No Going Back (18 page)

Jesika embraces me and lets me cry into her shoulder. I love how her motherly instincts kick in to try and comfort me by rubbing my back and smoothing out my hair.

“No matter what Mal, you have to do what’s best for you, what you feel is right. If you feel like all you’re doing is dragging Nick along then cut him loose. Yes, it will hurt him, but he will recover. We all do. Some just take longer than others. I will be by your side no matter what you choose. I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. And you do deserve it, even if you think you don’t. Everyone deserves to be happy.” I pull myself away from her and wipe my eyes. I need to make myself somewhat presentable. Jesika is always good at helping me see the bigger picture in things. I have to do what’s best for me, and I know what that is now.

Chapter Twenty-Two

*SETH*

The last six months have somehow flown by. Maybe it’s the fact that the only down time I have any more is the traveling we do on our tour bus. It never ends. We’ve been fucking busting our balls trying to promote this new record of ours that’s about to drop in the next month. I’m scared as fuck that it’s going to bomb and no one will bother buying it. Since Derek and I had already been working back and forth through ways of the digital world, we already had everything down pact and just needed to set a recording time. The label has made arrangements to fly Derek out for the week that we were scheduled in. Hearing our shit digitally re-mastered, by professionals nonetheless, fucking rocked. Knowing that it was going to be available worldwide for people to purchase was an unbelievable feeling...like I really didn’t believe it was all happening. My life has become my dream life. I am living my dream. The one I never thought would happen. But damn if now I’m ready for a fucking break — a fucking reality check more than anything. As I sit in my window seat on this plane staring out the window about to head home, I know I’m about to be face to face with a big ole dose of reality. I just hope I’m able to take it.

I can’t believe I’m doing this. I know I’m going to get shot down, just like I fucking shot her down months ago. Why in the hell should she even listen to a damn thing I have to say? I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve another chance. But
fuck,
if I don’t even try I will always wonder
what if?
I’m done living with the
what if’s
. I’m ready to finally go after what I want without worrying about the consequences. Without worrying if I’m going to get hurt again, because truth be told, going this long without Mallory has been torture. Of course I’ve lived up the
rock star
reputation while being on the road, but it’s only been to keep my mind off of her. It never worked by the way.

When Derek called me yesterday, I dropped everything to make it here in time. I didn’t give a shit who I pissed off when I took off. I know it’s fucking cocky, but I am the damn lead singer. I put this band together. Well, me and my brother, who has no say anymore. I’m really hoping to change that one day. The drummer we have now is good and all, but he’s not Derek. He just brings so much more chemistry to the band.

My plane arrives at 5:30, giving me exactly thirty minutes to make it in time. I had called Derek during my hour layover in Dallas, making sure he’d be at the airport waiting for me. I feel kind of bad because he is Nick’s co-worker. Thank God he wasn’t the best man or anything, that’d be awkward. How would you even explain that?
‘Hey bro, I know I’m your best man and all, but I’m going to go pick my brother up. I’m not responsible for his actions. Be back in thirty.’
Yeah, that would go over well.

Once I spot his truck, I take off running. For one, I don’t got time to be poking around, for two, he’s parked illegal as hell and I don’t have time to wait for him to get a ticket — and I don’t want to have to pay for one either. Call me cheap, but I’d rather avoid an unnecessary expense if it’s possible.

“Hey,” I gasp as I slam the door.

“Damn, I know you’re in a hurry Seth, but you don’t have to slam my damn door.”

“Nice to see you too, mom,” I joke. “Do you think we’ll make it in time?”

Derek glances over with a smirk planted on his face. “Umm, yeah. Something tells me we’ll make it in plenty of time. No worries bro.” I don’t have time to decipher what the hell he means by that. I’m still trying to work it out in my head what the fuck to even say to Mallory. I have no clue where to even begin. I’m going to bare my soul to her and I have no idea how this is going to end. I shouldn’t have any high hopes seeing as how I pushed her away when she did this very same thing when she was trying to win me back. It’s not that I didn’t want her; it’s the circumstances I was trapped in that had me pushing her away. I couldn’t have her even though I was desperate for her. Pushing her away was one of the hardest damn things I’ve ever done. I almost feel as though I’m the one who initially pushed her down those stairs. I mean in the grand scheme of things, I am responsible. It’s the fucking circle of life. It all comes back to me. Mallory would never point the finger at me, but that’s because she loves me — well, she used to.

“We’re here. Go win her back man,” Derek says as he pats me on the shoulder. I just nod at him before opening my door and rushing to find Mallory.

Please, don’t let me be too late,
I silently pray.
One more chance. All I need is one more chance.

I head in the side door that Derek pulled up to. I figured there was a reason he pulled to that side of the church. I planned on going through the front door, announcing my arrival — unless that was the only choice I had. Right now I’m desperate and don’t give a fuck about anything else except finding Mallory. In this instant I now know exactly how she felt when she showed up in Vegas. The adrenaline rush accompanied by the hidden panic attack that is threatening to take over is overwhelming. There are so many emotions wrapped up tightly inside of me right now that I hope I don’t fucking spontaneously combust before I find her.

The possibility of me leaving this old church broken-hearted is highly probable, but it’s a chance worth taking. I don’t want to have any regrets, and giving up and just tossing in the towel in defeat without even throwing one last punch at it would be the hugest fucking regret of my life.

As soon as I open the door I have to adjust my eyes to the dimness compared to outside. I’m in what looks to be a dressing room. I shut the door and start walking around the room, searching for any evidence of Mallory before I go to look everywhere else in the damn building.

There’s a garment bag hanging on the back of the other door that I’m assuming goes to the rest of the church. I see a pair of flip flops on the floor and a hoodie jacket thrown on the small couch in the room. I walk into the bathroom and see her make up scattered along the counter along with her still hot curling iron and her big bottle of hairspray. You know the kind…it makes your hair as hard as a brick. As I’m making my way out I hear a door close.

When I come out I see Mallory with her back to me and her head resting against the door with the white garment bag hanging from it. The way she’s shaking I can tell she’s been crying. It sounds like she’s trying to get it under control by the sound of her sniffles getting quieter and slower. I can’t help but picture walking up behind her and closing every bit of space between us. The sight of her in her skin tight black yoga pants and pink tank top has me wanting to roam my hands from the swell of her breasts all the way down her thighs as I tightly press up against her. That thought alone now has my dick straining against my pants.

She stands up straight, wipes her eyes and lets out a huge breath before she turns around… facing me. She looks like she just seen a fucking ghost. I almost think she’s about to start screaming when she starts shaking her head and backing up. I hate seeing her upset since it’s one of the things she rarely lets anyone witness.

“What are you doing here?” She tries making it sound like she’s disappointed that I’m here, but the look in her eyes says anything but. It was almost a look of relief, like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

“I’ve come to keep you from making the worst mistake of your life.” I take a step towards her.

“Is this some kind of ass backwards déjà vu shit you’re trying to pull on me? Seriously, you of all people think you can show up out of the blue and stop me from getting married? I haven’t seen or even fucking heard from you since that night you left me with nothing but a shitty note.” She rushes past me and storms into the bathroom. I follow her and stand in the doorway as I watch her cram all of her make-up into its bag and unplug the curling iron, which she ends up burning her finger on.

“Mother son of a fucker.” She instantly puts her finger in her mouth, trying to alleviate the pain, before pulling it out and shaking it as if that will help too. I turn the cold water on and grab her hand. She tries to yank it away, but I’m persistent and grab at it again, tightening my grip and not letting her pull back.

“The cold water will help some. It’ll help way more than shaking it like an idiot,” I say and laugh.

“Oh, so now I’m a fucking idiot? Nice,” she huffs, but doesn’t pull her hand back like I expect. That didn’t come out right anyways. I’m pretty sure I’m not helping my case any at this very moment. It’s time to get serious. Shit is about to get real. I’m going to lay it all on the line and she’s either going to take it or leave it. Please take it. She’s not looking my way, but it doesn’t keep me from staring at her.

“No, you’re not. I’m the one who’s an idiot. I fucking messed everything up. I always do.” She looks at me, holding my gaze. “Mallory, I can never apologize enough for what I’ve done to you. It looks like I didn’t care, but that wasn’t the fucking case at all. It was all done because I cared. Caring for you scared the fucking shit out of me. That’s why I ran after what happened with Jes. I was scared. But then when I came back I had planned on working things out with you.” I kick at the scuff mark that’s on the floor. “But fucking Allison showed up and ruined everything.” My voice is noticeably filled with anger. “I couldn’t risk not believing her. I know it was stupid, but I just couldn’t do it. Even when you showed up at the wedding I wanted to just run off with you so fucking bad.” I shake my head at the memory of her running out of the room. “Then when I came back and found out about our baby, it destroyed me. I know you were a wreck from it, and it killed me that I wasn’t there for you, but once I found out Allison was behind it I knew I needed to stay away. We lost our baby and you could’ve died…because of me.” I can no longer hold the emotion back that I’ve kept locked down for so long. It’s all hitting me at once and I don’t fucking care if she sees it. I’m not doing it for show. It’s beyond my control.

She reaches up and wipes away my tears. “Seth, what happened is not your fault. You can’t help what people put you through and then what they do on their own. That last night we spent together meant more to me than you’ll ever know. When I woke up the next morning and you were gone, it killed me. I had just thought I got you back only to lose you again. I’ve been trying to move on...trying to get over you, but I just can’t do it. You have ruined me at ever fully loving another man again. How can I ever give any man my heart when you still have it?” She wraps her hands around my neck and I pull her into me. This is a feeling that I’ve missed for far too long. It’s feels as if I’m home. She is my home. As long as she is with me, all is right in the world.

Being the man that I am, I do what I do best. I want to prove myself to her. Win her over. I break out in song — a little ditty I wrote.

I can’t deny the way you make me feel.

The pull you have on me girl, seems so unreal.

You showed me your heart and asked me to stay.

You’re the only one that’s ever got me, and I pushed you away.

I know I messed up but damn I was caught up in a lie.

I hope it’s not too late for me to fix what I destroyed.

Because this love, this feeling, or connection between us I’m no longer willing to deny.

Without you baby my life is whack.

Just take my hand girl, there’s no going back.

Chapter Twenty-Three

*MALLORY*

I can’t keep my hands off Seth as he drives us to his house. Derek let us take his truck since Jesika had driven me in her car to the church. I love the way his trucks’ middle console is able to be flipped back so I can sit as close as possible to Seth. I hate how flipping horny I am for this man, but it doesn’t keep me from letting my hands go back and forth up his thigh, inching closer and closer to the quickly growing bulge in his pants. Fuck it. I want to touch his dick now. I’ve missed it.

“What are you doing Mal?” Seth asks as he leans back further into the seat, making his pants more accessible for me to unbutton.

“I just want to say hi,” I tell him as I tug the zipper down and place my hand in his pants.

JACKPOT.

“You know my dick can’t talk back, right?”

“Sign language is very much so a form of communication. He speaks to me very well. Don’t cha?” I ask, looking down at where his hard cock is visibly begging to be released from its boxer prison.

Seth laughs. “Well fuck babe, if that’s the case I think he’s saying he wants you to kiss him.”

“I think you’re right.” I slide my hand through the opening and pull his hardness out. “What’s that?” I’m shocked by what I’m seeing.

He quickly looks down and laughs. “That’s a gift for you.” His smile is cocky and so fucking sexy.

I audibly moan as I lick my lips in anticipation. “Well, does my gift have a name?” I let my fingers slide all around it.

He gulps, clearly enjoying the sensation, “Ahh, it’s called an apadravya.” He can barely even pronounce the damn piercing.

“An aca what?” I question, but don’t even care for the answer because it’s such a fucking turn on, and I have a strong urge to make out with his penis…the one with the barbell going straight through it. The way it feels in my mouth only has me wanting him between my legs that much more. I don’t even realize we are parked until he uses both hands to navigate my mouth up and down. I’m literally fucking him with my mouth.