Not Your Hero (8 page)

When the song is over, he grabs her hand to lead her outside, but she pulls back. He pulls her closer and starts dancing again. Her face is hidden behind his back, but she’s tripping over her feet, clearly having had too much to drink. I haven’t known her that long, and we don’t talk much, but the woman I know is not the one I’m looking at right now.

“I wouldn’t let her do that,” Jim says from behind me.

“I was thinking the same thing. What’s her deal?”

“Her husband was in the Army. Killed overseas about six months ago. He came in regularly. Nice guy.”

Fuck. That explains a lot. The guy she’s dancing with starts to pull her toward the door again, and her drunken feet are trying to protest by digging into the floor. I set my beer down, nod at Jim, and walk over to them.

“Lisa, you ready to get outta here?” I ask.

She shakes her head at me and tries to pull away, but dancer man clearly doesn’t take the hint.

“Hey, man. I was here first, fuck off,” he says to me, continuing to pull her.

“She’s not going with you,” I tell him calmly. I grab her arm and pull her next to me, silently challenging him to argue with me.

He concedes and shoulder checks me as he walks away. “Whatever, man. Cockblock.”

Lisa wraps her arms around me and I walk with her to my truck. Once we’re both inside, I ask if she wants me to take her home.

“No. I don’t want to be there right now. Can you take me to your place?” Her words run together, but I understand what she’s saying.

Before I get out of my truck, I look around and am relieved that Courtney isn’t home. I don’t want her to see me bringing a woman home. Funny just a while ago I was trying to make her jealous, and now I don’t want to hurt her. Lisa stumbles all the way inside, and once she’s by the couch, she flops down and passes out.

I cover her with a blanket and leave a bottle of water on the coffee table before going to my own bed for the night.

The next morning, I go downstairs and am surprised to see Lisa sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

“Hey,” I say, scratching the back of my head, dragging my feet to the counter.

She lifts her head and gives a weak smile between the tears rolling out of her eyes.

I’m not quite sure what to do, so I pour myself a cup and sit across from her. A few minutes go by when she begins to talk. “It was our anniversary yesterday. Would have been five years.”

I grab a box of tissues and set it next to her, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

“Jim told me about your husband last night. I’m real sorry.”

“Thanks. Me, too.” She wipes her face and refills her cup. “This woman. This slutty woman who slept with you, it’s not me. It’s not who I am.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

“I know that, but it’s just, I can’t do this with you anymore.”

No skin off my back because, honestly, the thought of fucking someone other than Courtney makes my dick limp. “It’s okay.”

“God!” she yells into the air. “I miss him so much. My house feels empty, and every time I had sex with you, I felt guilty. Like I was cheating on him. That’s why I didn’t want to look at you. I pretended it was him. I just want him back.” She puts her head in her hands and continues crying. I should be pissed off that she was thinking of someone else while I was fucking her, but somehow, it doesn’t bother me at all. I actually feel relieved.

“It’ll be all right.” I awkwardly pat her back and realize how much easier it is to comfort Courtney. I feel bad for Lisa, but I don’t have the need to take her pain away, to hold her until she stops crying.

“My friend should be here soon. I asked her to pick me up then I’m going to stay at my parent’s house for a while.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks, Sam. I appreciate you being so nice about all of this.”

“We’ve all got our own shit to deal with.”

“What shit do you have?”

“Eh,” I shrug, “just stuff from my past.”

“Ahh. The infamous past. We’ve all got one, I suppose.”

Her phone dings and she quickly checks it. “That’s my ride. Thanks again.”

“I’ll walk you out.” When we get to the porch, she gives me a hug. Right when she’s about to pull away, Ben’s little voice interrupts us, and she pulls back just far enough for me to see him and Courtney walking up the steps.

“Hey, Sam! Look, my grandpa got me a new baseball. It glows in the dark!” He throws it and I catch it as Lisa steps away.

“I’ll see you around, Sam.” Lisa gives me a kiss on the cheek and gets in her friend’s car. I squeeze the baseball because I know it’ll tear me apart when I look at Courtney.

“Ben, let’s go.” I whip my head in her direction because the anger in her voice is something I’ve never heard before.

Yup. She’s pissed.

“Can’t I play catch with Sam?”

“No. Get in the house!”

He hangs his head and follows as she storms away. The door slams, and I tilt my head up and close my eyes.
Fuck.

I still have Ben’s baseball, and I know he’ll want it back, so later that night after I know he’s sleeping, I knock on her front door. Even if I didn’t have this excuse, I would still come over here. I’ve gotta see her and explain things. I need to find a way to be with her. Even if that means going against everything I’ve tried so hard to stand by.

She steps onto the porch and crosses her arms. “What?”

“Here.” I throw her the ball.

“Thanks.” She catches it and turns around, but I grab her arm.

“That wasn’t what it looked like.”

“What? You fucked a woman and she walked out of your house not even a week after we dry humped each other in the middle of my kitchen?”

“No.”

“Oh, really?” She crosses her arms and squints at me. “So it was just my imagination?”

“I didn’t fuck her.” I wish I knew why I feel the need to tell her this. It’d be so much easier if she stayed mad at me.

“You expect me to believe that?” She shrugs my arm off.

“You went on a date, Courtney. How’s that okay with you?”

“It was already planned. And I didn’t fuck him.”

“I didn’t fuck her.” I step closer.

“Right. Whatever. I’ve given you the opportunity. I gave you the chance to
try,
Sam. But I won’t be a second choice, and I won’t be one of your whores. I’m done with whatever the hell this
thing
is between us.” She leans into me to emphasize her distaste, and her damn attitude is making me hard again.

“Why would I lie to you? Hmm? What gain do I get from that?”

“Because you think if I think you’re not sleeping with her then I’ll magically spread my legs for you again. Not gonna happen. It shouldn’t have happened the first time.”

I shake my head at the bullshit coming from her mouth. I’ve never argued with a woman before like this. It’s insane. “You’re fucking nuts, Court. You wanted it just as bad as me. And if you’d open your pretty little eyes, you’d see that I’m looking back at
you,
not just to get between your legs.”

“Whatever. I don’t care.” Again, she turns to walk away.

“If you don’t care, then why are you so pissed?” My words make her freeze. She rests her forehead on the door and shakes her head back and forth.

“You care for the same reasons I don’t want to. Christ, woman. You make me
feel.
”

Without turning around, she answers, “How am I supposed to know that? You haven’t given me a reason to believe you feel anything other than a hard-on.”

I laugh, but she turns to glare at me and my laughter dies when I see the unshed tears in her eyes. “Come here.” I hold my arms out, and she hesitates a second before walking into them and burying her face in my chest. “I swear to you, this is me trying. What else do you want from me?”

“This is you trying what?”

I run my hands through her hair and contemplate my answer. What do I really want? A relationship? A steady lay?

“How’s this? You don’t go on any more dates, and I won’t, either.”

Her laughter vibrates across my chest. “You call them dates. How chivalrous of you.”

“Don’t laugh at me. This is a big deal.”

She pulls back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“So, since I can’t date, are you going to take me out?” She raises her eyebrows in challenge.

“I don’t do the whole dinner thing.”

“Then I won’t be doing you.”

“You sure about that?” I grip her ass and press her against my hard cock.

She gasps and pushes away laughing. “One date, Sam. After that, we can see where this will go.”

“Just one date until I can get into your pants? Why, Ms. Gallagher, you’re a bit easy.”

“I didn’t say you’d get into my pants. I said that we’ll see. I really think we should talk about this. You’re my landlord, and I have Ben. I can’t risk this getting ugly. I need this place to live.”

I’m pissed that she’d think so low of me. “Let me tell you this one time. Then I never want to talk about it again, okay?”

“About what?”

“I would
never
kick you and Ben out. And I’d never do anything to hurt him. I can’t promise I won’t upset you along the way, but I would die before I let anything bad happen to that kid.”

“‘Kay,” she whispers.

“‘Kay.” I lean down and brush my lips against hers. Sealing my fate.

9

Courtney

AFTER MAKING MY LITTLE deal with Sam, I go to bed with a smile on my face. I’m not going to settle, but who wants to go through life alone? Not me. And I know it would be good with Sam. The potential of an ‘us’ makes my heart swell.

“Mommy?”

I sit up and turn my lamp on. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“I had a bad dream.” Ben’s voice is choppy, and his fear breaks my heart.

“Come on up.” I pat my bed and he jumps on, crawling under the covers to snuggle next to me.

“What was the dream about?”

He yawns. “There was a bad guy in the house. He was chasing me.”

“Oh, honey. There’s nobody here.”

“I know.”

I rub his back, trying to soothe him as he catches his breath from the tears.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Benjamin?”

“I was scared ‘cause we don’t have a daddy, and I’m not big enough to save you if a bad guy comes.”

In the silence that follows, I can hear my heart crack.

“We’ll be okay.” I rub his back and turn my head so he can’t see how ashamed I am. It kills me that I can’t give him a dad. But what choice do I have? Take Matt to court to force him to see his son? With what money?

“I bet Sam would help us,” he whispers as he falls asleep.

“What?”

“Sam would help us if there was a bad guy. Wouldn’t he?”

“Yeah, honey.” I kiss his forehead. “Sam would help us.”

* * *

A typical Monday morning, I’m running around the house to get everything ready for the day. I forgot to make Ben’s lunch last night, so I throw random items into a lunch box, hoping the school doesn’t send home a note about how he didn’t have a balanced lunch . . . again.

“Hurry up, Ben! We’re running late.” I tie my shoes as I hop to the door.

“Okay! I’m ready.” He runs to the door and opens it for me, then yells, “Hi, Sam!”

Crap. I’m a total mess right now, my hair is all ratty, and I’m not wearing any make-up. My plan was to drop Ben off and put my make-up on in the car before getting to the grocery store without actually having to have a conversation with someone. I quickly put my sunglasses on. At least that’ll help hide the bags under my eyes.

“Hey, little dude.”

“Can I play on your phone in the car, Mom?”

“Sure. Here.” I hand it to him and he runs to the car.

Sam stands in front of me and watches Ben get in the car before turning his focus to me. My throat becomes dry when he puts his fingers in the front waistband of my black work pants and pulls me close to him. He’s so masculine; he makes me feel like a teenager when he gives me attention.

“Take your sunglasses off,” he says with his husky voice.

“What? Why?” I laugh.

“I want to see your eyes.”

I’m embarrassed that I look like such crap, but whatever. He might as well get a good look at me like this now because this is how I look half the time anyway.

“Okay.” I pull them off and tuck them in my back pocket.

He leans closer and lowers his voice. “I’m sure you don’t want Ben to see me maul you, so you need to lean forward and kiss me.”

“He’ll still see,” I answer, breathless already.

“No, he won’t. I’m blocking you.”

“I . . .”

“Court, I’m hanging on by a thread here. I need you to grab my shirt and pull yourself up, so I can get a taste of you before you leave for the day. Or,” he tilts his head, “I can be the one to grab you, but I’m not sure I can control myself if I get my hands on you.”

“Oh. Well, umm-”

I take too long because his hands slide up from my waist to under my arms and lifts me so my face is level with his, toes an inch from the ground. Holy shit.

“I’m an impatient man, babe. Fucking kiss me.”

I try to make the kiss quick, friendly even, because my child is about ten feet away. Granted, all of his attention is on the game he’s playing on my phone, but still, he could look up any second.

Sam bites on my upper lip, softly tugs, and then slides his tongue into my mouth. We both let out a moan, and after a minute, I pull back. He watches my face; his eyes roam over every inch, a kind of softness I’ve never seen from him, transporting this sexy man into one I could easily fall in love with. When he’s had his fill, he gently sets me down, then takes my bag and my hand, and walks me to the car.

I think about that kiss all day. I messed up a couple of orders at the store and drove through a stop sign, but somehow, Ben and I made it home safe and in one piece.

I’ve put Ben to bed and poured myself a glass of wine. I take out my folder of debts and pull the latest bill out.

St. Mary’s Hospital. Eleven thousand four hundred twenty-two dollars and twelve cents.

This is taking forever to pay off. The hospital worked out a payment plan with me, and I do what I can every month. I’ve cut the debt in half, but it seems like the minimum never goes down. I grab my checkbook out of my purse and write out a payment for one hundred and twenty-five dollars. That’s all I can do this month.