Phoenix (15 page)

you like it if I called you something like that?”

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“What, you mean the truth?”

Blake finally snapped and with an incoherent yell of

frustration, his fist met the man’s face so hard that his head

kicked back and blood gushed out of his nose, splattering on

the wall in a grotesque picture. Blake crumpled back against

Ethan, staring as the man sunk to the ground, groaning and

clutching his face.

“Blake, please, let’s go,” Ethan pleaded, grabbing hard

onto Blake’s bicep and dragging him into the dorm room.

Blake was seething, his nostrils flared from how hard he was

breathing. His fists flexed before he melted into Ethan’s

struggling embrace. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“Not your fault. I am just so sick of this,” Blake said in

with anguished that turned into an incoherent sound as he

clutched onto Ethan’s shirt. His shoulders shuddered as he

tried to hold back another sob. “Can’t they just leave me the

fuck alone?”

“I wish they would, sweetheart,” Ethan murmured

bracingly, rocking him gently and running his fingers

through Blake’s hair soothingly. “We’ll get through this

together, okay? I’m right here, all the way.”

“Thank you, Ethan. I love you,” Blake whispered,

clenching hard at Ethan’s shirt again, palms tingling from

how hard he was holding on.

“I love you, too, baby,” Ethan responded, still rocking

Blake gently to try and calm him down. It was sort of

working. He swallowed hard, trying to calm the maelstrom

of emotions trying to pull him under. It’d started out so well.

He wished he could go back to the moments he’d spent

with Ethan.

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lake?” Devon asked, having looked up from his

“B incredibly boring textbook as Blake and Ethan

stepped into the room in a rush, tumbling into each other.

He could tell instantly there was something very wrong with

his roommate because of the way he seemed to crumble.

Blake was also wearing one of Riley’s hoodies. “You all

right?”

“Not really,” he heard the other man speak in a muffled

tone before he stepped to his own bunk, pulling Riley’s

hoodie off and casting it aside, quickly pulling on one of his

baggy black t-shirts. He reached out for Ethan’s hand and

laced their fingers together, almost like having the other

man’s hand in his own was a safety net.

“What happened?” Devon asked with concern in his tone,

stepping closer rather hesitantly. He was still fraught with

confusion, his mind going a million miles an hour. He

wasn’t even sure what he was thinking..

“Dominic fuckin’ attacked me and ripped my shirt off,”

Blake replied in a monotonous tone, turning to face Devon.

His eyes were red and his cheeks were flushed. Devon

looked horrified. And Blake just nodded, diverting his eyes

to the ground. “Yeah. And, uh, after that some random guy

in the hall called me a tranny.”

“Wh-what? Are you serious?” Devon asked, jaw dropped

in shock before anger kicked in and his eyes flashed.

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“What’s he look like? I’ll fuckin’ kick his ass.”

“Save your energy, I already broke his nose,” Blake said

with a touch of smugness in his smile. Devon laughed and

clapped his hand on his shoulder.

“Good going, man,” Devon said, visibly impressed

because Blake had defended himself and he’d handled being

called that without killing the guy. Devon knew he would

have been in dangerously murderous territory if someone

called him something like that.

“Thanks, Devon,” Blake said, holding out Riley’s hoodie

to Devon with a sheepish expression. “When you see your

guy, go ahead and give him that. He gave it to me after

Dominic ripped mine off.”

“Sounds like Riley,” Devon said, taking the hoodie and

pulling it on his own body. Something was off in his tone,

but Blake couldn’t be sure.

“Yeah, he’s a sweet guy,” Blake said, moving and slinging

one arm over his chest even though he didn’t have all that

much to hide. Not that he ever let himself get caught

looking, because that would have been completely awkward

and probably would make Blake hate him a little.

“Very,” Devon said with a slight nod, glancing up at the

door when he heard a knock. He stepped past a quiet Ethan

and pulled the door open, smiling as Riley stood in the

doorway. “Hey, babe, we were just talking about you.”

“Oh yeah? Good things, I hope,” Riley joked as he

stepped into the room. Ethan and Blake sunk down onto

Blake’s bed, and Ethan tucked himself under Blake’s arm

after kissing his cheek affectionately.

“Of course, always,” Devon said, pulling Riley over to his

side of the room, watching him settle onto the computer

chair because he was too big to settle on the dorm bed beside

Devon.

“Thanks, Riley, for helping me earlier,” Blake spoke up,

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and Riley shot him a wide, brilliant smile and nodded. He

really did have an amazing smile. It was one of his many

staples around campus.

“No problem, man. Anything for a friend,” he said before

his expression softened, dimples disappearing as concern

marredhis face, brows furrowing as his eyes darkened. “Are

you okay? I mean, that was pretty intense shit, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Blake replied, but it was mostly a

kneejerk response. He wasn’t sure if he was actually all right

or not. He felt numb to everything.

“You sure? I don’t think anyone would blame you if you

weren’t,” Riley replied, and Blake gave him a smile that felt

both fake and empty as he nodded.

“You’re not okay, babe,” Ethan whispered to him, his soft

voice wrought with concern, and Blake furrowed his brows,

tilting his head toward his boyfriend. Ethan was pretty

much the only person he wanted to open up to about this

right now.

“Tell you later?” he murmured in an undertone, feeling

Ethan nod a little. He felt the clenching pain in his chest ease

a little and he turned his attention back to his other two

friends. “Seriously, guys, I’ll be fine,” he said in a normal

tone, which met with doubtful glances from both Riley and

Devon. He let out a sigh of light frustration and shook his

head, replying rather vehemently, “I don’t want to talk

about it anymore, okay? Can we do or talk about something

else?”

“Yeah, dude, of course. Anyone wanna watch a movie or

somethin’?” Riley asked, complying with Blake’s wishes.

Thankfully, he knew how to take a hint.

“Sure, let’s do it,” Devon piped up. He couldn’t help but

think, as Devon put in some stupid comedy movie that all of

them had probably seen a million times, that he had

amazing friend in his life.

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* * * *

It wasn’t long after the movie that Devon and Riley left, but

only after making sure that Blake was all right. It was a little

bit annoying, but mostly flattering and he definitely

appreciated it.

As soon as the door closed behind Riley and Devon,

Ethan turned to Blake and brushed his fingers along the

lines of his cheek, murmuring in a soft, supportive tone of

voice, “Talk to me. What’s wrong, babe?”

Blake sighed and shook his head, licking his lips. He’d

been hoping that Ethan wouldn’t ask him, but he knew he

liked to resolve things right away. “I’m not sure,” he replied

with a heavy sigh, trying to get his thoughts in order. They

didn’t even make sense at this point, honestly. “I don’t know

how to explain it. It’s all just…dark and freaky inside my

head, like I’m numb, but it’s like there’s a nightmare just

waiting to strike right when I shut my eyes tonight.”

“The dysphoria?” Ethan offered. It was like Ethan could

see right into Blake’s mind, and it was kind of eerie how he

could just take the thoughts right out of his head and

vocalize them in a way Blake never could have.

“Yeah, probably. Big time,” Blake sighed, rubbing his

palm over the back of his head. He wished he’d never been

introduced to Dominic. He really did hate him so much. “I

really thought the injection would help that, but honestly it

feels worse than ever thanks to Douchebag Mercante.”

“I wish he hadn’t done that, B,” Ethan said with a deep

frown. When Ethan gave him that sympathetic frown, it

tugged at him, like he knew Ethan would do anything to try

and reverse what had happened. It hurt his heart.

“Yeah, me too,” Blake muttered, rubbing the heels of his

palms into his eyes until he saw stars behind his eyes. His

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stomach felt like it was in a million little knots and he

couldn’t even begin to unravel any of them. “God, he is such

a fucking asshole. And to think, my mom said she thinks

he’s got a crush on me or something.”

“If he does, he’s fucking psychotic with the way he’s

going about it,” Ethan said, a possessive edge in his tone that

pleased him greatly. He never thought he would have had

someone, let alone Ethan, be possessive about him like that.

“Not to mention he literally does not stand a fuckin’

chance,” Blake added, leaning over and kissing Ethan’s

cheek with a small smile. This thing with Ethan made him

giddy. He’d never been in a relationship before, but this felt

perfect to him. “You’re so adorable when you get possessive,

baby.”

“Am not,” Ethan defended without much heat, and Blake

laughed a little, smile coming onto his face like nothing had

happened earlier and they were just picking up right where

they’d left off right after he’d taken his shot. He wouldn’t

have wanted anyone but Ethan around when he took his

hormones. He just didn’t trust anyone like he trusted Ethan.

Even Devon and Riley would have been weird for him,

because they hadn’t been with him since the beginning.

“Totally are,” Blake replied, and before Ethan could try

and field his argument again, he tilted his chin up and

kissed him firmly. Ethan made a small noise of protest

before he melted into the embrace, wrapping his arms

around his ribs and pulling himself close.

As their lips parted the first time, Ethan pulled him close

for another gentle kiss, and Blake’s stomach fluttered, almost

like he’d missed a step and enjoyed every second of it. As

their lips stayed fused, he felt a little lightheaded because he

couldn’t breathe. He never would have thought he would

ever feel like this about himself or anyone else. Suddenly he

felt like he could take on the world.

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After a moment, the kiss broke and Blake let out his

breath in a shaky burst, words tumbling out along with it, “I

love you so much.”

Ethan smiled happily and nudged their lips together

again as he murmured with all the fondness in the world,

“Love you, too, babe. Are you gonna be okay?”

“As long as I’ve got you, Ethan, I’ll be fine,” Blake replied,

leaning in and nudging his nose against Ethan’s cute button

nose. It was something he’d never be able to do with

someone, but it felt natural with Ethan.

“You’re a total sap,” Ethan pointed out, fondness thick in

his voice, and Blake let out a similarly fond laugh.

“Yes…yes, I am,” Blake responded, pecking Ethan on the

lips again with a soft, playful hum of contentment. It really

was like the whole fiasco hadn’t happen, and that made him

happier than he could explain. There was so much relief in

the fact that he could get away from the thoughts in his head

for a little while, and he was going to grasp onto it with all

he could. “But so are you.”

Ethan laughed, eyes sparkling happily, and agreed, “Very

true.”

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o you think he’s really okay?” Riley asked, glancing

“D behind him as the door to the dorm shut. He felt an

uncomfortable heaviness in his stomach. He didn’t like the

idea of leaving Blake when it was so obvious that he wasn’t

all right. He couldn’t get the look on Blake’s face out of his

head, the wide-eyed, scared expression he had when Riley

had touched him.