On the Outside Looking In (Wrong Reasons) (8 page)

All too soon, the first set was over.  I excused myself to use the restroom, shooting glances at the bar on the way.  Evan was too busy satisfying customer demands to notice me.  With a shrug, I pushed open the bathroom door, figuring I’d stop at the bar to say hi on my way back to the table.  I wasn’t eager to engage him in conversation but I couldn’t ignore him, either.

When I finished, I washed my hands, checking my appearance in the mirror.  As I was drying, the door opened and I caught Jessica’s reflection.

“Morgan,” she said, clicking her tongue.

“Hi, Jessica,” I said.

Rolling her eyes, she approached the sink, leaning over it to fuss with her makeup, smacking her lips.  “I figured you’d be here.”

“Oh?” I asked, clinging to my polite façade.  “Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, turning dramatically away from the mirror, her hands gripping the counter behind her back.  “You don’t belong here – or, at least at our table.”

Anger rippled throughout my body. “Why is that?  Irelyn and Bailey are my friends.”

“They let you hang around because they feel sorry for you,” Jessica said as if explaining primary colors to a preschooler. 

“That’s not true,” I said, keeping my head high and beating back my anger.

“Sure it is,” she said.  “They feel bad for you because you follow them around like a little lost puppy.  Haven’t you noticed that you’re always the last to know things?  They only include you in things because they feel some sort of obligation.  It’s pathetic, really.”

“Whatever,” I said, shaking my head.  “Irelyn and Bailey are not like that.”

Shrugging, she turned back to the mirror.  “Believe what you want, I don’t care.”

“Good,” I said as I walked toward the door.

“But maybe you should consider something else,” she said, stopping me in my tracks.  “You sit at our table like a third wheel.  You gawk at the guys on the
stage, wishing one of them would look at you like a woman and not like a cute little friend.”

I took a deep breath, my hand on the door knob.  “You’re so full of yourself.”

“Am I?” she said, turning to me with a fake smile, fluttering her eyelashes.  “Why don’t you get your own boyfriend, huh?  Quit living through the rest of us.  You hang on every word, breathing it in like it’s your life.”

Narrowing my eyes, I shook my head.  “You’re wrong.”

“Am I?” she asked, as she took a step forward.  “I see how you watch Spencer and I know you still have a thing for him.”

I sucked in a breath, holding it in so that it puffed out my chest.  “He’s my friend.”

“Whatever,” she said.  “You want him so badly.  You hope that he’ll dump me for you.  You want him crying on your shoulder, calling you all the time like he used to do.”

“Yes,” I said, releasing the breath.  “He used to call me and confide in me, because we are friends.”

“Not anymore,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  “You make him uncomfortable, always hanging around.  He’s only nice to you because that’s the type of person he is.  He doesn’t even consider you a friend anymore.  Like I said, you’re that annoying little puppy that won’t go away.”

She flashed another fake, sarcastic smile before brushing past me and walking out of the room.  I stood there, trembling from head to toe, wondering how I’d be able to sit at that table and pretend like nothing happened.  It wasn’t possible.  Even though I’d vowed earlier to not be that girl who sits home and cries, the one who didn’t run and hide, I’d been wrong.  I was exactly that girl – a coward.

Checking my composure in the mirror, I walked out of the room and back to the table.  I pasted a smile on my face as I greeted the guys, slipping my coat off the back of my chair.

“Hey, great set,” I said.  “I can’t hang around for the next one – I have an early shift tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Irelyn said, the smile slipping off her face.  “That sucks.”

“I know,” I said, my cheeks beginning to ache from my stiff smile.  I didn’t dare glance in Jessica’s direction.  “I’ll talk to you later, though.”

Without another word, I spun on my heel, clutching my emotions with both hands, hoping that I would be able to hold onto it until I got to the car.

“Hey, Morgan,” Evan said, wading through the crowd.

I waved at him over my shoulder as I pushed through the doors and fled to my car.

Chapter Eight

As soon as I got home, I sank to my favorite chair without even removing my coat.  Jessica’s words floated in my mind, churning over and over like clothes in a washing machine.  What she said about Irelyn and Bailey was wrong – they weren’t like that. 
Not at all.

But what about the things she said concerning Spencer?  Had he told her about the summer and everything that had happened?  Or maybe Irelyn had during a slow shift at the diner.

My insides burned with shame at the thought of Jessica knowing everything that had happened.  She knew that Spencer had confided in me.  She knew that I’d acted irrationally and jealously.  She knew that I had feelings for him.

Gazing out the window, my eyes blurred as I recalled all the conversations I’d had with Spencer.  He’d been hurt after his break up with Bailey.  He’d suspected that she was seeing someone else and we’d spent hours speculating who it could be.  Neither of us ever figured that it was Collin, but it certainly made sense after the fact.

The ringing of my cellphone brought me back to the present.  I dug it out of my pocket, sighing when Evan’s name popped up on the screen.  Closing my eyes, I answered, hoping to make it a quick conversation so I could get back to my self-pity.

“Hi, Evan.”

“Are you okay?” he asked as music and laughter drifted through the phone.  “You looked upset.”

“I’m fine,” I said, forcing a cheerfulness that I did not feel.  “I have to work early tomorrow.”

“I saw you go into the bathroom,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard anything that I’d said.  “A little bit later I saw Jessica come out and then you after that.  Next thing I know, you’re rushing out of the bar, looking like you were about to cry.”

“I wasn’t about to cry,” I said.  “And do you normally watch who walks in and out of the women’s room?”

“Only when it’s you,” he said.  “I can cut out of here in about an hour.  Do you want me to come by?”

“No,” I said, a little too quickly.  I took a breath and released it as quietly as possible.  “No, really, I’m fine.  I’m about to go to bed.  Remember, I have to work early tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I said.  “I’m sure.”

Silence followed – but only between us.  I could still hear Out Back playing in the background along with raucous laughter.  Female laughter.

“Thanks for calling, Evan,” I said.  “I’m really fine.  Honest.  I just wanted to get some sleep.”

“All right,” he sighed.  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he said and I could almost hear the smile in his voice.  “When I come in for coffee.”

“Oh, okay,” I said.  “Well, goodnight.”

I ended the call quickly, setting my phone on the windowsill.  With another sigh, I got up and removed my coat, hanging it on the back of a kitchen chair.

My heart was heavy, burdened with Jessica’s painful words, but I refused to break down again.  I’d pretty much sobbed all the way home and had thought that that would suffice.  Obviously I was wrong.

“I’m finished crying over Spencer Kelly and everything that goes with it,” I said in a determined voice as I filled the kettle with water.  Setting it on the stove, I turned on the burner and removed a mug from the cabinet.

As I waited for the water to boil, I replayed Jessica’s words in my head.  As hurtful as they were, I would move past them.  I didn’t have a choice.  I was tired of playing the victim.

But she did have one point.  It was a little weird to be the only single person hanging out with three couples.  Maybe I was forcing myself into the group again.  Sure, they’d called a few times and invited me over, but maybe I shouldn’t hoist myself on them at Rusty’s.  Maybe it did make them uncomfortable and maybe they were being too polite to say anything.

The kettle whistled and I moved back to the stove to prepare my cocoa.  Carrying it into the living room, I sat in my chair, looking out the window at the dark street.

I wasn’t sure how to handle things.  Did I just sit around and wait for them to call?  No, that was rather pathetic.  My world didn’t have to revolve around them.  I had other acquaintances at school – perhaps I could invite a few girls from class to a movie or something.  I didn’t have to totally cut Bailey and Irelyn out of my life, but I didn’t have to make them the only focus.

Satisfied for the moment, I finished my cocoa while I gazed outside, and then went to bed.

***

“So, what happened last night?”

Rolling my eyes, I rang up Evan’s coffee after sliding the cup across the counter to him.

“Nothing, really,” I admitted.  “Just a little argument, that’s all.”

“You looked upset.”

“I was mad,” I said.  “I decided to go home and not sit at the table, chancing another argument, and making the situation worse.”

Nodding, he moved aside, allowing a woman to approach the counter and order.  Once she received her drink, he moved closer, still sipping his coffee.

“What time do you get off?” he asked.

“Noon,” I said, wiping off the counter.  “Why?  Need help with another plumbing problem?”

“No,” he laughed.  “Want to grab some lunch?”

My first instinct was to put him off – to make up some excuse.  But I paused, considering his offer and remembering the decision I’d made the night before.

“Why not?”
I said.

“Why not indeed,” he said with a grin.  “I’ll pick you up at twelve-fifteen.”

“Fine,” I said as a slight tremor of trepidation shimmied up my spine.  “I’ll be ready.”

With a salute, he sauntered out the door, leaving me to wonder what I’d just agreed to do.

***

“Hope you like Chinese,” Evan said as he opened the passenger door of a dilapidated pickup truck.  I climbed inside, a little leery of the towel covering the seat and the beat up boxes on the floorboards.

“Yes, that’s fine,” I said.

He got in beside me and cranked the engine.  “Sorry about the mess.  This is the truck we use at the garage to run for parts and stuff.  It’s a little messy.”

“It’s okay,” I said as I buckled the grease-stained seatbelt.

“Like I said, I have a motorcycle and it’s too damn cold to ride this time of year.”

I didn’t answer – just watched the scenery as he drove out of the small business district, past the sprawling campus and to the outskirts of town.

He parked in front of a bright red building with a huge panda painted on the front.  As I got out, he waited for me on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, grinning like he knew a secret I didn’t.

“Have you been here before?” he asked.

“Yes, a couple of times.”

“Good,” he said.  “Do you like it?”

“Yes.”

“It’s the best Chinese buffet around,” he said as we walked inside and approached the counter.  He paid for two buffets and then seized my hand as we followed the hostess to a booth.  Once we placed our drink orders, he shot out of his seat, tugging on my sleeve.

“Let’s go grub.”

I removed my coat and hurried after him, a little amused at his obvious excitement.

“You really like this place, huh?” I asked as I perused the choices, selecting steamed rice and sweet and sour chicken.

“Love it,” he said as he heaped rice, chicken, egg rolls, and veggies on his plate.  We returned to our booth and began to eat, stopping any conversation.

Once his immediate hunger was abated, he stared at me.

“What?” I asked.  “Do I have something stuck in my teeth?”

“No, just admiring your beauty.”

Heat rushed to my cheeks.  “I wish you’d stop saying stuff like that.”

“Why?” he asked.  “You don’t like compliments?”

“It’s just…embarrassing,” I said, dropping my eyes to my plate.

“Fine,” he sighed, sucking on his straw.  “I’ll stop saying it.  But I won’t stop thinking it.”

Scooping up rice on my fork, I shoved it into my mouth, not sure what to say.  I wasn’t used to people showering me in compliments – especially men.

“Why?” I asked, setting my fork beside my plate. 

“Why what?” he asked, his mouth full.  I tried not to look.

“Why are you always telling me I’m beautiful and hanging around?” I clarified.  “I mean, I see you at Rusty’s with women all around you.  And yet, you persist on pestering me.”

Cocking his head, he furrowed his brow.  “I pester you?”

“Well,” I backtracked.  “I suppose pester might be too strong of a word.  But the point
is, why are you so interested in me when you have a ton of women at your disposal?”

Laughing, he picked up his cup, stirring the ice with his straw.  “You’re beautiful and you don’t know it.  You’re honest and not fake.  You don’t dress in revealing clothing to attract male attention.  You’ve got class.”

I gaped at him, certain that he had me mixed up with someone else.

But I was also touched.

“Um, thanks,” I said, ducking over my plate.

“No need to thank me,” he said.  “I’m just that kind of guy.  Charm oozes from my pores.”

A smile escaped my lips as I finished my chicken.

“I suppose.”

“I’m going back for more,” he said, shoving his empty plate to the end of the table.  “Ready?”

“Yeah,” I said, quietly.  After placing my plate on top of his, I followed him back to the buffet.

Full to bursting, we left the restaurant thirty minutes later and climbed into the truck.

“That went well,” he said as he started the engine.  “Don’t you think?”

“Yes, it did.”

“I’m glad you agree.  So, what do you want to do now?”

My head snapped in his direction.  “Now?”

“Yep,” he said as he pulled into traffic.  “I don’t have to be at Rusty’s until seven.  Want to go to the mall?”

“You at the mall?” I asked.

“The mall is a great source of entertainment,” he said, serious as can be. 
“And not just the arcade.”

Too afraid to ask, I shrugged and braced for whatever would happen next.

Once we arrived at the mall, Evan’s demeanor changed immediately to that of a young boy on his way to the toy store.

Which was the first place we stopped.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing my hand.  “I love this place.”

I had no choice but to follow as he dragged me into the brightly lit toy
store, Tots.

“Hi, Evan,” the busty blonde behind the counter greeted.
  Her bright smile lit up her pretty features as she walked around the counter and over to us.

“Hey, Jocelyn,” he said, his eyes taking in all the toys on the display tables, waiting for a child to play with it.  “How’s it going?”

“Great,” she said, totally ignoring me.  “I haven’t seen you in a while.  I thought we were going to catch a movie sometime?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, his eyes darting in my direction.  “Sorry,
Joce, but I’ve been busy.”

A harried mother pushing a stroller with one hand and clutching a toddler with the other, wandered into the store. She approached the counter, little boy’s hand still clamped in hers, and drew Jocelyn away from us.

“Thank goodness,” Evan breathed as he pulled me to a table.  “Check this out.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him about Jocelyn, but since it really wasn’t my business, I kept my mouth shut.

“Isn’t this cool?” he asked as he picked up a furry puppy and flipped a switch on its belly.  I’d seen that toy before – probably had one when I was a child – so I wasn’t impressed when it bounced forward, yipping in an annoying tone, before performing a perfect backflip.

“I can’t believe they still make these,” he said.

“Me, either,” I said as I glanced around the store.  It was a small, cramped space with several floor-to-ceiling shelving units creating cluttered aisles.

His interest in the puppy gone, he snatched my coat sleeve and dragged me down the aisles, oohing and
aahing over the toys.

“I used to have one of these,” he said when we reached a display of army toys. 
“Loved them.  I don’t know what ever happened to them…”

Before I could respond, he was bounding over to something else, laughing with glee.

“You’re such a child,” I said when he picked up a dump truck, pressing the buttons to see what they would do.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, setting the truck back on the shelf.  “I didn’t have a lot of toys when I was a kid – I like to come in here and see what sort of shit these companies come up with.”

Brow furrowed, I opened my mouth to ask him about his childhood, but didn’t get the chance.  He’d grown bored with the toys and was yanking me out of the store, with a quick wave over his shoulder at Jocelyn.

“What’s next?” he muttered, his eyes scanning the stores in the vicinity.  Dalefield Mall wasn’t particularly large and only consisted of two wings with about thirty stores.  Still, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to think that he might drag me through every single one.