No Boundaries (17 page)

Gwen hadn’t moved. Andi was vaguely aware of her sitting next to her, and she tried to focus on the feel of Gwen’s fingers laced around her own. Centering her. “I kept fighting him, trying to get free. They had taken us into the woods and Boyd had me on the ground. I could hear Melissa fighting, trying to get to me. Somehow, I managed to dislodge a rock from the dirt and I hit Boyd in the head with it. It was a lucky blow, catching him in the temple. His body went limp and he collapsed on top of me. At first I didn’t know what had happened, I thought I’d knocked him out. I managed to push him off me. It wasn’t until I saw the cold stare of his blank, dead eyes that I knew I’d killed him.”

Andi couldn’t control the shaking in her hands. Her voice sounded cold and distant to her own ears. She felt disconnected from her body, and she forced herself into a place within where she could numb herself from the pain. She pushed herself to continue. “Kevin James lost it when he saw what I’d done. In his rage he lost his focus on Melissa, and he came at me. Melissa managed to hit him and knock him down. While they struggled I managed to grab the gun Curtis Boyd had been holding on me. I wanted to shoot him. I wanted him to die for what he had done. But I couldn’t pull the trigger.”

Andi shuddered. “There was a long trial and Kevin James went to prison. I sued the police department. A settlement was reached, and then I ran. I couldn’t deal with the memories of that place.”

Andi paused as her guilt swelled. “I ran and left Melissa to deal with things on her own. I didn’t even explain. I just left her. Eventually I ended up in Norris and started the store. It was easier to be here where no one knew me.”

Andi felt Gwen’s arms slide around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against her chest. Andi was relieved by the comfort and allowed herself to cry.

“Shhh,” Gwen said. “You’re safe now.”

Andi pulled away. “No. I’m not safe. I’ll never be safe again. They want to let him out.” Her words were rushed and desperate. “He’s coming up for early parole. He’s promised to kill me when he gets out. As long as there’s a possibility that he can get out, I’ll never be safe.”

Gwen clasped Andi’s hand. “You don’t have to be alone anymore, Andi. We’ll make sure he doesn’t get to you again.”

Andi shook her head. “No one can promise that. He got to me before. He can do it again. The last time, he almost killed Melissa. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt. I don’t want
you
to get hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t fair for me to get close to you like this.”

Realization slowly dawned on Gwen’s face.

“Don’t say that.” Gwen squeezed Andi’s hands. “Being with you is the most wonderful thing in my life. It doesn’t matter about your past. I’m so terribly sorry you’ve had to endure this pain, Andi. But even if I had known, it wouldn’t have changed the way I feel about you. It wouldn’t have changed us.”

Andi wanted to believe Gwen. She sat with her legs stretched across Gwen’s lap, an arm around her shoulder and her hand holding Gwen’s. It felt good to tell her everything. She made everything feel different.

“For years now,” Andi continued, “I shut everyone out of my life. I was so afraid. Then I met you and everything changed. You made me feel alive again, happy. I started to believe I could have the fairy tale. Then the letter came and Melissa showed up.”

Gwen’s grip on Andi’s hand tightened again. “So you believe this man will try to hurt you again?”

“Yes.” Andi looked into Gwen’s eyes. She needed Gwen to understand the risks. “He’s made threats while in prison.” Andi sighed. “I don’t know if this will ever be over. That’s why I had to tell you. You need to know that being with me isn’t safe. These things that have happened, the things I did, live in my skin like a virus.”

“Andi, sweetheart, it drives me crazy to think of what you’ve been through. But what kind of person would I be if I let something like that keep you from me? Do you have any idea how many women are assaulted by men every year? It’s a threat we all live with, all the time. There is nothing you could tell me that could change the way I feel about you.”

Andi stared at Gwen in disbelief. She didn’t know how she should feel. She vacillated between joy, disbelief, and fear. “But, Gwen, I killed a man.”

Gwen nodded and pulled Andi closer. “Yes, you did. You did what you had to do to survive. You protected yourself and someone you loved. You only did what he made you do.”

Andi rubbed her tear-streaked cheeks with the palms of her hands, growing more confident as Gwen’s reassurances sank in. Somehow hearing this from someone who wasn’t involved in the trauma made her feel less blame, less shame, and less guilt.

“What happens if he gets out? Don’t you see? I can’t live with the thought of him hurting you. I won’t let him hurt you.”

“Then we’ll deal with it.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Gwen.”

“Yes, I do, Andi. I understand that I’ve fallen in love with you. I want more than anything to have you in my life, always. I won’t let that crazy beast take you away from me. Not now, not ever.”

Andi’s heart ached with the love she had for Gwen. She had waited her entire life to hear those words, but now they were bittersweet. Tears welled in her eyes and her body trembled from holding back so much. She pushed forward and wrapped her arms around Gwen. For the first time in her life, she wasn’t alone.

“I love you, Andi. I love you,” Gwen said over and over again as she rocked Andi in her arms. “I can’t live without you. Please promise me you won’t shut me out.”

Andi shook her head. “No. I can’t.”

Suddenly remembering her talk with Melissa, Andi pulled her head back and peered down at Gwen. “There’s one more thing.”

Gwen’s hands twisted in Andi’s shirt along her back. “Anything.”

“I need to go out of town this weekend to meet with Melissa and my attorney. We’re going to figure out a plan to try to block the parole.” Andi studied Gwen closely, to read her reaction. “Will you come with me?”

Gwen’s eyes lit up with relief. “Of course I will.” She buried herself in Andi’s neck.

Relief washed over Andi and she cradled Gwen’s head against her.

“Come on, you need some rest,” Gwen whispered.

Andi nodded, too tired to argue. She let Gwen lead her to the bedroom.

Gwen pulled back the covers as Andi slid beneath the cool sheets. Then Gwen slid into bed beside Andi, pressing their bodies together.

Andi curled into Gwen’s embrace, resting her head on Gwen’s chest, one hand clinging to her waist. Nothing had turned out the way she expected. She still wanted to keep Gwen safe, but she realized for the first time that she could only keep her safe by holding her close. She had to protect Gwen’s life, but she would also protect her heart.

The sun was just coming up as Andi gathered the last of her things and set her bag by the door. Gwen would be arriving any minute. Everything was so quiet and peaceful in the still of the morning, and Andi was thankful for the moment of peace. She wished she could just stop time and never have to face the demons that were uprooting her life.

When she’d first received the letter about the parole hearing, she’d wanted to run, but Gwen had shown her she had too many reasons to stay. It was time to face her past so she could have a future.

But she had to admit she was anxious about going back to where it had all started. Andi looked up to see Gwen pulling into the drive, and some of her worry lifted. As much as she wanted to protect Gwen from the problems before her, she was glad to have her by her side. She would face hell itself if she had to, if it would keep Gwen safe.

Andi opened the door for Gwen as she bounded up the steps.

Gwen smiled. “Hey. That didn’t take too long did it?”

Andi threaded her arms around Gwen’s neck and planted a light kiss on her lips. “Not too long at all. Is everything okay with Zeek?”

“She’s all set. Morgan will have her spoiled rotten by the time we get back.”

“Good. The best dog is a spoiled dog.”

Gwen laughed. “If you say so. Are you ready?”

Andi sighed. “As ready as I’ll ever be. How about you? Are you sure you want to do this?” She was anxious and needed reassurance that Gwen would really go through this with her.

Gwen brushed her thumb across Andi’s cheek. “Definitely.”

Gwen put the Land Rover into gear and backed out of the drive. “So, tell me about this meeting were going to. Who’ll be there, what’s the goal, that sort of thing.”

Andi turned sideways in her seat so she could face Gwen. “Well, you already met Melissa, sort of. She’ll be there of course. I’m looking forward to seeing her and Jimmy together. They’re a couple now.”

“And Jimmy is your attorney?”

“Yes. I don’t know how Melissa or I could have gotten through the trial without her. I’m glad she’s been there for Mel.” Andi looked away. She felt guilty for not being a better friend, for not being there to help Melissa deal with what they had been through.

“So in a way this is a social visit too. You guys get to catch up a little and regroup.”

“Yeah, something like that.” Andi smiled and looked back at Gwen. “Hopefully they’ll have some news for us, and Jimmy will have a plan.” She prayed there was something, some way to keep Kevin James from reaching her again.

The two-hour drive passed quickly as they talked, and Andi was surprised to see the city emerging from the mountains far sooner than she had expected. It seemed strange to be revisiting this chapter of her life, and she wondered what price she would have to pay this time, what sacrifices she would have to make.

Andi smiled when Melissa answered the door. Despite the memories and the pain, it would be good to see her and Jimmy again, and she was excited for Gwen to get to know her friends.

“Hey, you made it.” Melissa pulled Andi through the door by her hand and hugged her. She turned to Gwen with a smile. “Hello, Gwen. It’s good to see you again. I’m glad you were able to make it.” She shot a grin at Andi before shaking Gwen’s hand.

“Come on inside, Jimmy’s out on the back deck.”

Andi reached for Gwen’s hand and laced their fingers together. Gwen looked into her eyes and smiled reassuringly before following Melissa through the house. The space was open and very modern, and Andi wondered whose taste the house reflected most. If she had to guess, this was mostly Jimmy. Melissa was a bit more reserved and somewhat understated. Jimmy was the all out there, show your cards kind of girl.

As soon as they stepped through the open glass doors to the deck, Jimmy stood, her six-foot-four frame towering over them all. Despite her imposing presence, her smile was warm and disarming. She leaned down and kissed Andi’s cheek.

“Damn, it’s good to see you, Andi.”

Andi placed her hand on Jimmy’s arm and smiled. “You too.”

Jimmy looked past Andi to Gwen. “And who do we have here?” she said, offering her hand in welcome.

Andi felt the warmth spread through her cheeks as she tried to find the word to describe Gwen’s place in her life. “This is Gwen,” she offered, the pride evident in her voice. “Gwen, this is Jimmy.”

Gwen took Jimmy’s hand, and Andi was pleased by Gwen’s relaxed, open posture and Jimmy’s genuine welcome. Some part of Andi unwound as she felt her two worlds connect for the first time. These were the three women she cared for most in the world, and it was important to her that they all got along. She laughed to herself for ever questioning that they would all be anything but friends.

They talked most of the day and got caught up on the changes in their lives since Andi had left. She could see the shimmers of pain in Melissa’s eyes as they talked, and she recognized the hollow stares that often made Melissa seem aloof and distant. Only Andi knew the demons that Melissa wrestled with in her thoughts and memories.

Mustering all her courage, Andi finally dared to bring up the reason for their reunion.

“So, what do we know about this parole hearing, and what do we need to do about it?”

Jimmy met Andi’s eyes and squared her shoulders as if readying for a fight, a posture Andi recognized from endless days sitting next to Jimmy in the courtroom.

“Well, it’s part formality but does present a real risk. We all have to decide what we’re willing to do. The best thing would be for everyone to appear at the hearing and testify as to why Kevin James is still dangerous and should be considered a threat to society. We already have documentation that he has continued to make threats against you, Andi, while he’s been in prison and has shown no remorse for what he did.”

Melissa spoke up at this point, her voice cold and bitter. “The state is trying to tighten the belt on the budget, and this is one way to do it. They’re trying to early release as many people as they can without negligent risk to the community. We have to convince them that Kevin James is still dangerous and that releasing him goes beyond negligent. I don’t even know how the bastard made the list.”

“Do you really think he could get out?” Andi asked, the fear thick on her tongue.

“It’s possible,” Jimmy said, “but not likely. These are special circumstances, and I can’t see the state wanting the responsibility for any future crimes that could result from his release. But like I said, that depends on everyone being ready to fight. We can ask for letters from people involved in the case, victims of course, authority figures in the community, psychologists working with James, and so on. We have to protest his release. The district attorney believes we can stop the parole.”

Jimmy studied Andi, her dark eyes soft with empathy. “I’m sorry, Andi. I know this is difficult for you.”

Andi stared at her hands, clasped tightly in front of her on the table. A long silence stretched between them. She was angry and scared and she hated all of it. Then she felt Gwen’s hand slide onto her thigh with a reassuring squeeze. She was grateful for the contact and the love she felt in the simple gesture. She looked to Gwen, and there was no hint of pity in her gaze, only comfort and concern.

Andi smiled and took Gwen’s hand, giving it a return squeeze.

Melissa was the first to break the silence. “I’ll be there with you if you want to testify, Andi. I know we can get through this together.”

Andi looked up into Melissa’s sad eyes, hearing the plea in her voice. She knew Melissa had never forgiven herself. She still carried the guilt that wasn’t hers to shoulder.

“I don’t know if I can face him again. All this time I’ve been trying to purge the image of his face from my mind. I can’t let him back inside my head.”

Andi’s voice started to tremble and her insides were shaking. When Jimmy reached out for her hand, Andi flinched away from the contact, afraid that even the simplest touch would make her shatter like an already-fractured piece of glass.

“Okay,” Jimmy said, leaning back in her chair to offer Andi some space. “I’ll get the ball rolling on the letters for the hearing. That means you two will need to write out statements as well. We have to put a stop to all of this.” She clasped her hands in front of her with an air of finality. She grinned. “For now, what’s for dinner?”

Andi and Melissa both looked at Jimmy as if she were suddenly speaking a foreign language. Andi blinked a few times, trying to clear the torrent of thoughts from her mind, not able to process the sudden change in subject.

“Steak,” Gwen said with a dramatic rub of her stomach.

“Lasagna,” Melissa answered, “or sushi.”

Andi smiled in understanding. It was time to change the subject.

There was no further discussion about Kevin James over dinner. The business at hand was handled, and now it was time to fill in the blanks of three years of their lives. Andi was oddly relaxed as she studied the two women who had been such an integral part of her life, but that she now knew very little about. She was unprepared when the conversation turned to her.

“So, Andi, what’s new in your life?”

Andi didn’t answer for a moment, feeling her tongue swell within her mouth, making it difficult to form words. A loud ringing in her ears permeated her thoughts so that she forgot what had just been said. “I’m sorry, what was your question?”

Jimmy put her elbows on the table and leaned in so she held Andi’s full attention. “I asked, what’s new in your life? You said you were finally getting your life back on track when we spoke on the phone.”

Andi felt the heat spread from her chest, up her neck, and into her face. She cleared her throat and took a long drink of water. She glanced at Gwen and was embarrassed by the heat spreading through her.

“Well I opened my own business. I spent the last three years just trying to act normal and start over.”

“Yeah. So, how did you and Gwen meet? Have you known each other long?”

To Andi’s surprise, Gwen answered the question. “Andi and I just met this summer, after Andi had a run-in with my dog. I pretty much followed her around for a few weeks after that, trying to convince her to go out with me.”

Andi couldn’t repress her smile. The memory of meeting Gwen still made her shake her head at the strangeness of the whole event. As Gwen continued to talk, Andi began to realize once again how important Gwen had become in her life. She couldn’t imagine her life without her. It had become hard to remember what her life had been like before meeting Gwen. The life she had once found peaceful and safe, now just seemed empty. Gwen had filled her life with hope, laughter, excitement, adventure, unimaginable good sex, and unexpected love.

Andi felt herself blush at the thought.

“Are you in love with her?” Melissa asked Gwen, her voice gentle.

Gwen looked pointedly at Melissa. “Yes. I am totally and completely in love with her.” She turned to Andi. “She’s everything to me.”

Andi was still gazing at Gwen, in awe of her openness and the certainty in her declaration. Her heart swelled with happiness.

“And what about you, Andi? Has Gwen here managed to steal your heart as well?”

“Mel,” Jimmy said with a warning tone.

Andi thought about it for a moment and smiled. She hadn’t told Gwen she loved her and wouldn’t make her first declaration in public, even in front of friends. But she knew she couldn’t deny it. She fell a little deeper in love with Gwen every day. “Hmm…she’s definitely very special to me.” She took another sip of her water, watching Gwen’s reactions.

Gwen smiled, lifted Andi’s hand to her lips, and kissed the backs of her fingers. Andi suddenly wanted to be alone with Gwen. These were feelings she wasn’t ready to explore with anyone but Gwen. But she waited for Melissa to volley the next round of questions.

At last Jimmy interrupted the conversation, stretching out her long arms over her head. “I think I’ll see if I can convince Gwen here to go for a walk with me so you two can catch up. What do you say, Gwen?”

Gwen nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

Jimmy got up from her chair and leaned down to kiss Andi on the cheek. “It’s really good to see you, Andi. We’ve missed you.”

Andi stood and kissed her back, wrapping her arms lightly around her shoulders. “Thank you—for everything.”

Jimmy grinned and winked at her before turning her attention to Melissa. “I’ll see you in a bit. Take your time.” She leaned down and kissed Melissa tenderly on the lips.

Andi could see the love vibrate between them, and she was happy they had each other. She was glad someone had been there for Melissa when she hadn’t had the strength to be there herself.

Gwen brushed her fingers along Andi’s back as she passed, pausing only a moment to drop a kiss on top of her head. “See you in a bit.”

Andi smiled as Gwen and Jimmy left the room together. She was happy at how well they were getting along. There was no telling what trouble those two could get into together. They were like two peas in a pod.

It amazed her how much peace she felt at that moment when there was so much danger looming ahead of her.