Perfect Match (37 page)

I used to tease Emma about Matt because somehow it felt unbelievable the fact that they were just friends. That they get along so well but still are not together-together, even though they had an amazing chemistry going on.

And then Ben left and the first thing I did was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I slept with Matt. And that’s not it - I actually thought Matt could help me get over it and I needed to know someone was there for me, not only Emma and Gabrielle.

Matt was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and when I kissed him that morning it felt just right. It felt like this was supposed to happen anyway. Then he didn’t reject me, and promised he won’t do the same thing Ben did. And I believed him, I wanted to believe him. I needed it.

All my life everyone thought I was just a pretty face with no feelings at all, that I only cared about my “perfect” life and that I could get everything I want.

That’s not what happened. Life was pretty hard on me, even though I had everything anyone could ask for. I was smart enough, sociable and my parents were wealthy enough to assure me that I’ll have everything to success in life. But that wasn’t enough. I learned what pain was in high school when Sean cheated on me like the bastard he was. And my heart ached every time I saw him around with his arm around Anna.

Then I got the chance to change the ambiance and moved to L.A. and got a new start. Everything changed when I got into UCLA, I met Anne and Jane and we became friends, they introduced me to the others and on a rainy day in January they introduced me to Ben.

Obviously I was impressed by his charm and the way he held the chair for me to sit, how his smile literally lit up the whole restaurant and he was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met at that time. We talked the entire night and I noticed Mariah watched me with jealousy and later I found out they had a thing for a couple of weeks, but he broke up with her out of nowhere. I don’t want to be mean, but he was out of her league.

Instead of dating Ben right away I flirted a lot and went out with Craig a couple of times and hooked up with Marshall at a party we went together. I had no idea what I really wanted, and it felt fun at the moment, and then half way through summer when we were left alone, Ben asked me to dinner and I knew it had to be him.

Even though it sounds cheesy, I never thought someone like Ben would be interested in me for the simple fact that I wasn’t that interesting or smart enough for a guy like him. He was unique, funny, charming and polite, and it was hard to keep up with. The other guys were easy, after the thing with Sean I never allowed myself to get involved in anything and I learned how to play this game they call “love”. The one who loves less is the one who’s in control. And I’ve always liked control.

But with Ben was different. He seemed so confident, so mature and I didn’t have to worry about anything anymore because he really took care of me. He was there every time I felt sad, happy, depressed or euphoric. He was
there
. But still, I never took him for granted.

We’ve been going on for five years and at some point I figured this is how my life would be and I was happy this was the way it had to be.

Then all of the sudden, Ben told me they offered him a job in New York. I had no idea if he was serious about this, he loved advertising, and his job here was kind of shitty. His boss was shitty actually and he hated being ordered around. He was mature enough to know what he’s doing, and he was more responsible than the whole department, and he never got promoted or anything. So the offer meant a lot for him, but he didn’t say anything at the moment.

I didn’t even think he was considering it or that he wanted it. I always thought he was happy this way because he never expressed a need of change. And a week after he noticed me about the offer he told me he was going to take it. Just like that.

“Monica, it’s a really important step for me,” he said with his calm voice and I nodded without a word. I had no idea what I should say. “You don’t hate me, do you?” he added with a grin and I shook my head and he kissed me softly and pulled me closer to him.

How could I say I wanted him to stay? How could I express my need towards him? He was everything I knew. He gave me everything, he showed me what love truly was, and I never felt more protected than I felt with him or
happier
. I had nothing to worry about and I’ve been happy with him.

And he just decided to give up on everything and leave me here.

I understood his need to excel in his job because guys usually have the need of being number one in everything and I supported him every time, but what I couldn’t understand is why he didn’t ask me once to go with him. He let me know he was leaving, but never asked me to go with him. And that made me realize he never thought of a future for us because I wasn’t good enough for him.

And because of that I decided to go out and have a drink, even though I didn’t use to. And then I saw Matt and we just talked for hours, laughing because after an amount of time we weren’t coherent anymore or aware of what we were saying. So when we reached my apartment, everything went with the flow. I was perfectly aware of what I was doing, but I don’t think he was. He seemed even more affected than I was and I wasn’t completely sure it was all because of Ben. He mentioned Emma a couple of times, but changed the subject pretty fast so I should have understood there was something going on. But I didn’t care at the moment. I just acted like everyone thought I’d act, like a complete bitch who only cared about her own happiness.

And I didn’t realized how selfish I was until I saw Emma’s confused face and the way Matt didn’t even look at her. I couldn’t understand why he hasn’t said anything about it and why he was avoiding looking at her or talking at all and after she stormed out of the apartment he just sighed and ran a hand through his hair and left the apartment a few minutes after she did.

But after all, he did say he was going to be with me and he had all the chances in the world to back out of this. Right? And he didn’t. He said he’ll be with me and I think this whole Ben thing really got us together. I mean, this is true, but… What if my dating Matt meant I would stop being friends with Emma?

What if I was right all along and she never admitted she loved him?

“I’m sorry I left like that earlier, I needed to talk to Emma,” Matt said when I opened the door and saw him standing there looking completely exhausted.

I nodded and took a step back and let him get inside and he sat on the couch and ran a hand through his already messy hair. I sat next to him and smiled awkwardly and he placed his arm around me.

“So you guys talked?” I asked and my voice sounded weaker than I wished.

“No. She didn’t want to listen to me obviously,” he said.

“Do you think I made a mistake? That I hurried into this and that we shouldn’t-“

“Monica, c’mon…” he complained and I waited for him to continue. “No, I… I have no idea. My relationship with Emma might be a little more complicated than you think though.”

“What do you mean?”

I didn’t actually want an answer because considering I spent five years of my life wishing Emma and Matt would start dating, now I might get the answer I knew all along.

“Nothing, it’s just complicated. We’re not in a good place right now and we might never be again,” he whispered and I realized he wasn’t happy. At all.

“Matt, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” he smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my cheek.

“You don’t have to do this,” I told him and he laughed.

“What, doesn’t all this hair bother you?” he asked.

“I wasn’t…” I ran a hand through my hair and he smiled. “I wasn’t talking about this. I was talking about us. If there is an “us”. I can totally understand if what happened between us was a one-time thing, because trust me, Matt, I’ve had a lot of those,” I said with a smile.

I didn’t want him to say it was a one-time thing, because the last few days with him made me feel more comfortable.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out and I realized how wrong I was. But could I say it out loud? Could I stop being the girl everyone thought I was?

I wanted to be selfish this time, but what was the price?

“Stop worrying about it, Monica,” he said and kissed me.

“No, wait. I can’t do this,” I told him and his eyes widened. “I want to know for sure Emma would be okay with it.”

“She won’t be,” Matt said after a few seconds and he sighed. “But then again… You want this, right? And I want it, too,” he added even though it sounded really false.

“I don’t know. I think I rushed into it. I am a mess,” I confessed and he nodded and took my hand in his.

This small detail made me smile and I realized how much I liked holding Matt’s hand.

I remembered the first time Gabrielle showed me his picture and I said I’d definitely marry him. Obviously, at the time I never would have thought that was possible because I thought Emma was into him and well, I had Ben.

But I wasn’t in Ben’s plans and it turns out his player best friend is actually more of a man than he was. I had no idea about Matt’s feelings towards me, but it made me feel safe around him. It was easy to understand him, and it felt like I’ve known him since forever, even though before this we barely got to spend time together alone.

“It will be fine, beautiful,” Matt whispered and I nodded and he kissed me and for a moment I thought he was right.

Of course it would’ve been shallow of me to get over Ben in a few days just because I hooked up with his best friend or to say that I was so into Matt because I wasn’t.

I appreciated the way he took care of me and how he meant every word he said. I had no idea Matt could be like that considering his girlfriends were stupid blondes who… Oh, wait. I’m a blonde.

“Matt, do you think I’m stupid?” I snapped and he stared at me and started laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

“Why in God’s name I’d think that, M?”

The way he said “M” I actually thought of Emma, since her nickname practically sounded the same, but then I remembered he called Emma “Ems” so he wasn’t actually referring to her. Or was he?

“Because you used to date all the stupid blondes you could find…”

“Oh, not this again,” he complained with a sad smile.

“What? Who said that to you before?”

“Emma,” he answered and then he moved his gaze away from me. “But no, Mon, I don’t think you’re stupid. I’d be stupid to think you’re stupid,” he said and I smiled. “I don’t understand why you would ask such thing.”

“Because I’m a blonde and it seems like a stereotype and…”

“You’re always selling yourself short or is it just because Ben was a stupid son of a bitch and left you?”

“I don’t know,” I answered with a shrug and he shook his head.

“You’re amazing, Monica, okay? And you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, it’s kind of my fault that all this happened and I… I don’t regret it, okay?” he paused, and moved his gaze away, and sighed. “Not quite, anyway. And Emma… Well, I think she’ll definitely hate me for a while,” he said with a frown.

“Why?”

“We had some problems, but it doesn’t matter.”

“So I told you everything about Ben and you wouldn’t say anything about Emma?”

“There’s nothing to say, okay? Let’s drop this. We should go to dinner tonight. We never actually went on a date,” he said and I nodded as he wrapped his arm around me.

What else could I ask? And he was so good at changing the subject!

-- B
en
N
ewman
--

The air in New York was colder than in Los Angeles, even though it was March. When I landed I expected to feel excited about this new chapter of my life, but I felt nothing. I looked around JFK eager to see something that would make me feel over the clouds for the simple fact that now I was moving to New York and I was changing my life completely.

But… I felt nothing.

I looked around and saw a Starbucks right on the corner and I remembered the first time I went with Monica to Starbucks and we laughed so hard because the employee was checking her out and he was blushing so hard when she ordered. I think she was impressed by the way I didn’t feel imitated by that young man, but somehow I was aware that I had to compete with everyone for Monica. But I knew she was worth it.

Even though she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, I tried to act cool around her, but it was impossible. Her confidence was intimidating, and it was hard to be different and to not act like any other guy caught in her obvious charm. I had to show her I was more than that and that’s how I adopted the elegant style before we even started dating. She fooled around a lot with Jared, Craig and others and I knew I didn’t want to be something like that for her. I wanted everything with her.

And then I felt intimidated by the fact that now she was a powerful manager in her company and I wanted to be the one in control and show her I could take care of her and do everything, but I couldn’t do that with my job and this new opportunity came out of nowhere and I knew I had to take it.

I wondered for weeks before I told her, and I had no idea what to do. I had to make a choice between Monica, and God I loved her to death, and my career. And I loved what I did, too. And then there was Matt too, and he was acting all immature, actually he was acting like himself, because he
is
immature, but he was like my brother and I had no idea if I could stay away from them.

At first I wanted to ask Monica to come with me. I almost made up my mind and the day I asked her to dinner to talk about it she started talking about the awesome week she had at work and how amazing her job was and that she wouldn’t change it. So how was I supposed to say something?

Basically I wanted to move because of a job, and then she said the things were great at her job and I couldn’t take that away from her so I let her enjoy that. Maybe that was the clue that we didn’t want the same things.

And I never thought about it.

Somehow she made me live in the present and never worry about the future, the only future I was thinking about were the vacations and where Monica wanted to go or usual things. I never thought of spending my whole life with her and that made me realize that, even I, wasn’t ready. How could I say that Matt was immature when I couldn’t commit to my girlfriend? We were dating for six years almost and I never thought of marrying her? She never said anything, though. I couldn’t picture Monica as a wife, she had her freedom and we were fine that way.