Phantom Scars (25 page)

Chapter 47 - Being a Baby

Over the next few weeks, I spent my lunches with Emma and Dr. Greyson, trying to take comfort in the little progress she continued to make. Of course, as she relaxed more, I became more paranoid. I was constantly on the lookout for strange faces, but I never really found any.

It was the last day I was to have lunch with them. Tomorrow would be Emma's first time to have lunch alone with Dr. Greyson. I think I was freaking out more than she was. In fact, she seemed downright comfortable with the idea of going to lunch in the park alone with Dr. Greyson.

It was as if her anxiety was transferring to me, and I was slowly going nuts. I felt like I was losing my girl. What if she didn't need me anymore, and she finally saw me for what I really was, just a poor southern boy?

I made my way back down the boardwalk, following behind Emma and Dr. Greyson, instead of walking next to her. She wanted to see if she could handle the walk without me. I think I was going to go nuts if she could handle life without me. But wasn't that the goal? Did she want me to go away on the ship, so I could leave her alone? Was I crowding her? It didn't seem like it, not to me at least.

After lunch, Emma was going to hang out with Jen and Faye in the office. They were painting nails or something like that.

Momma had me doing inventory, so I would be busy, but I guess after spending a lunch not being needed, I suddenly wanted to be close to her. Maybe I needed her.

I was busy stacking bags of beans and rice, when I heard the office door open. My momma went in to join the group, and she had a bag from the local drugstore. I figured she had picked herself up a new nail polish color or whatever. Clayton asked me to go cover the front and bus, since the girls were busy doing their girly thing, and so I slipped on an apron and got to it.

I had been serving and bussing for about an hour, when the office door finally opened and the group of girls disbanded.

Emma walked over and hugged me, giggling as the girls all flashed their odd-colored fingers and toes. Their fingernails were all pale pink and their toenails light blue. I had no idea why, and I wasn't even going to try and find out. Momma asked my girl to help her in the kitchen, and I ran the last couple of orders out, before I came back to rest a minute. I figured the bell on the door would chime if someone came in.

I was leaning on the wall next to the pantry door, when I overheard the most insane conversation. "I can't believe it, Clay, this place is going to be crawling with babies," Jennifer said excitedly.

I looked at the doorway, thinking I shouldn't be overhearing this. "Oh, sugar, I'm so happy I'm going to be a daddy," Clayton said. "I can't believe momma is pregnant, too. Who knew Warren had it in him?"

I choked at that. On what I was choking, I didn't know, because there was nothing in my mouth, but I was losing it.

"You can't say anything about Emma, though. She's so worried Devin isn't going to go back out on the ship as it is. If he knew she was pregnant, there’d be no way…"

I didn't hear the rest of that. I just yelled, "WHAT?"

Jen and Clayton popped their heads out of the pantry, and Clayton yanked me inside and looked out the door left and right before he closed it. "Man, you can't tell anyone what you heard," he spoke in a serious tone.

"What the…" I started.

"Devin," Jen started in, "I'm sure Emma would like to tell you on her own and the same with Abby. You can't ruin this for them," she scolded.

"I, um, you, they, NO," I stuttered out. "It's…no, no way. I mean we haven't…" I realized they had to be pulling my leg. Emma and I hadn't even had sex. "Oh, no you don't, Emma and I still haven't had sex," I said proudly.

"No, but you guys are fooling around, and your sperm has obviously been close enough to where it needed to be," Jen said with an eye roll. "You’d better not pull the 'it's not mine' shit, either, Devin Clemens, or I'll beat you black and blue," Jen said poking me in the chest. She looked really scary.

Her words sank in, and I thought back to our little slipup about a month ago, when Emma almost lost her virginity. HOLY COW! It totally was possible.

"Devin, man, do you need to sit down?" Clayton asked. "Jen, watch out," he guided me to sit on a stack of beans. "Man, are you going to be okay? You look kind of pale," he said.

I was having trouble processing the words he was saying.

"Maybe we should get Emma," Jen said slipping out of the pantry.

"Devin, are you okay?" Emma asked looking worried and confused.

I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

"I’d feel better if you’d tell me what's wrong."

I looked at her fingers and toes again. Pink and blue, holy freaking cow, she was painting them to let me know she was pregnant. "What's with the pink and blue nails?" I asked hinting I knew.

She shrugged. "Jen thought it’d be fun for her, Abby and me to all have matching nails, since we all work together. We tried to get Faye to paint hers, but she didn't want to."

"I suppose not, I mean her and Eli were just married. Their relationship is still new," I explained.

She looked at me confused. "Devin, what are you talking about?" she asked.

"Clayton, where are Devin and Emma?" I heard my momma ask.

Clayton opened the pantry door. "Oh, Emma was just telling Devin she's pregnant," he said casually.

My momma let out a squeal that rattled the windowpanes. I was surprised they didn't break. My girl looked just as stunned as me.

"A baby? Oh, I'm so excited! I can't wait for the shopping and cuddling! Oh, my goodness, how far along are you?" she asked my girl, but Emma was freaking out, so I thought I would answer for her.

"About a month, I think," I said looking at her for confirmation. I mean, that was when the slipup had happened, so I assumed that was when it was, right?

She looked at me like I was insane and then ran out of the room. I chased after her and found her in the office bathroom puking.

"Don't worry, dear, that's perfectly normal," my momma said, and I joined my wife on the floor, rubbing her back. A baby, how the heck was this going to fit into our plans?

My momma was practically bouncing off the walls, and I wondered if she shouldn't be taking it easy. "Momma, don't you need to settle down?" I asked her.

"Why, sugar? This is the best news I've gotten all year!" she squealed.

"What about…I mean, wasn't finding out about your baby good news? You are happy with Warren, right?"

She looked at me like I was cross-eyed. "Devin, what are you talking about?"

I looked to my girl and then my momma. "Clayton said you both were pregnant, along with Jennifer."

"WHAT?" She looked furious. She looked at the office door and then at my girl. "So, Emma didn't tell you she was pregnant, Clayton did?" she checked, and suddenly, it all fell into place. I looked down at my girl, who looked at me sadly.

"Emma, are you?" I asked.

She shook her head no vigorously.

I let out a relieved sigh and hugged her.

"Momma?" I asked.

"No, I'm not," she said sternly, looking extremely pissed off.

"Well, is Jennifer at least pregnant like they said?" I asked. The girls looked at each other.

"I'm going to find out," my momma said and stormed out, like she was ready for war. She whipped her spatula out of her apron pocket, and I heard her shout, "CLAYTON EUGENE CLEMENS!"

"Ooh, she's full-naming him. He'll be lucky to get out of the kitchen alive." I felt bad that Emma was upset, but I couldn't help but smile. Clayton was in
trouble
with a capital
“T
.”

Chapter 48 – Smoking

I should have been more upset with Clayton, but my momma seemed to have enough fury for us all. I took Emma up to our apartment, so she didn't have to listen to momma raise hell and scare the devil out of it. There was a reason I never crossed my momma, and now Clayton was finding out why himself. I'd bet she roped Jennifer into going to church with her as well, since she was in on it.

I tucked my girl into our bed and ran my fingers through her hair, as I waited for her to settle down.

"Do you want kids?" she finally asked, and I looked down at her surprised. I just shrugged. I did, but not right now, so how did I answer that? No but yes, or yes but no? Yeah, the shrug seemed to make more sense to me at this time. "I don't think I'm ready to have kids."

"Me neither," I said kissing her head.

"Are you just saying that? Did you want me to be pregnant?" she asked.

I laughed a little and shook my head no. "How are you supposed to go to school if you're having babies?"

"Babies?" she asked.

"We were going to have two eventually, right?" I said remembering our discussion.

She nodded yes. "But not now."

"No, not now, we have too much going on. Don't you think?" I asked hoping she agreed.

She let out a breath and relaxed in my arms. "Yeah."

"Okay, so um, just so we're clear, when would we have these supposed babies?"

She looked up at me and laughed. "You sound like you're in pain, are you sure you want kids?" she asked me, giggling still.

I let out a breath and loosened my grip on her, lying back on the bed. She climbed up my body and looked down at me. "We don't have to have kids, Devin."

"Isn't that what married people do, make more little people?" I asked.

She giggled again, and I was happy she was feeling better. "We don't have to. In fact, we can decide not to decide until later. You know, like after I'm done with school and maybe have a little accounting business to help fund any baby making we do take up."

I nodded okay. "Right, you just let me know when that is, and I'll, you know, help you out with that part of it," I said waving at her tummy, and she fell off of me laughing.

"Oh, my god, Devin, how are we ever going to have sex, if you can't even say it, and I can't do it?" I was glad she found this amusing, because I found the whole mess distressing.

I decided I'd had enough of being laughed at and jumped on her, tickling her and causing her to squirm and squeal, making me smile.

"That's what you get for laughing at me," I said going after her again, but this time she was ready, and once again, I found myself squirming away from her and falling off the bed. I rolled under it and poked my head out at her. I reached out, grabbing her foot on the other side, tickling it until she squirmed away.

She jumped up on the bed, knocking all manner of dust and crap out of it, causing me to scramble out from under it. She jumped down on me, and I rolled over, squishing her under me, and then I flipped over and started tickling again.

"I'm gonna pee!" she screamed, and so I flopped to the side, laughing and punching the air.

"I'm the tickle champion!" I shouted.

"For now," she said laughing and ran to the bathroom.

I would just have to make sure she had a lot to drink before our next tickle fight if I wanted to win.

I was still laughing and plotting my next win, when I realized Emma had been in the bathroom and quiet for a long time.

"Emma?" I called to her.

She didn't answer, so I knocked on the door. When she didn't answer, I told her I was coming in, and that was when I saw her sitting on the bathroom floor crying.

I quickly rushed to her, pulling her up into my arms. "Honey, what is it?" I asked.

She pointed to a box of feminine pads.

"Do you need me to get your pain pills? I can have momma come sit with you, while I run and get you some chocolate or something?" I offered.

She threw herself into my arms and just started crying harder. "I'm sorry," she whimpered.

I picked her up and carried her to the bed. "Sorry for what, baby?"

She was not talking, just crying softly into my shoulder, and I had no idea what was wrong with her. I kissed her forehead and told her I was going to call Dr. Greyson. She was obviously upset about something, but she hadn't told me what yet. I was worried I had set her off with our tickle fight. I kept running it over in my head, but she had been happy and laughing when she had gone into the bathroom.

Before I could leave the bed, she told me not to call him, he couldn't help. She started full-out bawling, and I begged her to tell me what was wrong.

She grabbed her notebook, and I had to admit I felt a twinge of jealously and anger when she started to write. I wanted her to just tell me what the heck was wrong! I couldn't fix it if I didn't know.

She surprised me by tearing the paper out of the book and handing it to me. I look down at it confused, but once I read what she had written, everything went black.

"Devin, Devin, please wake up," I heard my angel begging.

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw her wet eyes shining with relief. I looked around, trying to figure out why I was on the floor and why my head hurt, when I remembered the note she had passed me. I sat up, looking for the paper, and saw she had moved it to the nightstand.

"That…" I said pointing at it, and she burst into tears. "You, I…"

"Please, Devin, I need you," she whispered.

I quickly settled down, so I could be the man she needed. I pushed aside my panic and held her tightly in my arms.

"So, um, I should go to the store, right?" I asked her. She looked up at me. "For, like, a test?" I was just shooting out ideas. That was what you were supposed to do, right, buy a test?

I tucked her into bed and picked up the note. "I'll be right back, okay? Do you want me to get my momma?"

"NO! No, just be quick, okay?"

I looked at her worried. I would take my bike, so I could be extra fast. I leaned over and kissed her softly, before I headed out the door, locking it as I looked at the note in my hand.

“
Devin, I'm late. I think I may be pregnant.”

I couldn't get there and back fast enough.

I burst through the pharmacy doors and looked left and right for the flashing neon sign that said “pregnancy tests this aisle.” They should have one of those, because at this point, I was such a shaking mess I could hardly read the signs at the ends of the aisles.

The woman who had helped me when Emma had gotten her period came walking up with a smile. "Need some help again, honey?" she asked.

I tried to pull my brain together enough to make a sentence. It didn't work, but thankfully, she noticed the note in my hand. I almost didn't let her have it, but I relented, when I realized I was taking too long.

She looked up at me and waved me to follow her. She stopped me in front of a bunch of pink and blue boxes. I was staring at them blank-faced, completely lost. There were a lot of pregnancy tests. How did anyone know which one was the right one? I didn't know anything about girl stuff. What if I got the wrong one?

The lady had mercy on me and handed me two boxes, and then she grabbed a small bouquet of flowers and some chocolates, as we made our way to the register.

She checked me out and then pulled my chin up, so I looked her in the eye. "You smile and be there for her, no matter what these say," she said, as she put them in the bag.

I nodded okay. She was right. We would get through this, no matter what they said.

I was zipping back to the apartment, when I saw smoke in the distance. There was more smoke than the grill would normally put off, and so I rushed faster. I saw my momma with Clayton, Jen, Eli, and a few others on the sidewalk.

"Where’s Emma?" I screamed and started running for our apartment. The smoke was thick up here on the porch, and I banged on the door, realizing I'd locked it. I quickly pulled out my keys and opened the door, thankful there wasn't a mess of smoke in here yet. I ran to our room and found her sleeping and quickly picked her up in my arms, not even wasting time to wake her.

I ran for the door, when she woke up and started to fight me. She couldn't see it was me through the smoke, and it was too thick to call to her, so I just threw her over my shoulder and ran down the steps and up the boardwalk. I couldn't get to the front by the restaurant anymore; the fire had consumed that part of the building.

Once we were in the fresh air, I pulled Emma off my shoulder and cradled her in my arms, crying as I looked down at her. She was unconscious, and I didn't know why. I didn't know if it was from the smoke or something else. What if she was pregnant, and now there was something wrong with the baby or it was making her sick?

Faye came running out her back door, just realizing that I had collapsed out there with Emma, and she looked down the boardwalk and saw the fire. We heard the fire trucks, but I could tell the building wouldn't be salvageable. Everything would be gone. My wife was gone, and the restaurant was gone. I was falling to pieces.

I was holding onto Emma for dear life and crying, when I felt someone pulling on me. My momma grabbed my face. She was crying, but she was pulling on my arms. "You've got to let them look at her, Devin. Let them check her out."

I finally released Emma to some paramedics. My momma helped me climb into the ambulance, and we rode to the hospital. I was sitting there in the emergency room in shock, while a nurse took my vitals, as they frantically worked on Emma. They were trying to ask me questions, but I was struggling to hear them. All I saw was Emma laying there motionless. I wanted her to wake up. I wanted her to show me she was still alive.

"Mr. Clemens!" the nurse yelled in my face. I looked at her and scowled. "We need to get some information on your wife. Is she on any medications?"

I told her the pills she took for anxiety.

"Is she on birth control?" she asked, when she realized I hadn't named any.

I shook my head no.

"Is there any chance she may be pregnant."

I sobbed and nodded yes, because I had just left for the damn tests. I should have taken her with me.

I heard the nurse and the doctor talking, but it was all mumbled. I was focused on Emma again.

My momma made her way into the room and was hugging me.

"She's going to be alright, honey. They said she's fine. She's going to be alright," she promised.

But I wasn't going to be alright, not until I saw her big blue eyes looking back at me, telling me she was fine herself.