Nothing Left to Lose (83 page)

I let out the
breath I didn’t even realise I was holding. It was going to be hard
enough to watch Ashton leave me, but I had a feeling I was going to
have to
make
him go, and I would need all my strength for
that. He was going to force me to lie right to his face; he was
going to make me rip my own heart out when I explained it to
him.

I refused to
feel the pain that was trying to break into my heart; this pain was
nothing to knowing he was hurt or dead. I couldn’t change my mind,
this needed to be done. I just needed to keep myself focussed and
strong. This was the only way I had a chance at keeping him
safe.

I closed my
eyes and rested my head back on the door. “Please let me be strong
enough to let him go,” I whispered, before pushing myself up off
the floor and climbing into the shower. As I cried helplessly in
the spray, I couldn’t get the thought of Ashton’s broken, bloody
face out of my head. My heart was breaking irrevocably. But that
dream wouldn’t come true. This time I would get to save the boy I
loved.

As I walked out
of the bedroom, I felt sick. I didn’t want even an inch of space
between us now that Carter was free. My hands clenched into fists.
Half of me actually hoped he came after her so I would be able to
rip his head off, but the other half knew that I needed to keep him
as far away from my girl as possible.

When I stepped
out of the front door, closing it tightly behind me, I beckoned
Dean over. His face changed immediately when he saw mine, obviously
catching on that something was wrong. “President Spencer just
called. Carter Thomas has been released due to lack of evidence,” I
announced.

His mouth
opened and closed a couple of times. “Released?” he said
quietly.

I nodded.
“They’re sending over four new Agents from Washington. When they
get here, we’ll have a strategy meeting again, but I think we’ll
add an extra two for the day and night. One outside the building,
one inside at night. Then during the day, I’ll bring you slightly
forward again so that you can act as second near guard. I’ll then
have the two extras take a fifty yard stance, one in front, and one
behind,” I frowned, trying to think everything else through.

Dean nodded in
agreement, obviously pleased with my plan. “Do you think he’ll come
after her?”

A chill crept
down my spine. I took a deep breath. “Honestly? Yeah I do.” I would
kill him before he touched her though. There was no way that sick,
abusive, asshole was getting anywhere near my girl again. Dean
nodded, his face angry. “Let me know when the four guards get here,
the President said within the hour,” I instructed, checking my
watch. It was now ten to eleven; I sighed and frowned, looking back
at the door. “I’d better go back in. Anna’s in the shower, I think
she’s freaking out. Her dad told her about the letters.”

Dean winced.
“Wow, shit, okay yeah, go be with her,” he agreed, nodding over his
shoulder to the door.

I turned and
stalked back in, making my way to the bedroom; I could hear the
water running, so I quickly slipped out of my jeans and pulled on
fresh clothes, putting two extra gun clips in my pocket. I’d need
to carry extra bullets from now on, just in case. When I was
dressed, I headed to the kitchen and just stood there waiting for
Anna. She was going to be freaking out about this, but she
obviously wanted time on her own because she’d sent me to speak to
Dean. I’d have to give her time and let her come to me. She knew I
was here for her.

About forty
minutes later she came out of the bedroom, wringing her hands
nervously as she walked into the kitchen. She didn’t look at me. I
swallowed the lump in my throat, waiting for the outburst that I
knew would come, and when it did, she would break my heart. I hated
to see her cry, it was like physical pain.

“Hey, Baby
Girl. You okay?” I asked quietly as she started making coffee.

She nodded.
“Yeah fine,” she replied nonchalantly. I rubbed my hand down her
back tenderly, wanting to soothe her. Wordlessly, she shrugged off
my hand. “You want a coffee, Ashton?” She sounded so cold that it
sent a shiver down my spine. She hardly ever called me by my
name.

I frowned. “Um,
no thanks.” She had her back to me, her shoulders were hunched, and
her back was stiff. I moved close behind her and put my hands on
her shoulders, massaging gently. She squirmed away from me. “Anna?”
I whispered, frowning.

She just shook
her head. “Just don’t, okay,” she said as she grabbed her cup and
stormed out of the room into the lounge.

I stared after
her in shock. She just needed some time, she’d come to me when she
was ready for me to help her. She wasn’t used to opening up to
people so it would take a little time before she was ready to talk
about it. I’d just have to try and be patient and not rush her into
divulging her feelings.

My cell phone
buzzed, so I answered it quickly. “Hey, Dean.” I frowned, still
watching the point where I last saw Anna.

“Hey, those
four guards are here. We’re at the door,” he replied, at the same
time that I heard him knock on the front door. I disconnected the
call and walked out of the room, glancing into the lounge
quickly.

“The four new
guards are here. I might be planning for an hour or so, okay,” I
called through to Anna; I thought I saw her stiffen but I was too
far away to be sure.

I made my way
to the door and opened it to see Dean standing there looking at me
strangely, with the four new guards behind him. “I’m sorry, Ashton.
I don’t know what’s going on,” Dean said as he stepped to the
side.

The four other
guards stepped forward in unison. “Agent Taylor, we have orders
from the President to take you to the airport now,” one of them
said.

Panic surged
through me; maybe they’d heard something new – was Carter on his
way here?

I turned
quickly. “Anna, grab your stuff, we’re leaving!” I ordered.

The guards
stepped forward again, looking at me apologetically. “No, Agent
Taylor. We have orders to escort
you
to the airport, not
Miss Spencer. You’ve been reassigned,” the same guy stated. He held
out an iPad, nodding down for me to take it.

I frowned,
taking it from his hands and looking down at the official transfer
request document that was signed and stamped by the President
himself at the bottom. Front Line, LA office, immediate start.

My heart was
crashing in my chest. “I don’t understand. Why the hell would I be
getting a transfer? I just spoke to the President like an hour
ago!” I countered, confused.

“Ashton,” I
heard Anna say from behind me. I turned quickly, seeing her
standing there, just watching me. “You’ve been transferred, because
I asked for it,” she explained, looking at me with her face stern
and cold, showing no emotion whatsoever. My blood seemed to turn to
ice in my veins. She’d asked for me to be transferred? I turned
back to the guy and handed him the iPad before slamming the door in
his face and turning to Anna.

“What the hell
are you talking about?” I asked, stepping closer to her.

She stepped
back, keeping the distance between us. “I’m sorry, but I can’t have
you here. You complicate things, you make everything harder for me,
and I just can’t cope with anything else. It’s best for me if you
just leave. You and I have been in this little protected bubble for
the last couple of days, and I thought nothing could come along and
burst it, but I was wrong. You and I just can’t work, so it’s best
that it stops now. That way, I can just get on with things and
learn how to deal with it on my own. I’m sorry, but you have to
go.” Her voice didn’t waver once. I looked into her eyes, and my
heart started to break, they were the cold, heartless eyes that she
used to have when I first started my assignment.

I gulped,
swallowing my panic. “What?”

“I have too
much going on right now, I can’t cope with having you here too and
knowing that you think you’re in love with me,” she replied
matter-of-factly, almost as if we were discussing the weather.

“That I
think
I’m in love with you? I don’t think it, I
am
freaking in love with you!” I corrected, shaking my head
incredulously.

She frowned.
“Look, I have more important things to deal with than some agent
trying to seduce me while I’m upset and vulnerable. It’s best for
me if you just leave so I can get on with it and deal with this all
in my own way without you getting in the way all the time.”

“What the?” I
gasped. “You actually think that I preyed on your vulnerability so
that I could seduce you?”

She ground her
teeth and shook her head. “No, that’s not what I meant, it came out
wrong,” she muttered.

“Then
what?”

She huffed in
frustration. “There are lots of things. Carter being out, the fact
that I still love Jack, the way you lied to me all this time about
Carter’s letters and the reason you’re assigned to me. I have so
much going on in my head that it feels like it’s going to explode,
and most of them are because of you!”

Jack. I knew
that Jack would come up at some point; for the last two days I had
been waiting for her to freak out about the how close we’d gotten.
“Anna, I know you love Jack and that’ll never change, but Jack’s
not here anymore, I am. How the hell am I supposed to compete with
a guy that’s not here anymore?” I asked desperately. “Look, I don’t
need to complicate things for you. We’ll work all of this stuff out
together,” I replied, stepping closer to her again. “As for the
letters, I had no choice. It wasn’t up to me.”

She shook her
head fiercely. “I just need to get back to basics, and I can’t do
that with you here. You have to leave.” When she said it, she
looked straight into my eyes. I could see she wasn’t lying, her
face betrayed nothing.

“You love me
too though, I know you do,” I said confidently, raising my chin
challengingly.

Her eye
twitched. “No,” she whispered. “I care about you a lot, I really
do, but it’s not love. When you told me you loved me, I just said
it back because I knew that’s what you wanted to hear. But it’s not
true. Yes, I care about you, but my heart will always belong to
Jack. I’m sorry. I was happy pretending otherwise, but now with
this Carter stuff, I don’t have the energy to keep up this act. I
just don’t have the mental strength to have you here. You’ll get
over it. A few cold beers and one night stands and you’ll be right
as rain again. You deserve better than me anyway.”

It was like
she’d reached into my chest, ripped out my heart and showed it to
me. My blood ran cold. Her hard, resigned eyes never wavered as she
spoke. “You’re lying. I don’t know why, but you are. You love me, I
know you do!” I couldn’t let her do this; I’d show her that she
loved me. Before she had a chance to answer or react, I stepped
forward, pressed my body to hers and kissed her. It took me a
couple of seconds to realise that she wasn’t kissing me back. I
pulled back. Her eyes were still hard, her jaw tight.

“Finished?” she
snapped angrily.

My mouth fell
open in shock as she shoved me away from her. “Anna, don’t,” I
whispered, now terrified because she looked so serious and
resigned. She really did want me to leave. “We’ll work this out. If
you’re not ready for a relationship, then I’ll wait. We can go back
to just being friends. Just please don’t send me away with Carter
on the loose,” I begged.

“This is what
I’m talking about! You’re not listening to me,” she spat, waving
her hand at me in example. “I have to do what’s best for me now,
and that’s coping with all this shit the only way I know how. I
don’t need to be dealing with some emotionally draining love sick
puppy too!”

I didn’t
believe her. Her words were harsh, hurtful and full of acid as she
said them, but deep down, I knew that she loved me. This was about
something else, something that I didn’t understand and that she
didn’t want to explain to me. I decided to try another tactic.

“What about
what’s best for me? Have you considered me in any of this?” I shot
back.

Anger crossed
her face as she slapped me hard in the middle of my chest.
“Considered you? Of course I fucking have, you stupid,” she slapped
my chest again, “annoying,” slap, “frustrating,” another slap, “son
of a bitch!” With both hands she shoved me towards the door. “Just
get the hell out. Go back to LA. Live your life, sleep with some
girls, move on and forget the screwed up, little, rich girl that
you fucked a few times!” She yanked open the front door while I
stared at her, dumbstruck. My tactic had apparently blown up in my
face and had just succeeded in making her angry on top of
resigned.

“Anna...” I
whispered, fighting for something I could say or do to make her
reconsider. She needed me here.

She shook her
head as she looked up at the four new agents and Dean, who were
standing outside the door, probably hearing every word of what had
just gone on. “Make sure he gets on his plane,” she stated, pushing
open the door before turning back to me. “I’ll pack up your stuff
and forward it on in a couple of days. Goodbye, Agent Taylor. Take
care of yourself.” She then proceeded to walk calmly into the
bedroom, closing the door behind her, leaving me in the hallway
with my heart in my throat.

My mouth hung
open in shock. I hadn’t even seen this coming. Everything was
perfect before the news about Carter, and now she was trying to
fool me into believing that she didn’t love me and that I meant
nothing to her. It hurt like hell.

Every muscle in
my body was screaming for me to run after her and hold her. I
couldn’t leave her, not now. Carter would come for her eventually
and she needed me to protect her. A hand clamped on my arm, I
looked down to see it belonged to one of the new agents.