OMG! I'm in Love with a Geek! (49 page)

Gran didn't get much for her bracelets. She's using some of our savings. Since when did we have savings?! I've been asking to go to Florida since I was 6. Mum always says, “When we win the lottery!” So there is no money for me to meet the Little Mermaid. There IS money for a dog that has actually chewed through 2 microwave ovens.

Perhaps if I actually ate the kitchen I would get spoilt!

I can't work Nicky out. One minute he's fine with me. The next minute he's acting all “Mr I Am the Biz” with his friends. His tag is everywhere now! His mates are daring him to tag a teacher's car. I don't want him to get in trouble but PLEASE do Matfield's. PLEASE. She would hate street art on her car. She says everything that has been painted since 1960 is total rubbish.

Email from Keith and Butterfly. It just said:

So I replied:

That's it!

I didn't say what I'm really feeling. I don't even want to write it.

OMG – Mrs Cob's car was tagged at lunchtime! Everyone knows it's Nicky but no one is dobbing him in. He is a school LEGEND now. I am going out with the coolest boy that ever lived. Only geeks were weird about it. Geeks like Goose. Goose said, “But Cobsy is all right! Why is he being horrible to her?!” I told Goose she is a teacher and therefore the enemy. Goose thinks I've become really immature since I've been with Nicky. No, Goose – since I've been with Nicky I've actually GOT A LIFE.

Dimple's mum has asked me and Weirdo Jen to babysit on Saturday as she desperately needs some sleep. Things must be bad if Dimple's dad has officially unbanned Jen from the Rathods' house. He once described her as “a very dangerous girl who messes with dark powers and talks total rubbish”. Now she is allowed to look after his only son. Tiredness drives people totally mental. I'm going to make sure I have mahoosive lie-ins ALL my life.

Jen and me read up on babies after school and what they need.

Babies basically need EVERYTHING ALL of the time!

Nicky and me ended up at Peartree Station again tonight. We mainly snogged. Nicky kept talking about how he could only stay out for an hour as he had to babysit. I asked him if he wanted to go round Dimple's house on Saturday. He said he didn't because he was sick of kids by the weekend and just wanted to have a laugh. How selfish can you get?!

OMG – we've had more sex education at school! I knew MOST stuff but I had NO idea about the full details of babies and birth. Why do they let people go through it?! Why don't they cure birth?! They say it's natural – but so is swine flu!

Gran thinks you should practise putting a condom on a gherkin – people say a cucumber but Gran says that's unrealistic for 99.9% of men!

TMI, Gran. TMI.

Nicky has decided to come to help babysit tomorrow after all. It will be good for him to spend time with Dimple and Jen as they are going to be my bridesmaids.

Not that I am definitely going to get married.

And if I do, I am keeping my name.

No, I'm not! I HATE it.

Things I have learnt tonight:

•   When your best friends are there too you can't really snog your boyfriend.

•   You will end up having girl conversations.

•   Your boyfriend will end up getting bored and going “for a tag”.

Amitabh cried solidly for hours. He was only happy when we put Sky News on and there was a war on somewhere. There was gunfire, bombs and lots of flashing and he loved it.

You can't do anything with a baby crying. No wonder Nicky wants to get out of his house! At one stage I gave baby formula to Dimple's cat. TOTAL DISASTER!

Just want to say though I was never going to give Amitabh Whiskas Senior.

Weirdo Jen thinks that Amitabh may have been a freedom fighter in a past life.

Gran says that “freedom fighter” and “terrorist” are often the same thing.

Dimple's mum has said to Gran that the supermarket probably needs her more and she doesn't want to drag her away from manning the lottery and managing people's dreams. So Gran is going to just “help out” when she can.

No wonder Mum is such a mess and ALWAYS asleep. She didn't stand a chance with Gran!

I wonder what will happen to Nicky when he's older. He comes from a bit of TOTAL MADNESS. No wonder he's a bit moody now.

Dimple called to say that Amitabh fell asleep on his baby gym whilst Mrs Rathod was doing her post-birth yoga. She left him on top of a mini lion that played “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star” for 3 hours. Dimple said by the end she was slightly mental and put the electric kettle on the gas hob to make a cup of tea. I think Amitabh has a mad look in his eye.