Pencil of Doom!
Authors: Andy Griffiths
Andy Griffiths is one of Australia's funniest and most successful writers. His books have sold over 3 million copies worldwide, have featured on the
New York Times
bestseller lists, and have won over 30 Australian children's choice awards.
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ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON
Just Tricking!
Just Annoying!
Just Stupid!
Just Crazy!
Just Disgusting!
Just Shocking!
The Bad Book
The Cat on the Mat is Flat
The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow
What Bumosaur is That?
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
The Day My Bum Went Psycho
Zombie Bums From Uranus
Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict
Schooling Around:
Treasure Fever!
Pencil of Doom!
ANDY GRIFFITHS
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The characters and events in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
First published 2008 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited
1 Market Street, Sydney
Copyright © Backyard Stories Pty Ltd 2008
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Griffiths, Andy, 1961â
Pencil of Doom! / author, Andy Griffiths.
Sydney : Pan Macmillan, 2008.
978 0 330 42417 2 (pbk.)
Schooling around ; no. 2
Griffiths, Andy, 1961â Schooling around
For children.
Humorous stories, Australian.
Children's stories, Australian.
A823.4
Illustration by Nathan Jurevicius
Typeset in 12/16 pt New Aster by Post Pre-press Group
Printed in Australia by McPherson's Printing Group
Papers used by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.
Â
These electronic editions published in 2008 by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd
1 Market Street, Sydney
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.
Pencil of Doom
Andy Griffiths
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Online format: 978-1-74198-414-9
EPUB format: 978-1-74262-210-1
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3: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 1
6: Yes Means No and No Means Yes
19: Northwest Central Hospital
21: How to cut a student in half
22: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 2
25: Newton's top ten list of things he is scared of
27: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 3
30: Mr Brainfright's guide to protecting yourself against lions in the classroom
47: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 4
55: Things get worse than they already were
66: Mr Brainfright's magic hat
67: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 5
For Judi, Lindsay, Kim, Ajax and Mad Dog
Once upon a time
Once upon a time there wasâand still isâa school called Northwest Southeast Central School.
Northwest Southeast Central School is located to the southeast of a town called Northwest, which is located to the northwest of a big city called Central City.
You don't need to know where Central City is, because it's not important. What
is
important is the school. In this school there is a classroom. And in that classroom there is a fifth-grade class. Most important of all, in that fifth-grade class there is a student named Henry McThrottle who likes to tell stories.
That's where I come in.
I'm Henry McThrottle . . . and this is my latest story.
The beginning
It all began one morning when I walked through the front gate of Northwest Southeast Central School, across the yard, up the steps and through the door of the 5B classroom.
I was slightly late, and class had already started.
Not that you would have known it.
Mr Brainfright, our teacher, was hanging by his toes from one of the ceiling rafters.
His arms were crossed and his face was bright red.
Now, normally, if you walked into a classroom and your teacher was hanging by their toes from the roof, you might be a little alarmed.
You might ask them if they're all right, or try to help them down, or at the very least report the situation to another teacher.
But I didn't do any of these things. You see, Mr Brainfright wasn't a normal teacher. You
only had to look at the way he was dressed to tell that. With his purple jacket, orange shirt and green pants, he lookedâand actedâlike no other teacher at Northwest Southeast Central School, for which we were
very
grateful. School had been a lot more interesting since he'd taken over from our old teacher, Mrs Chalkboard.
Mr Brainfright greeted me with a big smile.
âGood morning, Henry!' he said. âI'm just demonstrating how bats sleep.'
I nodded. âI've always wondered about that,' I said.
âWell, now you know,' said Mr Brainfright, dismounting with a somersault and landing on his feet. âAny questions, class?'
Fiona McBrain put up her hand.
âYes, Fiona?' said Mr Brainfright.
âWill we be tested on this?' she asked.
âCertainly not!' said Mr Brainfright. âAny other questions?'
âDon't bats sleep in coffins?' Clive Durkin asked.
âThat's vampires, Clive!' shouted my friend Jack Japes, laughing. âDon't you know
anything
?'
Clive narrowed his eyes. âI'm going to tell my brother you said that.'
âWhat?' said Jack. âThat bats don't sleep in coffins? He doesn't know either?'