On the Verge (33 page)

“It’s just hard because everyone is so depressed.”

“Luckily, no one got fired. Unfortunately we’ve been doing these types of—” she pauses as if searching for the proper word (I want to offer “massive overhauls”) “—transitions for the past two weeks, and we’ll continue to do them. There have been a lot
of casualties, but certain changes have been made because those people were no longer serving the brand. You need to make yourself a beacon of this positivity that you possess, your courage will be an example to others. You may be a little younger, but, you aren’t afraid. And another thing—” Mabel’s lip starts to quiver “—I know you care about the brand.”

“Well, yes.” At this moment I do. I care about the brand more than anything. There are possibilities here for me, stuff I never dreamed. I am equipped to deal with all of the issues. It is my “career.” I want to tell Mabel about how Prescott smiled at me. And that when I meet him, he will see all my qualities and how much I love the brand.

“Oh, Eve, our work has only just begun. I am going to go back to Herb and to Lev, who is the new editor for
Breathe,
and impress upon them the talent that’s being wasted here. I commit that to you, if you commit to me that you will not give up until you feel that they have heard you.” She waits for me to say something. I feel like we’re about to get married.

“Uh, well, yes, Mabel, I do.”

“Thank you, Eve.” Mabel stands up, which is my cue to stand. She shakes my hand vigorously. I think I see a halo around her or a ray of light. I know she is going to go forth and champion me. As I turn to go, she is still smiling at me, amazed by my bravery. Mabel has instilled something in me that I never imagined. This could be what being in love feels like. Mabel and I have committed to each other to further me along in my career. Maybe Mabel is love. She is certainly an angel.

I barely notice the armed guards that are on my floor when I get back to my desk, I’m still kind of gliding. I sit down and start to dial Tabitha’s number. Wait! Maybe Tabitha isn’t ready to deal with my bravery and my long-hidden brand love. Poor Tabitha! Gary comes up to me as I am gloating at my desk. When I see him, I know it’s a test for me, I have to be a beacon.

“You see, Eve, you see how they lie? I knew it. They said no one was fired. Eve, they’ve fired Lorraine.”

“What!” He’s got to be lying. “I just talked to…never mind.” I go to Lorraine’s office past the guards and sure enough, most of her office is in a box and she is packing up the pictures of her dogs.

“Lorraine,” I say hesitating, “what’s going on?”

“Well,” she says, sniffling, but in some kind of haze, “I’m fired. They want to make some administrative changes. Don’t ask
me who is going to be the coordinator. Maybe you’ll get a promotion.”

“No.” I shake my head, not really understanding. “No! Lorraine, it’s not fair.” She smiles at me. It’s probably the most ridiculous thing anyone has said to her today.

“It’s okay, Eve.” She says this like she’s talking to a small child, which I can’t help but feeling like. I’m an asshole. “I might be better off. I hated the commute anyway. It’ll be okay. I’ll call you.”

I nod as she kisses my cheek and rubs my shoulder. She is comforting me, when I’m not the one who got fired. I’m just the one who was stupid enough to believe them. She leaves the floor with the guards. Guards? God, I can’t believe this. Like Lorraine was going to fight them or something. I wonder who fired her.

Suddenly I realize who ultimately must have known about it, who ultimately sat there and let it happen. I hurry down to the lobby and then back up in the other elevator bank (why can’t anything be simple?).

Sherman tries to stop me, but it’s now or never. I fling open the door and he is sitting at his desk with a guy. They are speaking very seriously.

“What? Are you firing him, too?”

“Eve, what’s going on? Calm down.” Then, he looks at his watch and nods his head.

“What? You knew what time it was going to happen? I can’t believe this.”

“Frank, can you give us a moment?” Frank had already stood up, uncomfortably.

“Yeah, Frank, just be happy you’re leaving with your job.” When Frank’s gone, Rob motions for me to sit. I stand.

“C’mon, Eve, don’t get carried away. Do you have any idea who that was?”

“Carried away? What the fuck, Rob?”

“Eve, what do you want me to say? You’re acting like a child.”

“I just can’t believe you could do this.”

“Eve, I didn’t do it. I don’t know who you think I am or what you think I could have stopped. Will you just sit down? Please.”

“I prefer to stand.” I can’t believe I date this guy.

“Look, I assess situations, that’s all.”

“On paper! You assess them on paper! You don’t know about the people!”

“Theoretically, you’re right, that’s the way it’s done.”

“It’s people, people and their jobs, their life, Rob!”

“Okay, everything is not as black and white as you want it to be, Eve. I’m sorry. This is business. Someday, you’ll understand.”

“How did Lorraine impede the business process? Why did you say no one was getting fired? Are there more?” Rob swallows and stares at me. When he speaks to me again, his voice is quiet.

“Eve, I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t like this whole situation. C’mon, will you just sit, please?” I shrug and sit down. “Now, I agree it was wrong for them to say that no one was getting terminated. I make recommendations, Eve, and that wasn’t one of my recommendations. Firing Lorraine was somebody else’s call. They needed to find a job for someone Lev wanted to bring over.”

“That’s ridiculous, she could sue.”

“Well, only if you spread it around, which I wish you wouldn’t. I’ve spoken to you in confidence. These things happen in business. It wasn’t my call, but, Eve, even if I had made that decision that wouldn’t make me a bad guy. You’re infuriated with me and I don’t think that’s fair. It’s been an issue with us from the beginning. Maybe it’s time to…”

“What? Now are you going to break up with me?”

“Eve, you react to everything I do, like it’s some testament to how I feel about you. It isn’t all about you, you know. I really shouldn’t be involved with you. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because you don’t get the business part of this. You think these things make people awful and they are unfortunate, but it’s business, it happens.”

“Then Mabel gets sent in for spin control. Maybe she can put a better spin on our split. Maybe she can transition me out of this. Make me a beacon for solitude.”

“Damn! Stop being so bitter. Half the time, I don’t even know where you are.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Look, one issue at a time please. What is upsetting you so much?”

“I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem fair. I know it makes me sound like a child. I hate this. I actually believed for five minutes today that the company wasn’t bad. I believed in the brand.”

“Oh, that’s right, you had your meeting with Mabel today.”

“Yeah, that woman is unbelievable.” We smile at each other, it’s nice for a second. I (of course) can’t let it last. “You see, it
bugs me that you know that stuff, when I had my meeting, when Lorraine got fired. It’s hard to deal with.”

“You could forget about it, pretend I’m unemployed.” He cocks an eyebrow.

“How would you explain all the late dinners and the nice apartment?” I can’t believe we’re talking calmly for a moment. It’s probably just a trick to disarm me that he learned from Mabel. Sherman buzzes him about a meeting. Rob looks disappointed that he has to go.

“You see why we can never pretend you’re unemployed?” I’m trying to make light of the situation. Rob stands up and looks upset.

“God, Eve, it’s so hard to argue with you. Half of me wants to tell you to just grow up and the other half thinks you should feel this way, that you shouldn’t accept any less. My advice to you is to try and work for yourself somehow.” He stands up and gets his papers together. I start to move away from the door, but he shakes his head a little and grabs some of my hair between his fingertips. If only he wasn’t so cute. “Eve, I know you think I’m evil now, but I don’t know how to make sense out of this. I think you need someone else.”

“Oh, sure, make this all about me.” He shakes his head.

“You always have to make a joke. I can’t even tell if it really bothers you. I can’t tell what really upsets you.”

“Lots of things. Lots.”

“If you want to talk, all you have to do is call.”

“By the time Sherman transferred me to you I might lose my nerve.”

“Yeah.” He lets my hair go and leaves. He is always leaving me alone in his office with only the temptation to do bad things. I guess we’re broken up now.

I call Tabitha right away and tell her I need a drink. She suggests this new spot on 9th Avenue with lots of theater types. She’s working late, but there is no way I’m staying in the office a nanosecond longer, so I tell her I’ll meet her there. I spit outside Helena’s restaurant when I pass it.

The place seems a lot like a dive to me, but I take advantage of the happy hour special while I wait. When Tabitha arrives, she is a bundle of energy. She is all decked out in pale pink (I’ll never figure out how she pulls these colors off). She’s giving me the New York Euro Kiss (both cheeks) and recognizing my alcohol
zeal. “Starting it out right, Eve, I see.
Garçon,
cosmopolitan for me.”

“Tabitha, are you sure it will be good here? I’m not sure that this is what you had in mind.”

“It is, Eve. It is. Hell’s Kitchen is rising. Just give it a chance. It’s still early.” The bartender comes over to ask Tabitha what’s in a cosmopolitan.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me. It’s just pink goodness. How do I know? I’m paying you to figure out these things. Don’t you have a little manual back there?”

“Absolut Currant, cranberry, lime juice, Cointreau, maybe,” I say to help him out. Tabitha snorts as he starts to make it.

“Eve, you’re so sweet. Of course I knew what was in it, but really the man ought to figure it out for himself. This is supposed to be a service country. Anyway, how was your meeting with Mabel? She is the Big C’s nemesis by the way. Apparently she wants to talk to the Big C about reorganizing and I overheard the Big C saying ‘Frankly, it’s my magazine, and when you start seeing drops in circulation then, and only then, can you talk to me about reorganization.’ Can you believe it? Then when she got off the phone she screamed, ‘Reorganize this!”’

“That Big C, quite the crusader.”

“Eww, Eve, you’ve been in such an icky mood. Let’s get you another cocktail. I’m in the mood to spend money. Let’s get a fabulous overpriced meal on Restaurant Row. What do you say?”

“Let’s drink these and see how we feel, Ms. Golightly.”

“Come now, I’m much too robust.” I think about trying to explain my day to Tabitha, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. I also can’t exactly get a handle on which part bothered me the most. I basically brief her on Lorriane’s termination.

“Wow! They’re not handling this well at all. Morale is going to plummet. I’m so glad the Big C is holding off the dogs. I hate when people start making changes.”

“I don’t know how long the Big C can hold anyone off for.”

“Poor Eve, so worried. How’s Rob?”

“Done. He basically fired me. I cried in the handicapped bathroom a little.”

“Oh, Eve, how dehumanizing. I didn’t know. Drink up, let’s go get a meal.”

“Like that’s going to improve my disposition.”

“Well, getting laid might, but a meal is the first step.”

We walk down Restaurant Row and Tabitha picks an Italian
place because she “needs carbs.” The doorman ushers us in. We get seated between two tables of businessmen who can’t stop staring at Tabitha.

“I hate it here,” I say to a smiling Tabitha.

“Mother of God! All the drama. Think of Tuscany. It’s inspiring.”

“It isn’t inspiring, but we’re on 46th Street. Yards away from our office. Next door to where Rob and I had our first date.” Tabitha ignores me and reads the menu with the appropriate hunger/orgasm noises.

“I know I want a meat dish.” She giggles, aware how that must sound to the males who are practically sitting at our table. “What should I get, grumpy puss?”

I shrug when she looks up at me. The businessmen are silent, listening.

“Excuse me,” she says to the one sitting farthest from us (he has on the nicest suit), “Is that the tagliatelle with truffles?”

“It is.” Tabitha is on her feet and strides over to him. I can’t believe this. She peers into his plate.

“I hate when these restaurants get all excited about al dente—know what I mean?” He nods, hanging on her every word. She picks up his fork and (I can’t believe this) “Do you mind if I just…” She is twirling his pasta onto a fork and eating it. She closes her eyes as she does it, transported to heaven, by the bite. I have to start laughing. All of the guys have their napkins in their laps.

“Thank you, that’s what I’ll get,” she says, opening her eyes. She grins down at the man and says, “Not too hard.” It’s going to be a long night.

I creep into the apartment and Roseanne is asleep on the couch with the TV on and a cookbook across her chest. I shut off the TV and she wakes up right away, startled. I am full of wine and pasta. I apologize for not calling her.

“No, it’s fine. Pete called. We are going to go to lunch tomorrow. Your sister’s boyfriend called, too. He says everything is okay, he was just checking up on you.”

Herb calls me into his office when he gets to work (I got there on time, thank you very much). He’s got the New Age music going full blast.

“How are you?” I ask.

“Doing okay, Eve, doing okay. I know most of the staff is
unhappy about the changes, but we have to move on. We have to think of the product.”

“And the brand,” I offer, knowing it’s what he wants to hear.

“Exactly, it’s going to be an exciting time of growth and…”

“Synergy.”

“Exactly.” He nods, pleased. I’m getting used to playing this game. Any minute now, I think he is going to bust into a Mabel doublespeak. “So, I hear you’re being very positive about the changes. It says a lot to your youth, but also, I think you can set an example with your attitude. There are going to be opportunities. Mabel expressed to me that you were interested in writing and I had a great idea that might utilize your skills.”