Parenting the ADD Child: Can't Do? Won't Do? Practical Strategies for Managing Behaviour Problems in Children with ADD and ADHD (10 page)

Tick as appropriate, and see how you score.

By this stage Special Time should be well under way and will have become
part of your daily schedule. Although there may have been (perhaps still are)
some teething problems, you are probably already noticing the benefits of
greater closeness. Now I want to reinforce the positive message that your
child is receiving from you. I am asking you to set up a reward system that
demonstrates that you are noticing, every day, what your child is doing right.

In this Step you will:

learn how to set up a Home Points System

• become expert in giving other incentives, in addition to praise

• chart your child's achievements daily.

How does the Home Points System (or HPS) work?

Home Points Systems are sometimes called `token economies'. This is
because, in the past, plastic tokens were given in exchange for good
behaviour. `Economy' is an appropriate word, because you are setting up a
simple barter system which states that if a child behaves in a certain way, his
parents will provide rewards and/or privileges in return.

This is how the system works. You, the parents, `pay out' points to your
child, who earns them by conforming to simple rules and appropriate
behaviour. Points earned can be `cashed in' for rewards each day or saved up
for a bigger prize. The whole project is agreed to by everyone - especially the
child - like a contract.

Why does it work so well with ADD kids?

1. It provides concrete incentives.

2. It structures expectations from parents.

3. It makes the HPS - not you - the Big Bad Boss!

The HPS sounds simple, but it can be hard to put into practice effectively.
You may have already tried something similar - a star chart, for instance. But
you may also have found it didn't work. Other books and professionals who
recommend them often skip over the finer details - details that are central to
success or failure.

NOTE

What follows has been written with a child of six years plus in mind. If
your child is between four and six you will need to consult the special
guidelines on page 72 as well. HPSs do not work well for children under
four.

Setting up the HPS

There are two key actions that you need to undertake. With each key action
you will be given Tips for Success, which are your essential guide to
overcoming the pitfalls at each stage. Read them carefully.

Key action 1 - List more-ofi'

`More-of' behaviours are those that you expect your child to exhibit more
frequently or that do not occur now. On a sheet of paper, prepare a list of
behaviours that you want to see more of from him or her.

Be sure to include only those behaviours that you are certain he or she is
capable of, if properly motivated. For example, `Sort your life out' might be a
tall order for the best of us; it's also very vague. So keep your targets
crystal-clear and doable. Exhortations like `Be more cooperative' or `Have a
good attitude' are out! Replace them with `Say good morning to Dad and
Mum.' It will be clear whether it has been done or not.

More-of behaviours

1. Be out of bed by 7.30 a.m.

2. Load the dishwasher once a week

3. Brush teeth morning and night

4. Start homework at 5 p.m.

5.-es

See the chart below and draw one like it, filling in the more-ofs from your
list.

Look who's winning!

You will notice that there is an additional line called `extra credit'. You can
use this to enable your child to earn extra points for displaying behaviour not
on the list but which you are especially pleased with.

TIPS FOR SUCCESS

• Setting the right number of points is important. The value needs to
be high enough to encourage your child to have a go. Always give
a higher value to behaviour that you value more. For instance,
completing half an hour's homework is usually worth more than
emptying the bin.

• Give frequent rewards. For those more-of behaviours that you want
to happen several times a day at appropriate times, such as `Brush
your teeth' or `Say please and thank-you', pick a maximum number
of times that you will reward them each day. Put these numbers in
brackets on the chart. This should avoid having your child say
`please' every two seconds or brush his teeth away so as to get a
hundred points.

BEFORE YOU GO ON...

Check once again that your targets are:

1. Do-able

2. Crystal-clear

Key action 2 - list the rewards

On a sheet of paper, list a number of rewards or privileges that your child
could spend the points on.

Rewards

1. Extra hour of TV

2. Having a sleep-over

3. Picking the video game

4. Staying up for 'Match of the bay' on Saturday

5. Having a friend over on

Now, draw up a new chart like the one below.

It's good practice to include at least seven rewards and privileges on the
chart, so that your child has some choice over how to spend the points.

Once you have listed the rewards and privileges on offer, assign a points
value to each one. But be careful. This can be tricky. The rule is: the cost
should be low enough to give the child an opportunity to earn a reward or
two each day, yet high enough that the privileges are not earned too easily. If
your child is earning a lot of points, it's usually a sign that the programme is
working well. Especially in the early stages, don't be reluctant to:

give your child points

point out when he does well

offer extra credits.

Stick your charts to the kitchen wall. Now you have a Home Points System
that you can use to get you started. It is based on positive goals and rewards
only. At this stage no points are taken away.

MORE TIPS FOR SUCCESS

• Spend, spend, spend! Bear in mind this is not the harsh reality of a
business economy. You want your child to participate and to
succeed: so be generous. Being too tough or stingy can wreck your
chances - particularly in the early stages.

Avoid having a list full of privileges that can only be paid for once
a month. It is crucial that your list should contain rewards and
privileges that the child can spend her points on at least once a
day. ADD children often need easy wins when they are trying to
change. To begin with, it is important to see that your child gets
the regular reinforcement of a treat earned each day. If she has a
bad day points can dry up and the big prize - e.g. a video recorder
at 2000 points - may drift away from her. It is much better to offer
rewards such as half an hour's TV (for 50 points), which can be
earned and spent daily, than a big 1000-point prize that may never
materialise.

• Don't deduct points for bad behaviour - `less-of behaviours are
coming, but don't jump the gun. Your child must first earn some
points and get some rewards. If you start deducting points too
early she will not earn the numbers of points that make rewards
and privileges possible. Often a child will acquire minus points
within a few days. This only lowers her self-confidence and
frightens her off the HPS.