On wings of song (10 page)

'I had met her once,' Caroline murmured. 'And it seems she knows Oscar Warrender and they somehow got talking about me and he said I was promising.'

'Oh, Caroline, there must be some mistake! Surely he said it was Jeremy who was promising!'

*No, Mother ' Jeremy intervened here, and

generously. 'Warrender was certainly impressed by Caroline too. As for this friend of Miss Curtis—what did you say her name was, Carrie?'

*I didn't,' said Caroline. 'She prefers to remain anonymous, though I know that soimds improbable,' she added desperately.

'It sounds a load of nonsense to me,' stated Aunt Hilda. 'Are you sure you're not making all this up, Caroline?'

*Oh, Auntie, why should I? It's all perfectly genuine, and needs to be taken seriously since it involves leaving my job, or at least——'

^Leaving your job?' Aunt Hilda was scandalised and a little frightened. 'And what are you to live on without a salary, I should like to know?'

'I'll pay my living expenses out of my own bank balance,' Caroline said with some dignity. 'I should hardly expect my—^my patron to do that. Or I may be able to stay part-time at the office. It depends on what Mr Marshall thinks.'

'I imagine he'll think you've taken leave of your senses,' Aunt Hilda stated gloomily.

But Jeremy, with something of the affectionate support which he and Caroline had extended to each other over the years, came to her rescue once more.

'Now, Mother, why not rejoice a little on Carrie's behalf? I know this does all sound rather improbably wonderful, but wonderful things do sometimes happen in this wicked old world. As a matter of fact, I'm hoping that something marvellous is going to happen to me.

but I don't want to exult too soon,' he added in parenthesis.

Then before Caroline could say any more than, ^Oh, Jerry, do you mean that ?' he went on,

Tm truly glad for you, dear. You deserve some good fortime. Only—if you'll take a bit of cousinly advice—get that harsh boss of yours to keep your job open for you if he will, just in case you don't startle the world as a singer. Miracles do happen—but not often, as well I know. Don't take your hand c^f that typewriter until your first operatic contract is signed, so to speak.'

'Oh, I won't, I won't,' Caroline assured him, warmed to the heart by his sympathetic support, which she had found so sadly lacking during the past weeks.

'Well, that's the first piece of sense I've heard this evening,' commented Aunt Hilda, and, metaphorically washing her hands of her niece's nonsensical plans, she turned to her son and asked, 'What train are you catching to Birmingham tomorrow?'

'Oh, of course! You're going to the Birmingham concert, aren't you?' Caroline exclaimed. 'I hope Lucille sings marvellously and that you enjoy every minute!'

'She will—^and I shall,' Jeremy assured her, and he gave her hand a hard squeeze, as though to tell her they were back on the old confidential terms once more. Consequently, when Aunt Hilda retired to bed later, and they were left alone together, Caroline found it perfectly easy to say to hun,

'Jerry, you don't feel I've been a bit mean to steal a march on you, so to speak, when we've

always regarded you as the only singer in the family until you get firmly established?'

*I know what you mean.' He threw a careless arm round her. 'But you've as much right as I have to try to be a professional singer. You have a long way to go, of course, and you mustn't be shattered if you don't eventually make it. Very few people do, you know.'

'I know—and thank you for being so generous and understanding.' She smiled up at him gratefully.

*Well ' he laughed musingly*—I suppose I

might have felt differently if I hadn't got some fresh hopes myself instead of struggling on unnoticed and unsuccessful. But now I've got Lucille behind me '

'Oh, Jerry, to what extent?'

*A11 the way,' he replied in a sudden burst of happy candour. 'We more than like each other, Carrie. We're in love—and you're the first person I've told.'

She managed somehow to say how happy she was for him and that yes, of course she would keep it a secret, and yes, of course she realised that now he must strive harder than ever to attain a position worthy of Lucille. An ambition which he seemed to regard as no longer beyond any reasonable reach, now that he had her cooperation.

Somehow Caroline managed to shut off full comprehension of what all this would mean for her. It was no longer a question of subduing anguished jealousy. It was more a fight with leaden despair, which she must conceal from him at all costs. And the only way to do that, even

momentarily, was to think of him rather than herself.

That too was almost beyond natural capability, for she could not share his euphoric trust in Lucille. She was shaken by the thought that he might be indulging in groundless hopes, both professionally and personally.

Not for the first time, Mrs Van KrolFs words returned to her, and nothing in that lady's cynical view held comfort for anyone who loved Jeremy. It was possible of course that her judgment of the French singer was biased; that in fact Lucille was capable of a sincere love, which she had bestowed on Jeremy. It was easy enough to love him, as Caroline well knew. But none of her own personal glimpses of Lucille held much reassurance for her.

'Don't you agree?' asked Jeremy at that point, and she realised that her attention had wandered dangerously from her cousin's blissful rambling.

*Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry dear! It's all so exciting that I can hardly keep my thoughts on one aspect.'

She even managed to laugh quite convincingly, and he seemed to find nothing odd about her lapse of attention.

*I know what you mean. I'm in a bit of a daze myself,' he conceded cheerfully. 'It doesn't seem possible that you and I have been going on for

years at a rather boring dead level ' thus did

he describe the happy relationship of the past'— I'd almost given up hope of anything exciting coming my way. Then suddenly you find a diamond ring, use it to bring pressure on a celebrated couple in the very world I'm trying to

enter, and we secure their qualified support. After that—as though all this isn't enough—I meet darling Lucille and we fall in love. It's like a piece of fiction, isn't it?'

Caroline said that it was. She even brought up the well-worn bit about truth being stranger than fiction, and they laughed over that together as though it were something quite original.

But when she finally tore herself away from Jeremy's happy reflections, which he seemed prepared to continue indefinitely, she shut herself in her own room, sat on the side of the bed and stared bleakly into space.

On what was she to fix her hopes?

That Jeremy would indeed find happiness with Lucille, while she, who had loved him for years— she knew that now—^must stand aside and console herself with some problematical career? Or was she to hope that her assessment of Lucille was correct, and that one day a disillusioned Jeremy just might turn to herself for consolation?

Neither prospect seemed to offer much happiness in the immediate future—or even the long-term fiiture, come to that. The CAREER, in dazzling capital letters, which had seemed to shine like a beacon only a few hours ago, had now shrunk to a doubtful candle flame, in the light of Jeremy's news. She was lucky—oh, she knew how incredibly lucky she was!—^to be offered this extraordinary opportunity. She must work very, very hard to be worthy of it. But if Jeremy had told her this evening that she was his love, she would have given it all up.

At least—she thought she would.

She went to bed at last with none of her

questions answered. And although she fell asleep almost immediately, she woke to a weight of depression totally out of keeping witi the euphoric hopes she had discussed with Miss Curtis and Mrs Van Kroll. In addition, she had now to face the task of tackling her employer on the subject of her future plans.

Caroline knew that the choice of the right moment was always an important one where Kennedy Marshall was concerned, and it was late in the afternoon before a good opportunity arose. Meanwhile she had toyed with the idea of not telling him the great news at all until she had once more managed to consult Sir Oscar about the exact programme he proposed for her. But an innate sense of fairness told her that Kennedy Marshall was entitled to know as soon as possible what she had in mind and how far it would affect his own plans.

Consequently, when he pushed aside a pile of files and said, *Well, we can consider that settled for the time being,' she drew a deep breath and asked,

*Have you a little time to hear something I need to tell you? It's about future working plans.'

Tire away.' He looked at her with full attention, she noticed, which was not by any means always the case when she introduced a subject outside his own choosing.

She explained to him then, in a steadier voice than she had expected to achieve, that Oscar Warrender's good opinion of her had prompted her teacher to consult an old friend about the financial difficulties inherent in any practical plan.

lOO ON WINGS OF SONG

'And this friend ' she was growing slightly

more breathless now*—has offered to finance me for six experimental months of intensive training in order to assess what my future chances might be.'

He listened to her without interruption. Then at the end he simply said, *So you want to leave me?'

'I don't^' she cried distressfully. *It's not that at all. I mean ' she stopped.

*What exactly do you mean, Caroline?' His tone was not at all provocative. Indeed, for the first time in all her recollection of him, it was almost kindly, and suddenly she found it quite easy to complete her explanation.

*I like working here—for you. I truly do, even though we cross swords occasionally. And I love the work. But this is a chance in a thousand—in ten thousand. I can hardly believe even now that it's happened to me. That was why I was so staggered by that phone call yesterday. It was from my singing teacher. Miss Curtis, to tell me she'd foimd someone who would back me.'

*Not a man, I trust?'

*No. Do you mean there would be objections if it were?'

*From me personally? So far as I'm entitled to

have them—yes. As you know ' he gave her

that wicked smile'—I'm a nasty distrustful sort of chap, and would suspect him of ulterior motives as a matter of course.'

'A friend of Miss Curtis?' Caroline smiled incredulously.

'I should be loath to regard an elderly woman teacher as a satisfactory first line of defence. But

ON WINGS OF SONG lOI

go on. You say, in the words of the old song, that you don't want to leave me but you think you ought to go. You can't have it both ways, my dear.'

He had not often called her 'my dear', and perhaps that was what emboldened her to say quite firmly, 'If I would be any real use to you as a part-time worker, I could possibly combine the two things—for the experimental six months at any rate. If Sir Oscar agreed '

'Oh, so Warrender is in this up to the neck too, is he?'

She explained further about the famous conductor's role as principal adviser and director of her studies, and Kennedy Marshall rubbed his chin reflectively.

'Well, I don't mind admitting that I'd be very sorry to lose you, Caroline,' he said at last. 'I suppose we might get hold of a good routine worker to take care of much of the standardised stuff. It would mean quite a lot of reorganisation, of course, but I was already considering involving you in more of the outside work. Attending performances, making personal judgments—for I've noticed your natural judgment is good—and so on. In fact, to a certain extent, I suppose you would be talent-spotting. Would that interest you?'

'I would adore it!' Caroline flushed with sudden excitement. 'If you really think my judgment sufficiently good.'

*I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise,' he told her drily. 'Well, talk to Warrander and see what can be arranged. If what I've suggested is a practical possibility to combine with whatever he

has in mind for you, I'm willing to go along with it.'

'Ohj thank you!' She smiled at him as though he had offered her the Koh-i-noor, which was perhaps what prompted him to reply provocatively,

*Until you're sufficiently experienced for us to rely on your unsupported judgment I'm afraid you'll have to put up with my company at a good many performances. Do you think you can bear that?'

*ril try,' she retorted lightly. And then, as she thought that soimded churlish after he had been so willing to co-operate over her plans, she put out her hand and just touched his as it lay there on the desk between them.

*Thank you,' she said again, and her tone was warm and friendly.

He turned his hand and for a moment his long, strong fingers closed roimd hers. Then he said almost curtly, 'You're a good child,' and dismissed her with a nod.

Back in her own office Caroline looked at her hand as though something quite imusual had happened to it. She remembered reading somewhere—^though she could not recall where—that *touch is the strongest and most primitive form of communication and should be used sparingly'.

'Well, I don't often hold hands with him!' she told herself with a laugh, and turned to other matters.

Half an hour later the telephone rang, and she was summarily bidden to the Warrender presence that very evening, to discuss and arrange her initial programme.

When she arrived in his studio she was not much surprised to find that there was little discussion, in the sense of querying anything he had to say. But the amount which he had already set in motion astounded her. Apparently it had been arranged that she should attend three or four times a week a well-known Opera Studio, where less than a dozen students received intensive and highly professional training.

'You'll be behind most of them in some respects,' Sir Oscar told her, 'but vocally you'll be on a respectable level of competition. Presently I shall be able to tell in which branches you are really deficient and in which you can rely to a certain extent on what you have learned in your rather sketchy development to date. In addition I shall want you here for personal study once a week, whenever I'm in this coimtry. You understand?'

Caroline said she understood, and then broached the subject of the suggested rearrangement at her office.

'So long as both you and Marshall understand that the demands of your musical training take precedence over anything else, I have no objection. Any other question?'

'Yes. Mrs Van Kroll is in favour of my entering for a contest organised by the Carruthers Trust in six months' time. But you said you were not much in favour of pubhc contests.'

'In general I'm not. But in your particular circumstances it might be one way of testing your weaknesses and your strengths, and it would give you an extra incentive to work hard. Mrs Van Kroll is being very generous at the moment, but

even the kindest of patronage can be a tricky thing and can cease at any moment.'

'i^yway, I don't want to lean on her generosity any more than is strictly necessary/ Caroline explained earnestly. 'I'm not a natural sponger. Sir Oscar, and I want to be independent as soon as ever possible.'

'I'm glad to hear it.' He smiled faintly. 'So, provided you work steadily, without pinning all your hopes on the pot of gold at the end of the Carruthers rainbow, I expect I shall let you enter when the time comes.'

'Just one more thing,' she said quickly, as she saw he was preparing to dismiss her. 'You do understand. Sir Osc^r, don't you, that although Mr Marshall is co-operating over the new arrangements with his office, he has no idea that it's his godmother—that it's Mrs Van Kroll— who's financing me. It's very important that he shouldn't know.'

'I think you may rely on my discretion,' said the conductor gravely. 'It has been tested quite often in the course of my career. Now confirm your arrangements with Marshall as speedily as you can. I want you to report at the Opera Studio on the first of next month. Good night. Miss Caroline, and prepare yourself for working under a very hard taskmaster indeed.'

'At the Opera Studio, do you mean?'

'No—here,' he replied, and waved her away.

There was no one to whom she could report these developments at home, for Jeremy was of course in Birmingham, and Aunt Hilda ostentatiously avoided any reference to what she obviously regarded as some strange temporary

delusions on Caroline's part.

Conversation therefore centred on minor domestic happenings, in which Caroline could, from long practice, display a remarkable degree of interest. Reflections on her own fortunes were, as usual, reserved for the time when she was alone in her own room.

The long talk with Sir Oscar had put fresh light and colour into the whole scheme for her projected training. So much so that even the thought of Jeremy and Lucille together in Birmingham could not detract from the excitement of having such detailed plans laid down. He had not made anything sound easy, but he had somehow made everything seem possible.

She did not know that this was part of the famous Warrender technique for getting the best out of everyone he handled. She only knew that he had fixed her attention so firmly on the attainable future that it was difficult to linger too sadly over the unsatisfactory present.

Caroline was glad that he had almost agreed to her competing in the Carruthers Contest, for only thus could she see any way of eventually repaying Mrs Van KroU for her incredible generosity.

At the office the following day Kennedy Marshall displayed as much interest as could be expected from a busy agent with three major problems on his plate—and no more. Having established the salient fact that Oscar Warrender agreed to what he had himself proposed, he said,

'Well, start combing the agencies for someone with whom you can divide the office work. I will myself attend to the other details over the weekend when I have more time. No, don't thank

me. We've been through that already and have agreed that I'm a kind, imderstanding fellow. Now get me the Nicholas Brenner file.' Which she did.

It was later than usual when Caroline finally reached home, to find Jeremy alone and waiting for her. By great good fortune Aunt Hilda had gone in next door to have a cosy—^not to say boastful—chat with her neighbour, and Jeremy began his tale at once.

'I haven't told Mother more than half of it,' he explained. *You know what moimtains she builds out of the most modest molehills. But I sang for the French agent, Pierre Carrie, and he was really impressed. He seems pretty sure he can get me some modest but useful work in provincial France, and possibly in Belgium too.'

*Oh, Jerry!' She gave him a congratulatory hug and vmhesitatingly posQ)oned any account of her own affairs during the last twenty-four hours.

*But that isn't all,' he went on exultantly. 'He strongly hinted that some time in the future Lucille and I might do some sort of joint recital tour together.'

*With Lucille Duparc! But she's an established artist. Almost an international one, in fact.'

*Yes, I know. That's why I'm so excited.'

*But—does she like the idea?'

'Of course she does. Though naturally I should have to get myself better known—^put myself on the map, so to speak. We all agreed about that. It would be vital that I established myself to some extent in the public eye without, of course, aspiring to her standard. There's quite an art in being a successful assisting artist, Lucille says, and I see exactly what she means.'

'Ye-es,' agreed Caroline, trying not to sound too doubtful—and failing. 'When you say you would have to establish yourself to some extent in the public eye, what do you mean exactly? It isn't easy.'

'Oh, there are ways and ways, if you know the ropes,' he assured her. 'It was Lucille herself, bless her, who came up with a splendid idea. There's going to be a very big voice contest in about six months' times. Big prizes—or at any rate a very big first prize—and wide TV coverage. You wouldn't know about it, I expect, but '

'I might. Who's promoting it?' asked Caroline, and her voice had suddenly gone thin and ^prehensive as a premonitory chill crept over her.

'Something called the Carruthers Trust. Have you ever heard of it?'

'Yes,' said Caroline slowly. 'I've heard of it.' And she shivered slightly, as though someone had walked over the grave of her hopes.

CHAPTER FIVE

During the next few months Caroline's hfe changed radically. And, inevitably^ Caroline changed too.

For most of her growing-up years she had lived with a keen awareness that she owed her home and most of her general wellbeing to her aimt; and as she was a naturally sensitive and appreciative girl the feeling of indebtedness was a constant factor, which sometimes weighed heavily on her spirits.

To do Aunt Hilda justice, it had never been her intention to underline the obligation, for, in her somewhat limited way, she was a kind woman. But, with a touch of perhaps understandable complacency, she was herself virtuously aware of how much Caroline owed to her, and she assimied that Caroline would naturally be aware of it too. Which Caroline was.

Had there been no one else involved in the family set-up Aunt Hilda might well have gone to the other extreme and spoiled her niece. But by the time Caroline came along the yoimg household god was already Jeremy, and to him Caroline willingly paid affectionate homage as a matter of course. She had never sought the limelight, and neither of the two people with whom she shared her family life had ever thought of turning it on her. Her role was a supporting one, and she willingly accepted it.

Now, quite suddenly, all that was changed. Because of the extraordinary discovery of her vocal talent, and the even more extraordinary interest and generosity of Mrs Van Kroll, she was encouraged—almost commanded—to develop as a personality in her own right. It was expected of her, in fact, that in the not far distant future she would take the centre of the stage and justify the hopes of some very important people.

Even then her devotion to Jeremy might have hindered her from applying unstinted energy and enthusiasm to her own cause. But Jeremy had gone after false gods (or, to be more precise, after a false goddess) and there was now no room for Caroline in his life. At almost the same moment. Fate—^with some assistance from Mrs Van Kroll—had pointed out a completely new path, and Caroline proceeded to follow it with all the single-minded determination so far imsuspected by her or anyone else.

This determination first showed itself in the energy with which she set about finding someone to take over half of her office work. She was prepared for this to be difficult, knowing how high her employer's standards were, but almost immediately good fortune and good judgment combined to bring Dinah Gale into her life. Dinah possessed no Ph.D. and only a couple of O-levels. But her basic English was excellent, her spelling impeccable, her capacity for hard work quite phenomenal, and her willingness to learn a delight to any hard-pressed employer or colleague.

* She's exactly what we need,' stated Caroline, with a confidence bom of her new attitude to life.

no ON WINGS OF SONG

*If you say so,' replied Kennedy Marshall. * You're the boss now in that department.'

In fact, so rapidly did Dinah fulfil the highest expectations that within the two weeks she had been given, Caroline was able to follow Sir Oscar's instructions and report for work at the Opera Studio of his choice.

As he had predicted, she was at first quite out of her depth in certain aspects of her studies. In others—^particularly with regard to the sheer beauty and management of her voice—she was ahead of most of her fellow students. Fortunately she was a quick learner and a devoted worker, so that she soon felt pretty confident that within measurable time she would be able to make good any deficiencies in her musical background.

Her private lessons with Sir Oscar at first proved to be a mixture of terror and a sort of bewildered delight. Initially she was too much in awe of him to do herself justice. But at the third lesson he said,

'When you volunteered to sing for me without any preparation you did much better than you're doing now. Why was that?'

'I was thinking only of helping Jeremy,' she replied without hesitation. 'I wasn't thinking of impressing you on my own account, and I wasn't afraid.'

'I see. Well, stop thinking of impressing me now. I am in any case very difficult to impress. Think of the composer and how best you can serve him and his work. Have you ever considered that?'

Caroline shook her head slowly, but she looked intrigued.

'That is the basis of any worthwhile performance, whether by singer, player, conductor or producer. You serve the work and the composer with all your heart and soul, trying to follow in the path which he, in his genius, has laid down. It requires a mixture of intelligence, diligence—^and love. Now try that again.'

So she tried it again. And when he gave a slight nod of approval she felt happy in a way she had never been happy before, vowing to herself that any career, great or small, which she managed to achieve should be based on Sir Oscar's advice.

At home there was little comment on the change in her pattern of life. So far as her aunt— or indeed Jeremy—^was concerned she continued to *go to work' at more or less the same time. And if her times of return were more erratic than had previously been the case Aunt Hilda at any rate chose to regard this as part of Caroline's 'odd new ways'.

There were aspects of this new life which Caroline longed to discuss with Jeremy, and in other days that would have been the natural thing to do. But now he was exclusively concerned with his own affairs, reserved and even a little melancholy since Lucille had returned to France. Undoubtedly he had his plans, as Caroline had hers, but, where once they would have compared them, there was an intangible barrier now which was impossible to breach.

What did provoke home comment (and that mostly from Aunt Hilda) was that Caroline now went out constantly in the evening, either to concerts or operatic performances.

'You're very lucky with free tickets these days,'

her aunt observed. 'But I suppose if there are unsold seats it looks better to have almost anyone fill them.'

'That's one element,' Caroline conceded, accepting with some effort this lowly assessment of her worth to the musical world. 'But it's partly that Mr Marshall decided he would like to try me on outside work, in order to develop my knowledge and judgment about works and performers, you know.'

Aunt Hilda didn't know, and said so.

'Do you mean to tell me he actually sends out a slip of a girl like you on your own, to make judgments and decisions that might affect his own agency?'

'I don't always go on my own. We more often go together, so that he can advise me and—^well, instruct me.'

For the time Aunt Hilda contented herself with saying, 'Teh, tch,' to indicate how poorly she regarded such a state of affairs. But a few evenings later, when Jeremy came in looking more animated and excited than he had for weeks, she suddenly said,

'Did you know that when Caroline goes jimketing to all those evening performances her employer goes with her, on the pretext of instructing her in some way?'

'Instructing her?' Jeremy looked both amused and taken aback. 'In what does he instruct you, for heaven's sake, Caroline? Mother makes it sound quite questionable!'

'It's nothing of the kind!' Caroline retorted hotly. 'I'm still part of the firm, and he wants me to extend my usefulness by having some