Packed and Ready to Go (30 page)

He set his cup on the counter and picked up his briefcase.

“
Hey, how about we reschedule that trip after I get my mother settled?”

“
Mmm, we’ll see.”

“
Don’t you still want to get away? Don’t you need a little rest and relaxation too?” I stroked his back and rested my chin on his shoulder. I could make my marriage work, if I just tried.

“
Yeah, but I need to get back to my desk now. Maybe in the fall. We’ll see.” He shrugged his shoulders to remove my chin. In a split second I was sent reeling right back to where we started to slip away from each other.

“
I really need to get away. Do you think we can do it in September or October?”

“
You may have to go without me,” he said.

“
Without you? It was your idea, remember? Your gift to me. ” I backed away from him.

“
Tracy, I lost my job. The last thing on my mind is laying in the sun, drinking sweet liquor.”

My head began to throb. “What about all that talk about us being fine, Tracy? No need to worry, Tracy. Trust me, Tracy.” I was shaking.

“
Wasn’t I the perfect husband while we were dealing with your father’s death? I was by your side every single day. What do you want from me?”

“
What do you want, Walter? A medal? Do you think being a husband is a part-time job? Do you want time off for good behavior?”

“
I just need some time.”

“
Okay. Okay. I understand. I just thought we might want to stoke this special feeling between us. Besides, I need to rest and see something other than interior walls and sad faces. I’m falling apart. My dad’s gone, Crystal’s moving, Ursula’s left, and Carla’s so busy trying to make a baby she can’t see straight. I want to spend more time with you.”

“
Everybody wants a little piece of me. I’m being picked to pieces, Tracy. We’ll get away, when I get a chance. Now I’ve got to go to work.”

“
You’re being picked to pieces? By whom? I don’t think I asked you for much. I certainly don’t get much. So if you’re being picked to pieces, you need to be having that conversation with whoever is doing the picking. The little bit of yourself that you give to this relationship could hardly be defined as enough to cause you any discomfort.”

“
Well, I’m uncomfortable. I’ll schedule something when I see my way clear. Until then…” Without another word he walked out the door.

My cheeks stung. I dropped the cup in the sink, coffee splashed across the granite counter. Where was the sensitive man who stood by my side last week? Where was the man who stood up in front of our families and friends a few weeks ago and professed his love for me, his sweet, endearing wife?

I stared at the closed door for several minutes, willing him to come back inside and apologize, to hold me for just a moment. But his car roared as he backed down the driveway.

A knot formed in my stomach as a familiar sadness settled around me. I reached for my purse and pills. I needed to feel better and little else mattered.

At nine-thirty I sat behind my desk facing the dark computer screen while my computer booted up. Exhaustion filled my bones.

“
You have to turn that thing on to get it to work.” My breath caught at the sound of his voice. Marco leaned in my doorway looking like he just finished a magazine cover shoot. The argument with Walter faded the moment I set eyes on Marco. An ember of hot desire flared in my core. I was being silly, but I missed him.

“
Very funny,” I tried not to sound like a goofy teenager.

With one quick stride he stepped into my office and gathered me in his arms. He smelled good. Without meaning to, I rested my head on his chest and let out a deep breath.

He relaxed his arms and gave me a long look. “How ya doing? You look like you could use some coffee. Come walk with me to the cafeteria. I’ll treat.” He grabbed my hand and led me down the hall before I could object.

“
It feels good to be back in the office.”

“
You’ve been missed around here.” He looked down at me and I knew he meant he missed me. My insides turned warm, just like a girl with her first crush.

“
Yeah, right.” I nudged his arm.

Sitting at the table with Marco brought me a level of comfort I hadn’t felt since Walter told me about my father. Tears rushed down my face. He pressed a tissue into the palm of my hand, and then gently brushed his thumb over my knuckles.

I wiped my nose. “I didn’t expect to see you at the funeral. It was nice of you to come all the way to Philly.”

“
I figured you needed the moral support.”

“
I was pretty much out of it. Did we talk at all?”

“
We talked plenty, but you weren’t coherent.” He chuckled. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to be your bubbly self.”

“
You think I’m bubbly? I haven’t felt bubbly in…”

“
You’re just going through a tough time.”

I nodded and sipped my coffee. “Has your life ever been slightly out of sync and you haven’t been able to put your finger on the reason why?”

“
Let’s see, my wife and I spent a year going through the motions before either one of us would admit our marriage was over. Then there was the year we spent dividing up the property and deciding on how we’d share Briana before the divorce was final. I haven’t lost a parent, but I think some of what I’ve been through qualifies as being out of sync.” He rested his elbows on the table and leaned closer. The dimples in his cheeks deepened.

“
Tell me what I need to do.”

“
What’s wrong? You know it’s normal to feel a little out of sorts after the death of someone you love.

“
No, it’s not my father’s death. If that was it, I could get it right.” I shook my head. “I…I don’t know what it is.” I sipped my coffee. “Tell me something, Marco. Do you believe in happily ever after?”

“
I do. I absolutely do. My parents have been married for forty-five years and they still look at each other like it’s brand new. The next time around for me is going to be forever.” He punctuated his affirmation with a smile.

“
You sound so sure. I can’t even find a word to describe my marriage. I’m contemplating leaving Walter.” I swallowed. “Crystal’s not a little girl anymore. Maybe…”

“
Tracy, you know how I feel about you. I’m not qualified to give you advice. I probably shouldn’t even hear this or I might take advantage of you right now.”

I rested my chin in the palm of my hand. “If I were going to have an affair, it would be with you.” I watched his face for a response.

His smile broadened. “
Si grazie
. I’m flattered.”

“
Oh, then it’s on.”

He laughed with me.

We sat for a few more minutes before strolling toward my office. My mind didn’t feel as foggy as it had earlier at my desk.

We made our way through the lobby and scooted around a group of gentlemen at the receptionist desk. A woman sat off in the corner with her purse in her lap.

“
Lots of visitors today.” Marco looked around the lobby.

“
Tracy, there’s someone here to see you,” the receptionist called to me. She pointed past the gentlemen gathered around her desk and indicated the woman standing with her arms beside her protruding belly. Fear inched up my spine, settling in my throat. Making it hard to breathe.

“
To see me?” I pointed at my chest.

“
Do you want me to stay around?” Marco placed his hand on my shoulder. His touch felt hot on my skin.

My hands shook. “No, I’ll be fine.”

He looked at the woman and back to me. “You don’t look fine.”

“
I am.” I nodded, hoping he’d leave.

I held my shoulders high and made my way across the lobby. The woman pushed her purse onto her shoulder, exposing her round belly. She leaned forward, her fullness tightened my heart. I gulped for air. The sun from the palladium window slanted across half of her face, giving her an odd look. Several questions flitted through my head in the seconds it took me to reach her. Should I ask her into my office? Was she was looking for a job? Was she was a friend of Crystal’s?

“
Tracy.” She extended her hand.

Her informality shocked me. “Do I know you?”

“
We’ve never met, but I’ve heard so much about you.” She sounded very proper, like she was giving a canned speech.

I sat in the chair in front of her. Only a few feet of space separated us.

“
Do I know you?” I asked again.

“
I’m Sasha Samuels. Look, this is very hard for me so I’m going to just say what I came here to say. Walter doesn’t know I’m here.” She rolled her hand over her swollen stomach as if she coveted some youthful secret I was no longer privy to.

“
Walter? What does this have to do with Walter? Your name is familiar. You helped with the wedding?” I placed my hands at my sides, anchoring me to the chair. The lobby felt warmer. Hot. A feeling of dread pricked every pore in my body. The wedding planner never mentioned anyone named Sasha. The door in my head that kept all the scary things locked away flew open, spilling the contents on my heart.

“
No, it’s not that. He doesn’t know how to tell you. The stress is… The stress… Just a week before the wedding he was in the hospital overnight. The doctors said it might have been an anxiety attack. Look Tracy, this is Walter’s baby.” She rubbed her stomach again, her large engagement ring glittered. “You’ve got to let him go, but you seem to go from one crisis or family drama to the next. And Walter doesn’t know how to tell you.”

My eyes were fixed on her mouth, but I couldn’t say anything. Words jumbled in my head. Every breath was a struggle.

“
We’re engaged. Well, sorta. But we do plan to get married.” She stuck her ring finger out for me. A diamond the size of a melon sparkled against the sun in the atrium. I looked down at my own ring. In comparison, mine looked like the third place prize.

“
Are you sure we’re talking about the same person? Walter Baptiste is my husband. He can’t be engaged.” My voice sounded far away and oddly calm.

“
I know it sounds strange. But he wanted to show his commitment to me, so he bought me a ring.”

“
Walter sent you to talk to me?”

“
No. He’s been promising to tell you he was leaving for months, but you…something kept coming up.”

“
So, this is his baby?” I pointed to her stomach.

“
Yes. He’s promised I won’t have to go through this pregnancy alone.”

“
Promised. Walter promise…” I suppressed the urge to laugh at the sublime absurdity of what was unfolding right in front of me. Walter had painted me as a woman moving from crisis to crisis. I wondered if he’d told her he was the architect of most of these crises. He just might have a few for her as well.

A sense of knowing flowed through me, my instincts about Walter’s activities were right. That constant gnawing in my stomach had been my warning. Sasha’s confession punched a hole in my gut and dragged my heart out.

She looked fantastic, her skin still plump with youth. “I guess you love him?”

“
Yes, I love him and he loves me. He really wants to be with me.”

“
I imagine he does.”

She stood up. “So you’ll let him go? He wants a divorce.”

“
We’ve been married over twenty years. Surely you don’t expect me to hand him over to you based on this little conversation?” I waved my finger between us. “How about I have a talk with Walter and get back to you on that?” My tone was firm, matter-of-fact, just like hers. I spoke like a woman entitled to my indignation.

“
I hope you understand why I had to come here today.” She stood and the sun streaming through the window bounced off her diamond pendant necklace, an identical match to the one around my neck. My knees trembled with her truth. All the pieces of the puzzle nestled together perfectly.