Not Looking for Love: Episode 7 (A New Adult Contemporary Romance Novel) (16 page)

"Can't you just take the day off?" I mutter, and go back to kissing her neck.

"No, I'm running out of time as it is," she says, lifts my arm off her waist and sits up.

I balance up on one elbow. "How can you be running out of time? You're constantly working. We haven't spent a whole day together since we left the hotel."

It’s an exaggeration, and I say it too harshly by far. Her bottom lip is shaking, her eyes lost.

"You're always out too," she counters.

"My brother's in a coma!" I snap. "Do you want me to just forget all that?"

"I'm not making you forget anything. I'm not forcing you to do anything anymore," she says, and I know her tears are no more than another word away. Maybe mine too. But I have no control over my moods anymore.
 

"What does that mean? That I should just dump you again?"

She's on her feet in an instant, the mattress wobbling so badly my head slips off my hand. She's glaring at me once I sit up, arms wrapped tightly over her breasts, visibly shaking. "How could you hear that? I never said that. I never even thought it. Is that what this is about, Scott? Am I too much for you again? Do you want to break up? Is that what you're trying to do right now?"

She's breathing hard by the time she finishes, and red welts like flames are rising along the sides of her stomach.
 

I have no idea how we got from making love and holding each other afterwards to this. No idea why.

I get up and embrace her, and I know she welcomes it, but she's too angry to let me. She keeps her arms folded and her elbows are pressing into my stomach painfully, since I'm holding her so tight. With all the working, her moods are hardly better than mine these days.

"I don’t ever want to leave you again, Gail. I promise," I say into her hair. She starts shaking harder, and her hot tears are trickling down my chest now. "I'm sorry for being like this. I just have no idea what's gonna happen now. What if Mike never wakes up? What if they arrest me?"

She shudders and finally unfolds her arms, wraps them around me and hugs me back.
 

"They'd arrest you by now, if they had anything on you," she manages between sobs. "That's what that cop friend of yours said, right?"

"That's not exactly what Jerry said," I correct her. "He just said that they had trouble finding evidence of Vlado's criminal activities and his associates."

Whoever blew up his car, also blew up the warehouse later that night. And his apartment in the city was set on fire. It could be true, I could be safe, especially since they're not even talking about the possibility of arresting Mike, if he ever gets well. But they might need to make an arrest eventually, and I'm the perfect candidate, with my prints on the gun.

"If they do arrest me, I would have to leave you again. But only then," I finish.

She cranes her neck and looks up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. "Let's worry about that when we get to it, Scott. OK?"

I nod.
 

"OK, Scott?" she insists, and I can see the fear creeping back into her eyes, her voice. She sounds every bit as lost as she did that night when I left her alone in our apartment in Connecticut. And I feel her fear too, because I never want to leave her again. Hell, I don't even want to let go of her right now.

"Yes, Gail. I promise," I say, and lean down, kiss her on the lips, which are all wet and salty.

She’s holding me like she'll never let go either, kissing me back. And I'm still wishing we could rewind time back to before this argument, but this works too.

"I really should go," she whispers after a few more minutes, and I let her go this time.
 

"You'll be here when I come back?" she asks later still, with her hand already on the doorknob.

I just nod, because I might start another argument if I speak. It's a simple enough question, but right now it sounds too laden with hurt and accusation. Which is my fault, just like all the rest of it. What was I supposed to do? Stay with her even though Mike threatened her life? How did she expect me to be so selfish?

She's still looking at me, and I force a smile. Because that's what should be on my face, in my heart, instead of this black mass of guilt, regret and fear.
 

"Yes, I'll be here, Gail," I say and I really wish that one of these days she would believe me completely when I say it.

The second she's gone, the guilt and the fear return. I throw on some clothes and walk over to Dad's, because I can't be alone with this shit right now. Not after I went and added to it by pushing Gail away just a little bit more.
 

What if one of these days, she gets sick of my mood swings and all the shit she might yet have to go through if she stays with me? Then she'll be the one who just leaves. Love is strong, but you don't stay in love forever. And that's the last thing I need to be dwelling on right now. Because I can't even picture a life in which I don’t come home to Gail anymore.

The feeling of finally being free of school, finally having the diploma I struggled so hard to get doesn't quite hit me until I'm almost back in Westchester. At Scott's apartment. No…our apartment.
 

Scott's standing by the window when I enter the apartment and, like always lately, his sadness and tension flood me, eating away at my elation. He worries a lot. Too much. But it's who he is, and a thing we'll have to accept. I'll just have to work that much harder to temper it.
 

"So, you're done with school?" he asks, and his smile is wide, his eyes holding all the heat and light of a long summer day.

"Yes!" I say and stride to him, throw myself into his arms, determined not to let any sadness or worry touch us tonight. "Now, where were we?"

I kiss him, long and hard, lose myself in the feel of his lips against mine, the taste of him, which today is all freedom in all it's possible meanings. Long walks in the woods, lazy days on the couch, a summer spent sailing on open waters. All the things we can finally do.

He pulls away from the kiss rather abruptly, and I blink a few times, not really sure what to do, or say now. He's just looking at me, his eyes showing me the two of us lying on a beach, the sand still warm from the day's heat, billions of stars twinkling above us. So I don't know why tension and worry are creeping back in at the edges, leaving nothing but black in their wake.
 

"What is it?" I ask, since I can't stand not knowing. I have to find out this bad news right now. Whatever it is.

"Just give me a moment, will you?" he says, and my chest tightens, even though that light that always shines in his eyes when he's teasing me is brighter than ever.

"A moment for what?" I hate this fear. There are precious little reasons left to doubt his love and commitment to me. So why am I still doing it?

His arms leave my sides and he puts his hands in his pockets. The gesture is completely out of place in this setting, belongs somewhere else, like the graveyard where he told me to leave him alone a year ago. Has it been a year? The memory of having just lost my mom blossoms in my chest, mixes with all this doubt, his sadness, wipes away the remaining traces of my elation, leaves me drained, confused, on the verge of tears.

"So, I know we've had our ups and downs," he says seriously. "And I know I'm not exactly the best boyfriend you could wish for—"

"Scott, what are you talking about?" I interrupt, my throat cramping up, since I'm now certain this is another goodbye. He shakes his head slightly, and it's enough to make me shut up.
 

"But I want to do more than just keep promising you I won't leave you again," he says, and my heart starts racing. Because I finally get what he's saying, all the confusing little hints and pieces falling into place in my mind. The starry, endless sky is back around us, the sand warm and soft beneath me.
 

He pulls his hands from his pockets, and I gasp when I see what he's holding. My whole body is tingling now, my blood boiling. I'm frozen in place, as I watch him get down on one knee.

"Will you marry me, Gail?" he says and opens the little dark blue box he's holding, his hands shaking. A jet of pure electricity pulses through me, burns away all the doubt, fear, pain, sadness, and replaces it with a need so strong, longing and joy so real, so sharp I might yet cry.

I see the ring and I don't. I pull him up and then my arms are wrapped around his neck, my lips pressed so hard against his we might actually be joined forever already. I kiss him like I wanted to the first time I saw him, fast, deep and with no reservations. I'm falling and yet I've never stood so firmly in place.
 

"So?" he asks, when I finally have to pause for breath.

I take the ring from him, box and all, and clutch it in my fist.

"Yes," I breathe. "I will marry you, Scott."

"I mean it's a big decision, for you especially, given my—“ he says, but I lay my fingers over his lips to stop him from finishing the sentence.
 

"I made my decision, a year ago. When I didn't let you slip away from me," I tell him.
 

"Yeah, I think that's when I decided too."

I open the box and hold out my finger so he can slide the ring on. He smiles as he does it, his eyes locked on mine.
 

All our tomorrows are opening up before me like pages in a book, leading to the ending we both deserve, until our whole future is laid out before me. I can see all the way to the end, which is still far, far away and no less inviting than the rest of it. We've come such a long way, yet this is still only the beginning.
 

Other books by Lena Bourne

NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE SERIAL

Episode 1:
http://bit.ly/NLFL1

Episode 2:
http://bit.ly/NLFL2

Episode 3:
http://bit.ly/NLFL3

Episode 4:
http://bit.ly/NLFL4

Episode 5:
http://bit.ly/newNLFL5
 

Episode 6:
http://bit.ly/NewNLFL6

Episode 7: Coming May 2015

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Thanks for reading! This story unfolds over a series of episodes in the form of short novels. The next episode of Not Looking For Love will be out in two weeks. Please sign up for my mailing list at
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to find out as soon as the next part becomes available.
 

 
In the meantime, if you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review to help other readers find it. You can do so on
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About the Author:

Lena Bourne is a young writer, but she has seen her fair share of the world, of love and loss, and all that happens in between. Now she’s here telling the stories you might otherwise have missed, which all are made up, of course, but could very well be real and true. Not Looking For Love is her first serial, a steamy New Adult romance, which will be released in five installments over the next few months.
 

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