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              “What?” April said.

              “This is awesome,” Carissa said.

              “Okay,” April said looking at David, “Dig in.”

              David grabbed a slice and put it on his plate.  He bowed his head and gave a silent prayer as Carissa and April watched.  He then picked up the pie and took a bite.  The flavors splashed against his taste buds.  The garlic and cheese set with the salty crab were almost too much for his mouth to handle.  He had never tasted anything in such a way.  The flavors were distinct yet combined.  He was experiencing food in a way he could not imagine others tasting.  He was definitely had the munchies.  “That is great,” David said just before he took another bite.  April smiled back.  Just before April took her first taste she gave Carissa an approving look and patted her on the knee.  But Carissa needed no reassurance, she already knew what she had.

              David and Carissa left April’s long after last light.  The street lights spread their not quite white yet not quite yellow glow blocking all but a few stars in the night sky.  They walked through the neighborhoods separating April’s and Carissa’s homes.  David was seeing the world in a whole new way.  Not a way he had intended to see through often, but different all the same, exciting. He noticed the street lights as they danced their somewhat safer glow on the dark asphalt streets and heard the noises of night for the first time, again.  He was still very stoned.

              Carissa walked proudly with her hand in his enjoying the trust David offered her that evening.  He gave her an ear to listen. She was thankful for the day the bus only had one seat.  She was thankful for Mr. Gilbert bringing them together.  She knew nothing that had happened in the last few days was intentional but she was grateful.  They had happened.

              “I hope you don’t get in too much trouble,” Carissa said as she noticed the glow of the moon on David’s face.

              David had an idea of exactly how much trouble he would be in.  He knew what was going to happen as soon as he got home.  He did not care.  All he cared about right now was being with her.  “I know how much trouble I will be will be in.”

              Carissa did not think twice.
Your mom is a bitch.
“Which way is your house?” Carissa said.

              “About ten blocks that way,” he said pointing north. 

              “Do you want to go ahead go?”

              “No, I’ll be ok, man.” David smiled.  Saying “man” felt odd but he was trying to be funny.

              Carissa nudged David with her shoulder. “Listen to you,” she said with a slight laugh.

              He smiled back. 

              They were silent for the rest of the walk to Carissa’s house.  They listened to dogs barking and kids playing.  They looked at the glow of televisions as they passed houses.  They stepped out of the way of the occasional car.  They never let go of each other’s hand.  They enjoyed just being together. 

              “I don’t want to go,” Carissa said as they rounded the block.  They were only two houses from hers.  They walked across her lawn and onto the porch.  David pulled her close and squeezed her tightly.  She wrapped her arms around him.  She felt something that she had not noticed earlier.  It was sort of padded.  She paid no attention because she had seen the bleeding just the day before.  She knew it was a bandage but she did not know what from.  She did not bother to ask. 

              David let go first, slowly.  As Carissa’s arms loosened he step back off the porch.  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” He said taking another step back.

              “Okay,” Carissa said.

              “I’ll save you a seat.”

              Carissa smiled, “Okay.”

              David turned and walked back the way they had come.  He looked back once to see her one last time before he was too far away to see her face.   In that moment, she was beautiful.

              Carissa stayed on the porch until David was out of sight.  She took a long deep breath building the courage to once again walk into the house.  She said a silent prayer for Casey to be in bed but had little faith that it would be answered.  She turned the knob and stepped over the threshold.  She closed the door halfway before her eyes met Casey’s. 
So much for prayer.
  She glanced over to the couch and Randy was sitting watching the evening news.  “Hi, Daddy,” Carissa said sweetly.

              “Hey, Baby,” Randy said without looking.

              “Where the fuck have you been?” Casey’s words rattled the only picture of Carissa and Jen that hung on the wall.  The other pictures had been replaced over time with pictures of Lea and Casey.  Carissa waited for that one to be replaced as well.

              Carissa rolled her eyes, “I’m going to bed.”

              “Get the fuck back here,” Casey said stumbling from the couch.

              “Fuck you,” Carissa said.

              “You going to let that little whore talk to me like that?” Casey said looking at Randy.

              “Carissa, go to bed,” Randy said.  He looked at Casey, “You shut your goddamn mouth.”

              “Second drunk of the day,” Carissa said just to get to Casey.

              “Get in here you fu--” Randy grabbed Casey and forced her to sit down. 

              “Go to bed, Carissa,” Randy said pointing down the hall.

              Carissa headed toward her room.  The argument ensued in the living room.  Carissa could feel the heat and smell the alcoholic anger drifting from the room.  Randy screamed something Carissa could not quite make out, then she heard a pop and a loud crash.  Casey sobbed as she ran down the hall.  Carissa’s bedroom door shook from the force of the door Casey had slammed.  Then silence. 

                Carissa glanced over her shoulder.  Lea lay asleep in her bed, comforter tucked tight under her chin.  Carissa saw Lea’s doll had fallen to the floor.  Carissa took soft steps toward the stuffed toy.  Its eyes looking at her.  Somehow, though not real, the doll knew what was going on and when Carissa left, it would be Lea’s turn.  Carissa picked up the doll and put it in bed with Lea, hoping it would protect her as Carissa should have been years before.

11

David walked through the night knowing what was going to happen when he got home.  He was still half-swooning from the joint he smoked earlier.  He enjoyed the numbness that it delivered.  He liked that all worry was gone and life could enter but not deep enough to matter.  He would need the detachment tonight when the rod gave its next lesson.

              David turned the corner to his block. He could see his porch light glaring in the distance.  The light was never on.  He was surprised it was on now.  He was surprised it worked.  David then realized this meant something but what he was not sure. He could barely breathe.  Nausea kicked in as the last bit of intoxication wore down. 

              David’s legs grew heavier with each step.  By the time he was two houses away, his knees were beginning to buckle.  He knew tonight’s punishment was going to be severe.  He had never stayed out late, which 8:15 pm would hardly be considered late by most standards.  He did not have a curfew; he had never needed one.  Mrs. Shelton was not the type of mother to implement one, either.  In her eyes, it was God, Mother, School and deviation from this formula would not be tolerated. 

              David’s foot hit the first step of the porch before he noticed Mrs. Shelton sitting on the swing.  She was reading the bible.  She looked up from Genesis 22:2 to see David standing at the top step.  She said nothing.  She nodded toward the door and continued reading the passage.

              David walked inside.  Without thinking, he walked into the kitchen retrieving “the rod” from the drawer.  He then went to his bedroom and lay “the rod” on his dresser, the handle facing out so Mrs. Shelton could easily take it.  He took off his shirt, folded it, and placed it on the bed.  David stood at the foot of the workout bench for several minutes.  He may have thought about the impending pain that would soon be induced or leaving; just putting his shirt back on and walking out the door.  But he did not.  He stood there knowing this was life.  David laid down on the bench and closed the handcuffs loosely around his wrists; this was normal. 

              Carissa flipped the switch on her lamp and the dark night crept in.   The canopy of Jen lit the room just enough for her see the clothes she had just thrown on the floor.  She flung back the blanket on her unmade bed and crawled in.  She pulled the blankets back over and easily fell asleep. 

              A haze cleared and Carissa found herself looking down on her town from above.  She could see children playing in the park where she and David had sat.  She focused in on what looked to be a little girl playing by herself.  Carissa drew closer feeling the little girl’s isolation.  Somehow, Carissa knew that the little girl had no parents.  The playground took on an ominous gloom and the girl began to cry.  Then the scene became a haze once more.  Carissa was being pulled from the little girl.  The next second she was awake.

              Carissa opened her eyes and the first thing she could see was Jen. “Baby,” she turned her head in the direction of the whisper.  Randy stood naked by the bed.  He was full erect.  Carissa looked toward her feet.  The blankets had already been pulled off of her.  He was ready. 

              Carissa instinctively spread her legs.  Randy laid his warm hand on her knee.  He pushed it back toward the other.  Then, without losing contact, he ran his callas hand up her smooth thigh and touched the crease of her leg and hip then up her stomach and across her breast.  Carissa bit her lip.  Guilt consumed her and then tears.  Randy did not notice.  If he did, he would not have cared.  He ran his hand back down her stomach and in-between her thighs.  He pressed his fingers deep, rubbing his thumb on her clitoris.  Carissa’s wetness began to spring alive.  She did not want it, but her body refused to be ill-prepared for the abuse it would take.

              Randy’s fingers left Carissa and entered his mouth.  He ran his tongue across them like a child eating a Popsicle, being sure not to waste any of his daughter’s taste.  He looked at her grinning, she replied with a forced smile. “Roll over,” Randy whispered.

              Carissa complied and rolled over onto all fours.  Randy climbed into the bed and knelt behind her keeping his torso high, powerful.  Randy spit in his hand and rubbed it on the head of his penis.  His fingers traveled down her spine to her glutes then found were he wanted to enter.  He pressed his member against the hole.  After several hard pushes he broke through.  Carissa’s mouth found the blanket.  She bit down so not to scream.  With every thrust that Randy delivered, she felt herself opening wider. 

              Randy grunted as he climaxed.  He pushed himself deep inside her.  She felt the warmth explode inside her rectum.  She knew it was over.  He pulled back.  The juice began to flow out, traveling down her legs.  It was still warm. The pain was so heavy Carissa was not sure if it was blood or semen.  But it was over and Carissa could clean herself and go to sleep. 

              Randy leaned down and kissed her back before he got off the bed.  He put his clothes on and quietly left the room. 

              Carissa whimpered softly and sniffed loudly.  “Carissa,” she heard.  Carissa stopped breathing. 

Maybe she is just talking in her sleep
. 
She can’t be awake
. 

“Carissa,” the voice came again. 

No. No. No. Please no.
 

“Carissa, are you okay?” Lea asked from across the room. 

              “Yes, Lea.  Go back to sleep,” Carissa said without looking at her.  Carissa thought that if she did not look at Lea it might not be real.  But it was real.  Lea had seen every moment, every thrust.  Lea woke when Randy came in.  She watched as he took off his clothes.  She watched as he climbed into Carissa’s bed.  She watched as he released himself into Carissa.

              “What was daddy doing?” Lea asked with only half of her innocence sounding through. 

              “Lea, Daddy is sick.”  Carissa sniffed.

              “Will he get better?”

              “No,” Carissa said.  Carissa stayed up for the next hour telling Lea about what she had just witnessed.  Carissa explained what it was, when it should be done, and why it was wrong that Randy had done it.  Carissa promised it would never happen to Lea.  Lea cried for Carissa.  Carissa cried for Lea.  Someday, Lea would recall the night she found out her father could love completely and be a monster at the same time.

12

David woke the next morning still handcuffed to the workout bench, his face raw from the pool of drool he slept in.  He raised his head and noticed the key to the cuffs lying near his hands.  He could not feel any new wounds.  Mrs. Shelton had left him alone.  She had not jumped on the opportunity to help God with His ministry.

              As David released himself from the bench, he caught a whiff of pancakes and bacon Mrs. Shelton was cooking.  His stomach rumble.  He got off the bench and retrieved his clothes for the day.  He opened the door and looked across the hall.  Mrs. Shelton was washing a pan.  The noise from the water running obscured the sound of him walking to the bathroom. 

              David took a shower then got ready for school.  He then went into the kitchen.  No one was there.  There was no food waiting for him.  He went to the window over the sink.  Pulling back the blue curtain, he looked for Mrs. Shelton’s car.  It was gone.  He looked at the clock on the stove, only had fifteen minutes to get to the bus stop.

              David opened the refrigerator, feeling a cold gust of air rush out.  He pulled some sandwich meat and mayonnaise out.  He grabbed some bread from the pantry and made a quick breakfast.  He returned to his room, grabbed his books before leaving out the garage door.  He dashed across several backyards to reach the bus stop on time.  He stopped running when he saw the yellow beast driving away.

              David arrived at school just in time to hear the first bell ring.  As he round the bushes lining the front walk, he saw Carissa waiting, looking slightly worried until she saw him too.  They walked close to each other, smiling, not saying a word to the other but just enjoying having someone. 

              David and Carissa both watched the hands of the clocks in their respective classrooms as they ticked almost backwards to further separate the new couple.   It was as if they were unreal and only mattered when they were together.  They were mere faces in a crowd but when they were reunited, they were the crowd.  When the bell finally rang, releasing them from their prison sentence, they were not the last to leave their classes, as any other day.  They searched the hall for each other, both trying to hide their eager anxiety.  Then, they were united for another short moment before having to part for their next stent in the hot box.

              Ten hours seemed to pass before lunch time.  Carissa and David decided not to hang out with anyone.  They wanted to be alone, only neither one had to say it, they both knew.  They walked out of the school and around the building.  Carissa pulled David into the bushes were she had spent many breaks with April “enlightening” themselves.  Carissa and David sat leaning against the building.  The textured mortar gouging their backs.  David could feel very little through his bandages.  He was reluctant to take her hand.  He did not realize the second day was much more intimidating than the first.  Finally, he reached over wrapping his hand around hers.  Carissa’s hand closed softly around his then she leaned her head against his shoulder.

              “So what happened to you when you got home?” Carissa said breaking the silence.

              “Surprisingly, nothing,” David replied.  “What happened to you?”

              “Got yelled at, but what’s new?”  Carissa paused.  She looked down at her feet, bouncing them off each other.  This boy amazed her. “David, I know this is a lot to put on you but please don’t tell anyone.”

              “I won’t,” David said as he picked up a handful of dirt and pebbles.  He shook the rocks letting them fall between his fingers.

              “I know Casey is a bitch.  I get that.  But he is my dad.  As much as he hurts me, I don’t want to lose him.  He is all I have.  I love him.” Carissa’s eyes began to water.

              “Every family has its problems,” David said blushing slightly.  He looked at her. Carissa noticed a hint of something in his gaze, maybe shame. She could sense there was something in David that held in a faint binding of living in hiding, a secret that he was not letting go just yet.  Just as Carissa had mustered the nerve to ask, the end of lunch was signaled.  She looked in his sad, understanding eyes, gave his hand a double-tap and squeeze, and pushed herself to her feet. 

“Hey,” April said as she gave Carissa a quick poke in the side.  “Where were you?”

              “I was with David.”

              “Man, he’s got you...”

              “Hey, Carissa, what’ve you been doing?” Destiny mocked from behind, her “posse” in full tow.  “We saw you with David.  Like, I knew you had run out of options but you are seriously trying to fuck a retarded kid?” The gofers forced cackles were barely audible over the sounds of slamming lockers and chattering voices.  “Really, you’re not doing him any favors.” The decibel of the minions guffaw rising.  In their minds, Destiny had taken Carissa out in one witty blow.

              “You need to back off, bitch,” Carissa said.  She clenched her right hand, heart hardening with every breath.  In the salvo of insults and provocations Carissa had endured in the years since their friendship had fallen apart, Carissa had only balled her fists one other time.  Destiny had made a snide comment about Jen.  Carissa never actually heard what Destiny had said.  Carissa had only heard her mother’s name.  However mad Carissa was at Destiny that day, it ended in a showdown separated by a passing teaching before any blows were thrown.  This time was teetering on a more mutual result. 

              “I’m here,” April said stepping to Carissa’s side.  Carissa nodded, not taking her eyes of Destiny.

              “You know, like, everyone knows he’s a fucking lunatic,” Destiny turned to her lemmings, “They make the perfect couple.  Don’t you think?  I know that if I was dating a retard I would, like, have to go home and tell my mom.” Destiny, smiling, looked back Carissa.  “Who are you gonna tell, huh?” Destiny reached to brush a lock of hair from Carissa’s face. 

              Carissa grabbed Destiny’s hand and lunged.  Carissa’s free hand connected with the cheerleader’s nose.  Blood spattered from beneath Carissa’s knuckles. Destiny stumbled back.  Destiny’s friends jumped at Carissa.  Soft, childish blows pressed into Carissa’s face and sides.  April kicked, taking out one of the girl’s knees.  The girl fell to the ground, screaming.  Carissa drove her elbow back in an attempt to contact one of the girls hitting her from behind.  Carissa then reached down grabbing the girl’s legs, pushed back and knocked the girl to the ground.  April took a third by the hair driving the girl’s head into her knee, knocking the girl out.  April looked at Carissa, “Get her.  I have this.”

              Carissa walked calmly to Destiny watching the whole seen.  A crowd had formed around them.  Destiny could not back out now.  She let go of her nose just as Carissa came into swinging distance.  “Now, what were you saying,” Carissa said.

              Destiny looked at the crowd.  She knew if she backed out now she would lose what little power she had, she would not be popular anymore.  A little pain she could bare.  Looking like a coward would socially derail her.  Popularity was more important than her and Carissa’s friendship and it was even more important now.  Destiny was staring down the girl she had humiliated and who had just broken her nose.  She had no choice.  “I said, David’s is a fucking retard,” her voice cracked, “and you’re a cunt!” 

              Carissa turned as if to walk away.  The pit in Destiny’s stomach disappeared.  Destiny was relieved, but she couldn’t stop there.  Destiny knew how the game worked.  If Destiny was going to keep the adoration of the now cheering teenage public, she would have to taunt Carissa.    Carissa would be made fun of for backing down but Destiny would also be scorn for not trying to keep the fight going.  Through blood soaked lips, Destiny said, “Oh, she’s a scared little bitch.  That is so sad.”

              Carissa turned back around.  She looked at Destiny standing in front of the crowd looking smug and victorious.  Carissa planned her next move cautiously.  No teachers had attempted to break up the fight so far, but Carissa knew if she starting hitting Destiny that she would not stop until they were pulled apart.  Carissa decided to take her chances and once again attacked.  Carissa swung and missed.  Destiny ducked and came back up with a right into Carissa’s chest.  The pain spread into her underarm, her stomach nauseous.  Carissa managed a hand full of Destiny’s hair.  She pulled down and Destiny’s face met Carissa’s knee with devastating force.  Destiny’s eye split open and the blood began to drain.  Destiny could see stars but kept conscious.  Carissa threw Destiny onto her back, jumped on her chest. Pinning Destiny’s arms with her knees, Carissa began to punch.   

              Destiny cried out, “Stop, please.  Just stop. Please, Carissa, please!”  The tears rolled down her face; blood poured from her split lip.  Carissa stopped.  Destiny’s humiliation was sweeter than any of the blows Carissa had delivered. 

              Carissa got off Destiny wiping her crimson knuckles on Destiny’s shirt.  Destiny’s wails echoed in the halls.  Carissa looked at Destiny one last time before she walked away.  Destiny’s minions were nowhere to be seen.

              Carissa motioned at April, “Let’s get to class.” April laughed as they walked through the splitting crowd.