Now and Forever--Let's Make Love (2 page)

Men get hot very fast and women warm up slowly.
No, don’t explode that one. Although, like all generalities, it does have exceptions, this one’s true most of the time. I
heard a wonderful quote recently: “Men flame like a match; women heat like an iron.” This is very true, and it’s a situation
that’s often underestimated. Find a compromise, the books and articles say simplistically. He needs to slow down; she needs
to try to speed up her reactions. Sure. So much more easily said than done. But there are ways.

Why do I bring up all these dearly held beliefs? Because together, through the next two hundred pages or so, we’re going to
look at mistaken beliefs about lovemaking. We’ll search for truths, solutions, and for the fun that’s to be had between partners,
from those who are new to each other to those who’ve been together since the Eisenhower administration and longer.

Together, we’re going to investigate exciting ways to make lovemaking, at all stages of a relationship, hot, new, and fun.

Before we begin, there are several topics that need to be addressed. First, and most important, no section of this book is
specific to one stage of life or another. Of course, there are problems that affect those at one stage of a relationship more
than at another: dealing with small children, the problems of aging, the good news and bad news about new relationships. But
the suggestions for activities to relieve some of the sexual tensions that go with these problems and the ideas for spicing
up a sex life are generic. All ages can benefit from lengthening foreplay, from using all the senses to bring out new feelings,
from ideas for new activities, and from suggestions to facilitate communication between partners.

Although I encourage you to skip around, there is something in every chapter for everyone, so don’t decide that because you’re
twenty-seven years old and you and your partner have a two-year-old son the chapter titled “The Empty Nest” has nothing of
value for you.

You can read this book from cover to cover if you like, or you can begin with the section that seems to apply to your relationship,
then skip around later. There are new ideas everywhere, so just keep an open mind as you read.

This book is also filled with short stories about ordinary people having fun in the bedroom, on the grass, at a motel bar,
or in an elevator. They will engage in some activities that you and your partner may want to experiment with, some that are
fun to fantasize about but that you wouldn’t think of actually doing, and some that are just “not your thing.” Not everything
is for everyone.

You will notice that few of the people in the stories are described in detail and that I’ve given the characters plain vanilla
names. I hope that you can imagine yourself and your partner in one or more of those situations. Think of them as people like
yourselves, doing things you’ve always wanted to do. Should you decide to read one or more of these stories aloud, you can
personalize the tale by changing the names of the characters and describing them as if they were you and your partner.

In addition to problems, suggestions, and stories, each chapter contains a section called “Try Something New.” These sections
contain stories and useful information about a new activity: storytelling, cybersex, browsing through catalogs, and playing
out power fantasies. I included one in each chapter, but none is specific to an age or a particular stage of a relationship,
because there is no age limit on anything you want to try. If you think it might feel good, go for it.

At the end of each chapter, you’ll find a section titled “Ageless Fantasies,” adventurous tales of delicious interludes, each
story demonstrating how dreams can come true.

Keep an open mind. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again through the book. It’s an important phrase. I’m going to discuss
ideas that may seem “bad” to you. I will certainly admit that not all sexual activities are for everyone. Many of you may
have no interest in being tied to the bed or in making love on the dining room table. But that doesn’t mean these are “bad”
ideas. They are just not your thing. Maybe you’ve never ventured far from the beaten path. That’s fine, too. But don’t label
ideas as “good” or “bad.” Either they suit your taste or they don’t. And take care never to label your partner as “bad” for
suggesting something off-center. The idea may not appeal to you, but your partner has been very brave to suggest it.

Try not to make your “sounds good” versus “let’s not” decisions based on what you’re
supposed
to like or dislike, what nice girls or good guys
should
do or not do.

Let’s take oral sex, for example. The new Kinsey Institute report states: “Although various studies show that 50 to 80 percent
of women perform fellatio, only 35 to 65 percent of those find it to be pleasurable; the rest are indifferent (that is, they
can take it or leave it) or do not enjoy it at all.”

What was your first reaction as you read that? Did you think what most of us do when reading sexual statistics?

Am I in the majority? Yes! Phew. I’m okay.

Or: No! I must be weird. I’m in the minority. Something’s wrong with me.

I have a wonderful mental picture of a woman reading the latest study on sexual activities aloud to her husband of forty years.
“Dear,” she says, her lower lip quivering, “it says here that only five percent of Americans enjoy making love standing on
their heads.”

“Oh darling,” he answers, “I never realized that we were doing something so kinky. I guess that means we have to stop.”

“And after all these years,” she moans.

“Maybe we can do it one last time,” he suggests, winking at her.

“Well maybe,” she says, grinning.

Point made? It really is pretty silly to judge the things that you and your partner enjoy by other people’s standards. If
it feels good and you both get pleasure, do it.

Very little that I will say in
Now and Forever
is gender-specific. Both men and women have fantasies. Both men and women are occasionally discontented with their sex lives.
Both men and women enjoy telling dirty stories or playing with sex toys.

Now let’s consider the awkward problem I have with pronouns. If I put “him/her” or “she/he” in every appropriate place, this
book would be both hard to type and cumbersome to read. Therefore, I will use my pronouns randomly. I will just choose the
gender that most people think the situation might apply to.

A suggestion:
Let’s say you’ve read something in this book—or any book, for that matter—that ignites a spark in your mind. Or perhaps you
find your pulse racing and you think what a couple did in a particular story sounds wonderful. They made love in his office—right
on the desk—while the cleaning crew was in the next room. You take a deep breath; your knees quiver and your heart pounds.
I’d love to be that brave, that free, that hot, you think.

Then you think some more. Maybe Charlie (or Charlene) wouldn’t like it. Maybe my husband will think I’m weird for even suggesting
it. Then you remember how he reacted the last time you suggested something unusual, the funny look in his eyes, the subtle
but, to you, obvious change in his body language.

Maybe my wife will reject me for even considering such a thing. She’ll decide that something’s wrong with our marriage. She’ll
think I’m getting ideas because I’m having an affair.

No, you decide, you won’t mention it.

That night, sex is particularly stimulating because you’re picturing the office with the lights out and the sounds of vacuuming
in the next room. You make love with new vigor, new enthusiasm.

That’s not all bad. Anything that leads to an evening of good sex is great. But what if you could mention your idea to your
partner and give him time to digest the idea and consider that it might be fun to try. There’s a special delight when you
introduce someone you care about to something that becomes a special favorite, sexual or not. I convinced Ed to try sushi
for the first time and he got me to eat boiled peanuts, and both of us are better for that. New pleasures. But how? I’ve got
an easy way for you to do that; I call it bookmarking.

Here’s how it works. Let’s say you find an arousing idea or a story about a couple making love in an exciting new way. Slip
a bookmark into the book at the page where that new idea is mentioned. Put a second bookmark where a couple acts out the fantasy
you would like to try, so your lover will understand what you’re doing.

Then put the book under your husband’s pillow, or in your wife’s briefcase. Give him time to read a bit and understand that
you’re suggesting something wonderful—something new and a little scary, but wonderful. No, it’s not the specific idea that’s
wonderful. What is wonderful is that you’re suggesting to him that you two try something different.

“Honey,” you might say, “this is an interesting book. I’d love it if you’d read a bit. There are two bookmarks. Why don’t
you take a look at the sections I’ve selected?”

I think it’s fantastically brave and loving. You’re saying to your partner, Hey, I want to play with you. I don’t want merely
to fantasize anymore. I don’t want to play with anyone else. I want to play with you because I love you and because I think
we can both have fun with this.

Risky? Yes. But the risk carries a great reward.

What will he think when he begins to read? First will come the knee-jerk reaction. What’s the matter—what we have isn’t good
enough? Where does she learn this stuff— from those silly women’s magazines? She’s a nice woman and can’t possibly be interested
in that. Is she really saying she wants to try something kinky?

Then he’ll check to see where you’ve put your second bookmark. He’ll flip the pages and read. Nah, he’ll think, she can’t
mean this. Can she? Would she?

There can be two possible outcomes. The best would be that he realizes this is an idea he’s been thinking about, too. Holy
shit, he thinks, she really wants to do this? He’s delighted, excited, and, literally or figuratively, drags you off into
the bedroom and … Well, you understand.

However, there is another possibility. Oh Lord, he thinks. She can’t want to do
that.
It’s sick, crazy, weird. How can I tell her that this turns me off totally?

How indeed? Remember that your partner has taken a great risk and shared her innermost fantasy with you. She has told you
something wonderful and opened a dialogue by saying, Let’s play together. Well, isn’t there something that you’ve always wanted
to try that you’ve never had the courage to share? I’ll bet there is. Aren’t you lucky that she took the risk first! Now you
have the opportunity to share your desires, as well.

What to do? Mellow out and relax. Read through other sections of this book and move the bookmark to a story that makes you
hot. Then return the book to your partner. How many times you move the bookmark is irrelevant. What’s important is that you’re
communicating. You’re exploring things that might be fun, and eventually you will find one that gets both of you excited.
Then go ravish each other. Do it. It’s all fun, as long as each of you gives and receives pleasure from the activity.

When you find something new and erotically exciting, go for it. You might get yourself into a silly situation that neither
of you had anticipated. Okay, giggle. You might decide that something that sounded like a great idea turned out to be a lousy
one. Say so.

If it’s wonderful, be encouraging. Purr, moan, say “That feels so good,” or “Move your hand over here a little bit.” Afterward,
tell each other “That was terrific,” or say “That didn’t turn out quite the way I’d expected.” Communicate— out loud. This
is all new and scary, but you’re together, and that makes so much possible.

Now let’s begin our journey into the realms of creative lovemaking and see what problems, solutions, suggestions, and new
ideas are out there for a couple who has the courage to try.

2

Three boys—one English, one Italian, and one French—accidentally peeked into a motel window and saw a couple on their honeymoon
bouncing around on the bed.

The English boy jumped back and said, “They’re fi ghting.”

The Italian boy looked at him incredulously. “You don’t know anything,” he said. “They’re making love.”

The French boy smiled softly. “Yes, they are. And badly, too.”

y
ou’ve made the big decision. You and your partner are exclusive. Whether you’ve just gotten married or have recently moved
in together, you’re committed. It’s a wonderful time, a time of exploration, a time of new discoveries about each other, a
time of new adventures and new problems.

While you were dating, seeing each other a few times a week at best, you were hot for each other. You anticipated each meeting
for hours, even days, being sure you looked your best, smelled your best, sounded your best. You dressed carefully, put on
your best cologne, and jumped into bed whenever you had the time and the place. The time might have been during your lunch
hour and the place might have been the backseat of your car in the parking lot, but you found time to be together. It was
wonderful.