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246

Marion Zimmer Bradley

ing the rotor blade mechanism and getting enough speed to lift it. We don't really need a matrix this size for that, nor five workers. I could do it with this." I touched the insulated bag which held my own. "But we must have some precise way of learning to direct forces. We will discover, then, how to lift the helicopter and, since we don't want it to crash, we'll limit ourselves to turning the rotors until it lifts a few inches, then gradually diminish the speed again until we set it down. Later we can try for direction and control in flight." I turned to Beltran. "Will this demonstrate to the Terrans that psi power has material uses, so they'll give us help in developing a way to use this for a stardrive?"

It was Kadarin who answered, "Hell yes! If I know the Terrans!"

Marjorie checked Rafe's mittened hands. "Warm enough?" He pulled away indignantly, and sheadmonished, "Don't be silly! Shivering uses up too much energy; you have to be able to concentrate!" Iwas pleased at her grasp of this. My own chill was mental, not physical. I placed Beltran at a littiedistance from the circle. I knew it was a bitter pill to swallow, that the twelve-year-old Rafe could bepart of this and he could not, and I was intensely sorry for him, but the first necessity of matrix work wasto know and accept for all time your own limitations. If he couldn't, be had no business within a mfle ofthe circle.

There was really no need for a physical circle, but I drew us close enough that the magnetic energy ofour bodies would overlap and reinforce the growing bond.

I knew this was folly, a partly trained Keeper, a partly trained psi monitor ... an illegal, unmonitoredmatrix ... and yet I thought of the pioneers in the early days of our world, first taming the matrices. Terrancolonists? Kadarin thought so. Before the towers rose, before their use was guarded by ritual andsuperstition. And it was given to us to retrace then- steps!

I separated hilt and blade, taking out the matrix. It was not yet activated, but at its touch the old scar onmy palm contracted with a stab of pain. Marjorie moved with quiet sureness into the center of the circle. She stood facing me, laying one hand on the blue stone ... a vortex seeking to draw me into its depths, a

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maelstrom. ... I shut my eyes, reaching out for contact with Marjorie, steadying myself as I made contact with her cool silken strength. I felt Thyra drop into place, then Kadarin; the sense of an almost-unendurable

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burden lessened with his strength, as if he shifted a great weight onto his shoulders. Rafe dropped in like

some small furry thing nestling against us.

I had the curious sense that power was flowing up from the stone and into the circle. It felt like beinghooked up to a powerful battery, vibrating in us all, body and brain. That was wrong, that was verywrong. It was curiously invigorating, but I knew we must not succumb to it even for a moment. Withrelief I felt Marjorie seize control and with a determined effort direct the stream of force, focusing itthrough her, outward.

For a moment she stood bathed in flickering, transparent flames, then for an instant she took on thesemblance of a woman . . . golden, chained, kneeling, as the forge-folk de~ picted their goddess. ... Iknew this was an illusion, but it seemed that Marjorie, or the great nickering fire-form which seemed toloom around and over and through her, reached out, seized the helicopter's rotors and spun them as achild spins a pinwheel. With my physical ears I heard the humming sound as they began to turn, slowly atfirst under the controlling force, then winding to a swift spinning snarl, a drone, a shriek that caught the aircurrents. Slowly, slowly, the great machine lifted, hovering lightly a foot or so above the ground.

Straining to be gone . . ,

Hold it there! I was directing the power outward as Marjorie formed and shaped it; I could feel all theothers pressed tightly against me, though physically none of us were touching. As I trembled, feeling thevast outflow of that linked conjoined power, I saw in a series of wild flashes the great form of fire I hadseen before, Marjorie and not Marjorie, a raw stream of force, a naked woman, sky-tall with tossinghair, each separate lock a streamer of fire ... I felt a curious rage surging up and through me. Take thehelicopter, hanging there useless a few inches high, hurl it into the sky, high, high, fling it down like amissile against the towers of Castle Aldaran, burning, smashing, exploding the walls like sand, hurling arain of fire into the valley, showering fires on Caer Donn, laying the Terran base waste.... I struggled withthese images of fire and destruction, as a rider struggles with the bit of a hard-mouthed horse. Toostrong, too strong. I smelled musk, a wild beast prowled the jungle of my impulses, rage, lust, aconstellation of wild emotions ... a small

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Marion Zimmer Bradley

skittering animal bolting up a tree in terror ... the shriek of the rotor blades, a scream, a deafening roar. .

. .

Slowly the noise lessened to a whine, a drone, a faint whir, silence. The copter stood vibrating faintly,motionless. Mar-jorie, still flickering with faint glimmers of invisible fire, stood calm, smiling absently. I felther reach out and break the rapport, the others slipping away one by one until we stood alone, lockedtogether. She withdrew her hand from the matrix and I stood cold and alone, struggling against spasms oflust, raging violence spinning in my brain, out of control, my heart racing, the blood pounding hi my head,

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vision blurred....

Beltran touched me lightly on the shoulder; I felt the tumult subside and with a shudder of pain managedto withdraw my consciousness. I covered the matrix quickly and drew my aching hand over my forehead. It came away dripping,

"Zandru's hells!" I whispered. Never, not in three years at Arilinn, had I even guessed such power.

Kadarin, looking at the helicopter thoughtfully, said, "We could have done anything with it."

"Except maybe controlled it"

"But the power is there, when we do learn to control it," Beltran said. "A spaceship. Anything."

Rafe touched Marjorie's wrist, very lightly. "For a minute 1 thought you were on fire. Was that real,

Lew?"

I wasn't sure if this was simply an illusion, the way generations upon generations of the forge-folk badenvisioned then-goddess, the power which brought metal from the deeps of the earth to their fires andforges. Or was this some objective force from that strange otherworld to which the telepath goes whenhe steps out of his physical body? I said, "I don't know, Rafe. How did it seem, Marjorie?"

She said, "I saw the fire. I even felt it, a little, but it didn't burn me. But I did feel that if I lost control,even for an instant, it would bum up inside and ... and take over, so that I was the fire and could leapdown and . . . and destroy. I'm not saying this very well. . , ."

Then it was not only me. She too had felt the weapon-rage, the lust for destruction. I was still strugglingwith tbeir physical aftereffects, the weak trembling of adrenalin expended. If these emotions had actuallyarisen from within me, I Was not fit for this work. Yet, searching within myself, with

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the discipline of the tower-trained, I found no trace of such emotion within me now.

This disquieted me. If my own hidden emotions-anger I did not acknowledge, repressed desire for oneof the women, hidden hostility toward one of the others-had been wrested out of my mind to consumeme, then it was a sign I had lost, under stress, my tower-imposed discipline. But those emotions, beingmine, I could control. If they were not mine, but had come from elsewhere to fasten upon us, we were allin danger.

I said, "I'm more disturbed than ever about this matrix. The power's there, yes. But it's been used as aweapon...."

"And it wants to destroy," Rafe said unexpectedly, "like the sword in the fairy tale; when you drew it, it

would never go back into the scabbard until it had had its drink of blood."

I said soberly, "A lot of those old fairy tales were based on garbled memories of the Ages of Chaos.

Maybe Rale's right and it does want blood and destruction."

Thyra, her eyes brooding, asked, "Don't all men, just a little? History tells us they do. Darkovans and

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Terrans too."

Kadarin laughed. "You were brought up hi the Comyn, Lew, so I'll forgive you for being superstitious." He put his arm around my shoulders in a warm hug. "I have more faith in the human mind than inforge-folk superstitions." We were still linked; again I felt the strength that lifted a great weight from myshoulders. I let myself lean against him. He was probably right. My mind had been filled from childhoodwith these old gods and powers. The science of matrix mechanics had been formulated to get rid of that Iwas a skilled technician; why was I letting imagination run away with me?

Kadarin said, "Try again. Now that we know we can control it, it's all a matter of learning how."

"It's always up to the Keeper to decide that," I said. It troubled me that Marjorie still deferred to me. It was natural enough, for I bad trained her, but she must learn that the initiative was hers, to lead, not follow.

She stretched her hand to me, setting up the primary line of force. One by one she brought us into thecircle, each of us dropping into his appointed place as if we were scouts on a battlefield. This time I felther touch Beltran, too, and place him so that he could maintain rapport just outside the circle. This timethe force was easier to carry ... chained fire, electricity firmly stored in a battery, a firmly bridledracehorse. ... I saw the fire leap up around Marjorie, but

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Marion Zimmer Bradley

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251

this time I could see through it. It wasn't real, just a way of visualizing a force with no physical reality.

We stood linked, holding the pulsing power suspended. // the Terrans will not give us what we need anddeserve, we can force them to it, we need not fear their bombs nor their blasters. Do they think we arebarbarians armed with swords and pitchforks?

Clearly now, as the form of fire built up, I saw a woman, a sky-tall goddess clothed in flame, restlesslyreaching to strike.

... fire raining on Caer Donn, smashing the city into rubble, starships falling like comets out of the sky ...

Firmly Marjorie reached for control, like at one of those riding-exhibitions where a single rider controlsfour horses with one rein, bringing us back to the physical airfield. It shimmered around us, but it wasthere. The helicopter blades began to hum again, to turn with a clattering roar.

We need more power, more strength. For a moment I clearly saw my father's face, felt the strong line ofrapport. He had awakened my gift; we were never wholly out of touch. I felt the amazement, the fearwith which be felt the matrix touch him, momentarily draw him in.... He was gone. Had never been there. Then I felt Thyra reach out with a sure touch and draw Kermiac within the circle as if he had beenphysically present. For an instant the circle expanded with his strength, burning brilliantly, and thehelicopter rose easily from the ground, hung there quivering, rotors spinning with emphasis and force. Isaw, I felt Kermiac crumple, withdraw. The lines of force went ragged . . . Kad-arin and I locked hard

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together, supporting Marjorie as she controlled the wavering forces, lowering, lowering. . . . The helicopter bumped, hard, and the sound shattered the link. Pain crashed through me. Marjorie collapsed, sobbing. Bel-tran had seized Thyra by the shoulders, was shaking her like a dog shaking a rodent. He swung back his hand and slapped her full hi the face. I felt-we all felt-the stinging pain of that blow.

"Vicious bitch! Damned she-devil," Beltran shouted. "How dare you, damn you, how dare you-"

Kadarin grabbed him, pulled him from Thyra by main force. Beltran was still fighting, struggling. Coldterror clutching at me, I reached out for Kermiac. Uncle, have they kitted you? After a moment, sick withrelief, I felt his

presence, a thread of life, weak, collapsed, but alive. Alive, thank God!

Kadarin was still holding Beltran off Thyra; he let him go, flinging him violently to the ground. He said,raging, "Lay a hand on her again, Beltran, and I'll kill you with my own hands!" He hardly looked humanat all now.

Marjorie was crying, trembling so violently I feared she would fall senseless. I caught and supported her. Thyra put a hand to her bruised face. She said, trying to be defiant, "What a fuss about nothing! He'sstronger than any of us!"

My fear for Kermiac had turned to anger almost as great at Beltran's own. How dared Thyra do thisagainst his will and Marjorie's judgment? I knew I couldn't trust her, damned sneaking bitch! I turned onher, still holding Marjorie with one arm; she shrank away as if from a blow. That shocked me back to mysenses. Strike a woman? Slowly, lowering my head, I thrust the wadding around the matrix. This ragewas ours. It was as dangerous as what Thyra did.

Marjorie could stand alone now. I put the matrix hi her hand and went toward Thyra. I said, "I'm notgoing to hurt you, child. But what possessed you to do such a thing?" One of the strongest laws of everytelepath was never to force another's will or judgment....

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