Panorama (12 page)

Herr Neumann has a large fat stomach that presses against the counter when he stands behind it and bends over to show the farmers’ wives something, which causes difficulties in his breathing, such that he sighs when he’s finally done and doesn’t have to bend over anymore. Sometimes there’s no one in the store, so Leopold straightens up the goods that have become a bit disarranged, especially when there’s no time to pick up after the customers right away. But the store is not the only source of Herr Neumann’s living, for behind the kitchen there’s a room where Otto and Poldi sleep, and sometimes someone else, there being a third bed there, as well as Herr Neumann’s desk with many drawers, many papers stacked up on it, causing Josef to wonder how Herr Neumann can find anything at all, though Rudolf and Arthur have no trouble finding what they need, either. Sometimes Herr Neumann sits there with all his mail, lots of letters and cards arriving every day, as well as newspapers, catalogs and many advertisements. But it’s not the mailman who brings them, for the mail in Umlowitz takes too long to arrive, so it’s picked up at the post office instead, Josef often sent to get it, once a day somebody going after it, except on Sundays, since there is no mail then, but instead an old woman sits there, the postmistress, who always gets two shots of plum brandy on the house when she comes into the store, which is almost every day, everyone having to address her as Madam Postmistress, while only Herr Neumann calls her by her real name, Fräulein Schunko, no one else being allowed to do so, she having all the mail ready to be taken back home if you showed up at the right time, after which it is brought to Herr Neumann, though when he’s away Arthur takes the mail or Rudolf. Herr Neumann almost always goes straight back to his desk, where he rips open the letters easily with his fingers, while many other items are chucked into the wastebasket, but first of all he rips off the stamps, which he
puts into a little box, since Fritz collects stamps and says he already has around five thousand, many of them doubles, which he takes with him every Monday to Budweis in order to trade them at school. Meanwhile Herr Neumann leaves a pile of important letters on the desk for Rudolf or Arthur to answer, Herr Neumann having printed up letterhead and envelopes and cards for this purpose, there being two kinds, where on one it says:

And the other kind reads:

This card, however, is used much less frequently, because real estate is a different kind of business than anything else.

Arthur has explained to Josef that real estate is a difficult business, you have to know a lot, for otherwise you can lose everything, it being more about serving as an intermediary than really selling something, and when a farmer wants to get rid of a little piece of field or woods or meadow, he writes to Herr Neumann or comes to him himself. They then sit in the back room, no one allowed in, Otto also sent out, while sometimes Poldi also has to wait forever before she’s allowed in, even if she says she has to get into her cupboard, Herr Neumann only calling in Arthur and Rudolf now and then, though it can also happen that he asks for Herma as well. Then matters are discussed at length, Herr Neumann and the man having red faces when they emerge, after which they usually go into the store and drink a few glasses of plum brandy. And whenever Herr Neumann is particularly interested in a field or whatever, and if it’s not too far, but not directly in Umlowitz, then on the day he wants to look at the field he tells Toni the coachman (who otherwise
drives the freight wagon to the train station each day) that he has something he has to look at, and that Toni should hitch the horses to the barouche, which is a black wagon much like a hackney. And then Herr Neumann rides off with Toni, but when he comes back he has a list of addresses on his desk from people who want to buy something, who should come to him soon or write to him, though they need to hurry if they are really interested, as there are several others who want to buy that piece of property, because it’s valuable and a good location, which is why Herr Neumann can’t wait for long or hold anything, for no matter how sorry, he is not to be able to do so.

When someone is interested, there are long discussions, and Herr Neumann has to give them plenty of free plum brandy, while everyone who is there has to continue to remind people what a special opportunity it is, for the harvest is very good from that field. But often nothing comes of it, the farmers are wily and do not believe they’re being told the truth, as they hold on to every bit of money they can and always want to pay less than Herr Neumann is asking, he not able to go any lower, which then causes them all to get into the barouche and ride out again, the people maintaining that they need to look at the property again if they are going to buy it, otherwise it’s like buying a cat in a bag, the price still too high, and they don’t really need to buy right now, for then they will only have more work to do to tend it, which is why it really has to be a good price. Selling property takes so much effort on Herr Neumann’s part that Josef wonders why he does it at all, it seems only to cause him grief. Josef also doesn’t understand how you sell something that never really belongs to you, for the people who want to sell a piece of property could just sell it directly to those who want to buy it, or just place an ad in the newspaper, and then Herr Neumann would have no more problems, though Arthur tells Josef that selling property is an important trade, for people tend not to come to agreement on their own, nor do they have as many addresses and contacts as Herr Neumann, who then gets some money from both the seller and the buyer, which is called the commission, a completely legitimate transaction that Herr Neumann then has to pay tax on. Whenever Herr Neumann finally closes a deal, he still has more expenses to cover, for sometimes the sellers show up, as well as the buyers, all of them sitting down together in the kitchen, Herma then having
lots to do, along with Poldi and the others, in order to feed them, as they serve up many shot glasses that don’t contain regular schnapps but rather a special kind that Rudolf or Fritz mixes up out of spirits and essences. Josef wouldn’t want to have anything to do with such a business when he grows up, for he’d be happy with just the store, though he doesn’t really think about what he wants to become, except that it won’t be a doctor, as Herma says, “When you don’t know what you want to become, then fate will find its own way. Perhaps you’ll follow in the footsteps of your father.”

But that’s not all that Herr Neumann does, for since he owns a business there is a lot to do, fields and meadows and a little bit of woods are all located outside Umlowitz, but the center of it all is the kitchen, which you enter through a huge passageway not often used to access the street, this being where the barouche stands, though it’s used only on Sundays or in the evenings when the shop is closed, while to enter you do so not through a large gate but through a little door that is built into the gate. From the entrance some steps lead up to the second floor, but below you continue on into the courtyard, where chickens, ducks, and geese run about, a large dung heap to the left and behind it the chicken coop, which is just across from the pigeon cote, while beyond is the pigsty and farther on the horses, though Josef doesn’t like to go there, because the smell is so sharp in his nose. Josef is amazed that Toni can stand it for so long, though he smokes a strong-smelling pipe that he has filled with nasty tobacco, the pipe dangling from his mouth even when it’s not lit, while Toni is almost always smoking. His pipe is made of porcelain, on which is printed the face of Emperor Franz Josef, who is already dead, there no longer being any emperor, as with the founding of the republic he’s been done away with, but Toni says that it doesn’t matter that there is no more emperor, for the pipe is old and he still likes it, and it’s okay that the emperor is still on it. A long green tassel that is badly stained also hangs from the pipe, Josef never touching the pipe, especially the long mouthpiece, for when Toni quietly takes it apart dark brown juice flows from it that stinks and looks like the liquid manure from the dung heap, though the juice smells different and stays in his nose even more than the manure, Toni then putting the pipe back together, sticking it in his mouth and spitting. He also spits in the kitchen, where he has a large mug of coffee that is always waiting for him when he gets back from a trip. Toni
also spits in the store, though everyone spits there, never once using the spittoon that sits in the corner, the floor covered with spit, Josef surprised that no one is disgusted by it, and that Herr Neumann never says anything about it. Sometimes he spits as well and smokes a pipe, but one not as bad as Toni’s and not always the same one, since he has a stand full of pipes that are of different lengths, himself making a funny noise when he smokes, like when you say a soft “p,” and because Otto loves that Herr Neumann does it over and over. Toni also makes a noise when he smokes, but it’s not really a “p” but rather something different that’s hard to describe. Herr Neumann’s tobacco doesn’t smell half as bad as Toni’s, which sometimes one can hardly stand, especially when Toni blows smoke in Josef’s face, Josef turning his head away, Herma reminding him that Toni doesn’t do it on purpose, as it’s what he’s used to doing, and no one has ever told him that it’s bothersome.

At first Josef thought that Toni smokes only because he also can’t stand the smell of the horses, but Fritz had said that you get used to that, for it’s not so bad, Josef unable to stand it only because he’s from the city, where children often have never seen a horse stall, which makes it harder to get used to later on, though in reality the smell is good for you, for it contains ammonia. But Fritz couldn’t say exactly what ammonia was, or why the smell is supposed to be so good for you, he simply said that it just was, and that ammonia smelled like what you smelled in the horse stall, which is why Josef asked Herma if she could tell him what ammonia was, to which she answered, “It’s the same as salmiac.” He couldn’t understand why salmiac would be considered healthy, for it stinks so bad, and even as a little boy it bothered his nose so much that tears came to his eyes, he preferring that stains be cleaned away with gasoline or turpentine, for these are much better because they smell more pleasant, and Josef would much prefer it if the horse stall smelled like turpentine or gasoline. But the awful ammonia doesn’t bother Toni, he is even able to sometimes sleep on a blanket in the stall, Herma explaining that his wife was a vixen, which means a bad woman, who likes to hit him and take away his wages, keeping it all for herself and leaving nothing for him, even though he never gets drunk and has no more than six glasses of beer and a couple of shots. The vixen also gives Toni very little to eat, and when he doesn’t get enough from Herma he goes hungry, though at night she gives him a little kettle of potatoes and a jar of cream
soup, Toni dipping each potato into the soup and eating it in one gulp, for he bites into them only when the potatoes are huge. In the stall Toni gives the horses something to eat and drink, grooming them as well until their coats shine, for when they are not shiny enough Arthur throws a fit, since he keeps his eyes peeled, everyone in the house afraid of him, for he wants everything done right and won’t allow losses to accrue, as he says.

Though they complain about Arthur and give him a hard time, he is still good enough to help out with any kind of work, people saying that he works like a horse, only Herma herself as diligent or Herr Neumann, but in addition, because he tends to both everything and nothing at once, he has a lot on his mind, such as the farm, which is why Toni sometimes doesn’t drive the wagon to the station but instead out to the fields, helping with the plowing or the harvesting, Arthur saying that old Toni is the best at the plow, and that maybe Fritz will someday be just as good, but not he. Because Toni doesn’t know how to write and only barely reads, he never reads
The Farmer’s Almanac
. That’s the almanac that Poldi always reads so that she can pass on all the stories in it, she being able to write as well, though Toni can only write his name, which he does once a week when he gets his pay, writing out his entire name, Anton Pascher, on a receipt for Arthur, though it’s not much more than a scrawl, despite his being able to count just fine.

Most everything is located to the left in the courtyard, but to the right is the warehouse that contains the goods for the store, it being full of crates and boxes and barrels, Leopold usually the one who enters it with Arthur, or sometimes it’s Fritz, though rarely Rudolf, since he’s not as strong. After the warehouse is the cowshed, where there are three cows, namely Schecki, who is older and doesn’t give much milk, though still enough, followed by Campi, who is dark brown and has the nicest coat, she also giving the most milk and the mother of a calf called Gabbi that is also in the stall, while last is Liesel, the youngest of the three cows, who had her first calf but doesn’t give as much milk, though Herma believes that Liesel will once again give lots of milk, because her mother is the cow owned by the butcher Sekora, and it gave a great deal of milk. Then there are also four goats whom Josef likes very much, because they are so funny, much more so than the cows, among whom Campi is his favorite, though the goats don’t have names, they being just called the “Goaß” in the local dialect spoken in Umlowitz.
Otto loves to visit the goats, bringing them leaves to eat and calling “Come here goatie!” as he extends a bunch to them, each not wanting the other to get it as they lock horns and the winner snaps up the bunch of leaves, Otto thrilled by it all. When the weather is good, the cattle are let out to pasture, though the cows are also often needed for the wagon if one travels across the fields.

During the day two young girls and a boy come to Herr Neumann’s, themselves children of cottagers in Umlowitz who go home each night, staying at Herr Neumann’s only when the harvest is on, or if they are needed special, while for the harvest others help out as well, including everyone in the house except Leopold, who stays behind to tend the store. Herma also goes out to the harvest only rarely, because she has to cook and take care of everything at home, while Poldi doesn’t spend the entire day in the fields, either, since Herma can’t do everything on her own, Otto accompanying Poldi when she does go to the fields for a few hours, though he’s not much of a worker, but nonetheless can’t be left on his own, Herr Neumann and Herma insisting that someone always watch over him so that nothing happens, since he can’t take care of himself and has no more understanding than that of a child. Out in the pasture he chases after the goats, though it’s easy for them to run away from him, which is why he can never be alone with the cattle in the pasture, for cattle will do what they want and are not afraid of Otto, even if he swings the stick that he likes so much and which Fritz had cut and trimmed for him.