Nothing Left to Lose (80 page)

Her father’s
inauguration ceremony went exactly to plan. Anna, her mother, and I
had stood on the sidelines, watching as he’d stood in front of the
White House and had been sworn into office, taking the pledge and
promising to serve his country.

Security had
been immense. Police on motorbikes lined the streets, secret
service were out in abundance too, issuing commands and checks
through their ear pieces. I’d never seen so many guns all in one
place.

Cameras buzzed
and flashed everywhere, people stood and watched, soldiers lined up
to salute and show their respect to their new commander and chief.
The whole thing had been mind-blowing, and although I’d seen
previous Presidents sworn into office on the TV, it was different
being part of it and actually knowing the man that was going to
lead his country for the next four years. An immense pride had
swelled inside me as he’d been bestowed the title. Anna’s hand had
tightened in mine as she watched with wide eyes and an even wider
smile. She looked so proud of him that she was practically bouncing
on the spot. Melissa was even worse and had a hankie at the ready,
dabbing under her eyes as she cried happy tears.

As he’d stood
at the podium and given his speech, people had listened,
enraptured, and transfixed with every word. He certainly had the
heart of the nation behind him and, to me, it was a momentous
occasion, just to say that I was there the day that President
Spencer was sworn into office.

Then there was
the parade where people cheered as we all walked behind her
parents. Afterwards, we’d all been led into the White House and
given a tour of the private residence. Anna, being given her choice
of bedrooms for when she stayed here in the school holidays, chose
a blue room that overlooked the grounds at the back. The whole time
we’d wandered around, my heart had been in my throat because of the
sheer luxury and intricacy of the building.

After spending
a few hours with Anna, getting lost within the corridors, secret
passages and large expansive rooms, we’d finally had to leave to
catch our flight back to Arizona, leaving her parents to go through
the motions of the rest of the ceremonies and galas that were
scheduled over the whole week. The Spencers’ goodbye had been a
teary one, especially on Melissa’s part who hadn’t managed to
contain her emotions all day long.

By the time we
arrived back at our apartment, we were both exhausted and fell into
bed without even unpacking our bags.

The next three
weeks before Carter’s trial seemed to pass in a blur. Thankfully,
and quite rightly, the press were now more interested in President
Spencer than they were me and Anna – though the gossip magazines
still chose to feature us both on a regular basis.

Security had
tightened around Anna now that the trial was so close. I’d already
pulled Dean and Peter in closer as a precaution.

Anna herself
had changed slightly in the last couple of weeks. As the trial drew
nearer, she became a little flaky and kept going off into her own
little world, often completely oblivious to everything around her.
Her school work was suffering, deadlines were being missed, but
luckily her professors were already going easy on her because of
who her father was. For the last two days, Anna had barely eaten
anything, barely spoken, and I’d almost forgotten what her smile
looked like. But, true to her word, she hadn’t shut me out. We’d
spoken numerous times about the trial and what would happen.
Although she’d been quieter, and was clearly suffering inside, she
hadn’t had the breakdown yet that I was sure would come. I’d been
keeping a close eye on her, even to the point of checking her arms
while she slept to make sure that she’d not been hurting herself,
but thankfully, she hadn’t.

The day before
the trial was due to start, the prosecution lawyer paid us another
visit, again reassuring her that she shouldn’t be called into
court. He’d predicted that the retrial would last no longer than a
week and then it would all be over. She’d just nodded politely the
whole time, holding my hand in a vice-like grip that almost cut off
the circulation in my fingers.

That night, we
finally went to bed. That seemed to be where most of her talking
was done. It was almost as if she waited for the lights to go off
or something. I figured it was easier for her to talk about it when
no one was looking at her.

As she scooted
over to me and set her head on my chest, I wrapped my arms around
her tightly. “Are you okay, Baby Girl?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, I’m
good,” she whispered.

Frowning into
the darkness, I rolled to the side and tangled one hand into the
back of her hair, holding her securely against me. “Everything’s
going to be fine tomorrow,” I assured her, dipping my head and
kissing her cheek softly. That did it, the floodgates finally
opened and she burst into tears.

I stroked her
hair, knowing that there was nothing I could say or do to make her
feel better as she sobbed uncontrollably onto my chest. Her whole
body hitched and shook as her tears pooled on my skin and her
breathing came out in ragged gasps. Her fingers dug into my back,
clutching me closer to her as she cried her heart out.

After almost an
hour of heart breaking sobs, she finally drifted off to sleep in my
arms. I already knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep well tonight.
Anger simmered inside me as all I could think about was the photos
that I’d seen in her file. The bruises and broken bones that had
been documented on the day that she’d been rescued flashed before
my eyes. I felt sick. I rolled onto my back, keeping one arm around
her, and then I just lay there, staring at the ceiling for a couple
of hours before I fell into a restless sleep.

I woke early in
the morning. It was only just after six. Anna was stretched out
across my chest, still sound asleep. It made a change for her to be
lying on me instead of the other way around. I trailed my fingers
up and down her back, enjoying her closeness. This week was going
to kill me. Seeing her upset like that every day was going to be
pain like I’d never experienced. I lay there, watching her for
another hour until she stirred, scooting closer to me and making a
little sleepy groaning sound as she kissed my chest softly. When
she tilted her head up, I saw that her eyes were a little bloodshot
and slightly puffy from crying for so long.

I reached out
and brushed her hair from her face. “Morning, Baby Girl,” I
greeted, smiling sadly.

Her eyes
flicked away from me as a subtle blush crept over her face. “I’m
sorry I cried all over you last night, Ashton. I’m so pathetic.”
She ground her teeth and frowned as she absentmindedly traced my
belly button with one finger.

I closed my
eyes and shook my head at her. She truly was absurd sometimes.
“You’re not pathetic, and I don’t care if you cry all over me,
Anna. I want to be here for you,” I promised.

She hugged me
fiercely and made a strangled sound in the back of her throat. “You
know, I’m going to miss you so much when you leave.” Her voice was
husky and full of emotion.

I frowned at
her statement. “Leave? Where am I going?” I didn’t have any planned
trips or anything.

She smiled
sadly. “When you leave, when your assignments done. You’re only
guarding me until after the trial is finished,” she explained,
rolling off me and lying close to my side.

That was true.
My assignment was due to finish just a couple of weeks after
Carter’s trial ended, which potentially meant that I could have a
new job in just three short weeks’ time. I smiled sheepishly
because I didn’t intend for that to happen and had planned on
speaking to her about it. It looked like now was going to be that
time, seeing as she brought it up first. “I wanted to talk to you
about that, actually,” I admitted.

“Yeah?” she
chewed on her lip as if she was trying to hold herself
together.

I nodded,
swallowing my nerves, knowing that the time had come for me to
finally admit my feelings for her. “Yeah. I was thinking, once I’m
not your guard anymore, I could request an assignment near your
school.” I watched her face to see what she truly thought.

A confused
frown lined her forehead as she looked up at me. “Here? Why?”

I chuckled
awkwardly because she just had no idea of the power that she had
over me. Now I just had to suck it up and bite the bullet. It was
now time for me to tell her that I loved her and pray that she
didn’t freak out.

“Well, I want
to stay here with you. I was wondering if I get an assignment here,
maybe we could still live together?” I suggested hopefully.

She gasped and
shook her head, looking extremely angry. I winced immediately,
scolding myself. She obviously wasn’t ready for me to be getting
this heavy with her. I should have waited another couple of
weeks.

“I’m not some
charity case, Ashton! God, you need to chill out, for goodness’
sake! Other agents can look after me, you know,” she cried angrily
as she pushed herself up, about to get out of bed. I groaned.
Again, she thinks I’m only interested in her safety. Why can’t
she see that I’m head over heels for her?
I grabbed her hand
before she could get out of the bed. “Get off, Ashton! Seriously,
I’m really annoyed with you. You think other people can’t look
after me so you have to stay here and babysit me, even when it’s
not your job anymore?” she spat, struggling to pull her hand from
my tight grip.

I tugged on her
hand, making her fall down onto the bed beside me before I rolled
so that I was half hovering over her. “Anna, calm down! Jeez, let
me explain, will you?” I pleaded desperately. She sighed and a
muscle in her jaw twitched angrily as she narrowed her eyes but
stopped struggling. Nerves were making me feel sick. “I’m not
worried about your safety, well actually that’s not true, I’ll
always be worried about your safety. But that’s not the reason I
want to stay here.” I begged her with my eyes to hear me out before
she had whatever panic attack she was going to have. One of her
eyebrows rose in prompt, clearly not believing a word of what I was
saying. I took a deep breath.
Please God, please don’t let her
freak out.
“I want to stay here with you, I… I…” I stuttered.
Wow, the words are hard to say when you didn’t know how they’re
going to be received.

“What? Just
spit it out!” she snapped angrily.

I fought a
smile. I loved it when she was feisty. “I love you, Anna.” The
anger faded from her face to be replaced by shock. Her mouth
dropped open, and her eyes widened as she looked at me. I nodded
and smiled, watching it slowly sink in. “I’ve fallen so in love
with you that it’s unreal. Honestly, I want to stay here with you
because I love you more than anything in the world,” I explained,
biting on the inside of my cheek, waiting for her to react.

It felt like an
enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that she
finally knew how I felt. She was just staring at me like I had
grown a second head, so I let go of her hands and pushed myself off
her, sitting up on the bed next to her, feeling the panic brew
inside me because her silence started to become deafening.

Stunned into
silence was probably the phrase that would best describe me in that
second. I had no words. Had he seriously just told me that he loved
me? Me, messed up, damaged, broken Annabelle Spencer? Someone like
Ashton couldn’t love me, could he? What on earth would he even see
in me? Ashton was a player; he didn’t love girls… did he? My heart
constricted. I wanted so badly for that to be true. I’d dreamt of
him saying those words to me hundreds of times. Never, in any of my
dreams, had they sounded so sweet.

He pushed
himself up off me as he stared down at me, seeming to be gauging my
reaction. His emerald green eyes were searching my face. They shone
with tenderness and passion, and the sight of it made my heart
ache. Could it be? Could someone as sweet, adorable, smart and
funny, really want me?

My body seemed
to belong to someone else, my limbs were not responding as I
struggled to take in and believe his confession. It took a great
deal of effort for me to push myself up to sitting too. His face
was merely inches away from mine as his eyes narrowed, silently
begging me to speak.

“You love me?”
I whispered disbelievingly.

He nodded.
“Yeah, I love you,” he confirmed. That was when I saw it in his
eyes, the truth, the depth of his feelings, the devotion. Suddenly
it all made sense, his actions, his attentiveness, his affection.
He wanted me. A sad smile twitched at the corner of his full lips.
“It’s okay; I know you’re scared to let me in, Anna. After what
happened with Jack, I know you need time before you can make
yourself vulnerable again. I’ll wait for you, as long as it takes,”
he whispered, looking at me fiercely.

My heart melted
into a puddle in my chest. My muscles seemed to unfreeze, so I bent
forward and pressed my lips to his, knowing that nothing I could
say would explain it better than that. He didn’t kiss me back
though; he just stayed still as if shocked. When I pulled back, I
looked up into his eyes, and I saw my whole future there.

“I love you
too, Ashton,” I whispered. Air rushed out of his lungs, blowing
across my face in one large burst. His eyes widened in shock as his
whole body stiffened. “I’ve known it for a while but I didn’t
really know how to deal with it, and I didn’t want to tell you
because I didn’t think that you felt the same.”

He groaned,
leaning forward and pressing his forehead against mine.
“Really?”