Phantom Scars (27 page)

Chapter 51 – Growing Pains

As much as I hated to admit it, Tyson was right. If my momma wanted to expand, doing it now would be the best time to do it. I went ahead and invested most of the reward money into the restaurant expansion and also the rebuilding our apartment. Since we would have the space over two buildings to span, our living quarters could be much larger. My momma finally convinced me that four bedrooms and three baths would be the way to go, along with a small space for Emma to work from home. All together, we were adding another thousand plus square feet to our place, more than doubling its size.

We decided to install an interior stairwell and a service elevator to the upstairs, as well as a good sturdy metal fire escape for obvious reasons. We were also going to use a small section of the new downstairs space to build out an office for Emma, so she could set up her accounting business when she was ready. She wouldn't need much, leaving a generous amount for the restaurant expansion.

Our insurance had been excellent and was paying for most of the rebuild, but to stretch the budget and help us kill time, we were doing a lot of the finishing work ourselves. The painting and installing plugs and light fixtures was easy enough. Clayton helped me lay the flooring, install the counters and put up the cabinets. It felt good to do it ourselves, like we had a real sweat and blood stake in the place.

The girls seemed to enjoy watching us work as well. I had to admit, I liked the way Emma was looking at me lately, even though we seemed to be on a sort of affection hiatus. Her eyes seemed to linger on me longer than normal, which caused Clayton to make lewd comments and Jen to laugh at Emma's blushing. I was nervous about doing anything with her, though, considering she didn't want to be on birth control. She hadn't initiated anything more, either, so I was just letting it be.

Emma was actually enjoying helping my momma pick out colors and such for the floors, walls, counters, and tile, and for the tabletops and booths as well. The whole place was going to get a completely new look. She was excited, as she poured over office supply catalogs, pointing out the types of furniture and accessories she liked for her new office.

"Do you think something like this would look good with the carpet we ordered?" she asked, as she showed me a set of desks, tables and wooden file cabinets in a nice dark tone. "I'm sure there's probably a used office furniture place around here that might have something similar," she added. It was so good to see her excited and planning for the future here.

"I think it’d look great. Actually, you’d look perfect around anything," I said and went to kiss her. She turned her cheek to me, letting me kiss her there, before she buried her nose back in the catalog. I sat there a moment confused, still watching her, when I heard the doorbell.

Jessup brought the mail over to us himself to see how we were doing. "Devin, how's it going?" he said handing me a stack of envelopes. "Is everything on schedule with the rebuild?"

"We're good. So far everything's right on schedule, Jessup. How's Ms. Vivien?" I asked.

"Guess you haven't heard the good news. I popped the question, and she said yes! Can you believe it? She's everything to me, Devin. I know it seems kind of fast, but she's the one, you know? I can't wait for your momma to make us a wedding cake. I know it'll be the best," he said grinning broadly.

"Well, congratulations to you both. I'm sure you'll be real happy together. Ms. Vivien is a nice lady and seems quite taken with you. You just let my momma know the date for the wedding, and I'm sure she'll fix you up an extra special cake, okay?" I said, and Jessup grinned even bigger, nodding excitedly.

I was a little surprised, but he and Vivien had both been seeing Dr. Greyson since her rescue, and things between them had been wonderful. Vivien had informed me that Dr. Greyson had prescribed Jessup some anti-hallucinogens, and his paranoia had subsided greatly. I had to admit, Jessup seemed pretty normal now that his mild schizophrenia was under control. He was obviously happy, as he waved goodbye with a cheeky grin still plastered to his face.

I looked through the mail and noticed something that would put a smile on my girl's face.

"You have mail, baby," I said and handed her the envelope from HGT. I was sure it was an acceptance letter. She nervously opened the envelope and proved me right, as she squealed with excitement.

"So, my little co-ed, are you ready to get started?" I asked, and she grinned widely and nodded.  She pulled up the college's website, entering her account information and then signing up for a full load of online classes. It felt good to see her excited smile, as I handed her my card, so she could type in the tuition payment information. Everything seemed to be looking up, but after our bad stint of luck, I was still nervous.

My momma said I was being silly. Apparently, bad things happened to people in threes, so the men going after Emma and Jen would be the first, Vivien being taken was the second, and the fire at our place was the third. Momma said we were in the clear for good luck for a while, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that we weren't totally in the clear just yet.

A new Italian restaurant had opened up not far from where ours was located. We weren't worried about it yet, because we weren't up and running, but I didn't like the looks of some of the people working there, which I expressed to my momma.

"I don't know, Momma. Something about them just doesn't sit right," I said, and that alone made me want to stay home. Ever since all the craziness had happened around here, I had been a bit on the edgy side, looking for any trouble, basically just waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.

"There's nothing to worry about, Devin. They seem really nice once you get to know them, and the food is really good. Besides, the area could use all the good stable businesses we can get here to boost the local economy. It's good for everyone," Warren said, ever the optimist. He and my momma had gone to eat there a few times. She didn't see them as competition, because we specialized in downhome southern cooking and pastries. They specialized in Italian food and whatever else went with it. Bread, I guess. I wasn’t Italian, so I wouldn’t know.

"Maybe, but I'm still keeping an eye on them. I don't know what it is, maybe I've just become paranoid about there being bad guys around every corner, but there's legitimately been enough of them lately that I'm not taking anything, or any feeling, for granted anymore," I said, still firm in my resolve that these people warranted scrutiny.

My momma patted my cheek. "Fair enough, dear."

Living with my momma had been a mixed bag, mostly good, but we were grateful for my momma's offer. Our home would not be ready until around the time I got back from my run in July. I really didn't want to go, but Emma insisted she would be fine with my momma. They did get along very well. In fact, Emma had been spending a lot more time with my momma, and she seemed to be becoming increasingly attached to her as time went on. She was spending even more time with her than with me as of late. I was glad to know she had my momma to lean on, but I missed our alone times and our privacy.

My girl seemed depressed, but her classes started, and she was too busy to sulk and fret too much over my leaving. I was worried, because she was throwing herself into her classwork and spoke very little to anyone. When I asked Warren if she was alright, he said she was working through some stuff and would be fine with time.

The thing was time was running out. I would be leaving in a month, and I was going to miss her. I didn't want to leave her like this, but anytime I asked to stay, she would get upset and insist I had to go, something about not wanting to mess up my life. I guessed she didn't understand that she wasn't messing anything up for me. I just missed her.

Captain Towers came and found me. It was time to start interviewing crewmates. We were able to keep most of the men from our last run, but a few new ones needed to be picked. I didn't want to go, but I ended up accepting his offer at Emma's insistence. He asked how my wife was doing, and I told him she was doing much better and would be staying with my momma while she went to school. I didn't mention how badly I didn't want to go. He probably would have teased me about Emma not being there to clean up after me like on our last run. I didn't need any reminders of what I'd be missing.

We talked shortly with several applicants, and then we hired the three men we needed. We then routed our five runs, starting at the southernmost port, to avoid any issues with ice, planning to return at the end of July. I would miss Emma's birthday, but maybe we could celebrate when I got home. I hoped she would feel like celebrating. I needed her to be okay with me being gone, just as much as I needed her to miss me. I knew I would be miserable without her.

It had been about six weeks after the fire, when we received an aggravated call from Clark and Paige. Clark was ready to come after me again. Word about the fire had not reached them, so they were freaking out, when the two numbers they had for our apartment and the restaurant were not working. Emma talked them down, letting them know everything was fine, and we were safe. She also got them to settle down some more, when she told them about the guestroom she was decorating for them to use when they came to visit us. My momma had mentioned fixing up one of the rooms as a nursery for Emma's new baby brother for when they visited, but I wasn't so sure about that. I think my momma was just angling to get the idea of grandbabies planted in our heads, maybe hoping all that cute baby stuff would work some kind of fertility mojo on us. Not likely!

Emma's father called to let her know that her momma was carrying a little boy. I think we were all excited about that. Emma even perked up and talked about how Clark was probably going crazy buying a ton of mini hunting gear and pint-sized sporting paraphernalia. Better him than me.

Things started looking up again. At least it seemed like it. Emma was preoccupied with her schooling, but she spoke with her momma frequently as well. She was excited for her little brother's arrival, and so was everyone else. My momma had knitted a blanket, hat, booties, and something called scratch mitts for him. Hearing about all this baby stuff just confirmed for me how ill prepared I was to even consider having one. I was so glad we were waiting.

We did eventually move the full-sized bed that was in the guestroom into my bedroom. It seemed to fit us a little better, but I couldn't get lost on it like Emma said I did on the king. I didn't mind being close with my girl, heaven only knew how much I enjoyed kissing her and having her in my arms, but she hadn't been terribly responsive or affectionate as of late, and I could feel that something was definitely wrong between us.

I just didn't know what it was.

Chapter 52 – A Pill for That

I was scheduled to ship out in two weeks. Emma was nose deep in schoolwork, and I was helping my momma put the finishing touches on the restaurant. It would be up and running before I left. I was looking forward to seeing it remodeled. Our apartment would be the next highest on the priorities list, and then the office would be built for Emma to do her accounting business, all ready for when she was finally done with school.

She was excited to see her dream become a reality. I was happy she was happy about that. She still was being distant, and I finally asked her if I'd done something wrong. She just burst into tears and ran to the bathroom. I didn't know if that meant yes or no. I decided I had better get her some flowers, just to be safe.

When I came back, she was fast asleep. I put the flowers in a vase my momma had given her and snuggled up next to her. In her sleep, she was still snuggly and affectionate. I pulled her to me, and she nearly climbed on top of me and wiggled down, rubbing against things that shouldn't be rubbed when she wasn't happy with me.

I tried to let it go and go to sleep, but I had to admit, my body was reacting by the time I dozed off. The dream I was having was good, really good. My wife still wanted me. I told her I loved her, and I missed her so much, as she worked me over. She told me she missed and loved me, too. I felt something dripping on my face and woke up to my girl's tears dripping down on me.

I panicked for a moment, worried I had done something to upset or hurt her, but she reassured me she was fine. "I've missed you, too, so much," she whimpered and threw herself into my arms. I hugged her like there was no tomorrow, relieved that she still loved me.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I did to upset you, but if you’ll tell me, I’ll swear never to do it again," I promised.

She sniffled and shook her head. "It wasn't you."

I looked at her sternly. "Okay, a little you. I was kind of freaked out about you asking me about birth control," she whispered the last part. "I mean if I get on that, it's a given we'll have sex, right? I just don't think I'm ready, and I don't want to disappoint you," she said timidly.

I pulled her face up so she was looking at me. "It means nothing. I’ll never do anything you're not ready for, sweetheart, never. We're not having sex until you're absolutely sure. Do you understand? If you ever feel like I'm pressuring you, please tell me, so I can reassure you that I'm fine with waiting."

She sniffled and nodded her head okay.

"Is that why you've been so distant?" I asked kicking myself for not fixing this sooner.

She shook her head no. "I'm trying to get used to you being gone. I'm scared I'm not going to be able to handle it," she whispered. "If I have a nervous breakdown or something," she took a deep breath and looked into my eyes, "while you're gone, Dr. Greyson will put me in a mental hospital, and I don't know if I can handle that."

I quickly wrapped her up in my arms, kissing her head. "Never, I'll never let that happen, momma is under strict orders to call me if things get too rough for you. I can always catch a flight home from wherever we dock, and I'll come take care of you."

She looked at me sadly. "You shouldn't have to drop everything to come take care of me."

"You're my wife. I'm not dropping everything, because you're the only thing I hold onto. Nothing is more important than you," I said with conviction. She needed to understand that she would always come first.

She let out a shuddering breath. "I'm going to do my best to be okay. I'm sorry if it hurt you. I'm just trying to get some independence, so I can handle it when you're really gone."

"Does it make me a selfish jerk, because I like that you need me?" She smiled and kissed my lips softly. "I think our roles are reversing. I think I need you more lately than the other way around," I said with a pout.

She giggled and snuggled against me. "That's good to know."

We spent the rest of the day in bed, talking and reconnecting. I let her know I never wanted her to distance herself from me like that again. It was okay to be busy, but not okay to be distant. There was a difference, and I couldn't handle the distant one.

We discussed different ways to contact each other while I was onboard. I also gave her the addresses of ports we would be stopping in and where I could get mail from her. She hoped she could talk with me on a phone and through the internet, but reception was choppy at best at sea. There weren't many cell towers that covered the ocean, so it could be hit or miss. When we got up closer to land, though, we would be able to talk more.

I really didn't want to leave her. I kept hoping she would change her mind, but she insisted it would be good for the both of us. I didn't see how it would be. I didn't see anything good coming from me not sleeping next to her every night. In fact, I saw a lot of sleepless nights ahead of me. Honestly, there was a side of me that hoped she would break down and beg me to stay or come back. I wondered if Dr. Greyson had a pill for that.

Last I checked there wasn't a cure for homesickness, other than going home. I was feeling it, and I hadn't even left yet.

I continued to keep an eye on the people down at the new Italian restaurant. I even went in for lunch a couple of times just to check the place out. It wasn't anything fancy. It just looked like they had brought in some simple restaurant surplus tables and chairs, done a minimalistic décor, and offered a very limited menu. The food they did serve was pretty good, but nothing as special as my momma’s cooking. It made me feel better knowing their offerings wouldn't be much competition to my momma's amazing southern faire. All the employees had thick Italian accents, which I found curious. Maybe they were just going for authenticity.

I didn't have too much time to think on it, because Clayton had been acting weird lately. I wasn't sure what was up with him, but I figured it probably had something to do with the extreme bible hour mamma had imposed on us. She had been breaking out the scriptures at breakfast, and there was no way to get around hearing the good word, unless you were eating something crunchy.

Emma didn't seem to care one way or the other, but Clayton just looked downright in pain, as he listened to her read. I wondered if it had to do with his guilty conscience. She had been pushing him to marry Jen. Fornicating was a sin and all, and she wanted him to rectify it. I had a feeling Jen would be all for it as well. He just had to get the courage up to ask her.