On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep (27 page)

I heard a soft knock as I was putting the frozen vegetables back in the freezer.

“Jake?”

I rounded the corner and smiled. She had changed her clothes since our little walk on campus just a couple hours earlier. She had on a big pair of gray sweats and a black tank top. Her hair was pulled up under a black Guiness baseball cap. She didn’t have a stitch of makeup on, and the loose strands of hair that hung down by her ears were wet. She walked right over to me, wrapped her arms around my waist, and laid her head on my chest. She squeezed so tight, I felt her heart beat close to mine.

“What’s this for, baby girl?”

“For standing up for me on campus today.”

“Those jackasses better never say a word to you again.”

“They won’t, Jake. They graduated last semester. I’m sure they’re just here for the weekend. But as much as I was freaked out it was going to come to blows, it was so awesome to have someone teach those stupid asses what respect looks like.”

“Well, I’m thrilled I was with you when that happened. Please tell me that was the first time anyone has said or done anything like that.”

She peeked up from under the brim of her hat and rolled her eyes. It killed me that she had to deal with more abuse from guys she barely knew. And, if they were messing with her, that means they’d seen the video. That made my skin crawl; I couldn’t imagine how it made her feel.

“Gracie, Noah’s back. Mav saw him moving back into the Sigma Chi house.”

“I saw him on the sidewalk the other day when I was grabbing a coffee inside Café Best. He didn’t see me. Thank God.”

“You okay?”

“Well, I guess I have to be. I mean, I knew he’d be back eventually. I had just hoped it wouldn’t be in the middle of the summer.”

“If you run into him or he shows up somewhere and you feel threatened, promise me you’ll call me right away.”

“Promise, Jake.” She laid her head back down on my chest and took a deep breath. “Let’s make the popcorn. Do you have candy we can put in?” She let go of me, smiled, and practically skipped over to the microwave.

The resilience I’d seen in her over the last couple weeks was sincere. I used to be able to tell when she stuffed something deeper so she didn’t have to deal with it. She used to do it a lot, and I never knew how to help her. But she was learning to own her past so she could make peace with it, and I was so proud of her. I couldn’t wait for her to reunite with the Gracie I knew was hiding inside her soul.

“What movie are we watching?” she called from the kitchen. She didn’t even wait for me to answer her about the candy; she knew where Sam’s stash was. He was a sugar fiend and kept large quantities of junk in various places around the apartment.

“Up to you baby girl.” I flopped down on the couch and started flipping through the pay-per-view channels. “What do you feel like? Comedy? Blood and guts? Horror?”

Gracie popped out of the kitchen, hurried over to the couch and snuggled up next to me with her big bowl of popcorn and...candy corn? When she looked up at me to see my reaction, the brim of her hat wacked me in the nose. She pulled the hat off and her damp hair fell to her shoulders which in turn brushed across my bare arm that was rested across the back of the couch. She smelled like shampoo and body wash and Gracie. My heart skipped a beat.

Gracie grabbed the remote out of my hand and turned the TV off. She smiled and turned on the couch to face me. She sat the bowl of popcorn on the floor and took my hands in hers. I didn’t know whether to be nervous for what she was about to say or thrilled that she took the initiative to start a conversation that was apparently a big one.

“Jake Rockwell, I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you saved my life.”

“Gracie—”

“Shut up, Jake. Just listen.” She giggled at the shock on my face. She wasn’t usually so brazen. “Last year was hell. I know you know that, but I need you to understand I was much lower than you probably thought I was. I was falling into a deep, dark place I had no way out of. You know the song, ‘Deep’ by Pearl Jam? Well, in the chorus, Eddie sings ‘in too deep, can’t touch the bottom,’ and that was me. Jake, I have never been so scared in all my life. It was like I was drowning, and the harder I tried to break the surface so I could breathe, the further down I would go.

“If it weren’t for you, I would still be flailing. I used to think I could leave Noah on my own, but I know now, deep down, I wasn’t strong enough. He beat me down so I couldn’t stand up to him. You took me under your wing and lifted me so I could stand. You taught me more in the last year about integrity, loyalty, and true love than most people learn in a lifetime. When, God made you, he broke the mold.”

“Gracie, I’m just me.” It was hard for me to take in all her compliments. I wasn’t
trying
to be the superhuman she described.

“But, Jake, look around, there’s no one else out there like you. Sam is as close as it gets, so he’s my back up plan in case you die.” She giggled.

“I’m not going anywhere. No way, honey. You are so stuck with me. What I’ve seen you do so far this summer has far surpassed what most people in your position would be able to accomplish in such a short time. You are so strong, Gracie, and you’re doing all of it on your own.”

“Jake, walking away from you...from us...was unbearably painful, but I knew if I didn’t do this on my own, you would be cleaning up the mess Noah created, and I don’t want that for you. You deserve all of me, and you were right, there was a part of me that was still identifying with the lost, broken girl Noah left behind. So, in a sense, I was still holding onto my past with part of my heart. But now, being on my own and proving to myself that I can do this, that I’m strong enough to do this, is like I’m being introduced to a Gracie I didn’t even know was inside of me. And I
really
like her!”

I looked into the eyes of the Gracie I knew lived inside the broken shell of a girl Noah had left behind. She was beautiful. Her eyes sparkled, and there was a curl to her lip when she spoke about herself that came from the pride she had for all the hard work she’d done thus far.

“Jake, I don’t want you to find someone else. I’m not quite where I need to be to handle everything that comes with a serious relationship, but I’m close. Oh, I’m so close I can taste it. There is no doubt in my mind that you were specifically crafted to fit my heart, and I love you more than words can express. You are my rock, you are my soul mate, and you are my best, best, best friend. I want you to wait for me, but I won’t ask you to. That has to be your choice, your decision.

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for all the nights you held me when I cried. Thank you for always being honest. Thank you for helping me see how messed up my relationship with Noah really was. Thank you for loving my body as gently and beautifully as you have. And thank you for loving me no matter what. You are my forever, Jake Rockwell.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She smiled and blinked them away.

I was speechless. But I couldn’t let this moment go by without saying my part.

“Gracie Ann Jordan, you are the strongest, most amazing person I have ever known. You thanked me a million times for standing by you, but I want you to know, I owe you just as many. Thank you for trusting me, and thank you for blessing me. The love you have to give is bigger and more vibrant than anything I have ever felt. You can melt me with just one look, because you’ve opened your heart so wide to me, I can hear a whole conversation in just one glance.

“The day you walked away from us was the most confusing day of my life. On one hand, I was lost without you, but on the other, I knew you needed to find yourself without me. I was selfishly sad for me, but so proud of you. I think my heart grew that day.”

She reached up and brushed my cheek with the back of her hand. I leaned into her touch and closed my eyes.

“Gracie, I will wait for you. No one fits me like you do. No one can get my heart racing from a simple touch like you can. No one can wreck me with an ornery smile like you do. And no one can take me to my knees like you can. You are it, Gracie, you are my forever. And I can’t wait to make love to you...all of you...for the first time. I love you, baby girl, with everything I am and everything I have. Thank you for loving me enough to do this for you.”

“Oh, Jake.”

Her arms flew around my neck, and she hung on for dear life. There was so much emotion and intimacy exchanged in those few minutes of conversation. It was pure joy, from uncovering a love no one thinks they’ll ever find. But we did.

“So, what are we watching?” Gracie over exaggerated wiping her tears away and sniffled loudly just for effect. She was so damn adorable, and the playful side that had come out through all of this melted me. I smiled like a love sick idiot and handed her the remote.

“Chick flick it is.” She flipped to a movie about bridesmaids and grabbed her bowl of popped and candy corn. She snuggled into me, and I kissed her on the top of her head. She offered me her assorted corn which I turned down. I still couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I hadn’t known
happy
until Gracie Jordan walked into my life.

Thirty-five

Gracie

The following Wednesday, Yaz had me meet him, Calon, and the band at
Mitchell’s
again. I asked Becki to go along. I hoped I could hook them up.

Becki was like a twelve-year-old going to her first dance. She checked her lipstick thirty-seven times on the way to
Mitchell’s,
and that was after she changed her outfit no less than ten times before we’d even left her dorm.

“OhmywordGracie! I feel like Calon Ridge is giving me a private concert. I’m so excited, I may have an orgasm right here on the sidewalk.”

“Keep your panties on, Becki.”

She leaned into me and giggled then whispered, “I’m not wearing any.”

“Tell me you’re kidding.”

She wasn’t kidding. I rolled my eyes.

When we got downstairs, I walked right over to the bar. Jake smiled, leaned over the counter, and gave me a high five. “Go get ‘em, Gracie!” His sexy grin and wink filled my belly with butterflies.

Buzz told us drinks were on the house so the trainees could practice mixing them. I asked for a beer because that’s really all I liked. Becki was over the top with her drink of choice. I don’t know if she was trying to turn Calon on or make the poor guy she ordered it from panic.

“Becki, is that even a real drink?” It sounded like something she would make up.

“Of course it is. You’ve never had one?”

“A Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?” I looked over my shoulder to see if Jake was listening. When I realized he was focused on the lesson of how to make the awkward drink Becki had ordered, I answered her, “Oh, I’ve had one, but it wasn’t a drink.”

“Jake Rockwell, you are the stud of all studs!” Becki’s voice bounced off the concrete walls, and I rolled my eyes.

Calon raised his frosty mug and called out from the stage, “To Jake Rockwell, stud of all studs!”

The band repeated it and they all slammed their beers. Calon walked over to the bar and nodded and winked at Becki. She made a chirping noise I’d never heard come out of her before. I couldn’t even turn around to look at her. I knew she was gawking.

“Gracie, slam that. We need to loosen you up a bit. I want this session to be easier for you.” Calon clinked his empty mug against my bottle neck and smiled that sly smile of his.

He really was gorgeous. I would have to see what I could do about getting him and Becki together. I wasn’t shy about how much I could drink. It took a lot to get me drunk. I slammed my beer and took Josephine up onto the stage. Jake brought me another cold bottle.

“Whoa, rock star. It’s my turn. Watch and learn.” Calon had room to be cocky, but he wasn’t, so it was funny when he pretended to be.

I hopped down from the stage and sat in the chair he’d been sitting in. I waved my hand as though they needed my permission to begin. The music started. It wasn’t a song I knew. I watched Calon ready himself for his entrance. His intensity resonated in the room. When he sang, there was no doubt he felt every word. I’d seen Alternate Tragedy play tons of times, and he was intense and sensual, and that was when they only played cover music. The songs they’d sung since returning to town were songs Calon had written himself, which lead me to believe the words poured out of him like my poems, “No Comparison” and “Whisper,” had poured out of me. Maybe they were lyrics to songs I would write someday.

His eyes were closed, and he rested his top lip against the mic. The song was slow, and all the tones in the music were deep, almost hollow sounding. Manny plucked a few strings that sounded like a muffled sob. It was beautifully composed, but haunting at the same time.

Calon’s arms reached out to the side, and his open hands clenched into tight fists. He pulled his fists up to his chest and held them there while his hips moved from left to right. His head tilted a little, and the lines between his eyebrows grew deeper when he sang about “the angel in his dreams and a pain so deep, he was silenced.” His left leg bent and straightened to the beat of the sad song oozing from his soul. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. The kind of connection he had with his music was resplendent. It was the most stunning example of letting go I’d ever seen in person. Sure, I’d seen tons of videos and had been to concerts where the bands were intense in transposing and communicating the message of their music, but I sat close enough to feel that vibe emanate from his body. The raw emotion in his performance was suffocating. I was speechless and frozen in my chair.

“All right, take ten, guys.” Calon grabbed his frosty refill from one of the female students, winked, then walked over to me. She chirped just like Becki had. Calon smiled, wiped the sweat from his brow with the sleeve, and flopped down in the chair next to me. He slid down so his ass was almost hanging off the seat, closed his eyes, then downed half the mug in a few gulps.

“So, what did you think? You like the new song?”

“What’s it called?” I was so curious about Calon’s beautiful translation of the pain in the words he’d sung, I hadn’t even let his question register.