Nova (48 page)

He slowed down for a second and then pulled
away to study my face. “Nova, I—
”

“I want you to stay with me tonight. Please?”

He took a few seconds to think about it while I did my best to speed up his decision.

Without another word he locked the car and followed me inside. We continued to kiss in the elevator, and
also
as we
stopped in front of room 315, and t
he kissing intensified
with the shutting of the door.
Things were going great until he suddenly stopped.

“I- I
shouldn’t
do this,” he
exhaled
.

I didn’t say anything, hoping he would expound
without me betraying my disappointment
.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” he sighed, turning away from me. “
I’m
trying to respect your wishes
, Nova
.
”

I thought about that for a moment, understanding what he meant.
“I know, and I appreciate that,” I said, stepping closer to him
again
. “But right now
those wishes
are
kind of a little hard for
me
to respect. I love you too much.
”

He slowly turned around and looked at me for several seconds. I knew I very well couldn’t stand there and tell him that this wasn’t what I had in mind when I came to North Carolina. I knew I’d be lying. I wasn’t
okay with us just being friends
and I wanted him to know I still felt that way.

“Nova, I can
’t
make any guarantees
. You broke up with me and I understand why. You were right. What I was doing to you was
n’t fair. And ever since then I’ve known
how wrong I was before. It was kind of a wake up call to me, and I completely deserved it.
”

“It wasn’t meant to punish you—”

“I know, but I’m a selfish guy, so I’m only thinking about my own broken heart right now.”

I smiled when he did, and just that little moment assured me that everything was going to be okay.

I slid my hands around his neck and stood against him. “I love you, Austin. I always will.
But I want you to know that I am one hundred percent committed to you. The circumstances around us don’t matter because I will never change how I feel. I really am sorry if you’ve felt like I haven’t supported you in your caree
r. I guess I thought that I did, but if you feel that I haven’t…I guess I need to work on that. And I want to work on that, just so
you know. I can’t stand being a
part from you anymore. I want for us to be together again, in whatever capacity you can.”

He was silent at first, softly running his hand through my hair. At last he said, “I doubted myself, Nova. And I doubted us. You were right about that. I just…thought I owed it to myself to give it all I had. Racing. And I thought I could come through my first season strong—establish myself a little—and after that I’d be able to be…more, I guess. I wanted that for you, too. I thought for sure you would go to school, I really did.”

“I told you—”

“I know. You told me you didn’t
want to
, but I just…I thought maybe you weren’t able to stick to your resolve as well as I could.”

He kind of smiled and it made me laugh.
“Definitely not true. My resolve only changed.”

“Yeah, I see that now. Jack told me you applied to a few schools and got into them all, and then you really did choose to not g
o.”

I shrugged. “I’ve only wanted you. I’m happy with that.
I love working for your family and it’s because of you.
You
gave me that. Being there, with you, is a dream come true.
”

He slowly nodded, seeming to think. “Can you forgive me then? For being put on my back burner?”

With a smile I said, “I will always forgive you.”

We kissed again, but it wasn’t the intense, passionate kind like before. It was more of a silent commitment to one another, and I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.

“So how do you like North Carolina?” he asked.

“I like it very much because
you
are here.”

“So…what do you think about living here next season? I mean you don’t have to the entire time, but what if you somehow split your time with Bakersfield?”

I was so overjoyed it made me cry. I laid my face against his chest and let my tears
wet
his shirt.

After a minute he said, “It’s no guarantee
,
though. I don’t even know where I’ll be next season if I don’t get it together on the track.”

I barely nodded. “You just do what you can and things will work out how they’re supposed to.”

“Yeah, I’m beginning to feel that way.”

“Like you have no control over anything?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

I considered that for a bit, understanding completely. “Well, this is what we do have control over—you and I—and I think it’s best to just stick together. There’s strength in that.”

“I agree,” he said, kissing the top of my h
ead. “And I’m sorry for being such an ass
.”

“Were you really waiting for me come back to you?”

He laughed. “Uh, yeah, actually I was. You were pretty upset with me. I figured I
really blew it.”

“You started to blo
w it when you shut me out before that.”

He groaned. “I know, I know.
I was stupid. But I didn’t plan on being an ass forever. I really would have groveled for your forgiveness in November.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I love you, Nova. I really thought I was trying to make everybody
get what
they
wanted and…it just wasn’t meant to be that way. Instead I just made things worse.”

“Let’s not focus on that anymore, okay?” I asked, looking right at him. “I’d rather just be happy that you finally got a clue.”

He laughed at that and nodded his head. “Yeah, me too.
But I’ve never stopped loving you, Nova. Honest to God, I never have. And it killed me to have things the way they were. I just…didn’t know how to juggle both. I really didn’t. A
nd since I’d finally made it to
this
level, I chose that to focus on first.
I feared it was the only chance I was going to get.
I’m really sorry…”

“Can we just move on? There’s something else I’d rather talk about right now. Or…maybe no talking,” I smiled, grabbing his shirt to make him kiss me
as I led him to the bed
.

Chapter Twenty-Five

“Shift your weight just a little more,” Sam told me.

I took Born To Be Wild to
the far end of the arena and stopped. So far he was getting the hang of turning the barrels, but he didn’t seem to like cutting sharply.
He’d never make it in a race if he couldn’t cut with speed.
I didn’t have the experience to work him like Sam could, but she insisted on allowing me the
opportunity. I was still too timid to ride him like he could be ridden.

“I just think he needs someone more assertive,” I hollered to Sam.

“Then be more assertive,” she sassed back.

I smiled and shook my head. I was getting more comfortable on horseback, but I still was not a competitive rider. “I’m just not ready for that. I mean if he wanted to do it, wouldn’t he?”

Sam loped over on Ridley and pulled up beside me. She had that look on her face that said she was going to disagree with me. “Nova, your horse is as smart as they come. Honestly, I’m not just saying that. He’s got a personality to him that is very…self-governing. He only does what he wants to do, so if you’re not going to push him into trying harder, he’s going to take advantage of that.
If you let him do the bare minimum, that’s all he’s going to give you.
Push him a little… He doesn’t know what he can do or why he should do it if you don’t make him.”

“I understand that,” I said truthfully. “But I’m not the trainer like you are, nor am I an experienced rider.”

“You’re right, but I wouldn’t ask you to do it if I didn’t think you were capable.”

We sat there on our mounts for a few seconds in silence. I’ll admit I was scared to ride like Sam wanted me to. It wasn’t something that I’d ever had a desire to do.

“You drove Austin’s cars, right?” she asked me knowingly. I didn’t respond and she added, “Was it hard?”

“It’s a different feel. I feel safer in a race car.” I thought about that for a second and shook my head. “Wow, never thought I’d say that in my life…”

Sam smiled, but she motioned for Ridley to move forward. “Let’s go over it again?”

“I know how to cut him.”

“I know, but if we go over it over and over, maybe you’ll be bored enough to try something more exciting.”

I laughed, but I followed her anyway. We did some cutting in the open arena for a few minutes, but she was right, I was bored after a while. I knew it was going to be one of those things that I just needed to do, but it was really intimidating to me. I had no idea how I would handle cutting a barrel at such high speeds. As it was, according to Sam, I was only taking Born To Be Wild at
half
the speed he was capable of. I couldn’t imagine going any faster.

Sam pulled up beside me again and said, “If I do it one time, on Wild, will it help? If you can see how well he handles it, will you try it?”

I thought about that for a second. It had been what I’d wanted originally—for Sam to work with him—but she had insisted that I do it myself. “Yes, I think I’d feel better seeing you do it first.”

She only nodded as she go
t off her horse. I did the same
and we traded reins. I walked Ridley over to the railing and mounted him just to sit and watch. Sam swung herself up on Wild easily and got him moving around the arena. Then she brought him to a barrel and, without a pause, kicked him into high gear. I watch the dust blow up from his hooves as he reacted to her signal, and he took off down the line for the next barrel. I watched with amazement as the two approached the end of their straight stretch, surely going way too fast to make the turn. But with one sharp signal, my horse cut to the left, barely cleared the barrel with his hindquarters, and then the cloud of dust followed them to the stretch home. I thought she was going to stop with just the one lap, but she cut him at that barrel too, and the dirt kicked as far as the end railing to the arena as they raced to the next turn.

“Holy crap,” I muttered under my breath. I’d seen Sam barrel race, but seeing her do it on
my
horse completely surprised me. He looked like he did it every day of his life, and it made me wonder if I was really the right person to be riding him.

After that turn and the following straight stretch, she slowed him down and turned him away from the barrel without cutting again. She rode him lightly to where I was sitting and stopped in front of me. With a big smile she said, “He was totally showing off for you!”

That made me laugh
and I said, “How in the world did that happen?”

“He’s never been that fast.”

I stared at her for a few seconds. “What? What do you mean he’s never been that fast? You ride him in here?” I wasn’t sure why I was surprised, but she’d been so sneaky about making me think otherwise…

“Just a couple of times,” she shrugged. “But he’s definitely better than I thought. There is no question about it, Nova. You’ve
got
to start entering him.”

“There is
no way
I’m riding him that fast!”

“It’s not hard,” she said impatiently. “If you would just trust me on that.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t feel the desire to race him like that. If he’s that good, you are more than welcome to use him yourself. I really don’t mind.”

“He’s faster than Ace
or
Spitfire,” she said, almost to herself. She gave him a pat on the neck as she dismounted
and added, “Here, your turn.”

I wasn’t going to do with him what she had just done, but I didn’t make a response and traded horses. I pulled myself up onto
Wild
and led him to a barrel, thinking that I could at least try a little more speed than the last time. Being that he could handle himself well with Sam, I was sure that I could manage to stay on him.

But of course I didn’t consider the fact that he was still raring to go after his previous flight, and he took off way faster than I was expecting. I tried to slow him down, and I think he did a little bit, but we were already to the other barrel before he could change his tactics too much, and I think I even closed my eyes as we made the cut.