No Going Back (13 page)

But now — now I’m back in the swing of things. Even though I don’t need it, I still use my Casanova charm my brother always said I had to charm the panties right off of all the ladies. Playing at the local bars before “hitting it big” so to speak, there were always a few girls ready for action after the show. Some became regulars for the most part. But fuck, being on tour…almost a different city every night — the pussy overfloweth. It’s horrible, I know. Taste the fucking rainbow…it’s like a vending machine of tits and ass. Without having to pay of course.

We are now in Alabama, and these sweet little country girls just know how to get this rocker guy going. They don’t look like your typical slutty chicks. No, they come at you all innocent looking, with their hair all pretty and batty eyed. Almost looking out of place at a rock concert with their tied up flannel shirts showing their dangling belly button rings, summertime cut off shorts with the frayed ends, followed up with either country boots or some jeweled wraparound sandals.

These girls are in no way innocent. They are the ones who take the whole
don’t hate the player, play the game
up a notch. They know exactly what they are doing and what they want. Which, thank God tonight, is me. I couldn’t stop catching the eye of one in particular that was front and center for the show. She was most definitely eye-fucking me all night by the way she was looking me up and down and licking her lips. Her eyes held nothing back and I knew she’d be a fun one to take back to the tour bus before we head out of town.

Before jumping off the stage, I quickly bend down towards her and tell her to meet me out back where the buses are and give her my panty melting smile accompanied with a wink.

I make my rounds with the fellow bands waiting to take stage and leave my guys where they are, which is mingling with the flock of groupies that have been waiting. I have a few that try to get my attention, but I just tell them I’m in a hurry and push them towards Connor and Wesley. Not sure where Trent ran off to.

“What’s your name?” I ask as I walk up behind the girl waiting for me.

She turns around to face me. “Do you really want to know my name?” she asks as she trails her finger down my sweaty bare chest.

“Well, since I ain’t gonna be calling you baby I would prefer to know your name.” She continues her decent down until her hand is placed over my semi-hard cock.

Standing up on her tip toes, she pushes her mouth close to my ear. “The name’s Becky.”

I pull my head back making eye contact with her before laying all the facts out for her while she fumbles to unbutton my pants. “I want you to know something Becky.” She stills her hand. “This isn’t going to be sweet and it isn’t going to be slow. I can’t promise you’ll even get anything out of this before I get mine. Understand?” She nods.

She follows me onto the bus where I lead us to the back room and shut the door.

“Aren’t you going to lock that?” she asks while looking at the door.

“Believe me, if the door is shut, they know better. Haven’t you ever heard if the bus is a-rocking, don’t come a-knocking?” She laughs as she takes off her strappy sandals and quickly strips down into her bra and thong. I take a minute to take her hot body in. She’s perfect. Everything about her is opposite of Mallory. Tall, tan skin, brown hair and brown eyes. For some reason I can’t be with anyone that even slightly resembles
her
. In a weird sense it makes me feel like I’m cheating on her. Like I’m trying to find a similar replacement. I’m known for taking it to the extreme at times, so when it comes to fucking some random chick, bet your fucking ass she will look completely opposite of Mal.

Country girl walks over to me, and before I know it has me naked and is on her knees sucking my dick. This woman is a pro. She may look all sweet and innocent, but I can guaran-fucking-tee that she started learning the art of giving head back in her little high school days. I can picture her as a cheerleader riding the bus on an away game. From what I’m feeling by the way she deep throats my dick without a fucking gag sound to be heard, and then slowly pulls it back out while licking the underside of my shaft each time, she practiced on the whole damn football team.

I can’t control my hands as I place them on her head, encouraging her to move faster. Damn, I could probably get off any damn minute, but then she’d still be expecting me to perform for her benefit and I’m not having that shit.

“Becky,” I manage to say, “if you’re wanting to fuck you better go ahead and turn your sweet ass around so I can fuck you or I’m gonna bust a nut in your mouth.” Ever since Mallory, I’ve made sure any chick I fuck I hit from behind. Maybe it’s just stupid of me, but I want it to be as impersonal as it possibly can be. I don’t want to watch some chick I’ll never see again and I sure as hell don’t want her to try to look deep into my eyes while I’m pounding into her.

“Mmm,” she moans as if something I said was a turn on. Leaving her bra and thong on, she does as I said and climbs on the bed with her ass facing me. I grab a condom out of my dresser drawer and put in on before pulling her by her legs to the edge of the bed and pulling the string of cloth to the side. I trail my finger up and down where that string had just been. I do that a few times before I let two of my fingers slide into where I’m about to bury my dick. She moans, clearly liking the attention I’m showing her pussy.

“Does that feel good?” I increase my speed and she starts moving herself up and down on my fingers.

She lets out almost a whining sound as soon as I pull my fingers out. I place my hands on both sides of her hips and pull them back just far enough that the tip of my dick is at her entrance. Yep, that was most definitely a whine she made earlier, because she just fucking did it again.

“Quit your damn whining.” As soon as the last word leaves my lips I thrust myself as deep and as hard as I possibly can inside of her. I’ll give her something to really whine about. Luckily for me she gets off quicker than I had hoped. I was dead serious when I told her I wasn’t going to put her needs first or anywhere for that matter.

I fling the condom in the trash and quickly get dressed, grabbing a clean shirt out of my dresser. I turn around and she still hasn’t got her clothes on.
What the fuck?

“What’s the hold up? Get dressed,” I say, my voice gaining a bit of edge to it.

She huffs. “Well, I just thought we could maybe hang out?”

I can’t control the laugh rumbling through my core. “What part of what I told you before you stepped foot on this fucking bus did you not understand? Was it the part at the end…you know, the part you nodded at acknowledging that you understood? Get fucking dressed and get the hell out. You’re fucking stupid if you think I actually hang out with chicks.”

“You don’t have to be an asshole. I just figured you might want to hang out some.” She shimmies her shorts up her long tan legs.

“Nope,” is the only answer she gets before I open the door and gesture for her to exit.

“I should have known you wouldn’t even remember me,” she huffs.

“Remember you from where exactly?” Now she has my attention.

“From Seattle dick! When you pushed me off on your drummer.” She angrily rushes past me.

“So are you some sort of stalker?” I laugh, which only pisses her off even more.

“You wish,” she says as she bolts out the bus door.

I make my way back inside for what I expect to be a mad house now of concert goers lined up for the meet and greet. Connor rushes over to me half-panicked. “Fuck Seth, where have you been?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Sorry dude, stalker alert...just found out after I fucked her and it took longer than I had planned to get her off the bus.” I take my seat and welcome the madness of all the groupies. I actually do love and appreciate my fans even though there’s a lot that are overly excited. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. Well, more like we wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for them, because the fact is that the douche patrol Remington is the reason we were picked up on our first tour. I made myself very clear when I had told him to keep his dirty little paws off my music career or that I’d fucking quit it all and throw my dreams down the drain.

“Oh my gawd, Seth Jordan! You are so much hotter in person. Your voice is so sexy,” the bimbo exclaims. “It’s like satin rubbing all over my body.” Hmm, not sure that last statement made any sense, but once she notices the confused look I’m giving her she quickly pulls the barely there shirt down the rest of the way to expose her breasts. “Will you sign these?”

“Sure thing.” I’ll never pass up touching a nice set of tits or signing a pair. I grab it to keep it steady and the chick lets out a rather loud moan. “Calm down sweet cheeks.” She blushes and bites her lip. “Alright, all done.” I admire my handy work.

Seth Jordan wuz here.

Classic.

Chapter Seventeen

*MALLORY*

I’ve heard that life experiences can change you. That sometimes they can almost suck the life right out of you, leaving you a shell. I don’t feel completely empty, but I feel like I’m not the woman I was. Things are now missing that have changed me. Almost as if I’m just going through life being comfortably numb. I want to love and be loved and to have the American Dream with the husband and kids and the nice house and the whole shebang. Maybe I can have that with Nick.

That man is persistent, I will give him that. We’ve now been official for two months. He is so different than Seth and that’s something I love and hate. I love it because it helps me keep my mind off of
him
, but I hate it because he’s not him. Seth and I were initially always about the sex and we never had the chance for anything more. I never got the chance to know Seth completely. Allison ruined the chance of us ever having anything more. Now Nick on the other hand, he’s sweet and comfortable. He doesn’t scare me, because I know he isn’t going anywhere. I know more than anything he’s the one who is scared, always wondering if I’ll fight or flight; fight past my inner insecurities and self-doubt that I’ve always had about life and men in general or take off in the blink of an eye without giving an ounce of notice. I can tell he’s fearful that he could be the one to get hurt. I hate that. But it is what it is.

Maybe that’s why I agreed to move in with him after only being together for a few months. People do things on a whim all the time. I don’t know why I’m feeling weird about it. I mean, we have known each other for a while. It’s not like he was someone I met on the internet and then moved cross country to be with. He has cared for me for so long now, ever since Jes and Derek hooked us up. He hasn’t stopped caring even though I did him wrong. It was never intentional on my part. I mean, shit happens. But I appreciate him and everything he continues to do for me. I do love him in my own way and with that reason alone it felt right to move in with him. Now Jesika, on the other hand, had questioned it. I remember her drilling me all about it.

“Mallory are you sure you’re ready to move in with him? Why are you rushing this relationship? I know you’ve been through a lot, I just care about you and want what’s best for you. But I will always have your back no matter what.”

“I’m not sure Jesika. Not absolutely anyways. Nick has been my own source of grief counseling and has been around to keep me from going to any dark places. He stepped in and was everything I needed when I didn’t know I needed him. I will always love him for that.”
And that’s the truth. I will always love him no matter what.

But the last thing I needed was to have myself second guess my choices. Was I a hundred percent sure this was what was best for me? Hell no. I’m scared to death I might be making a bad decision, but I don’t want to just sit back and watch my life pass me by. I’m ready to take risks and not overly think things. I want to see if Nick and I have what it takes to make this work without waiting it out. If we aren’t going to work I want to know sooner rather than later, so I can move on with my life. Is it selfish of me? Hell yes. But I’d like to think he’d rather find out too. I mean, he does have a son to think about as well. I know that the baby momma isn’t very involved and maybe he’s hoping that I will be the person to fill in those empty shoes. The idea of being a step mom doesn’t bother me like most might think it would. Maddox is a really smart kid and minds well. Plus, we don’t have him very often so it’s not like I’m all of a sudden playing the mommy role. I’ll see him just as much now as I did before I agreed to move in. I practically lived at Nick’s house anyways. It was just easier. Memories and loneliness is what I feel at my house. Who would willingly want to deal with that day in and day out if they had a way to escape the torture? Not me. I know that for damn sure. Maybe that’s another reason why I’ve clung on to Nick.

Half of the days Nick had off work were put to good use packing up the stuff I would actually need from my house. Yes, I have quite the collection of heels that needed to be moved. The only furniture of mine that we actually did move was my dresser. He has one that matches his bedroom set that I can use, but it’s nowhere near being big enough for all of my stuff. That’s one thing I’ve always been picky about. Having certain draws for every single thing — lingerie, granny panties, sexy panties, bras, socks, tights, and undershirts all get their own personal drawer. And then on top of my dresser sits the antique wooden jewelry box my grandmother gave me, which holds all my valuable jewelry, and beside it I keep my jewelry tree that holds all my jewelry that I wear on a daily basis.

After we had the last load packed up I tell Nick that I have to do something before we left. I walk up to what would have been Sophia’s shut bedroom door. I place my hand on it and think about the daughter I never met. The one I was robbed of. “Mommy loves you so much. I’ll always miss you, baby girl.”