. The contact was electric.

The fireman returned, looking grim. ‘If we start to clear it, it could bring the whole lot down,’ he said, confirming Kathleen’s worst suspicions. ‘I don’t know how we can get them out without injuring them, or worse . . .’

‘There’s a gap down there,’ Kathleen pointed it out. ‘But I don’t think it’s big enough to get through.’

‘Couldn’t the girls crawl through it to us?’ James suggested.

‘One of them might be able to, but I think Miss Baxter has an injured leg. She won’t be able to get through without help, and Miss Caldwell won’t be strong enough.’ Kathleen shook her head. ‘Someone would have to crawl through and help them.’

‘I’ll do it,’ one of the porters, a skinny, fair-haired young man, offered straight away.

‘Are you sure?’ the fireman said. ‘What if you dislodge something and it all comes down on you?’

‘We’ve got to do something, haven’t we? Besides, I’m a conchie, not a coward.’

He was staring at the other porter when he said it. Kathleen had no idea what was going on, but the older man looked away, clearly ashamed.

‘You’re right, it is the only way,’ the fireman said. He handed the young man a torch. ‘Take this with you,’ he said. ‘And be careful, lad.’

As the young man started to inch his way through the narrow gap, James turned to Kathleen. ‘Are you all right? No bones broken?’

‘Not as far as I know.’

‘Then you should get out. The porter will help you . . .’

Kathleen shook her head. ‘Miss Hanley should go first.’

‘I’m sorry, Matron, but I’m not going anywhere.’ Miss Hanley’s weary voice came out of the darkness.

James Cooper swung his lamp in a wide arc, illuminating the Assistant Matron, and Kathleen nearly screamed. Sweat glistened on the ghastly mask of Miss Hanley’s white, bloodless face. Another sweep revealed her lower half was hidden from view, crushed under a towering heap of masonry.

‘Miss Hanley?’ James got to her first when Kathleen’s own legs failed her.

‘I’m afraid I’ve lost a great deal of blood, Doctor. And I can’t feel my legs. I – I believe my back may be broken.’ The Assistant Matron’s voice faltered slightly. Why hadn’t Kathleen realised there was a reason she’d sounded faint and weak in the darkness? ‘I don’t think I would survive the rescue.’

‘No!’ Kathleen’s cry of anguish filled the darkened cavern.

‘Take her,’ Miss Hanley said to James. ‘Keep her safe. Please.’

James took a step towards her, but Kathleen shrugged him off. ‘I’m not going,’ she told him. ‘I’m staying here.’

‘Please, Matron, you need to go,’ Miss Hanley’s voice sounded more like a sigh now. ‘It’s your duty.’

Kathleen squared her shoulders, even though tears were running down her face. ‘May I remind you, Miss Hanley, that I am Matron of this hospital? I don’t need you to tell me my duty!’

Miss Hanley’s mouth curved in a weary smile of recognition. How many times had Kathleen flung those words at her in the seven years they had worked side by side?

Not that she had ever taken any notice.

‘I’ll stay with her,’ James promised, his hand on Kathleen’s arm. ‘I’ll give her something – for the pain,’ he said quietly.

Kathleen’s gaze flew to his, understanding. A merciful morphia shot that would shorten her suffering.

Miss Hanley understood too. It was written all over her tired, wise face. ‘I’m sure Mr Cooper will look after me,’ she said.

‘And so will I,’ Kathleen said, settling herself down beside her.

‘Matron—’

‘I mean it, Miss Hanley.’ She reached for her assistant’s hand. It felt as big and solid as a man’s.

James started to intervene, but Veronica Hanley shook her head.

‘Leave her be, Mr Cooper,’ she said, fingers tightening around Kathleen’s. ‘I’m afraid Miss Fox will never be told.’

‘Neither will you,’ Kathleen said.

Miss Hanley smiled, the fight going out of her. ‘Then we make a good pair, don’t we?’