Of Love and Darkness (11 page)

Sydney watched the scenery fly by outside the passenger side window. “It’s really necessary for you and me to have children, isn’t it?” she asked quietly.

Gavin slid a sideways glance in her direction. “At some point, yes. This battle will undoubtedly result in casualties on our side, no matter how well trained we are. The Light One population is so low right now compared to the Rakshasa, every one we lose makes a big impact.”

“How come the Rakshasa don’t have the same problem?”

Gavin hesitated, which told her whatever he intended to say, it was not the entire story. Considering her abysmal lack of knowledge about him or even her own kind, she had no choice but to accept whatever he told her, half the story or not.

“Female Rakshasa don’t have the infertility problem that Light Ones do. Or maybe Rakshasa have unprotected sex more frequently.” He shrugged. “As far as I can tell, male Light Ones used to tend to hold out, hoping to meet a Chala, instead of mating with the first available hot chick who came along. By the time they realized the error of their ways, it was too late. There were almost no Chala left, leaving the male Light Ones with only humans to mate with, and like I said, it’s a recessive gene. Result? Not a whole lot of Light Ones in the world.”

Sydney blew out a breath. “It’s really stressful feeling as if the future of your kind lies on your shoulders.”

Gavin reached over and twined his fingers with hers. “I’ll do my damnedest to ensure you aren’t stressed during the process of creating that future.”

His tone was flip, but Sydney heard the underlying steel beneath the words. Her heart gave an unexpected flutter, although she forced a laugh, so he would not suspect she understood what he wasn’t saying.

He would protect her, he would take care of her.

He cared for her.

Hilde’s house was located approximately four hours north of Detroit. Gavin instructed everyone to drive straight there, without making a single pit stop. The fact that they were in vehicles and left no discernible scents in any towns save the one they left and the one they arrived in, would, he knew, also buy them time.

They arrived at Hilde’s place during the early afternoon. Since they had only a few hours of daylight left and a great deal to do, Gavin and William immediately set about issuing orders and putting everyone to work. The trucks were unloaded and sent into the nearest town to load up with lumber and sheet rock and other necessary supplies to convert the pole barn into a barracks. The remaining shifters were set to work emptying the pole barn of a hundred years’ worth of mostly useless junk.

Hilde lived in an old farmhouse situated on a fan-shaped piece of land with about thirty feet of sandy frontage on a crystal-clear lake, and opened up to densely wooded property behind the house. Her house was surrounded by state land, which meant she had few neighbors to contend with.

The farmhouse had been added on to over the years, turning it into a massive wooden structure with white plank siding and a large wraparound porch. Despite the size and the number of bedrooms inside the house, it was not large enough to accommodate what had become nearly fifty Light Ones by this point. The pole barn located about thirty yards behind the house was the perfect solution.

Behind the pole barn was a half-acre clearing that Hilde normally used to grow a garden. Gavin paced around the perimeter and declared it perfect to use as a training ground.

He had no doubt the Rakshasa would find them eventually, but the longer he could put off the inevitable, the better. He needed to train his men, he needed to prepare, but mostly, he needed more time with Sydney.

He was reasonably certain that every shifter in his strange little army would fight to the death to protect their Chala, so he wasn’t as worried about Sydney’s death as he was his own. He told the truth when he told her he once was the Rakshasa’s leader, and therefore knew how they worked. They were a cunning and highly skilled set of warriors. And they would go after the center of the machine—the cog that kept it all together and kept everything running smoothly.

They would go after him.

Luckily, no one else knew this about the enemy. Everyone else assumed Sydney was the target, and they would protect her appropriately. Which was exactly the way Gavin wanted it.

Much later that evening, after everyone was settled in and many were already sleeping, Gavin sought out William and convinced him to take a walk outside, just the two of them.

“I told you, you aren’t my type, Rakshasa,” William commented as they slipped out the kitchen door and wandered along the shoveled path between the house and the pole barn. No one else was outside at the moment, which was just the way Gavin wanted it.

“Thank the Fates for small favors,” he replied. After a few moments of silent walking, William inquired as to why they were wandering about in sub-zero temperatures.

“Sydney is my mate now,” Gavin started, haltingly. “But if I die, she won’t feel any, um, urges to want to kill herself, will she?”

“Worried, Rakshasa? I thought you were the best there is.”

“There is always the possibility of death when you go into battle. You know this as well as I do.”

“True.”

“So answer the damn question. Will she feel the urge to kill herself?”

William contemplated his answer for a few moments. “She has developed feelings for you, against my better judgment.”

“That isn’t what I asked.” Although it was nice to know.

“Sydney is special.” It sounded as if he was choosing his words with care. “She would be heartbroken if you die, but no, she would not feel the urge to kill herself. Not in the way a Light One does when his Chala dies.”

Gavin let out a breath he did not even realize he was holding. “That’s a relief.” It would be even better if she changed her mind about the whole childbearing thing before the Rakshasa found them. It would be nice to know he’d left her with his seed growing in her belly. One step at a time, though.

William hesitated, and then said, “Gavin, there is something you should know.”

“What?”

“Sydney isn’t your mate.”

Gavin rolled his eyes. “Haven’t we been over this? Do you want to watch next time?” He made a show of looking at his wrist, even though he didn’t wear a watch. “If you want, come into our bedroom in about twenty minutes. I plan to be buried inside her by that time.”

“I don’t understand what she sees in you,” William said in disgust. “You are the crudest man I have ever met. And it doesn’t matter how many times or how many different ways you have sex with her. It doesn’t matter if you ingest her blood again. It doesn’t matter if you get her with child. She will never be your mate. Not officially. Not as a Chala.”

Gavin stopped walking. William continued several more paces before he realized Gavin was no longer at his side. William stopped and turned around. The devastated look on Gavin’s face very nearly made him wish he’d never admitted the truth to the man. But he needed to know. He needed to know, so he could let Sydney go, so she could mate with another.

“But . . . But . . .”

William shook his head sadly. “You are a cursed Rakshasa, Gavin. You are not a Light One, even if you do
feel
like a Light One. And Rakshasa do not mate with the Chala.”

“That’s why you haven’t left.”

William watched realization dawn on the other man’s face. “Yes.”

“You know this for a fact?” Gavin demanded.

“It’s the way it is. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe she’s not the only one.” Fragile hope bloomed in Gavin’s voice.

William hesitated. “I’ve searched. I’ve had others searching. I did not want to believe it, either. But we haven’t been able to locate a single other Chala. What if she is the last of her kind? What if she really is the last hope for the Light Ones? With your curse, you know you can’t keep her from her destiny.”

“Damn it.” Gavin kicked at the snow. “She’s
mine
.”

“I’m sorry, Gavin.”

“Goddamn it!”

Chapter 9

Training officially began the following morning. They borrowed Hilde’s snowplow and cleared the garden area behind the pole barn, and the first thing Gavin did was get into a heated argument with Sydney because she insisted on joining them.

She hadn’t expected him to be so adamant, after the night before. When he joined her in bed that night, there had been an intensity about him that had both been thrilling and slightly frightening. It was almost as if he
needed
to couple with her. She had the strangest feeling that in his mind, he honestly believed it.

Afterward, he had been reluctant to let her go again, as if he needed to touch her, to be inside her. As if he felt that if he pulled out, he might never have the chance to couple with her again. He clung to her, and they fell asleep that way, and he’d still been inside her when they woke up this morning. So they made love again, with that same intensity, and she was certain the only reason they even climbed out of bed at all was because William pounded on the door and informed them he was sending the entire household in after them if they did not get up in the next five minutes.

And here they were, arguing in front of everyone, because Gavin was too damned stubborn to see that she needed to train too. She needed to defend herself. She could not, she
would not
rely on everyone else to protect her. And he had to understand. Well, he didn’t have to understand, she supposed, but he did have to let her.

“Keep pushing me and I’m going to use my magic mojo on you,” Sydney warned, finally losing her temper.

Gavin snorted. “You don’t even know how to control whatever the hell magic you possess.”

She focused on some point over his shoulder. When he turned to see what she was looking at, he received a snowball in the face. When he spun back around, Sydney smirked. She heard several sniggers from the other shifters standing nearby. He stabbed his finger into her chest, his silver-blue eyes glowing like white embers.

“You want to train? Get ready,
Chala
. I’m about to kick your ass.”

He was right, of course, but Sydney would be damned if she’d admit it. Instead, after practice, she had Hilde stand guard while she soaked in a tubful of steaming water. Unfortunately, Hilde was no match for Gavin when he was determined, and she barely had a chance to enjoy the heat before he stood over her, watching her with that same intensity that gave her chills and heated her insides all at the same time.

Without a word, he shed his clothing and climbed into the tub, sliding down behind her, and pulling her up flush against his chest. His erection pressed against her backside, and his touch was already healing her overworked muscles. He picked up a washcloth, rolled the bar of soap for a moment, and then smoothed the washcloth slowly over her shoulder, down onto her chest, and over her breasts.

She sucked in a breath when he brushed the soapy cloth over her nipples then clenched her muscles and lifted slightly off his lap. When she slid back down, his erection was nestled between her outer folds. She rolled her hips and they both hissed as they exhaled.

“We fit each other,” he murmured, as he lifted his hips, pressing his erection closer to her opening. She squirmed impatiently and he dropped the washcloth and let his hand travel south, under the water, over her stomach, until his fingers touched tight little curls.

She let her head loll onto his shoulder. “We do,” she agreed.

“Do you think it’ll be like this with anyone else?”

Sydney gave a purely feminine smile. “There won’t ever be anyone else.”

He grabbed her hips and thrust, impaling her. She arched her back and turned her head, seeking his lips. He twisted one hand into her hair and held her there, so he could kiss her and make love to her at the same time.

“Wait,” Sydney said, tearing her lips away. “Stop.”

“Can’t.” Gavin gasped as he grasped her hips and held her as he pressed upward again and again.

“Protection!” Sydney gasped. “No protection!” She clawed at the side of the tub, at his arm, as she felt her orgasm welling. “Oh God, Gavin!”

“Can’t—stop!” He wheezed as he pumped three more times and then exploded.

Sydney let out a small shriek as she followed him over the edge and then collapsed back against his chest, sloshing water over the side of the tub in the process.

They lay like that for a few moments. Sydney thought she may have even dozed off for a time. But eventually, reality intruded, and she sat up and climbed out of the tub, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself.

“You did that on purpose, Gavin,” she accused as she grabbed a second towel and began to dry her hair.

“Did what? Have sex with you? Yes, I did.” He stood, and she turned away from the sight of water sloughing off his perfect and lickable body.

“Had sex without protection,” she qualified. “I told you I’m not ready. But you just never listen, do you? Damn it, Gavin, I can’t live like this. You have to learn to respect my feelings.” She flung a dry towel at him and stormed out of the bathroom.

Gavin stood in the tub, holding the towel in his hands, staring at the door through which she’d just exited. He hadn’t had unprotected sex with her on purpose, at least not consciously.

But he wasn’t sorry he had.

It took him two days to woo Sydney back into his bed, and it was two days of pure and utter purgatory. How the hell was he supposed to give her up to someone else—permanently—when he couldn’t bear to be without her for two lousy days?

Light Ones continued to arrive, almost on a daily basis. It was mind-blowing really, that every frigging Light One in the world could find them, but not a single Rakshasa had become aware of their location. He had scouts positioned on the perimeter of the lands as well as out by the freeway, since that was the most logical way they would arrive. So far, the only sign of shifters were Light Ones.

“It’s because of Sydney,” William informed him, during their first conversation since he made his big, devastating announcement that in order for the Light One species to continue on, Gavin would have to give up Sydney so she could mate with another. But not yet. He wasn’t ready yet.

“Until she mates with a Light One, they will continue to seek her out. And eventually, they will lead the Rakshasa to us, inadvertent as it might be.”

“You’re just chockfull of joy and happiness, aren’t you?” Gavin replied acidly, and then he strode away.

For two weeks, Gavin trained them mercilessly. He whipped them into shape, forcing them through drill after drill of strengthening exercises, before moving on to basic fighting moves. Someone asked when they were going to get to battle with weapons and Gavin made an example of him in front of everyone else. Then he informed the young upstart that until he learned to defend himself with his hands, he didn’t deserve to use a weapon.

Despite his growing feelings for Sydney, Gavin found himself studying his army, watching them, analyzing them . . . and trying to figure out if one of them would be good enough to be her mate. To lay with her, to pleasure her, to give her a child. To give her multiple children. A handful of boys and girls each would be nice. Chala and Light Ones. The very thing Gavin wanted to give her.

William somehow figured out his plan, and had his own opinion. “Go with Quentin. He’ll do only what’s necessary to get her with child. That way, you won’t lay awake at night, torturing yourself with thoughts of what they’re doing together.”

Gavin growled at him. “Why? So you’ll have your boy toy close at hand?”

William gave Quentin a look of intense longing from across the yard.

“Unfortunately, that has nothing to do with it. When Sydney takes a Light One to mate, I will be forced to let her go, too.” He looked very sad at the prospect.

As far as Gavin was concerned, the only person who would win in this whole saving the world routine was whoever was lucky enough to be Sydney’s mate. Well, him and the rest of the world. Bastard.

Gavin was pretty sure by the end of the second week that he’d made his choice. He hated it, of course, but he knew damn well he didn’t have any other option. The curse would not let him be selfish, not in this respect.

He had to give Prim props. The Fate knew what the hell she was doing. He would be utterly miserable, probably would at some point sacrifice himself for the sake of the battle, but at least Sydney would be free to mate with the correct type of shifter, and thus, eventually, save the world.

His name was Brandon Haines, and he hailed from Texas. He was 224 years old and was a direct descendent of a Chala. He had streaked blond hair and pale blue eyes and a chiseled, Greek god-like body. He was quiet and emanated confidence, and with good reason. He was by far the best of Gavin’s entire army. Even Hugo couldn’t best him. Gavin had, but he’d struggled far more than he had with anyone else.

He was also one of the few who had made his way to their private training grounds not because he hoped to mate with the Chala, but because he sensed something big was going down, and he wanted to be part of it. Gavin thought it was a little odd that he wasn’t fawning over Sydney like everyone else was, until he followed Brandon one night, and discovered he regularly paid visits to a hole-in-the-wall bar in the nearest town, hooking up with one of the human bartenders at the end of her shift, before heading back to Hilde’s home, and another day of grueling practice. He never once complained, and he never bragged about his conquest. Gavin couldn’t help but respect him.

Sydney, too, was coming along swimmingly. Amazingly so, considering she’d lived thirty years believing she was human, and, despite what she said when she first met him, had absolutely no defensive training whatsoever. But she had determination on her side, and a fierce desire not to be the weakest link in the chain.

She had no worries in that respect. After only two weeks, she could best half the team in one-on-one combat. Granted, they were all still mooning after her and thus refused to actually try very hard, but nonetheless, enough of them did give it their all, and she still won. Gavin couldn’t have been more proud. And so, reluctantly, he began to team her with Brandon during practice. Just to see how well they worked together.

He wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or elated when they quickly became an almost inseparable team on the practice field. They’d begun to spend more and more time together off the practice field, too. So much so that Gavin was beginning to feel jealous, despite the fact that Brandon was the one he chose for her, and he should be happy they were getting along so well.

“So he’s the one, is he?”

William walked up to stand next to Gavin, while he watched Sydney and Brandon erupt into an impromptu snowball fight. Gavin had called a halt to training for the day, because it had been almost flawless, and he knew that even those facing an imminent war needed a break every now and then. For nearly a month, they’d trained relentlessly, and so far, there’d been no sign of the enemy. He still had no doubt they’d come, but he was no longer afraid it would take them unaware, or that his team would not be ready. In fact, he was pretty damned confident they could quite possibly win this battle. And if they won this one, it would give them the strength to win the rest.

“Do you approve?” Gavin asked the Fate. He wasn’t sure he particularly cared about the Fate’s opinion, but William cared about Sydney, and Gavin figured the Fate would sleep better at night if he knew Sydney was left in capable hands.

William watched the snowball fight for a few minutes. “He isn’t you,” he said after a while.

Gavin shrugged, feigning indifference.

“What will you do? When you let her go?”

Drown myself in a pool of misery
. The thought was so ridiculously poetic, he almost laughed.

“There’s a girl, down in Detroit. I’ll probably let her help me forget, for a while. Then . . . who knows?”

“You think you can ever forget?”

“You think I have a choice?”

Before William could respond, if he intended to at all, Sydney rushed up to them, with Brandon walking sedately behind her, a slight smile on his lips. It wasn’t a cocky smile. It was just an “I’m in a good place” smile.

It occurred to him that Brandon was better for Sydney than he was in a lot of ways.
He
had a lot of baggage, in the form of his curse that would never go away, no matter how many centuries he and Sydney got to spend together. As far as he could tell, Brandon didn’t have a single ounce of baggage.

Laughing, Sydney wrapped her arms around Gavin’s waist and swung herself back and forth, lifting her face to the sky and closing her eyes, a look of almost pure, utter bliss on her face. She was so freaking beautiful, it took Gavin’s breath away. He blinked and realized both William and Brandon were watching him intently. He cleared his throat and dislodged Sydney’s arms from around his body.

“Hey, what do y’all think about heading over to that bar, over near the interstate? We could use a break, don’t you think, boss?” Brandon’s gaze flicked to Sydney and then settled on Gavin, almost as if he couldn’t decide which one of them
was
the boss.

Gavin had begun to notice that a lot lately. The more involved she became in practice and training and strategy-planning, the more the rest of the group looked to her for leadership. Gavin suspected that if he did die, they would all simply turn to Sydney and wait for her to dictate the next move.

Before Gavin could give his assent, Sydney said, “Let’s ask if anyone else wants to go.”

Inspiration struck at that moment. “No,” Gavin said. “Let’s just go. Just us. You, me, Brandon, and the Fate here. Don’t you get tired of having everyone else around, all the time?”

If she wondered why he included Brandon in their small group, she didn’t mention it. Probably, she figured it was because he was standing there at the time, and it had been his idea, after all.