Out of Time (Face the Music Book 3) (17 page)

Ava was there. She looked at him but didn’t say anything. He nodded at his mother’s friends and they offered their condolences. Gemma gave him a hug. Ed shook his hand. Dan gave him the mock salute that he used so often.

Had he fucked up the last few days in the studio? He wasn’t sure. If he had he would be called back to fix it. He pushed the thought aside, unable to deal with that possibility right now.

There were already flowers here. The record company had sent flowers and a bottle of gin to the house. He hadn’t expected that—Ed must have said something. Their manager had also sent a gift basket. He hadn’t opened it yet.

He hadn’t done much of anything and yet he hadn’t had time for anything.

He was going to have to say something. She hadn’t written him a speech.

When he looked at the faces, he knew she’d be missed by more than just him. His father wasn’t here—not that he’d recognise the man if he fell over him—but he knew everyone here. It didn’t matter that his father wasn’t here. He hadn’t been there for anything for the last twenty years.

‘Thank you for coming. She would be glad that her last piece of planning came together so well. I didn’t realise for a long time that my family was different. I think she made sure that I never felt like I was missing out. That changed when she first got sick. She hated that I’d given up a chance to go to uni to help her. After everything she’d done for me over the years, it was something I had to do. This time was different. Most of you knew before I did. I resented that.’ He paused. ‘It was hard to know that she’d kept it a secret. It was harder to keep going. Some of you know how hard. But I did what she wanted and that meant I wasn’t there at the end. I will live with that forever.’ Breathe in. Breathe out. Just keep breathing. ‘I know she didn’t want us to stand around being sad. She was all about making the most of what was on offer. So if nothing else, when you leave, next time you shy away out of fear, don’t. Take a chance. Mum would’ve.’

He caught Ava’s gaze. He’d been avoiding her because he was afraid that he’d hate her for being there. But when he looked at her, he didn’t. He was glad that someone had been with his mother.

A few other people spoke. All of them remembering her spirit and fight.

The sun rose higher and the temperature climbed.

Finally the plaque was fixed to the wall.

It simply said her name and date of birth and death.

He should’ve thought of something more to put on it.

People dispersed after another round of condolences. When he looked around, Ava had gone. He’d wanted to talk to her, even though he didn’t know what there was left to say. He should thank her for being there … he should do something. It was another thing he knew he should do, but hadn’t been able to do. He’d been drifting for the past week, pushed along when people needed him to do something, and the rest of the time going nowhere. He needed to get back into control.

Dan offered him a drink from a flask. ‘Thought you might need it.’

The flask was almost empty.

‘You were drinking through the funeral?’ Mike handed it back, not interested.

Dan shrugged then finished it in one swallow.

Mike knocked it out of Dan’s hand. ‘What the fuck, man?’

‘Chill. It was just a couple of swigs.’ Dan bent over to pick it up.

Mike gave him a shove and sent him sprawling to the ground. Dan lay on his back, stunned for a moment.

‘Don’t tell me to chill.’ He turned away, anger still bubbling. He wasn’t angry with Dan … not really, he was angry with himself. For not being there, for doing what she wanted. He should’ve ignored her. He should’ve done everything different.

It was too late.

Something hit the back of his knees and Mike went down. He rolled as he hit the grass. His hands making fists, ready to come up swinging. He was on one knee, hands up, before he was aware of what was happening.

‘Stop.’ Ed was pulling Dan away.

Gemma was at Mike’s side, just out of range. Mike blinked a couple of times, the adrenaline still hitting hard. He uncurled his fingers and slowly got to his feet. When he looked at Dan it was through a haze of red. The bastard had knocked him down.

People had stopped and turned. How much had they seen?

Gemma took Mike’s hand and drew him aside. ‘Shall I take you home?’

Mike dragged his attention back to her. Home. It wasn’t home. It was a share house because he was too broke to have anything else.

He closed his eyes, the sun too bright and the sky too blue. Ed and Dan were arguing. He didn’t want to be here. All that was here were his mother’s ashes. That wasn’t her. That wasn’t what he wanted to remember.

‘Yeah. I’m ready to leave.’ Maybe he needed a fresh start and a change of direction. He’d never be able to play their second album without thinking about death.

***

Gemma had dropped him home, asked if he wanted company and had left when he’d said he wanted to be alone even though this was also her home. He’d been surrounded by his band mates for the last few weeks. He wanted to be by himself.

He remembered pushing Dan over, it was a stupid thing to do, but where the hell did Dan get off telling him how to feel? Dan, whose parents were happily married in their fancy Mosman house. He had sisters. Family.

Mike stood in the empty house. The tin roof popped as it heated up.

All the things he hadn’t had growing up, he’d never noticed. His mum had done a damn good job. Had he ever told her that? Thanked her for all the sacrifices that she must have made? He didn’t know. It was too late now.

He lifted the cover on the piano and sat down. He stared at the keys. He’d hated piano lessons when he’d started them. It had been soon after his father had left and apparently he’d stopped talking to everyone. A teacher had suggested music. He didn’t know when he’d started to enjoy the lessons or when he’d decided he’d rather play than kick a football.

But he remembered meeting Ed on his first day of high school in music lesson. A soft smile formed and he played a few notes. That had been the first time he’d picked up a drumstick too. It had been him, Ed and Luke, until Dan had arrived halfway through the following year. For a couple of years they had mucked about in Ed’s garage. Mike’s bike had been his freedom to roam while his mum had worked. Then Luke had discovered girls and ditched the band. Mike had also discovered girls but music was in his blood by that stage. The three of them had played for themselves or Kirsten and her friend Gemma.

By the end of year twelve they were getting ready to pack it in. Dan and Ed were off to uni and he was too. They had ribbed him mercilessly about joining the military. It had seemed like a good idea. Getting paid to go to uni. Mum had been so proud.

His fingers faltered on the keys.

When he hadn’t left, something had changed. Gemma had started playing with them, and by the time his mum was in remission they were sounding good and writing—he and Ed had been writing bits and pieces before but … what was that saying about ten thousand hours to get good at something?

He changed tune; his fingers stumbled because he hadn’t played that piece for a while, but it was still there. He stumbled again. Maybe not.

The next thing that came from his fingers was the piano piece he’d thought of for a song that had ended up as Dan’s break-up piece, ‘Seppuku’. On its own it was what had kept him awake after his mother had told him the reason behind her recent migraines. He’d known. He’d just been in denial. For him that was what this music would always be. Him not wanting to see the truth even though it was there, painted red and screaming at him.

His mother’s death was all through the album.

He drew in a breath. He’d done it for her so she could hear it. She wanted him to find success. As much as he didn’t want to see his friends right now, he knew he was going to have to apologise to Dan. Mike had overreacted and he knew it. That wasn’t like him.

He paused, a G flat hanging in the air.

There was a knock on the door. He should ignore it. He sat for another few seconds then got up, stiffly. He’d been sitting for an hour, the house had grown darker … but he felt better, as though some balance had returned to the world.

He opened up the front door. Ava was standing there with a bag of what smelled like takeaway Chinese. ‘I didn’t think you’d feel like cooking.’

Mike looked at the bag and then her.

‘Here you go.’ She offered him the bag.

She hadn’t changed. She was still in the black dress. Had she gone out to get dinner straightaway? It was a bit early for dinner. However, he hadn’t eaten much lunch and it did smell good. Having company sounded better.

‘You can come in.’ He opened the door wider. At least she hadn’t been there to see Dan and him make a scene.

‘Did I interrupt? I could hear the piano.’

He shrugged. ‘I was just tinkering. Remembering.’ He shut the door and they went through to the kitchen. He went through the motions of getting out plates and cutlery, while she put water on the table. It was too normal and domestic.

‘Did you want a beer?’ She stood by the fridge.

‘No.’ He’d levelled Dan for drinking at the funeral and he couldn’t bring himself to drink while that was fresh in his mind. He set the table. ‘I’m sorry for avoiding you.’

‘It’s okay. I get it.’ Ava watched him as though she thought he was going to crack at any moment.

Was he? He didn’t think so. He was kinda flat. Done. Not good but off the rollercoaster he’d been on for the last three months. Is that why everything was odd? The waiting and uncertainty was over. It had happened and now he had to find a new normal. Whatever that was.

‘Did you come around as girlfriend or counsellor?’ He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Maybe next week or next month, but right now he didn’t want to think about it.

‘Girlfriend?’

He put his arms around her and drew her close. His cheek rested on the top of her hair. She leaned against him, her arms around his waist.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured. He’d been a terrible boyfriend, while she’d done more than she needed to.

‘It’s okay.’

He inhaled; her hair smelled like vanilla and flowers. Dinner wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to feel something other than the gnawing emptiness that was chewing its way through him and sucking the life out of him.

‘Let me make it up to you.’ He’d made her a promise on the phone and he wanted to keep it. He stepped back and drew her towards his bedroom. ‘Come on.’

‘What about the food?’

He didn’t really care about eating food. ‘We can reheat it later. I missed you. I want you.’

She stopped resisting and followed.

***

Her heart was drumming hard against her ribs as he shut the bedroom door behind her. This felt different to last time. He kissed her softly, as though he expected her to take flight and flee.

Between kisses clothes were peeled off, her black dress pooling on the floor. His black suit joining it as though they could shed the sadness as simply. Was he with her or trying to block out reality?

His touch was sure while she was still tentative, his hands sliding over her hips pushing down her knickers while she fumbled with buttons. He helped, shedding the rest of his clothes before drawing her to his bed. It took up most of the room and seemed far too big for one. While she’d spent the night in it before, this time they weren’t here to sleep.

He’d made that clear.

She lay down, completely naked with him. He was already hard as he moved over her, kissing and touching. Every time she caressed his length she had no idea how it would fit … scientifically she knew it would. She wanted to know what it would feel like to have him inside of her. She was tired of waiting for the right time and the right person … Now felt right.

Would it feel right in the morning or would she be filled with regret?

He kissed her stomach, his breath tickling her skin as he moved lower. His fingers glided over her inner thighs and she eased them apart. Need tumbling in her belly with the doubts.

Mike glanced up at her and smiled. ‘You want me to turn around?’

‘Turn around?’ It was one thing to suggest stuff on the phone when he was thousands of kilometres away, but another to be confronted with the very naked reality.

‘Changed your mind?’ He kissed a little lower; another inch and his tongue would be sliding against her.

‘No.’ She did want to try it … she hadn’t thought that today would be the day. She hadn’t thought that they’d be doing anything more than eating and talking.

He obviously didn’t want to talk.

He didn’t give her the chance to think it through any more, as he stretched out the other way on the bed. His erection now dangerously close to her face. Her fingers brushed his hard flesh. She knew the feel of him. Had stroked him to climax, but this was a little different.

His lips moved over her inner thigh, his beard tickling her skin. ‘Have you given head before?’

‘Yes … a while ago.’ And only a couple of times and with a condom.

He slid a finger between the lips of her vulva. ‘I’m not expecting you to swallow. I can put on a rubber if you prefer.’

She shivered and he was barely touching her. No, that wasn’t it and she knew that he’d appreciate not wearing one. ‘It’s not that … it’s the logistics.’

Lying on their sides, there were legs and it was not as easy as it seemed.

Mike rolled on to his back and drew her with him. She let out an undignified squeal of surprise. She wasn’t used to being picked up so easily. Her knees settled on either side of his head. She almost died there and then. While he’d been between her legs before, this was different; she was entirely open for him. Her face was burning and probably bright red.

‘Better?’ His voice was rougher. His hands slid up her thighs and over her butt. Before dragging her hips down. He obviously thought it was better. His tongue flicked across her skin.

So this was actually happening.

Okay. Make the most of it.

She leaned forward, closer to where his erection rested on his belly. It wasn’t only nerves coiling in her belly. Mike knew what he was doing and it was very distracting. She needed to distract him. She took hold of him and her stroke became more sure … then she tasted his skin and circled the crown. Once she started and gave into what was going on, she started to enjoy the tease between giving and getting.