Perfect (52 page)

until the current cycle is well

out of my system.
You’re lucky

you didn’t get busted when

they did all that blood work,

he said.
You get busted, I get

busted. You’ve got a big mouth.

I figure I’ll finish up what I’ve

got left and dry out for a while.

See if lifting alone will keep

the ol’ bat hot. And hopefully

leave GBME kicking in my dust.

As For The Big Mouth

I struggle with that. Right now,

seeing Cara down the hall at

her locker, it’s all I can do not

to shout something obscene.

Don’t want to risk a cell,

though. And now I’ve got

Aubree to keep me in line.

She’s a little like taffy—

all pliable and chewy and

sticky sweet. Except she’s

really not sweet at all. She can

be one shit-talking, backstabbing

girl. And in fact, it was she who

spread those pics of Cara across

the ether. When I asked her why

she wanted to ruin a supposed

friend’s reputation, she told me,

Cara only acts like she’s your

friend. She’d never have your back

if it meant offering up her own.

I don’t know if that’s exactly

accurate, but now that I

think about it, Cara doesn’t

really have friends. Lots of

people hang around her, but

I’m not sure how many of them

liked her, even before they

knew she was a dyke. Too bad,

so sad. I’m not sure how

many people really like Aubree,

either. She’s kind of stuck-up.

But she’s a fine little piece

of distraction right now.

And with her being the one

to keep the pressure on Cara,

I don’t have to. She texts her

sometimes, using stolen cell

phones, so the messages

can’t be traced back to her.

Or me. Hey, I don’t ask her to.

Cara Knows

Aubree and I are kind of a thing.

Not like we try to hide it. Aubree

flaunts it, especially when Cara

is in clear sight. Like now. We

have to walk right by her to get

to class. I cinch my arm around

Aubree’s waist, and she tucks

her head against my shoulder.

“You’re coming to the game

today, right?” I kiss her forehead.

You know I wouldn’t miss

it. I love watching you play.

Hit a home run, I’ll give you a

special reward.
She runs her

hand down over my crotch,

leaving no room for speculation

about what kind of reward

she has in mind. I glance

at Cara, who quickly turns

her face away. But she saw.

That gives me some strange

satisfaction. All things

considered, Cara shouldn’t

give a damn. So what compels

me to say, loudly enough so

that she (and everyone else

nearby) can hear, “Blow

job for one homer. All

the way in for two. Deal?”

People are waiting for her

answer. And when it comes,

it’s all Aubree.
Deal. As long

as it doesn’t turn me into

a Les. Bi. An.

Totally directed

at Cara, who shoves her face

into her locker. “No worries.

I happen to know gay. You’re

not.” Laughter echoes down

the corridor, and I almost feel

sorry for Cara. But not quite.

The Rumor Hits Full Force

By lunchtime. It’s passed on

to me by (who else?) Aubree.

Did you hear what happened

to Jenna Mathieson? Some guy

raped her. Cut her up, too.

“Kendra’s sister?” Pretty little

thing, all flesh and curves, usually

sneaking out of her clothes.

Can’t say it’s a total surprise.

“What happened? Is she okay?”

I heard she was hanging outside

of Safeway, bumming beer, and

he forced her into his car.

Guess it was pretty ugly. A jogger

heard her screaming and banged

on the window, or she might be

dead now. God, do you know

what he did?
She goes on to

give me a hideous description

of all the ways rape can be done.

See what you missed,
whispers

GBME.
You could have tried …

I force myself not to engage

him. Last thing I need is Aubree

thinking I’m a whack job too.

She won’t be back at school

this year,
Aubree finishes.

Someone said it took over

five hundred stitches to close up

all the wounds. God. The scars!

That’s what rape is. Not what

happened with Cara. She wanted …

You mean she asked for it,
says

GBME.
But you think Jenna asked

for it too. Just in a different way.

“Shut the fuck up!” I yell.

What?
demands Aubree.

“No. Not you. I’m not talking

to you. I’m talking to … never

mind.” What have I done now?

GBME:
You really need to stop

yelling at yourself. People think …

It’s obvious what Aubree thinks.

Are you nuts or what?
But then

she smiles.
I kind of like crazy

guys. They’re hot. Come here.

She kisses me, and it’s totally

hot, and if that makes her crazy,

I kind of like it too. I am so

hitting a couple of home runs.

I just hope I can claim my reward

without GBME giving commentary.

Andre

Crazy

To dream of her still.

To wake, shivering desire,

and wonder if she is dreaming

of you, despite all

odds.

Crazy, waiting for her return,

when you were the one who

walked away. Pushed through

the pain. Spring days

are

growing longer, reaching

for summer. What plans

you made for elastic afternoons,

stretched long to lean

against

moon-shadowed evenings.

Crazy, remembering how

her smile thawed your