No Matter What (103 page)

She threw the photographs onto the desk and picked up the disc Layla had given her, walking over to the TV and DVD player in the corner of the room, switching them on and slipping the disc into the player, watching as the screen flickered into action, a picture emerging in front of her that made her want to close her eyes and try and believe that none of this was happening.
 
But it was.
 
In the space of less than five minutes her world had come crashing down around her as she watched her husband having sex with Layla Boyd, and her hand flew to her mouth again to stop herself from being sick.

She wanted to switch it off, she didn’t want to watch what was happening here but she couldn’t look away.
 
She couldn’t, even though she wanted to.
 
She couldn’t take her eyes off the screen.
 
Until she heard the study door open …

CHAPTER 50

“Turn it off.”
 
Michael grabbed the remote control from her hand and switched off the TV but
India
couldn’t move.
 
It was as if she’d been glued to the spot and all of this was just happening around her.
 
“
India
, look at me.
 
Please, baby, look at me.”

She looked at the now black TV screen before turning to face her husband. Michael Walsh.
 
Famous actor.
 
Award-winning director.
 
Multi-millionaire movie producer.
 
Father of her child.
 
The man she’d thought she knew so well.
 
Now she felt as if she didn’t really know him at all.
 

“Where did you get that,
India
?
 
Where did that come from?”
 
But he was asking a question he already knew the answer to.
 
Layla Boyd.
 
He should have known she’d been there last night for a reason.
 
He should have kept a closer eye on her.
 
He should have thrown her out when he’d had the chance.

“Does it matter where it came from?”
India
whispered, still unable to move.

Michael reached out to her, taking her hand but she pulled it away.

“Baby, listen to me, I can ...”

“What?
 
You can explain?
 
Is that what you were going to say?”

“
India
...”

She finally found the strength to move, going over to his desk and picking up the photographs she’d found earlier, throwing them at him.
 
He caught a handful, the others falling to the floor.

“What are those, Michael?”

He looked at them, knowing there was no way out of this now.
 
He should have got rid of these just like he should have got rid of Layla.

“Did you have me followed?
 
Michael ... did you have me followed?”

There really was no way out of this now.
 
What else could he tell her but the truth?

“Yes ... yes, I did, but you have to listen to me,
India
...”

She shook her head.
 
“No. I don’t have to do anything.”

He threw the photographs he was holding onto the floor with the rest of them and walked over to her, but she backed away from him.

“I love you,
India
.
 
Everything I did, all of it, it was only because I love you.”

She couldn’t help laughing.
 
“You
love
me?
 
You had me followed because you
love
me?
 
You have someone followed because you don’t trust them, not because you love them.”

“You don’t understand ...”

“No.
 
I’m not sure I do.”
 
She was desperately trying not to cry because it was the last thing she wanted to do, but this had been a shock.
 
This had been one hell of a shock, but she wanted to try and stay strong.
 
She
had
to try and stay strong.
 
She didn’t want to fall apart in front of him.
 

She turned around and picked up the DNA results that were still lying on the desk.
 
“And this.
 
You had this done without talking to
me
?
 
How could you do that?”

“I had to be sure,
India
.
 
I had to be sure that Ethan was mine, because, admit it, honey, you had doubts yourself, didn’t you?”

She felt the tears start to fall and she couldn’t stop them.
 
Just like she couldn’t stop her world from falling apart right there in front of her.

“Is that why you had me followed?
 
Because you thought I might be sleeping with Kenny?”

“It’s happened before, hasn’t it?”

 
What did he mean?
 
Jesus, had he had her followed before this?
 

“Did you think I didn’t know what happened over in
England
all those years ago,
India
?
 
Did you think I didn’t know he came running straight over there the second you asked him to?
 
Because I knew, honey.
 
I knew.”

She felt sick to her stomach.
 
All this time he’d time he’d known about her and

Kenny – all this time and yet he’d carried on as if nothing had happened.
 
She was finding it increasingly difficult to get her head around any of it.
 
It was like some surreal nightmare.

“So, why didn’t you say anything?
 
If you knew all of this?”

“Because I loved you so much.
 
I loved you to the point where it killed me to even think about you not being with me, no matter what you did.”

“But you never trusted me, Michael.
 
Did you?”

“You never gave me reason to.”

She stared up at the ceiling for a second, blinking hard to try and stop herself from crying.
 
“So … so, why stay with me?”
 
She was surprising herself with the level of calm she was managing to keep, despite the tears streaming down her face.

“Didn’t you hear me?
 
I love you ... nothing you can do will ever stop that, it’s always going to be there.”

She looked at him again, staring him straight in the eyes.
 
Eyes she didn’t recognise anymore.
 
“But you had me followed ... while you were sleeping with Layla Boyd, Jesus!
 
Layla fucking Boyd!
 
What the hell planet were you on, Michael?”

“It was once.
 
Just once.
 
I was drunk, I was missing you, I needed something to take my mind off you being there with Kenny and, she was available ...”

India
laughed again, turning away from him, looking out of the window instead at the sun beating down on the pool outside.

“She’s always available, Michael.
 
To anyone who can further her sorry career.”
 
She swung round to face him again.
 
“Where did you do it, huh?
 
Where did you fuck her?
 
Was it here?
 
In our home?
 
Did you sleep with her in our bed?”

“No ...
India
, come on, it wasn’t like that.
 
We’d had a few drinks, she was hanging around on set after we’d finished filming ... Jesus, I was stupid.
 
I’d made her leave my trailer once and I had every intention of going home but, she came back ... I shouldn’t have let her in but I did, and ...”

“And you thought you might as well sleep with her seeing as you were so sure I was sleeping with Kenny.
 
Christ, what a mess!”

Michael didn’t want this to be happening, he wanted
anything
but this to be happening but he could feel himself slowly losing control.
 
She couldn’t stand there and blame him for this mess when she’d caused most of it herself; he wasn’t going to take that.
 
Not anymore.

“No, hang on there, honey.
 
This is a mess created because
you
couldn’t keep yourself away from Kenny fucking Ross so don’t stand there and tell me one stupid and regrettable night with Layla has made this any worse than it already is.”

“It hurt, Michael.
 
It hurt to see you touching her like that, it hurt like hell.”

“And you don’t think
I
hurt when I saw those pictures of you with him?
 
You don’t think
I
felt my heart being ripped apart every time you were anywhere near him?
 
Because I’ll tell you something,
India
, I’ve never felt a pain like it.
 
Never.
 
And I put up with it for far too long.”

“So you had me followed?
 
And did that make you feel better?
 
Huh?
 
Did it?
 
Knowing that every move I made when I was out of your sight was being reported back to you?”

Her eyes went down to the pile of photographs strewn over the floor and she crouched down to pick up one in particular, looking at it closely.

“This wasn’t taken in Vegas.”
 
She stood back up and looked at Michael. “Was it?
 
This was taken in
Malibu
.
 
That’s our home in
Malibu
.
 
You had us followed there, too?
 
Jesus, Michael ...”

“You can’t leave him alone,
India
.
 
I needed to know what was going on, I needed to know if you were with him … it drove me crazy!”

“You
are
crazy, Michael!
 
Why didn’t you just talk to me?
 
Why didn’t you just confront me?”

“Because you’d have lied.
 
Wouldn’t you?
 
You’d have lied because you can’t stay away.
 
You didn’t even know who Ethan’s father was, for Christ’s’ sake!”

“So you thought you’d just sort that one out all by yourself?”

“And what were
you
gonna do about it, sweetheart?
 
Just leave it alone and hope I never found out?”
 
His voice was raised now.
 
“You’ve taken me for a fucking idiot for far too long,
India
, but that’s it, no more!”

“You had me followed, Michael.
 
Don’t you get it?
 
You had me followed and that’s low.
 
That’s really low.”

“So’s sleeping with your best friend behind your husband’s back and you don’t get to call the shots anymore, honey, that’s over now.
 
It’s over.
 
Those days are well and truly fucking gone.”

She stared at him.
 
There was a look in his eyes she’d never seen before and it scared her.
 
This wasn’t the man she’d fallen in love with.
 
This wasn’t him.

“There’s no trust, Michael.”
 
She felt almost defeated, her voice quiet but still calm, despite the growing feeling of unease surrounding her.
 
She couldn’t see a way out of this; she couldn’t see a way to make it better.
 
Too much had gone on and a way back seemed impossible right now.
 
“You’ve proved that, and without trust where do we go?”
 
The tears were still streaming down her face but she didn’t care anymore.
 
She just didn’t care.

Michael pushed a hand through his hair and leaned back against the wall, sighing.
 
He’d tried to be calm, he’d tried to believe it hadn’t got to him as much as it had but the look on her face scared him now.
 
She looked drained and tired and, despite everything she’d done and all that had gone on, he still loved her with every inch of his soul.
 
Like he’d said before, that was never going to go away.
 
She was in his head and his heart forever but whether they should still be together was something only they could decide.

“We have a baby,
India
.
 
We have Ethan.”
 

Just the mention of her baby’s name made the tears start to fall again and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, turning away from him as she shook her head.
 
Their baby was the most beautiful, precious thing in the world to her but he wasn’t enough.
 
He wasn’t enough to make her think this could work anymore.
 
But then, did she really have the strength to let Michael go?
 
Everything just hurt too much right now for her to even think straight.