Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD (2 page)
Authors: David Pentecost
2 ADD Alternative Parenting Techniques
17
5 Don't be Hard on Yourself!
29
7 Stick With It and Be Patient
37
Step 1 Keeping on Task - Powerful Motivators
45
Step 2 Who's the Boss? `Special Time' - a New Approach
51
Step 3 The Home Points System: Part 1
65
Step 4 Praise - Your Secret Weapon
75
Step 5 Tackling Attention-Seeking
83
Step 6 The Secret of Commands
93
Step 8 Mastering Things-to-Do
111
Step 9 The Home Points System: Part 2
119
Step 10 Time Out for Difficult Behaviours: Part 1
127
Step 11 Time Out for Difficult Behaviours: Part 2 135
Step 12 Putting It All Together
143
APPENDIX I WORKING IN PARTNERSHIP
149
APPENDIX 2 SPECIAL TIME FOR OLDER CHILDREN
153
APPENDIX 4 SUGGESTED READING AND WEBSITES
161
AUTHOR INDEX
171
To Martha and Louis
The inspiration for this book and the ideas and approaches contained in it have many
sources. There are people I want to thank for insights or ideas who may not be aware of
their influence on what I wanted to write. My thanks to all of you.
I wish to thank my colleague Tony Ferguson who started the ADD development project
with me and contributed much to my early thinking about this programme; Dr Kabir
Padamsee who secured the funding and has supported us throughout; Suzanne Ferris for
her work with the children and her comments on the manuscript; and the team at Raphael
House whose versatility in the family work they do and whose dedication I continue to
respect and admire.
I also want to thank all the families who gave me an opportunity to share my ideas, tried
them out and were good enough to give me the feedback when I asked for it.
Thanks also to the many parents and children who shared their stories with me and
trusted me with their problems, and whose lives and endeavours inspired me to write this
book.
Thanks to Klaas Lageveen for the cover illustration, and to Rainer and Claus at d Rex for
their work on the illustrations.
Finally, I want to express my deepest gratitude to two people whose labour and support
enabled me to write this book. One of those is Mike Crook, who has been a source of
strength and encouragement throughout. Our collaboration has come a long way since my
first tentative request to him to `take a look at this book I'm writing on ADD'. His
contribution to the drafts and redrafts has been immense. Thanks to Mike's keen eye on the
text and sound advice whenever I wanted it, the book reads the way I always wanted it to.
Kindness, generosity and laughter have also been a part of his contribution to our work
together.
And I thank Sue, my wife, for her patience and encouragement. She has done everything
else that needed doing in the family while I have been writing. Her hard work and support
have made this book possible.
In this book you will read about children like Harry, Molly, Jamie and Simon.
Molly is a bright, intelligent five-year-old who is so active and defiant
that her behaviour regularly reduces her mother to tears. She has broken all
the furniture in her bedroom. She has broken windows throughout the
house. She has threatened her mother with a knife. She has run away from
home and was brought back by the police, who found her in the park.
Simon is ten. He also is bright, and at school they say he is above average
and well ahead of most of his peers. But the school has also told his parents
that Simon needs special learning support in class, hates working and has a
chip on his shoulder. He has stolen from his teacher and his classmates. He
has sworn at the headmaster in assembly and locked himself in the toilets,
refusing to come out.
Jamie is seven. His parents have nicknamed him `the boss'. This is no joke.
He rules their lives with his constant demands and will stop at nothing so as
to remain the centre of attention. He injures himself frequently as a result of
the risks he takes. He first broke an arm falling from a tree when he was three.
He has broken it twice more since then. He fractured his leg when he ran in
front of a car, and broke three fingers fighting. He has been cautioned by the
police for throwing bottles on to the motorway. He has few clothes because
he regularly ruins them by deliberately cutting holes in them. He has never
been invited to a party. He has no friends. Other children both fear and
despise him.
Harry, six, can be a loving, caring boy when he is not demanding or flying
into a spiteful, aggressive rage. His mother Helen believes she cannot control
him. Six months ago he broke his three-year-old brother's nose with a cricket
bat. Recently he kicked and punched Helen in the stomach so hard that she
had to go to the local casualty department. She was pregnant at the time. Soon after this Harry's parents spoke to the social services department,
asking for him to be taken into care.
What do these children have in common?
1. They are all a parenting nightmare.
2. They have challenged the best attempts of their parents to change
them.
3. They have all been referred to professionals by their parents.
4. I have met them all and helped their parents transform extreme
behaviour into the kind one might reasonably expect from other
children of their ages.
5. They have all been diagnosed as having a condition called Attention
Deficit Disorder or ADD.
You may have a child with similar behaviour problems to those of Harry,
Molly, Simon or Jamie, albeit not as severe. Someone may have suggested
that your child has some of the symptoms of this disorder. Your GP may have
mentioned it as a possibility, to explain the problems you are having. A
psychiatrist may have diagnosed your child as having ADD. Wherever you
come in this picture, you need to know about ADD, how it affects behaviour,
and what can help.
ADD = inattention + impulsiveness
So what is ADD, and does your child have it? ADD is often spotted when a
child behaves consistently badly and in extreme ways. Parents become aware
of the way these behaviours set their children apart from others of the same
age. Teachers spot how the behaviours set them apart from classmates.
Molly, Simon and Jamie show different types of extreme behaviour.
However, they share a common diagnosis of ADD because similar patterns
are found to underlie their behaviour. Identifying these common underlying
patterns helps us to understand and treat them. The behaviours that make up
ADD are grouped into two main areas: inattention and impulsiveness. In an
ADD child both characteristics are present to some degree, but the precise
mix will vary from child to child.
Inattention
One of the first things their parents noticed about Simon and Molly was
their unusually short attention spans. They were always so much more easily
distracted than the other children in their class and nursery group. They
simply could not concentrate on tasks in the same way. As a result, they both
started doing badly in their schoolwork and disrupting others.
Impulsiveness
What has been most noticeable about Jamie, on the other hand, is that he has
always been a risk taker, always acting before thinking and seemingly blind
to the consequences. His parents feel he does not learn from experience
because he can't pause long enough to reflect before he acts. His parents first
had Jamie tested for hearing problems because, in their words, 'He just didn't
seem to hear us.' However, Jamie's hearing was perfect. ADD was the
problem.