Personal Possessions (8 page)

I should be a part of this
way of life, but here I was counting down the minutes until I drove
out of town. I didn’t know whether to punch the window out, or just
admit defeat and leave now. Just as I was about to put the car in
reverse, I saw Rachel walk out the door, carrying three bags full
of stuff.

“K, now drive.”

I took this as a sign, so
I looked over at her and broke my first small smile.

“Yes ma’am.”

She smiled back, and I
took off.

The drive was a quiet one,
I wasn’t sure really what to say. Do I ask her about her husband?
Do I talk about where I’d been, what I was up to? I really didn’t
want to say anything, so I made the decision just to drive and keep
my mouth shut.

I came to a stop sign at a
dead end where Hwy 17 and Main met.

“Ok, which way?” She
looked to her left and pointed.

Looking around, I didn’t
know where we were going, subdivision after subdivision filled the
area that were fields the last time I was here. I missed the scenic
view of landscape that at one time would be filled with
life. The depths of color that would generate
growth as the farmer would wait patiently until the time was right
to harvest what he worked his ass off to accomplish.

The next season, all would
be brown and dead. Animals would only revisit this area to scavenge
for food. They could sense that in the months ahead, there would be
nothing other than a dead, foodless season. A time where they would
have to find an environment that would keep them safe from the
predators not so fortunate of finding food. This was an endless
cycle. I grew up seeing this picture of beauty, yearning these past
years to see it once again.

Finally, out of nowhere
the land turned to green meadow. A countryside that seemed to
continue on forever, the land looked as though the yearly
revolution of time had forgotten it or else it told mother nature
to kiss its ass because it looked as if it was still
spring.

I could see out in the
middle of this greenery a huge oak tree. Nothing else was on this
property, just this tree. A solitary, majestic display that put the
thought in my head that just maybe there was some true beauty left
here in this shitty life.

“Wow, look at that Rach.
All this land and nothing on it, other than that tree.”

I could see she was
looking at me from the corner of my eye.

“
That’s my spot.” She
whispered.

I took my eyes off of the
road for a moment to look at her.

“I love this land,” I saw
a smile come across her face, “…tell Kevin all the time, when it
comes up for sale, it’s ours.”

I pulled up in the grass
and parked the car. Rachel waited for me to turn the car off before
she got out, and slipped her shoes off.

“The grass feels so soft
on the bottom of your feet. It’s like walkin’ on
cotton.”

Not really in the mood to
be taken into fairyland, I decided to take her word for it and just
get this luncheon over with. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend
time with the only person I considered true family. I loved Rachel
with all my heart. Ever since I decided to contact her back when I
was in California, we had had several great conversations
reminiscing over old times, other than mentioning
her
. But, that was just
it. It was as if a knife was being plunged into my heart just
looking at Rachel.

Thoughts of Rachel being
in the company of
her
kept running through my mind, she could’ve just been with her
this morning, having coffee and the thought of that was killing me.
Rachel got to have precious time with her, it was an everyday
occurrence whether it be having coffee or shopping. All time I
would have traded my soul to the devil to have with
her
.

Rachel walked slowly. I
suppose enjoying the feel of the soft blades of green grass under
her feet. Grabbing the bags, I followed her to her spot under the
tree. “This is where I come to think, my sanctuary,” she softly
whispered. I admired her for having a place like this. A peace
filled spot, where you could feel it as soon as you set foot near
the tree. I hadn’t known this feeling in so long, it made me
uncomfortable.

My peace was found in a
bottle, drowning myself until I couldn’t even feel my own skin.
Every night my goal was to make it so memories, as sharp as shards
of glass, wouldn’t find a gap to slice their way in.

She had grabbed some
picnic items including a tablecloth, so I laid it out for us to sit
on while she began pulling items out of the paper bags. She had
some large sub sandwiches that had been made there since before I
left, they were the best around, and she remembered what I liked on
mine. She also grabbed some chips and sodas.

“You remembered…” was all
I said as I sat down, unwrapping my sandwich.

“I haven’t seen you in
close to thirteen years, cuz…the least you can do is share what
used to be our favorite lunch with me.”

She sat down, placing her
back against the tree. I smiled before I took a bite and savored
the taste on my tongue. Shit, how I missed this!

I saw Rachel pull a
ponytail off of her wrist, and pull her hair back before she took a
bite of her sub. I sat quietly, still not sure what to say and if I
did say something, where would that conversation lead to. I didn’t
think I could take answering any questions about what happened with
her best friend and me.

“So tell me… how ya been?”
Rachel asked as she took a huge bite of her foot long sub. Even as
she put it in her mouth, her eyes never left mine. She was digging
for information, but she couldn’t fool me, Rachel never changed.
What she was doing was buttering me up for the hard questions that
would follow one or two easy ones.

I wasn’t in the mood to
play twenty questions, if she was going to ask the questions that I
had tried to avoid asking myself for thirteen years, I just wanted
to get them out and done with. That way afterwards I could bury it
away and not have to think about them again.

“Don’t try and bullshit,
Rach. What do you wanna know?”

She stopped chewing and
just stared a minute before swallowing her bite. “You
married?”

I looked at her with my
face contorted, and it spoke the words that I didn’t have to
say.

“Ok. I know. I just know
you won’t start the conversation.”

We sat there in silence
for another few moments and I thought I needed to give her a break
so I decided to find out about her. I took a bite out of my
sandwich and plastered on a friendly.

”Ya’ll have
kids?”

It was Rachel’s turn to
contort her face. “Fuck no!” She answered quickly as though she ate
something sour.

“I play momma enough to
Ell-,” She froze.

I stopped chewing for a
moment, and then began again as though my chews followed the rhythm
of my heart. We sat quietly, not saying a word. All you could hear
was the wind blowing the leaves of the tree around. Every once in a
while, you could hear an acorn hit the dried leaves that surrounded
the trunk of the tree.

Closing my eyes, I just
listened. The grass in places was high, it was high enough that you
could hear the wind swaying it back and forth. There was no honking
of horns, no rumbling of street cars. You don’t realize how much
you miss the tranquility of this until you’ve experienced the
pandemonium of a big city.

“Ya know, she asks about
you every time I see her,” Rachel said almost hesitantly. It was
like she had to hurry and say it, no matter the
consequences.

I took another bite and
looked back up in the trees so that she couldn’t see my eyes, they
were on fire. My insides were jolting with anger. I didn’t want to
hear this fuckin’ bullshit, and there was no way in hell that I was
going to be made out to be the bad guy in this situation. What the
fuck was I talking about, there was no situation.

“Rach, she made her
choice. That choice wasn’t me.”

Rachel closed her eyes,
and bowed her head.

“Trevor, you don’t
under-“

Jumping up I wasn’t
letting her finish. I didn’t want to hear anything that had to deal
with her or him. Fuck ‘em both. Right now, at this moment, they
weren’t worthy of my thoughts, and I didn’t deserve to hear of
their happiness. I could see it all over her face walking in front
of me not more than thirty minutes ago.

“NO!” I yelled finally
able to form a coherent thought.

Out of the corner of my
eye I saw Rachel jerk with surprise. I closed my eyes and attempted
to calm myself.

“I’m not talking about
this, Rachel.” I pleaded

“Fine,” her short answer,
as she shoved more sandwich in her mouth. We ate the rest of the
time in silence.

I drove back to the bank
fairly quickly. I had to get the hell out Dodge. I now remembered
the reasons why I left. Putting the car in park, I knew Rachel was
holding her tongue and it was killing her, right now she either
wanted to chew my ass out viciously or punch me in the face. I took
a deep breath, and looked at my watch.

“
You have twenty
seconds…go!”

“YouhavenoideawhatElleisgoingthroughshelovesherkidssomuchandputsupwithsomuchfromhimhegoesdayswithoutevencominghome,”
She was talking ninety miles a minute. The last part of her
rambling caught my attention.

“Wait… slow down, what did
you just say?”

She took a deep breath and
started again, “You have no idea-“I cut her off.

“No, I heard that part,
I’m talking about the end.”

I think she was repeating
in her head what she had previously said to me and then sadness
covered her face. “Bear’s not the same guy we grew up with, Trev,
he’s - different.”

I looked at her out of
concern. “What the fuck does that mean, Rach?”

Turning her head towards
the window she stated, “He’s changed into someone none of us know
anymore. Gone for weeks at a time. When he does come home, you can
feel the tension in the air between them.”

I started to tense up from
the anger and uneasiness of this whole conversation. Why though?
Why was I so worried about her, it wasn’t like I ever crossed her
mind.

It was as if Rachel read
my thoughts.

“
I don’t think a day goes
by that she doesn’t think of you, Trevor.”

Her face turned back
around towards me and I could see the apprehension that she was
feeling towards her friend, a friend that was as close as a sister.
I shut my thoughts off, I couldn’t think about this. It was none of
my business any more. I turned my head back to face the front, and
told Rachel the truth, “I have my own life now, Rach. One that
doesn’t have her in it.”

Rachel guffawed and shook
her head in disagreement.

“Yeah I know, it’s pretty
fuckin’ sad.”

I didn’t respond because I
didn’t really give a shit about what she was inferring to. I was
over this whole situation, all I wanted was to meet her here, at
the bank so that she could take this check in while I was in town.
I wasn’t here for a family reunion.

“
I have a plane to catch,
Rach. Thanks for lunch. I will call you if I’m ever in the area
again.”

I didn’t even want her to
know where I was. It was bad enough Tripp had to know, I’m sure it
would get around town fast enough.

“You can’t even mention
her name can you? You still think about-“

“I said that’s enough!” I
commanded. “I’m not talking about this anymore! Now, say goodbye
Trevor and get the fuck out of my car!”

Her eyes grew big. I could
see her temper rolling up from her feet through her torso and up
her neck, it settled in her eyes. They were shooting daggers at
me.

She stayed in that
position for a few minutes as though she was attempting to
telepathically murder me

“
Rachel. I have a plane to
catch,” I said a bit softer but yet still insistent.

“You’re gonna regret
turning your back on her, Trevor. Just remember that.” She said as
she opened the door and got out. I watched her slam the door and
raise her middle finger while she mouth, “Good-fucking-bye,” to me,
after that, she turned and walked away never looking
back.

I started the car and
began to leave town, I made sure not to look back in the rearview
mirror. There was nothing I wanted to look back at, just then my
phone rang, I looked down at it. Greg. I silenced it, I couldn’t
talk to him right now, he knew where I was going, and he was
probably seeing what the outcome was.

I approached the
interstate and turned onto the ramp that led me to downtown
Atlanta. As soon as I was in a lane, I grabbed my phone and pushed
the number one for quick dial. I heard Judy’s voice come over the
line

“Thank you for calling the
Mac-Gentry Firm. Mr. McHale’s office.”

I don’t think I would ever
get tired of hearing that.