Phantoms of Fall (The Haunting Ruby Series Book 2) (19 page)

Was I that transparent?
That was the second time I’d
heard that phrase this week. I forced a feeble laugh and his
expression changed.

“I’m so sorry—that
was
an
insensitive
remark.
Forgive me?” He held his hand to the side of my face gently.
“I promise never to use that phrase with you again.”

Once again, I lied and
he
apologized.
This secret was
going to destroy me. All I wanted was to be normal, to share
this one beautiful night with him without any drama.
The
only way that was going to happen was to leave the dance
now.
I just needed to find a way to tell him that without
appearing suspicious.

“So where are we going after the dance?” I asked
casually.

Too bad I didn’t have a camera because the smile he
gave me was enough to erase all of my fears. If I could only
lock that image away for the times when I
really
needed it.

“I wanted to wait a little longer for that part of our
date, but I don’t think I can. Let’s go now.”

That’s what I’m talking about—time to abandon the
teenage drama for something a little more adult. Again, my
stomach was doing flip flops but it wasn’t from the flu or
tainted eggs this time.
This time it was from the army of
butterflies in there beating their fragile wings in a frenzy of
excitement.

“I’m ready—let’s go!” I grabbed his hand and
practically dragged him out of the school.

Misty’s coven was flocked near the door and they all
smirked at me as I passed by.
I smirked right back—and
unlike them, I had something to actually smirk about. Zach
and I were about to lose our virginity together.

When he took the turnoff to his house, my hunch was
confirmed. We were going to The Hideout. It made sense if
you thought about it.
So many of our big moments were
shared there. The night I cried for the first time in his arms,
the night he told me the story of Perseus and Andromeda and
vowed to slay the beast for me—not to mention all of the
kissing we’d done there. Of course, it was a little too cold to
actually do it on top of the hill, but parked at the bottom in the
backseat of the Neon was fine by me.
He was what really
mattered. Correction. He was the
only
thing that mattered.

When he stopped the car and turned the engine off, I
started to get super nervous. I hadn’t changed my mind or
anything—as a matter of fact, it was exactly the opposite.
This was the moment I’d been waiting for—the moment all
teenage girls waited for.
Unlike some of them though, I was
lucky. Zach was perfect and I loved him like I never knew was
possible. It was like I’d given him a small piece of my heart in
exchange for a
portion
of his.
Now,
we were about to
exchange something just as important and I couldn’t imagine
sharing that with anyone else. Ever. I wanted to spend the
rest of my life with him. Period.

Since I’d never done anything like this before, I didn’t
know where to start.
When he started to speak, I relaxed a
little and just let what was going to happen, happen.

“So I have something special planned for tonight and I
hope you like it. I’ve never done anything like this before so
I’m not sure where to start.” He looked as nervous as I felt
and, again, it was like he could read my mind.

“You can start by kissing me.” That was how it started
every other night, so why not tonight?

“Gladly!” He reached across the seat and pressed his
lips to mine.
His kiss was sweeter somehow, unless it was
just my anticipation of what we were about to do.
He wound
his arm around my back, buried it in my hair and pulled me
closer to him.

What started out sweet quickly became fevered. I was
contorted in the worst position trying to get as close to him as
possible. This just wasn’t going to work for too much longer.
I didn’t want to be the one to say it but it was time to move to
the backseat and preferably, before I broke my neck in the
process.
Not one single vision of my morning after glow
involved a neck brace.

After waiting as long as I could, I finally made the
suggestion. Unfortunately, I had to tear my lips away from his
to do it. “My neck hurts—can we move to the backseat now?”

His eyes widened but he said nothing.
He simply
nodded his head and got out of the car.
With one arm, he
swept his books onto the floor to clear the entire backseat. I
crawled in from the other side and wrapped my arms around
his neck the instant he sat down. Without any hesitation, we
picked up right where we left off.

As we kissed, I could feel his weight pressing me back
slowly onto the seat until he was on top of me. He placed his
hand by my knee and trailed his way up my leg and onto my
side. My breath caught in my throat as I anxiously awaited his
next move.
But it never came.
His
hand rested there
dangerously close to my chest but never close enough. Why
wouldn’t he take the leap?

He was scared to—that had to be the reason. The day
we walked into the
woods
and
talked about
everything
imaginable, he told me that I was in control of how fast our
relationship went. That he would never do anything I didn’t
want him to do. So it was up to me. I would just have to show
him what I wanted.

I tried to guide his hand to the right spot but I wasn’t a
contortionist, so instead I wrapped my leg around his and
shifted my weight under him so that I could get a better angle
at it. Just as I got my hand on his, he broke away from me and
sat up.

“We need to take a break.” He exhaled and gripped his
legs
tightly
with
both hands
like it took every
ounce
of
strength in him to not rip my clothes right off.

Okay, so he didn’t get the message. Time to be a little
less subtle.

“No, we don’t,” I said as I yanked off my boots, crawled
onto his lap and started kissing him again. And he certainly
didn’t object.

I straddled him as we kissed and our intensity was
evenly matched. It was time to make my move. As I slid my
hand up to start unbuttoning his shirt, I noticed something
hard in his pocket. No, not
that
—something was actually in
his pocket. I was curious about what it was but not curious
enough to abandon my pursuit to ask. So I continued what I
was doing and took the first button between my fingers.

I sensed that he was about to pull back, so I went for
the jugular—literally.
The day we went to the county fair
together I kissed him on the neck and discovered that it was
his
weak spot.
I decided to use that knowledge to my
advantage. When I moved from his mouth down to the side of
his neck, I knew he was mine. His entire body relaxed in full
submission.
He leaned his head back on the seat and closed
his eyes while I finished opening his shirt.

I hadn’t seen him like this since that day at the shelter
when he
caught
me in
my
underwear.
His
chest was
flawlessly carved and I ran my hand across it like a sculptor
lovingly stroking his creation. But I couldn’t stop there. If I
was going to try to recreate that scene in the bathroom, I
would have to remove something of my own. I peeled my lips
from his neck long enough to lift my shirt above my head and
toss it behind me into the front seat.

And that was when he opened his eyes. He had that
same look of intoxication he always got when we kissed but
there was something else infused with it. Hunger. And not
the kind of look he got when he saw a cheeseburger, either.
I’m talking raw, sexual hunger. Zach was never the kind of
guy to stare at my chest instead of my face, but he was
definitely struggling with which target to choose now.
I
bought a red push-up bra just for the occasion and he clearly
approved. And he hadn’t even seen the matching panties yet.

When his eyes eventually made their way north and
locked with mine, he whispered, “I love you.”

Before I had a chance to return the sentiment, he
started to kiss me. With his chest pressed to mine, the heat
was almost unbearable.
Mouth to mouth, flesh to flesh we
kissed until I thought I would go mad. But kissing was all that
happened. Even with my shirt off, he still wouldn’t touch me
anywhere that he hadn’t already touched me before. I had to
take it one step further.
I swallowed my inhibitions and
reached behind my back to unhook my bra.

When I reached under his hands to find the hook, he
immediately knew what I was doing. He grabbed both of my
hands in his and tried to pull them away from their task. But I
was determined not to stop. I swatted his hands away and
went for it again. And that was the beginning of the end.

This time he took me by the wrists and forcefully
pushed me away. “Stop! Stop now!”

I was stunned and tears of humiliation began to sting
my eyes. Why was he pushing me away? If this wasn’t what
he was planning for weeks, then what was?
What was so
wrong with me that he could love me but not want to
make
love to me?
Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe he just wanted
to switch positions first or something. Yeah, that had to be it.
There was no way he could resist what I was offering him. No
freaking way.

While my first instinct was to cry, I stuffed it into the
back of my mind and fought to appear calm. “What’s wrong?
Why do you want me to stop?”

“Why? Because I can’t do this—
we
can’t do this. We
need to talk but you need to get dressed first.” He lifted me
off of him and started to button his shirt. Under his breath, I
could hear him mumbling to himself but I couldn’t make out a
single word he said.

Rejection was a bitch. I hadn’t felt this bad since the
day he broke up with me. Of course the break up was bad, but
at least I understood why it happened. It happened because I
lied to him. But this? I didn’t have a single clue as to why he
was pushing me away.
It was the same scenario as what
happened between him and Misty. He just didn’t want to have
sex with me. But why? With her, it was because he loved her
but she didn’t love him. Zach knew I loved him, though. The
only other alternative was that
he
didn’t love
me
.

I thrust my shirt over my head, crammed my feet into
my boots and got out of the car.
It was about a thousand
degrees
in
there and
I
needed air.
His
protests
went
unheeded—right now, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.
I was having a hard enough time keeping the tears at bay
when I wasn’t looking at him. If I had to see his gorgeous eyes
turn disapproving, I wouldn’t be able to fight them anymore.

He got out of the car, calling my name and buttoning
his shirt simultaneously. “Ruby! Come on, sweetie! Get back
in the car—we need to talk about this.”

We needed to talk. Was he seriously going to use that
tired old line on me after what almost just happened?
I
vacillated between fury and humiliation, not sure which one
was more appropriate for the situation. I had only seconds to
make up my mind. So I went with fury.

“There isn’t anything to talk about,” I said angrily,
facing the opposite direction. I didn’t want to face him—I
couldn’t
face him. “It’s getting late—I have to go home now.”

“Ruby! Please, you have to let me explain!” He came
up from behind and tried to put his arms around me but I
shook him off.

“No! You don’t want to touch me—I get that! Don’t do
something you don’t want to do just because you feel sorry
for me or something.”

“Come on, sweetie! You know that’s not the truth!” he
pleaded. “I love you!”

“Obviously not enough.” I knew those words would
wound him even before I said them. But I said them anyway
and couldn’t take them back.

“Maybe it’s
you
who doesn’t love
me
enough.” There
wasn’t a hint of anger in his voice. Just sadness. “What’s up
with you tonight anyway? You’re not yourself. Or is this who
you really are and I just never knew it until now?”

I couldn’t stand it anymore. “That’s funny. I was just
thinking the same thing about you. I want to go home now.”

 

“Yeah, that’s probably best.” He was in the Neon and
had the engine running in record time.

Once inside the car, I refused to look anywhere but
straight down at the floor. Seeing his face would have all but
killed me.

When we got to Rosewood, I bolted from the car. But
not quite fast enough.

 

“I planned on showing you just how much I love you
tonight,” he called out.

 

Without turning back, I replied, “Yeah, so did I.”
17. I Blew It. No—Not Literally!

I snuck upstairs before Dad and Shelly could ask me
any questions about my date. What could I possibly say to
them about it? “Oh it was great until I tried to seduce Zach
and he rejected me—what did you guys do tonight? Oh, and, I
hope you didn’t have your hearts set on being grandparents—
ever.”

It was still early, but I got ready for bed anyway. And
then I let the tears flow. With my face buried in my pillow, I
let it all out. What happened tonight? How could our perfect
night—our
perfect
relationship—become
such
an
epic
failure?
And what did he mean by that last comment? “I
planned on showing you how much I love you tonight?”
Supremely cryptic considering that sex obviously had nothing
to do with it.

Misty. She may be nothing but a stupid bitch, but she
knew what she was talking about when it came to Zach. He
didn’t give in to my advances because he didn’t love me
enough which meant she now had a prime opportunity to
come between us. But how? I couldn’t see how she could pull
it off, but now, honestly, I was afraid to underestimate her.
The worst part was that I wasn’t even really mad at him—he
just wounded my pride in the worst possible way.