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At first the water had seemed scalding to his chilled body; now he realized it was barely warm, in fact itmust have been drawn for some time, was probably a bath prepared for Danilo before he came in. Danilo was still bending over him, his face tight with worry. Suddenly Regis was filled with sucbintolerable anxiety that he cut off the intense, sensuous pleasure of the hot water soothing his chilled andstiffened body-eleven nights on the trail and not warm oncel-and drew himself upright, hauling himself outof the hot tub, reaching for a towel to wrap himself in. Danilo knelt to dry him, saying, "I sent the servantfor a healer-woman, there must be someone of that sort here. Regis, I never saw any-1 one faint like thatbefore; your eyes were open but you couldn't hear me or see me . . ."
"Threshold sickness." Briefly he sketched in an explanation. *Tve had a few attacks before. I'm over the worse." I hope, he added to himself. MI doubt if the healer could do anything with this. Here, give me that, I can dress myself." Firmly he took the towel away from Danilo. "Go and tell her not to bother, and find out if there's anything hot to drink.**
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Skeptically Danilo retreated. Regis finished drying himself and clambered into the unfamiliar clothing. Hishands were shaking almost too hard to tie the knots of his tunic. What's the matter with me, he askedhimself why didn't I want Dani to help me dress? He looked at his hands in cold shock, as if theybelonged to someone else. I didn't want him to touch me!
Even to him that sounded incongruous. They had lived together in the rough intimacy of the barracksroom for months. They had been close-linked, even thinking one another's thoughts.
This was different
Irresistibly his mind was drawn back to that night in the
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barracks, when he had reached out to Danilo, torn by an almost frenzied desire to share his misery, the
spasm of loathing and horror with which Danilo had flung him away.....
And then, shaken and shamed and terrified, Regis knew what had prompted that touch, and why he wassuddenly shy of Danilo now. The knowledge struck him motionless, his bare feet cold through thewolfskin rug on the tile floor.
To touch him. Not to comfort Dani, but to comfort his own need, his own loneliness, his own hunger....
He moved deliberately, afraid if he remained motionless another instant the threshold sickness wouldsurge up over him again. He knelt on the wolfskin, drawing fur-lined stockings up over his knees anddeliberately tying the thongs into intricate knots. On the surface of his mind he thought that fur clothingwas life-saving here in the mountains. It felt wonderful.
But, relentless, the memory he had barricaded since his twelfth year burst open like a bleeding wound;the memory he had let himself lose consciousness before recovering on the northward trail: Lew's face,alight with fire, his barriers down in the last extremity of exhaustion and pain and fear.
And Regis had shared it all with him, there were no barriers between them. None. Regis had knownwhat Lew wanted and would not ask, was too proud and too shy to ask. Something Regis had never feltbefore, that Lew thought he was too young to feel or to understand. But Regis had known and hadshared it.
And afterward, perhaps because Lew had never spoken of ft, Regis was too ashamed to remember.
And he had never dared open his mind again. Why? Why? Out of fear, out of shame? Out of ... longing?
Until Danilo, without even trying, broke that barricade.
And now Regis knew why it was Dani who could break it ...
He doesn't know, Regis thought, and then with a bleak and spartan pride, He must never know.
He stood up, felt the splitting pain at his forehead again. He knew a frightened moment of disquiet. Howcould he keep this from him? Dani was a telepath too!
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Lew had said it was like living with your skin off. Well, his skin was off and he was doubly naked. Taking a grip on himself, he walked out into the other room, decided his boots weren't dry. Inside he feltcold and trembly, but physically he was quite warm and calm.
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How could be face Lew again, knowing this? Coldly, Regis told himself not to be a fool. Lew hadalways known. He wasn't a coward, he didn't lie to himself! Lew remembered, so DO wonder he wasastonished when Regis had said he did not have laranl
Lew had asked him why be could not bear to remember....
"You should have gone straight to bed and let me bring you supper there," Danilo said behind him, and Regis, firmly taking mastery of his face, looked around. Danilo was looking at him with friendly concern, and Regis remembered, with a shock, that Danilo knew nothing, nothing of the memory and awareness that had flooded him in the scant few minutes they had been parted. He said aloud, trying for a casual neutral tone, "I collapsed before I saw anything of the suite but this room. I have no idea where I'm going to be sleeping."
"And I've had days with nothing to do but explore. Come, I'll show you the way. I told the servant to bring your supper in here. How does it feel to be quartered in a royal suite, after the student dormitory at Nevarsin?"
There was room enough for a regent and all his entourage in this guest suite: enormous bedrooms,servants quarters in plenty, a great hall, even a small octagonal presence chamber with a throne andfootstools for petitioners. It was more elaborate than his grandfather's suite in Thendara. Danilo hadchosed the smallest and least elaborate bedroom, but it looked like a royal favorite's chamber. There wasa huge bed on a dais which would, Regis thought irreverently, have held a Dry-Towner, three of hiswives and six of his concubines. The servant he had seen before was warming the sheets with along-handled warming pan, and there was a fire in the fireplace. He let Danilo help him into the big bed,put a tray of hot food beside him. Danilo sent the man away, saying gravely, "It is my privilege to wait onmy lord with my own hands." Regis would have laughed at the solemn, formal words, but knew even asmile would hurt Danilo unspeakably. He kept his composure, until the man was out of earshot, then said, "I hope you're not going to take that formal my-lord tone all the time now, bredu."
There was relief in Danilo's eyes too. "Only in front of strangers, Regis." He came and lifted covers offsteaming bowls of food, clambered up on the bed and poured hot soup from a jug. He said, 'The food'sgood. I had to ask for cider
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instead of wine the first day, that's all. I see they brought both tonight, and the cider's hot."
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Regis drank the soup and the hot cider thirstily; but although it was his first hot meal in days, he found italmost too hard to chew and swallow.
"Now tell me how you found me here, Regis."
Regis' hand went to the matrix on the thong around his neck. Danilo shrank a little. "I thought such thingswere to be used only by technicians, with proper safeguards. Isn't it dangerous?"
"I knew no other way."
Danilo looked at him, visibly moved. "And you took that risk for me, breduT
Regis deliberately withdrew from the moment of emotion. 'Take that last cutlet, won't you? I'm nothungry. . . . I'm here and alive, aren't I? I expect I'll have trouble with my kinfolk; I got away from Gabriel and my escort by a trick. I was supposed to be on my way to Neskaya Tower."
The diversion worked. Dauilo asked with a faint revulsion, "Are you to be a matrix mechanic, now theyknow you have laranT
"God forbid! But I have to learn to safeguard myself."
Danilo had made a long mental leap. "Is this-using a matrix, untrained-why you have been havingthreshold sickness?"
"I don't know. Perhaps. It couldn't help."
Danilo said, "I should have sent for Lew Alton, instead of the healer-woman. He's tower-trained, he'dknow what to do
for it."
Regis flinched. He didn't want to face Lew just yet. Not till he had his own thoughts in order. "Don'tdisturb him. I'm all
right now."
"Well, if you're sure," Danilo said uncertainly. "No doubt, by now, he's in bed with his girl and wouldn't
thank anyone for disturbing him, but just the same-"
"His girl?"
"Aldaran's foster-daughter. The guards are lonely and have nothing to do but gossip, and I thought it just as well to learn as much as I could about what's going on here. They say Lew's madly in love with her, and old Kermiac's arranging a marriage."
Well, Regis thought, that made good sense. Lew had never been happy in the lowlands and he waslonely. If he took a wife from his mountain kinsmen, that was a good thing.
Danilo said, "There's wine, if you want it," but Regis firmly shook his head. He might sleep better for it,but he dared not risk anything that might break down his defenses. He took a handful of sugared nuts andbegan nibbling them.
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"Now, Dani, tell me all about it Old Kermiac did not know why they had brought you here, and I had no chance to ask Lew alone." He wondered suddenly which of the women in the fireside room was Lew's sweetheart. The hard-faced girl with the harp? Or the delicate remote, younger one in blue?
"But you must have known all about it," said Danilo, "or bow could you have come after me? I tried ... I tried to reach out for you with my mind, but I was afraid. I could feel them. I was afraid they'd use that somehow . . ." Regis sensed he was almost crying. "It's terrible! Laran is terriblel I don't want it, Regis! I don't want it!"
Impulsively Regis reached out to lay a steadying hand on bis wrist, stopped himself. Oh no. Not that. Not so easy an .excuse to ... to touch him. He said, keeping his voice detached, "It seems we have nochoice, Dani. It has come to us both."
"It's like-like lightning! It hits people who don't want it, hits them at random-" Danilo's voice shook.
Regis wondered how anyone lived with it. He said, "I don't much want it either, now that I've got it. Nomore than I want to be heir to Comyn." He sighed. "But we have no choice. Or the only choice we haveis to misuse it-like Dyan-or to meet it like men, and honorably." He knew he was not talking only of larannow. "Laran cannot be all evil. It helped me find you."
"And if I've brought you into danger of death . .."
That's enough of that!" The words were a sharp rebuke; Danilo shrank as if Regis had slapped him, but Regis felt he dared not face another emotional outburst. "Lord Kermiac has called me guest. Amongmountain people that is a sacred obligation. Neither of us is in danger."
"Not from old Kermiac perhaps. But Beltran wants to use my laran to awaken other telepaths, and what's he going to do with them when he's got them awakened? Whatever they're doing . . ." He stared right through Regis and whispered, "It's wrong. I can feel it, reaching for me even in my •teepl"
"Surely Lew wouldn't be a party to anything dishonor-abler
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"Not knowingly, maybe. But he's very angry with the Comyn, and wholly committed to Beltran now,"
Danilo said. "This is what he told me."
He began to explain Beltran's plan for revival of the old matrix technology, bringing Darkover from anon-industrial, non-technological culture into a position of strength in a galactic empire. As he spoke ofstar-travel Regis' eyes brightened, recalling his own dreams. Suppose he need not desert his world andhis heritage to go out among the stars, but could serve bis people and still be part of a great star-spanningculture... it seemed too good to be true.
"Surely if it could have been done at all, it would have been done at the height of the strength of the
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towers. They must have tried this."
"I don't know," said Danilo humbly, "I'm not as well-educated as you, Regis." And Regis knew so little!
"Let's not sit and make guesses about what they're doing," Regis said, "Let's wait till tomorrow and ask them." He yawned deliberately. "I haven't slept in a bed for a dozen nights. I think 111 try this one out." Danilo was taking away the mugs and bowls; Regis beckoned him back.
"I hope you have no foolish notion of standing guard while I sleep, or sleeping on the floor across my
doorway?"
"Only if you want me to," said Dani, but he sounded hurt, and with that unwelcome sensitivity Regis knew he'd have liked to. The picture that had haunted him for days now returned, Dani's brother shielding his father with his body. Did Dani really want to die for him? The thought shocked him speechless.
He said curtly, "Sleep where you damn please, but get some sleep. And if you really like having me giveyou orders, Dani, that's an order." He didn't wait to see where Dani chose. He slid down into the greatbed and dropped into a bottomless pit of sleep.
At first, exhaustion taking its toll of his aching body and overstrained emotions, he was too weary evento dream. Then he began to drift in and out of dreams: the sound of horses' hooves on a road, galloping ... the armory in Comyn Castle, struggling weakly against Dyan, armed and fresh against an achinglassitude that would not let Regis lift his sword ... a great form swooping down, touching Castle Ald-aranwith a finger of fire, flames rising skyward. By the firelight he saw Lew's face alight with terror, andreached out to