Passionate Bid (14 page)

Good lord, all the way home she kept thinking about the kiss. It was just a short simple kiss but enough to make her imagine wicked things they could do in his cramped car. Her imagination even went as far as making love in there. The way the porn stars did on the Papa John”s Porn, the VHS tape Dana forced her to watch. And when his hand had brushed against her thigh when he had shifted gear, she had to bite her lips to stop from whimpering.

Dana was right. She should have accepted one of her date proposals. If she did, she wouldn”t act like a deprived horny bitch who’d bottled her sexual desire for a long time. But dating wasn”t on her to-do list. Even when her father was around, she spent her time and energy raising Sam. There just wasn”t enough room in her life for a man. And even if she made an effort to find a date, she would only ruin it by being hypercritical. After her experience with Julian, she judged every man who showed interest in her critically. Except for her dad, men, she told herself, were all the same. They just wanted room in between her legs and not in her life.

It took her only five minutes to change and wash her make-up off. She hated waiting so she made it a point of not letting anyone wait on her. Wearing her gray sweats and old Huskies T-shirt, she went back downstairs and headed straight to the kitchen. Julian was already preparing their sandwiches.

“You must have spent hours in here to know where to find everything. You even found the can opener. I”ve been looking for that for days.”

“ If you washed your dishes you would have found the can opener. Because that”s where I found it.”

“But I looked in the sink.”

Julian laughed. “Just kidding.” He pulled a lock of her hair.

“Very funny. Really, where did you find it?”

“In your pot drawer.”

“God, don”t know how it got there.”

“Well, now it”s found. Coffee”s ready. Sit down.”

“I should be serving you, not the other way around.” She pulled a chair out, sat down, and let out a loud sigh. It felt too good to sit down after hours of standing and walking in heels. Her feet ached from wearing the shoes Bogart insisted she wear on stage. She wanted to massage her arch. Later, she thought.

Right now, she just wanted to enjoy visiting with Julian. They were talking like old friends seeing each other again for the first time. She didn”t want to end the moment.

Amazing how life experiences and maturity could change a person.

“Long day, huh?” Julian placed a plate in front of her before pulling the chair close to hers.

“Yeah. Try walking on heels for hours and you”ll know exactly how I am feeling right now.”

“Here. Prop your feet.” Julian leaned down. Before she realized what he was about to do, he grabbed her ankles and raised her feet to place them on his lap.

“Oh no, it”s okay. I don”t—”

“Relax. Come on, eat your food. You need your energy back. After your performance on stage, it”s no wonder you”re tired.”

“I served customers, too. Have you any idea how heavy a try full of drinks is?

Yaikks! Stop. What are you doing?”

“Massaging your foot.”

“While eating?”

“Why not? I can use one hand to rub your foot and use the other to eat.”

“Julian. I appreciate what you”re doing, but oohhh…so good.” Julian chuckled and pressed harder on her heel. “Just relax.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Lord, how did you make this coffee? This is soooo good.”

“I am not a lord, but thanks.”

“This is so wrong.”

“Why?” He rubbed her heel, but in her mind, he was rubbing something else.

“Because I”m going to miss this coffee and the foot rubs.”

“I”ll show you how to make good coffee.”

Joanie felt her shoulders slumped. She wanted to hear a different answer.

What exactly, she didn”t know. “That would be nice.”

“So, Sam”s not coming home tonight.”

“Sorry about that. I forgot about her play date with the Marsdens.” She took a bite of her sandwich. “Yum.” Tuna sandwich on an empty stomach and a foot rub—great combination! Julian pressed on her heel. Joanie felt her eyelids lowered.

When was the last time she”d had a massage…come to think of it, never.

“You falling asleep on me?” Julian chuckled.

“No. I”m just savoring your pampering my feet.”

“Anything else I need to know about Sam that you forgot to mention?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Sam”s last day of preschool was yesterday so she”d be able to spend two full weeks with you. What else…” She tapped her fingers on the table to keep her mind off Julian”s hands now moving up her calves. “She”s allergic to insect bites, cashew nuts, hates any kinds of jam, and eats butter the way I eat Oreos. So don”t leave her alone with butter within her reach. And…well, you”ll be spending time with Sam. I think it”s best if you learn who your daughter is, Julian.

Discover who she is, what she likes, and her favorites. You”ll get to know her better that way.”

“I look forward to spending time with her. Was hers a difficult pregnancy?” Joanie met Julian”s stare. She was sick the whole nine months, but finding out she was pregnant with a husband who abandoned her made the pregnancy even worse. But he need not know that fact. He was here to get to know Sam, not her. “I think in every pregnancy, there”s always a part where a mother experienced a bit of difficulty. Like tying her shoes, going to the bathroom all the time or getting off the couch without groaning. But Dad was here to help me through. And Mark and Dana.”

Julian nodded. His brows were wrinkled as if in deep thoughts. “I was a jerk. You didn”t deserve to be treated the way I treated you.”

“Yeah, I agree. You acted like a jerk.”

Julian”s brows shot up. “A big fat jerk?”

“Yup. A meanie, as Sam would say. Well, it”s history.”

“I”m sorry for putting you through the hardships of carrying a child. You should have told me. I”m not a monster, Joanie. I would have come to help if I knew. You didn”t have to shoulder the burden. The mistake wasn”t yours alone.”

“Don”t say that. Sam is not a mistake—for me. If I were given a chance to change my past, getting pregnant so young is the part I would never change. My mistake—as you called it—gave me a beautiful daughter. I love Sam too much to think she was a result of bad action. She”s my heart, my life, my everything. I can”t imagine living without my little bug. I know what happened between us had caused you to lose your high school sweetheart, and you hated everything about me, the wedding. But I wouldn”t change the past. I have Sam because of it. I am not sorry, Julian.”

From the very start, Julian repelled from their union. He never once looked at her after the wedding, he didn”t even say goodbye before he left. Like he said, he acted like a jerk toward her. But hearing him say to her face how sorry he was for touching her, for getting her pregnant, made her ache all over. Her nose begun to sting.

Damn it, I’m not going to cry. I am done crying over you. “Thanks for the yummy dinner.” She placed the half-eaten sandwich on the plate. Removing her feet from their heavenly perch, she stood up and picked up her mug and plate to take to the sink, but Julian stopped her.

“Leave them. I”ll clean up.”

“No. You”ve done enough help. Just leave them. I”ll wash the dishes tomorrow. Thanks. Do you need more blankets for tonight? I have an extra.” She kept her gaze downcast and tried to step around him. Julian blocked her by placing a hand around her waist.

“Joanie, look at me.”

“I”m tired. I”ll see you tomorrow.”

“Look at me.” He cupped her face gently, forcing her to look at him. “I”m sorry. You”re right. Sam isn”t a mistake. She”s a miracle. Listen. What I did to you was cowardly, even cruel. But believe me, Joanie. I didn”t mean to hurt you. When I left that night, I was mad at your dad, my grandma, and myself. And to be honest, I was mad at you also. At the time the only right thing to do, I thought, was to leave. Everyone was blaming me for what had happened to you. To me, you were guilty, too. But because of your age, the blame fell hard on my shoulders.”

“I”m sorry.”

“Joanie, you let me make love with you that night. Why?” He didn”t know? How could he not? Why would a girl make love with a man if not for love? “What happened doesn”t matter now. It”s all in the past, and I can”t undo it. I”m sorry, too, for putting you in the position you never imagined to be in.”

Julian nodded.

The sincere look on his face undid her. Like a broken dam, tears quickly found their way down her cheeks.

Julian”s thumb wiped them away. “I”m not going to ask you to forgive me.

You can knock me with your pots and pans if that”s how you truly feel toward me right now. I wouldn”t mind. All I am asking is you give me a chance to show you and Sam that I am not a monster you probably thought me to be.”

“Not once did I think of you as a monster. A-hole maybe, but not a monster.”

“Boy, I”m not sure which one is better.” He laughed and kissed her forehead before hugging her tight. “Grandma is right about you. You”re a good person, Joanie. A cry baby, but good.”

It was unexpected; nevertheless, she welcomed his embrace. “You wouldn”t think that I”m a good person if you were around before and after I had Sam. Dad seriously thought of calling a psychiatrist. He said being around me was like being in the middle of a monsoon.”

“I wish I had seen you when you were heavy with Sam.”

“Just go look at a cow. I was hideously big. Couldn”t even see my feet.”

“Hmmm…I once helped a pregnant cow named Lucy. I didn”t think she was hideous. In fact, she was lovely. Unlike you though, she remained fat after she had her calf. But I didn”t tell her that.”

If she weren”t feeling sad, she would have laughed out loud. She rubbed her nose on his white polo shirt. He smelled of Pink Mermaid but she could still smell the hint of his cologne. “Carrying Sam around helped me shed my fat. She was a big baby.”

“And dancing. I bet it helped you gain back your figure?”

“No. I only started dancing recently.”

“Really,” he drawled. “I wouldn”t have thought you for a newbie, Cherrybomb.”

“Hey, don”t call me that.” Joanie scrunched her nose and pushed on his chest. It was like pushing her car whenever it stalled on her. His hard chest felt good beneath her palms. Whatever she was feeling at the moment made her splay her fingers to feel his hard muscles.

Julian answered by pulling her closer to him sandwiching her hands between their chests. “The name was apt. You”re a fantastic dancer and you rocked the bar tonight.”

“You didn”t think so when you smothered me with your jacket.”

“I didn”t say you”re a bad dancer. What I didn”t like was the job itself and your costume.”

“Bogart picked the costume. Nobody would watch me dance if I wore pants and T-shirts, he said.” Joanie was having a hard time focusing on their discussion.

Her mind kept switching to the feel of Julian”s hands resting above the rise of her hips. She took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. Standing so close to him like this, no one would think Julian had abandoned her four years ago because he didn”t like being married to her.

She thought of her father. What would he say if he saw her enjoying Julian”s touch? He”d probably say, “Where is your pride?” With regret, she stepped out of his embrace. Julian loosened his hold but didn”t let go of her. Instead, he slid his hands up to stop below the undersides of her breasts.

“Nobody could wear your costume and looked great. But you know what?

You could wear anything and the customers would watch you. Bogart was wrong.”

“The customers were always drunk. They”d yell and clap on any woman who dances on the stage wearing my costume.”

“I wasn”t drunk.”

Julian knew he shouldn”t be flirting with Joanie, but he couldn”t seem to stop. His wife, he found out, was easy to like. There was something about her that made him want to keep the conversation going and be with her. Like being at a party. You see a woman you like and you stick with her all night long to see where you”d end up when the night was over. It must be her round green eyes or the softness of her mouth. So pleasant to look at.

Lowering his gaze to focus on her mouth, the desire to kiss her again rose to a higher degree. If the headlights hadn”t shined on them, who knew what he could have done while sitting in the car.

Shit! Didn”t he make a promise not to touch her again? Yet, here he was feeling her soft curves. On their way back to her house, he wondered how her body would feel pressed against him. Now he knew—wonderful. And his whole body responded to her wonderfulness. He felt his dick thicken even more.

The top of Joanie”s head barely reached his lips. She wasn”t tall like Georgina, did not possess a Hollywood type beauty, wore old and unattractive sweatpants Georgina wouldn”t be caught wearing, and she smelled of soap not perfume. But, he found her so appealing. What the hell was up with that?

Her face was scrubbed clean, free of make-up. Her plump lips the color of a red rose. Up close he could see tiny freckles smattered on her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. Man, she was a beautiful creature in her own natural way.

Imperfect, but beautiful. Vanity, he thought, failed to possess Joanie. He liked that about her.

“Grandma will be very happy to hear she”s a great-grandma now.”

“I”ve missed her. How is she doing?”

“She”s living with me. I hired a nurse to care for her. She”s blind now.”

“Oh, I”m so sorry. That”s awful.” Joanie”s tears fell like raindrops.

“You”re a crybaby.” He took both her hands and placed them on his back.

Without her arms in between them, he could feel her soft breasts and hard nipples against him, which meant…she wasn”t wearing a bra.

“What are you doing?” Joanie asked in a soft breathy voice.

“Doing what the drunks—I am sure—were thinking of doing to you.” He dipped his head and captured her mouth. Joanie sighed. Her body leaned against him like one would if needing support. Using his tongue, he pried her lips open.

“Julian, you”re kissing me again.”

“I know.”

“But you said it was—”

He silenced her with his tongue snaking deep inside her mouth. He chuckled at Joanie”s reaction. If he would make a guess, he”d think she didn”t know how to kiss. She didn”t know what to do with his tongue. But that would be impossible. No twenty-one-year-old remained ignorant about the art of kissing.