One Step Over the Border (21 page)

Laramie and Will Clausen cut off the bull and forced him south. For reasons known only to Northstar and the Almighty, the
bull sauntered straight toward the bull pen and rejoined the fraternity of former escapees.

The crowd dispersed. Will and Laramie returned as Kenny and Hap assessed the damage to the teriyaki stand and the bull-sized
hole at one end of it.

“You boys want to work a couple days for me?” Will Clausen offered. “I fired my stockmen, who were also my pickup men. If
need be, young Bill and me can do the pickup chores for bareback and saddle bronc. Where I’ve got to have help is with the
bullridin’. We have to be at the buckin’ chutes. I need you to push the bulls out of the arena, something you proved you can
do.”

Laramie glanced at Hap. “What do you say, partner?”

“Are they running barrel racing in between the sets of bulls?” Hap asked.

“Yep,” Clausen said.

“We’ll help you out as long as we don’t have to be in the arena during the barrels.”

“Thanks, boys. I’ll owe you a big one. Hap, would you close up that concession stand awning?” Will Clausen asked. “Even with
that big hole in the side, we ought to try to close it.”

Hap yanked the support brace out from the heavy wooded shutter. It banged down on the side of the little stand. He jumped
back as it gave way. One side collapsed on another until there was a pile of rubble no more than two feet high.

“That does it,” Kenny howled. “I definitely ain’t eatin’ here tonight.”

Laramie and Hap drove down the road four miles to an indoor arena that belonged to a friend of Brick Trotter’s and spent the
morning practicing their roping. Every window and door in the one-hundred-by-three-hundred-foot building was propped open
in an attempt to circulate the hot south Texas air. A half-dozen steer wrestlers and two other pairs of team ropers waited
their turns at the south entrance.

When they got back to the rodeo grounds, they parked next to a small poplar tree and picketed Luke and Tully behind the horse
trailer. Sara plopped down in the small circle of shade, while Laramie trekked over to the Ketch Pen and brought back double
cheeseburgers. The two men sat cross-legged between the tree and the truck and tossed tidbits to Sara. The curly fries dripped
grease and Hap didn’t bother coating them with a packet of catsup. Each bite seemed to clunk in his stomach like a pebble
falling to the bottom of a dry well.

“We haven’t worked as pickup men for years,” Laramie said. “Think I’ll go talk to Clausen after lunch and make sure we do
what he wants. You want to go along?”

Hap stared across the ground as a Dodge dually pulled a huge horse trailer into the grounds and parked it next to the side
gate. Slouching against a small poplar tree, he studied the two gals who piled out of the truck, relieved when they didn’t
head his way. “What I want to do is get some sleep. Between a full moon and running bulls, I was awake most of the night.”

Hap woke up in a full sweat when Sara let out a bark. The sun blasted his face, so he couldn’t see who approached.

“Hap, can we talk without you killing me?” It was the voice of the last woman on earth he wanted to talk to.

If the horses had been trailered he’d have jumped into the truck and driven off. He stroked the boxer, then jammed on his
hat to block the sun. Finally, he folded his arms across his chest. “Juanita, I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to talk
to you. I don’t want you here.”

Her jeans rode low on her waist and her pink T-shirt didn’t cover her soft brown bellybutton. “Won’t you listen to my side?”

Her mirrored sunglasses covered her eyes, and when she turned her head, they blinded him.

“I would have listened six years ago. I would have listened all those times I phoned and you hung up on me. I gave up wanting
to listen to you.”

“How can I explain all of that if you won’t hear me out? You weren’t the only one who phoned. I can’t count how many times
I dialed your number, but could never force myself to stay on the line. Can you imagine what it’s like to live down here,
lookin’ over my shoulder, worried that I’d see your face? Do you know what it’s like not to be able to go home because you’re
too ashamed?”

Hap noticed her thick, wavy black hair hung half-way down her back. “Juanita, you toughened up my heart. Does it really matter
what you say? I don’t have any desire to listen to excuses.”

“I lied to you and played on your affection for me to cheat you out of thousands of dollars. I should have been arrested and
served time for that.” She jerked off her black-framed sunglasses. “I cannot even mention the subject without being overcome
with shame. Does that sound like I’m rationalizing?” Tears slid down her smooth cheek.

“No, I reckon it don’t.”

She shoved her sunglasses on top of her head. “Then let me stand here and tell you what’s been eating at my heart all these
years. You don’t have to say a word. When I’m through, I’ll leave and try never to enter your life again.”

Hap tucked his knees under his chin. “You don’t have to stand. You can sit down.”

She stepped closer, but he motioned to the shade. “Over there.”

Juanita Guzman collapsed on the grass near the pickup. She folded her legs under her and pulled her thick black hair behind
her head. She brushed off her dusty red roper boots, then cradled her cheeks and began to rock back and forth.

Sara scooted over and stretched out next to Hap.

“When I left you, my life was so incredibly messed up. I couldn’t see clear, and I lied about a lot of things. I don’t have
a sister. My father didn’t abuse me. My mother did not get beat up and hospitalized. She died when I was young. How am I doing
so far?”

“Depends on where this is leading.” Hap marveled that, except for deeper eye creases, she appeared the same as she had six
years before. Her head-turning beauty remained, but her eyes looked worn. Her voice sounded weary.

“I was wild, rebellious, and drinking heavy when I met you.”

“I don’t remember you that way.” Hap knew she didn’t possess classic beauty like Annamarie, but a raw, sensual beauty like
an actress hungry for a part… any part.

“You see? The day you took me to that pizza place and treated me like somebody special, it changed me. I had a reason to be
different. Someone to be different for. It was the best few months of my life.”

“Mine, too, if I were honest.” Hap thought about the time they had borrowed a boat to water ski on Boysen Reservoir. He shook
his head as if to erase the memory of her bright yellow bikini.

Juanita traced a finger through the dirt. “I was living a lie, but it felt good.”

“A lie? About being in love with me?”

“About being a nice girl, with a happy past and an exciting future. The weekend you and Laramie did so well in Cheyenne, it
all crashed down on me. Right before we started going out, I had been on a drinking spree over in South Dakota. I hooked up
with a couple of guys who drove a Hummer. I’d never ridden in one and they said, ‘Let’s go out and have some fun in the Badlands.’”

“I told them, you provide the booze and I’ll go. So, we partied for three days out there. At least, I think we did. Hap, this
is horrible to say, but I was so wasted most of the time, I don’t know what happened.

“When I finally got back to Rapid City and sobered up, I took off for Hot Springs and soaked for several days trying to get
clean. I even thought about killing myself. Hap, it’s dreadful when you can’t get free from your own stupid acts and decisions.

“I was there at the Springs when you and Laramie arrived, looking for your Juanita. I loved your story. I even went to a tattoo
place in Sturgis and asked if they could give me a birthmark that looked like a horse’s head. They said tattoos look like
tattoos and there wasn’t much to be done. But I latched on to you and pledged to myself that I would become the girl you thought
I already was.”

“You surely convinced me with your lies.”

“The good times we shared were not lies. But the night we got to Cheyenne that summer, these guys from Rapid City showed up
at my room. They said they needed a favor. They had been arrested for holding up a liquor store and shooting a clerk. There
was only circumstantial evidence, so they wanted me to testify they were both entertaining me in a motel room.”

“They thought you were goin’ to do that?”

“This is where it gets awful, Hap. This is the part that I couldn’t tell you back then… I don’t even know if I can now.” She
breathed deep, and more tears trickled down her brown cheeks. “They had some video of me and them out in the Badlands. It
was porno… it was sick… it was so horrible I still cry about it. I don’t remember one thing about any of it, but there it
was on tape.”

“Did they blackmail you?”

“They didn’t want money. They wanted me to testify that they were with me in a hotel room when the crime was committed. They
promised to give me the tape, if I went along with it.”

“How many copies did they have?”

“They wouldn’t tell me. Besides, the tape ran only a half-hour and I know I was out there with them for three days. I had
no idea how much they taped.”

“So, why didn’t you tell me… or the police?”

“Hap, at that time I would rather die than let anyone, especially someone as nice as you, know I had done such damnable things.
I was appalled. I just wanted to die.”

He refused to let his mind wander to what might be on the tape. “If I’m so nice, why take my money?”

“I thought if I had that much, and could give you a story that kept you away from me, that would be better for you. In my
mind, if I ran away and disappeared, no one could ever blackmail me again. I knew if I stayed with you, the guys would return
and sooner or later, you’d see everything. I was afraid you would hate me.”

“I ain’t exactly been lovin’ you all this time, as it is.”

“I always meant to pay you back. I kept saying, ‘I’ll earn the money in a couple months.’ Weeks turned to months, then to
years. And here I am, wishing I could die again rather than tell you this. For the past several years I’ve dreamed of seeing
you and handing you the money and explaining it all.”

“You got the money now?”

“No… and that’s why I haven’t tried to contact you. I’m living in my truck. It’s not been a real good year. I’d go home and
apologize to my dad and my family if I had the funds. I don’t even know if I have gas money to get to the next rodeo. Not
a good way to live, but I have no one to blame but me. I’m not drinkin’ or doin’ drugs. Just getting by day to day.”

“So, that’s your story?”

“Hap, I owe you money. Some day, some way, I’ll pay you back. I didn’t tell you this to have you feel sorry for me. I’m getting
exactly what I deserve. I made a bunch of lousy choices and now I have to live with the consequences. I treated you awful
even though I’ve never had anyone in my life treat me better. Thanks for listening and not shooting me. When I saw you here,
I thought about drawing out and running or just hiding out hoping we’d not have to see each other. I decided to come over
here and talk. Now I’m trusting that was the right choice.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know how much of this to believe. You understand if I’m skeptical. Obviously, I’m quite susceptible
to your deceptions. It’ll take some time for all this to sink in.”

She stood up. “I’m up in tonight’s round. If I make the short go, I’ll stay until tomorrow. If not… I’ll pull out tonight.”

Hap stood up and gazed into her wide brown eyes. He remembered the first time, in Gillette, when she closed those eyes and
puckered her lips. At the time, he had hoped that moment would last forever.

“I’ll see you again, cowboy. Next time I hope I’ll have money in my hands to repay you.”

Hap shoved his hands into the back pockets of his Wranglers. “I’m glad you came to talk to me. Even a lie is more peaceful
than having no explanation at all.”

She stuck out her hand. “You got the truth this time. You don’t have to like me, Hap. Just don’t hate me quite so much, okay?”

“I never was comfortable hatin’ you, Juanita.” As Hap clasped her hand, she squeezed his fingers.