One More Time (29 page)

“I hope you mean that,” Sally said through gritted teeth. “Izzy is the best person I know. If you aren’t one hundred percent sure about your feelings for her, then let her go. She’s better off without you.”

“I know,” I told her as I handed Milly back over. I wasn’t going to get into it with Sally. Not here and not in front of my daughter. My thoughts and feelings weren’t any of her business. They were for me and Ibby only. “We need to go,” I directed at Adam. We were fifteen minutes late for our appointment with Parker and I didn’t want to keep him waiting any longer.

My colossal fuck up had caused Isabella to do something rash and stupid tonight. Seeing her on the dance floor with Zane almost undid me.
One second later, he would have had his lips on her and I would have killed him.
I stared down at Ibby’s sleeping form and wondered if she would have stopped him from kissing her. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I went to relieve the sitter.

Thirty minutes later, the sitter was gone and I was holding Milly in my arms again. It seemed like a lifetime since I had held her. The dark, quiet room was peaceful. As I rested my head against the back of the rocker, I thought back on my sessions with Adam and Parker.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” I asked. All this time I thought Dad was trying to hurt Adam. He wasn’t and Adam had known it.

“What good would it have done? It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Adam replied.

“I shot and killed our father, Adam!”

“And I could have stopped you, Dillon! Don’t you think that hasn’t plagued me every single day of my fucking life? I could have stopped it from happening! I could have prevented so much fucking pain, but I didn’t. Instead I just sat there screaming like a fucking baby!” he shouted.

Adam’s painful confession shocked me. There I was feeling guilty because I had taken Dad away from him and the whole time, he had been living his own personal hell for not stopping me from pulling the trigger.

“So many wasted years and so much guilt,” I whispered out loud. Milly snuffled and rubbed her face against my shirt before settling back down.

Adam and I met with Parker again on Tuesday afternoon.

“Why are you afraid to tell Isabella about what happened with your parents?” Parker asked.

Because she’ll think I’m a monster, I thought but didn’t say.

“He’s afraid she won’t want him after she finds out,” Adam answered for me. I cut my eyes to him and his brow raised in question. “Am I wrong?”

“Do you love Isabella?” Parker asked.

Stupid question. “Of course I do,” I answered.

“And you love Amelia?”

“More than anything,” I replied.

“Does Isabella love you?”

She used to, echoed through my head.

“She adores him,” Adam answered for me.

“You can’t continue to paint your parents love with the same brush as the love you have for Isabella and Amelia,” Parker said. “There is a stark difference. Do you know what that is?”

“Mom never loved Dad,” Adam answered.

He was right. According to Mom’s journals, she was in love with another guy before she hooked up with our father. The guy broke up with her. To get even, she slept with Dad and got pregnant with Adam. She wanted Adam, but didn’t want Dad. Dad wanted both she and Adam. Since she was a year away from graduating from Design School and Dad was already established in his business, he convinced her that he would pay
for her to finish school if she would marry him and have Adam. So, instead of following her heart, she went with Dad…and made him suffer for it.

Isabella was nothing like our mother and I was nothing like our father. It took me a second to let this sink in.

“I accused her of trying to tie me down. I told her I didn’t want to be a father or a husband,” I confessed.

“Is that how you really feel?” Parker asked.

“I thought if I pushed her away and rejected her first, it would be easier.”

“Has it been easier?”

“All I can think about is that fucker Jimmy trying to hurt her and me not being there to protect her from him.”

“Is that all?”

“I fucked up. She thinks I’m this great guy but I’m not. I fucking killed my father, I’ve strung women along for as long as I can remember because I’m scared shitless of commitment. I don’t want to end up pussy-whipped and pathetic like my dad. I’m afraid when the newness wears off, Ibby will discover what I really am and won’t want me…Just like my mom didn’t want my dad. So I….”

“So you rejected her before she could reject you,” Parker finished for me.

“That’s fucked up,” Adam said. Our eyes met and we both broke into laughter. It was all kinds of fucked up. I got that now.

When the laughter died down, Parker smiled. Then he hit me with a poignant observation. “Your love for Isabella and hers for you is both mutual and true. Your parent’s never was. Your father bribed your mother to stay. She had a choice. She could have said no. You are using a false comparison, and in turn are selling both yourself and Isabella short. It pains me to see you do so because Isabella is not the only one suffering. You are as well.”

I spent the last thirty minutes of the session discussing Dana, and what happened with Dooley and Piper, with Parker. He told me I had enough on my plate for the moment, to hang in there and we would definitely work through it at a later date. By the time Adam and I walked out of Parker’s office, I knew what I had to do. I had to get Ibby back. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, especially after she kicked me out of the house yesterday, but I had to try.

“How do I get her back?” I asked Adam, later that night.

“Uhhhh…try telling her you want her back,” he answered.

“I did, dumb ass, and she told me to leave.”

“Have you played for her yet? Girls love that shit,” he suggested.

After mulling it over for a while, I called Kurt and set my plan in motion. Then I picked up my guitar and worked up a play list.

Yesterday morning Adam headed back to Charleston and I spent the rest of the day and today practicing.

After finding my girl in another man’s arms tonight, I wondered if it was all for nothing.
Am I too late?
I kissed a sleeping Milly on the side of the head and lay her in her crib before heading back downstairs to check on Ibby. As I walked down the stairs, Sally came through the front door. She froze like a deer stuck in headlights when she saw me.

“Is she okay?” she asked.

Not able to help myself, I lit into her. “No, she’s not okay. What in the hell were you thinking?”

“I’m not her keeper, Dillon. I’m sick and tired of you treating me as if I am!” she snapped.

“She was so drunk she was about to get fucked on a dance floor by a stranger tonight, Sally! Where were you while this was happening?” I snapped back.

Her eyes widened in surprise and she whispered, “Please tell me you are kidding?”

“I kid you not.”

“I stepped out for no more than an hour to smoke a joint with Blake. I left her sitting at a table with Piper, Ellie and Joss. I wasn’t gone for long, Dillon, I swear.”

“Well, while you were busy getting high, your best friend was about to get taken advantage of. When are you going to grow up and start acting like a responsible adult?”

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, right before she blasted me. “You dare speak to me of responsibility? You are the king of irresponsibility. Not only did you nail Izzy once, get her pregnant and leave her high and dry, but you turned around and did it again! What is it with you, Tarzan? Is one fatherless child not enough for you?”

Her words hit me head on and my gut clenched. “What the hell are you talking about?

“Remember the morning you walked out on Izzy and Milly after telling her you didn’t want her? Did you not come home the night before drunk as a skunk and screw her yet again…” she leaned forward and hissed, “without using a condom?”

My first inclination was to deny it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she could be right. I remembered sleeping with Isabella. How could I not? It was the one time we had been together after Charleston. I had been fighting myself all week and finally broke. My shoulders slumped in defeat.
Did I not use a condom? Fuck! What is wrong with me?

Sally’s words had a minute to sink in.
My girl could be carrying my baby right now.
My head snapped up. “Is she pregnant?” I asked.

“I don’t know. She hasn’t talked to me about it since the day you left. It’s probably still too soon to tell.”

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. “I fucked up, Sally. I need to make it right. I’m not just saying this because she could be pregnant. I’m saying it because it’s how I feel. There’s a lot you don’t know…that Isabella doesn’t know. Let’s just say my demons finally caught up with me and I almost let them win…”

“But you didn’t,” she cut in. “I can see that. I saw it on Sunday. Izzy loves you, she’s just hurt. If you are serious about making it right, I will help you, but if you hurt her again, Dillon, I will do everything in my power to get her away from you once and for all. You get me?”

I got her, loud and clear. “I won’t hurt her again. I promise. I need her at Dragonfly tomorrow night. Can you get her there?”

A smile spread across her face. “I’ll make sure she’s there.”

“I’m going to go check on her one more time and then I’m leaving. Are you okay to watch her?” I asked.

“I’ll turn on the monitor and sleep downstairs with her. I promise she’ll be fine.” I started for the bedroom and Sally’s words stopped me. “She wouldn’t have slept with Zane tonight, Dillon. She loves you too much.”

With a nod of acknowledgement, I checked on a still passed out Ibby and then headed to Dragonfly. I would rather crash in the office then to deal with Piper again. I needed to cool down before that happened.

After tossing and turning on the lumpy sofa in my office at Dragonfly, I finally fell asleep. Scattered dreams of Isabella pregnant, my mother crying and Adam telling me he knew our dad wasn’t trying to hurt him invaded my sleep. The third time the dreams woke me, I made myself get up. I wanted to call and check on Ibby, but as it was five in the morning, I had to wait.

At noon I met with Parker for a quick thirty minute session. I wasn’t cured by all means, but I wanted to thank him. It was because of him I didn’t feel my life was hopeless anymore. I no longer felt like a worthless piece of shit. I realized we had a long way to go and I was good with this. I was ready to get Isabella back and fight for our relationship. Whatever she needed, I would provide.
I can do this
.

I called Sally after I left Parker’s office. She said that Ibbs was sick as a dog when she woke up and beating herself up pretty badly about last night. All I cared about was her making sure Ibby made it to Dragonfly tonight. I drove straight to Piper’s where I showered and changed. Thank goodness she was out. I didn’t want to have another confrontation with her. As soon as I was dressed, I grabbed my guitars and headed to the jewelry store, where I purchased the ring I had been eyeing before the Charleston trip derailed everything. As I headed back to Dragonfly, I couldn’t help but smile. Tonight Isabella Fisher was finally going to be mine.

*     *     *

Fifteen minutes until
show time
. It had been a while since I’d been on stage. I had a lot riding on this and Ibby hadn’t shown up yet. My stomach was in knots.
Where the hell are you, Sally?
Five minutes later I watched them walk through the door.
Thank fuck.
Isabella was wearing faded blue jeans and a light pink top. I couldn’t see the expression on her face to know if she was happy or angry.
Oh well, either way, this is happening.

Kurt appeared on the stage in front of me and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Hit it,” I told him.

Right before he hit the lights, he said, “Good luck man. Something tells me you’re going to need it.” The lights flashed on and the crowd roared. Isabella’s eyes shot to the stage where I was sitting, and widened in surprise. “How is everyone tonight?” Kurt asked. “We have a special treat for you. Our own Dillon Whitaker is here to play for us this evening. Let’s give him a warm welcome.” The crowd cheered. As soon as they calmed, I started playing the first song from my “Get Ibby Back” playlist. It was a song by Matt Nathanson called
Come On Get Higher
. The lyrics were a perfect depiction of how I felt for Isabella. Everything worked in her arms. When I was without her, I was nothing. She was it for me.
I just had to make her believe it.
After the song was over, I set down the guitar and grabbed the microphone from the stand.