Pencil of Doom! (7 page)

Mr Brainfright handed Newton's list back to him. ‘Most impressive,' he said. ‘But don't worry about a thing. As long as we don't go outside you'll be fine.'

‘Mr Brainfright,' said Gina, ‘can Penny and I go outside for a minute?'

‘No, of course not!' said Mr Brainfright. ‘There's a lion on the loose!'

‘But that's exactly why we need to go outside!' said Penny. ‘Our horses are tied up to a tree!'

‘I'm afraid not, girls,' said Mr Brainfright, a little more gently. ‘It's too risky.'

‘But they'll get eaten by the lion!' Gina cried.

‘Well, that's good, isn't it?' said Jack. ‘If it eats your horses, then it will be too full to eat any of us!'

Penny and Gina both looked horror-stricken and bolted for the door.

‘Stop them!' said Mr Brainfright.

Gretel, who was close to the door, stood up and
blocked the way. ‘Sorry, girls,' she said. ‘You heard Mr Brainfright. The horses are going to have to take their chances outside.'

‘If anything happens to them we're going to hold you and Mr Brainfright responsible,' said Penny, putting her arm around Gina, who was too upset to speak.

‘Now, calm down, everybody,' said David, standing up at the front of the class. ‘We can get through this. We can. But it's important that we don't panic. We all need to lie on the floor and not move a muscle.'

Everybody in the class, including Mr Brainfright, dropped to the ground.

‘What about me?' said Jenny.

In all the excitement we'd forgotten about Jenny.

‘You're already lying down,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘You'll be fine.'

‘Okay,' said Jenny, who wasn't smiling quite as much as before.

‘All right,' said David. ‘Good work, everybody. If we all stay perfectly still the lion will assume we're dead and move on.'

‘Hang on,' said Fiona, sitting up. ‘That's bears. That's how you protect yourself against a bear attack!'

‘Oh . . . is it?' said David, looking a little confused. ‘Maybe you're right. Okay . . . actually,
we don't have to lie down but we should all stay completely still because lions have very poor eyesight.'

Everybody got to their feet and froze like statues.

‘What about me?' said Jenny.

‘Just don't move,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘You'll be fine.'

‘Okay,' said Jenny, who wasn't smiling at all now.

‘Just remember, everybody, don't get downwind of the lion,' said David, ‘because they have an extraordinarily well-developed sense of smell, and—'

‘That's rhinoceroses,' said Fiona, ‘
not
lions!'

‘Really?' said David, frowning.

‘Yes, of course!' said Fiona. ‘Everybody knows that!'

‘Yeah,' said David, blushing. ‘I was just joking.'

‘Joking at a time like this?' I said.

‘It's important to keep a sense of humour at all times,' Mr Brainfright pointed out.

‘Not when you're being ripped apart by a lion, it isn't!' I said.

‘No, you're wrong, Henry,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘That's when a sense of humour is
especially
important!'

It's important to keep a sense of humour at all times—
especially
when you're being ripped apart by a lion.

David was practically hyperventilating as he tried to remember the correct method for dealing with lions in the classroom. ‘Hold on, I
remember
now,' he gasped. ‘We all need to stomp and the vibrations will scare it away . . . lions are a lot more scared of us than we are of them!'

Everybody started stomping loudly on the floor.

‘
Stop!
' yelled Fiona. ‘That's
snakes
! Not lions! STOP!

But nobody stopped stomping. We were having too much fun.

‘Oh no!' said Fiona. ‘Every lion for hundreds of miles around is going to be attracted to our classroom now!'

‘Look on the bright side,' said Mr Brainfright.

‘What bright side?' Fiona asked.

‘We should be fairly safe from snakes!' he said, his eyes twinkling.

‘May I remind you that it wasn't a snake that escaped from the circus,' said Fiona. ‘It was a
lion
!'

‘
Shush!
' yelled Gretel, her powerful voice cutting through the noise. Gretel was standing on a chair, peering out through the top row of windows that ran alongside the corridor.

Everybody stopped stomping instantly.

‘What?' I said.

But she didn't answer. She just screamed. ‘IT'S HERE!' she yelled. ‘The lion is in the corridor!'

‘See what you did?' Fiona said to David.

‘Well, I'm sorry!' he said. ‘But I was just trying to help, you know!'

Suddenly there was a huge crash against the classroom door.

I caught a glimpse of a huge angry slobbering face at the window. And for once it wasn't Mrs Cross coming to tell Mr Brainfright to keep the noise down. It was a lion.
The
lion.

‘Goodness gracious,' exclaimed Mr Brainfright, ‘look at it! What a
magnificent
beast! No wonder they call the lion “the king of the jungle”!'

The lion crashed against the door again. The door shook.

‘Quick!' said Gretel, dragging a desk across the
floor, despite her broken wrist. ‘Help me barricade the door!'

But it was too late.

Before we could help Gretel there was another huge crash. The door fell off its hinges. The lion leaped across it and into the room.

‘Everybody stay calm!' said David.

The lion roared.

David screamed and jumped out the window.

The lion roared again and moved towards the window as if it were going to follow David . . . but then it stopped, turned and looked at Jenny's top half.

Jenny was still lying in the magic box, staring in horror at the lion.

‘Don't move, Jenny,' said Mr Brainfright.

‘I can't!' she said very quietly.

The lion advanced slowly towards her.

We all stared.

Except for Mr Brainfright, who picked up a chair with one hand, slid his belt off with the other and cracked it above his head like a whip.

The lion turned and snarled at him.

Mr Brainfright waved the chair at the lion and cracked his belt-whip again as if he had been a professional lion tamer before becoming a school
teacher. And knowing Mr Brainfright, he probably had been.

But the lion wasn't interested in being tamed.

It roared at Mr Brainfright and then turned back to Jenny.

Then, to everybody's amazement, Newton spoke. Well, it was more of a squeak really. But it was very brave of him nonetheless. ‘Leave her alone!' he squeaked.

The lion turned towards him.

‘Yikes!' said Newton.

Just at that moment the lion opened its massive jaws and roared.

Newton's arm shot up into the air, and his lucky rabbit's foot flew out of his hand and straight at the lion's head.

The not-so-lucky-now rabbit's foot went shooting into the lion's open mouth and right down into its throat.

The roar turned into a strangled rasp. The lion started heaving and making a weird coughing noise, just like a cat with a hairball.

‘Somebody
do
something!' said Jenny, who couldn't stand to see anything suffer, even if it was a mad beast that had just considered eating her. ‘The poor thing is choking!'

‘Never fear, Brainfright is here!' said Mr Brainfright. He put down his chair and belt and
leaped to the lion's rescue. With one arm around its neck, Mr Brainfright held it tight while he reached down into its throat and pulled out the rabbit's foot. It was covered in lion's spit, but still intact.

‘Here you are, Newton,' he said, tossing the soggy rabbit's foot across the classroom.

Newton caught it, and grinned. ‘Thanks, Mr Brainfright,' he said.

‘No, thank
you
, Newton,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘That was very quick thinking on your part. If it hadn't been for you, Jenny would have been devoured in front of our very eyes . . . well, her top half at least!'

Newton's grin quickly faded.

‘But I wasn't!' said Jenny quickly. ‘Thank you, Newton!'

Newton managed a small smile in response.

The lion licked Mr Brainfright's hand. ‘Do a lion a favour and it's your friend for life,' he said. He patted the lion on the head. ‘He's just like a big kitten, really. And he's even got a collar with a little bell and a nametag on it. Let's see what he's called.'

Mr Brainfright flipped the nametag around. ‘How fitting!' he said. ‘His name is
Kitty
!'

At the sound of its name the lion purred with pleasure and nudged Mr Brainfright affectionately.

But at the sound of its name my stomach dropped.

Jenny had used the pencil to draw herself getting a kitten.

She'd got a ‘kitten' all right . . . and it had almost killed her.

That pencil was not only dangerous, it had a sick sense of humour as well.

‘I'd like to get out of the box now,' said Jenny. ‘Can you put me back together again?'

‘Of course!' said Mr Brainfright. ‘I'll just let the circus know we've found their lion and be right with you!'