Only Love (33 page)

Her eyes wandered over the details of the scrapbook I’d put together for her over the past few weeks. I’d collected several pictures from her school plays, band concerts, dances, and just our little adventures together—Rissa, Gabby, and myself. The three of us had made so many memories together. And, I don’t know, maybe not having her around as much made me a bit sentimental.

She stared at the picture on front—the one of the three of us at the beach during early summer. Rissa was wearing my big sunglasses, mimicking the funny face Gabby was making. The smiles on all three of our faces were genuine and told of our love for one another.

Gabby swiped away a tear.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” I said with a smile, gathering her into my arms while I balanced Rissa on my other hip. Gabby embraced me back.

“I know. You’ve just been really good to me,” she answered as she pulled away to wipe her face. “I hope you’re not mad that I haven’t been around as much. It’s just—”

I cut her off; she didn’t owe me any explanation. “Gabby, sweetie, I get it,” I assured her. “Be with your mom. I love that she’s stepping up, okay? Don’t feel guilty for being with her.” I tipped her chin up so she’d have to look at me. “But no matter what this is your home too. If you need me for anything you know where to find me. I don’t care if I don’t see you for a year; if something’s up, don’t ever hesitate to reach out, okay?”

She stared back, hearing my words, letting it sink in that I really wasn’t hurt by her distance, and then she nodded. “Okay. I will.”

With that, I pulled her into another embrace and then let her get back to her apartment. I’d barely made it back to the kitchen to put water in Rissa’s sippy-cup when another knock hit the door. I didn’t look through the peephole before answering, so my heart jumped at the sight of my aunt Jen standing on the other side of the threshold. She had gifts,
lots
of gifts, but I still wasn’t sure what brought her by exactly. We’d spoken maybe twice since summer, and each time it was just her calling to check on Rissa. Maybe that was what this was about too, her wanting to check on my daughter.

With a tight smile and dry
hello
, I stepped aside to let my mother’s only sister inside my apartment. Her eyes wandered around as she took in the sight of the Christmas tree Adam, Rissa, and I had decorated together, and then down to the presents beneath it. That was when I noticed just how many presents she’d brought with her—
tons.
It dawned on me that she thought Rissa might not have anything from me, that I couldn’t afford it. Trying not to go on the defense, I called Rissa out of her bedroom where she’d wandered.

“Rissa, Aunt Jen’s here to see you, baby.”

I heard a few toys clatter against
more
toys as she threw down whatever was in her hands to come running out to the living room. Before she made it, Aunt Jen set down the large garbage bag of wrapped presents and a big gift bag full of brightly colored outfits for my baby. It would’ve been easy to get upset that my aunt continued to think I was just like my mother, that I couldn’t take care of my daughter, but on the other hand I couldn’t get mad at her for caring—even if it was in her own twisted way. Besides, it was almost Christmas and nothing could get my mood down. Not even Aunt Jen.

“Merry Christmas, baby girl,” she said as she took Rissa into her arms. She looked her over closely like I expected her to and then smiled bigger. “Oh, your hair looks so pretty,” she sang, touching Rissa’s fresh ponytails with red barrettes at the ends. “And look at your dress!” she added. Rissa was all giggles.

I started back toward the kitchen, shaking my head with a smile at my aunt’s lack of subtlety. This visit was exactly what I thought it was, one of her
‘rescue missions’.
At least now she could see I didn’t need it. Never had. If there was one thing I was good at, it was finding a way to make ends meet for my baby.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” I offered, tossing the question over my shoulder before losing sight of the pair catching up in my living room.

“Well, I suppose if you made enough I can do that.”

Another smile hit my lips. I decided to just take her overbearing ways when it came to Rissa as her way of showing that she cared.

“There’s enough,” I replied.

And there was. All of my guests showed on time and we laughed and talked through the entire meal. Cindy, Joan, and Javi’s mother, Josephine, bonded over Rissa. She was their common link. By the end of the night, the three had accepted their shared roles in her life as her grandmothers and there was even talk of joint trips to the zoo and water park when the weather broke again. I loved every minute of it.

Gabby never returned, but I felt much better after our talk, after seeing her face, looking into her eyes, and seeing that she was really happy. Who wouldn’t be happy to have their mother back and really trying to do right? The thought of it had brought a smile to my face several times throughout the night.

Rissa had convinced her nine year-old cousin, Javi’s niece, Emelia, to play dolls with her in her bedroom, so the adults were left at the table with cups of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate in hand. It was nice, having family with me on the holiday. Sitting around, getting along, enjoying one another’s company.

Joan asked for a little more sugar for her beverage and I stood from the table in the small dining area and went to the kitchen to get it. To my surprise my aunt followed close behind. I caught sight of her from the corner of my eye when I reached into the cabinet and stared back at her when she stopped me. My fingers grazed over the rippled glass of the container in my hands while I waited with bated breath for her to say whatever was on her mind. It could’ve been anything. Granted, she’d been pleasant this evening, but there was just no telling with her. I’d learned not to be shocked by anything this woman said.

“Yes?” I said sweetly when she placed a hand on mine. Surprisingly, there was nothing but kindness in her eyes.

She cocked her head to the side. “So how long have you and this Adam been together?” she asked. It didn’t shock me that she’d ask that. Tonight was the first time she’d heard mention of him. There was a reason for that. Before now, my personal life never came up because she’d been notoriously judgmental of my relationship with Javi in the past. I didn’t see the need to bring her opinion into the one I’d built with Adam. Aside from that, she’d never shown any real interest in what went on with me personally; it’d always just been about Rissa. Tonight, though, with Joan and Cindy present, there was no way Aunt Jen would miss Adam’s name as it’d been said several times throughout dinner. Javi’s mother spoke to the pair about their son a great deal, getting to know the man who was clearly a father figure in her granddaughter’s life through the two women who knew him best. So, because of that, Aunt Jen got to know Adam too.

 I cleared my throat and answered her question. “About six months now.”

She nodded and her eyes looked me over, but what she did next, I wasn’t expecting. Not in a million years. One corner of her mouth lifted into a smile, and then she leaned in and hugged me. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d done such a thing. At first, I just stood there, but when the embrace went on for a few seconds, I hugged her back.

“He makes you happy?” she asked, still holding on.

I nodded as my chin rested on her shoulder. “He does.
Very
.”

My words sunk in and she accepted them as the truth. “And he’s good with Marissa?” she added, which made me chuckle because I was waiting on that question—was actually surprised she hadn’t asked that first.

“Yes, Aunt Jen, he loves Rissa as if she was his. You know I’d never accept anything less from someone in my life.”

It was then that she finally leaned away, meeting my gaze when she nodded. “I know. I know you’re a good mom.”

Those words, her admission, hit my heart in a way she’d never understand. All this time, all these years even before Rissa, she’d treated me as if
I’d
been the one on drugs, as if
I’d
been the one out there prostituting—not my mom. It was like today, for the first time ever, she’d finally gotten that. She finally did.

Aunt Jen ran a hand down the side of my face and, with those few simple words, she’d killed a lifetime of bitterness and the damage that’d been done to our relationship. It was that easy to let her back in because I
wanted
to let her back in.

By the end of the night I was worn out from all the good food and good laughs. These women, my family, had been exactly what I needed. For the first time in a long time, it wasn’t just me, or just me and my baby celebrating, and I knew it would never be like that again. Josephine passed her number along to Adam’s moms and Aunt Jen invited them all to a fundraising event at her church after hearing how active Joan and Cindy were in their congregation. I kissed and hugged each one as they exited, Cindy last.

“Tell that son of mine he missed out on a good time,” she said with a smile.

I nodded and returned the gesture. “I sure will, but it’ll probably be tomorrow unless he wakes me when he gets in. I’m exhausted.”

She patted my hand before following Joan out into the hallway. “I’m sure you are with all that food you prepared.” As she made the statement, she lifted the bag of leftovers I insisted that she take.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

There was a warmth behind her eyes that filled my heart. It was a look of appreciation, of love. “Get some rest, hon, and we’ll see you all tomorrow around noon at our place, right?”

I nodded, assuring her that we’d be there. “Of course.”

With that, everyone was off and on their way and I stood at the door listening and smiling as I heard the group of women who’d now formed bonds of their own over this dinner chattering as they walked down the hallway together.

Tonight was special for so many reasons, but this, their unexpected connection, was the most precious.

“So what did ya’ll miss tonight?” Chambers asked, turning his head from his locker to Don and me. All three of us had come in off our nightly shift, Don with me of course since he’d been back in action for a few months now and Chambers on his own. His partner was out of town for the holidays so he got out of the call-in.

Don grunted, pulling his bag out of his locker, but he did so with a hearty laugh. “Dinner with my in-laws. Saved myself from my mother-in-law’s meddling and her fruitcake that gives me gas. This shift was a godsend if you know what I mean.”

Chambers tossed his head back with a laugh and I couldn’t help joining in too. Same old, Don.

Chambers slapped Don’s chest. “Fruitcake? Try my woman’s meatloaf. You’d be on the shitter for weeks. Let’s just say Chief got a resounding yes when he asked if I’d come in. I guess we both got saved from some ‘delicious’ Christmas Eve dinner. You as well, Holloway?”

“Nope. Not him. His woman cooked for him. Sent it out with him on our shift and everything.”

I looked up from tying my snow boots to Don. Though he spoke to Chambers his gaze was concentrated on me. Surprisingly enough, I couldn’t really get a read on the look. Just that it was there.

Chambers slammed his hand on my shoulder, taking a seat beside me on the bench. He drew in close. “And you actually
ate
it, my friend?”

Don answered before I could. “That he did.” He turned, pulling out his own snow boots from his locker. “Completely declined anything from the drive-thru when we went.”

This got a whistle out of Chambers and a light chuckle. “How’s your stomach?”

I gave him a shot to his chest with my shoulder. “Fine. Aubrey knows her way around the kitchen just fine.”

“Aubrey? She’s the one you’ve been seeing for a while, right? The one who pretty much handed my ass to me about ragging on you?”

We both had a laugh at that. Aubrey definitely had done that. She decided to take on the role of my knight in shining armor that night and I had to smile at that. “The very one,” I said, looking up at him.

He nodded with a smile. “How is she and her little girl?” The humor was absent from the question. He actually wanted to know.

“Both good,” I returned, going back to lacing my boots. “But the way her daughter, Marissa, is growing she might not be little for long. She’s getting into all kinds of things these days. We’ve actually caught her trying to escape her crib a few times,” I said, making Chambers laugh alongside me. “She also started talking, making small sentences. Crazy how quick that happened. Seems like she was only gurgling words the other day.”

“Yeah. She’s almost two now, isn’t that right?”

I blinked at the voice. Again, it had been Don. He was messing with his own boots now, and if I hadn’t heard him myself I would haven’t have believed it was he who said something.

“Uh, yeah,” I confirmed. I actually gave a small smile. “Just hit twenty-two months.”

Don acknowledged that with a nod. Again, he didn’t look up at me but that was okay.