Phoenix Inheritance (12 page)

Chapter Six

Renee thought about putting another log on the fire then decided to leave that to Daz. She stared at Charlie, now sound asleep, Thor curled up at his feet. Thank God he hadn't woken up during her little breakdown.

Oh, Charlie, what are we going to do next?

He was counting on her. She had to find a solution. Maybe, against all odds, Daz's new psychologist could help. She'd try anything.

She spotted something white on the mantel and picked it up. It was a new origami piece that Daz must have just made, a little dog. So cute. He had such talented hands, in so many ways. Renee gingerly set the paper dog back on the mantel, making sure it would stay up there instead of floating down into the fire.

She settled on the couch, her gaze locked on the flames, hoping to clear her mind. But thoughts still raced around, pinging from one worry to another, rerunning the last few hours. Charlie wasn't the only thing on her mind, given what had just happened between her and Daz.

Making love to him had always been intoxicating. It was the aftermath that was the problem. Where did they go from here? Daz wanted to help their son and she believed him and wanted that help. But how much of his concern was for her as Charlie's mother? Did he care for her in her own right? He hadn't before, beyond their brief, intense affair. Taking care of her had been an obligation to him. He'd made that crystal clear.

Would he be here now if it weren't for their son? Or would she be just a long-ago memory to him?

She'd been in love with Daz, completely, during their time together. But he'd never been in love with her. His actions after she'd told him about their baby proved that. He said he'd live up to his obligations. He never said a word about love.

She closed her eyes to the flames.

Loki woke up, padded over, and head-butted her knee. She scratched his ears. “Loki, this is such a mess.”

He licked her fingers and she smiled. Poor Loki. He must be feeling very tired and stiff after all he'd done today. No wonder he wanted to be close to the fire.

Loki turned his head, ears alert.

She looked behind her. Daz was there.

“You move very quietly.” Daz always had.

“Not quietly enough to fool him,” Daz said.

Loki glared. Renee smiled again. Dogs never let you down. They just loved unreservedly. Life was simple for dogs. If only they lived as long as people.

“Loki, down,” she said.

He curled up at her feet.

Daz sat next to her. “He really loves you.”

“I love him too.”

Daz grunted. She said nothing. Nothing seemed wise.

“I'm just going to touch the shoulder to make sure where the pain is centered,” Daz said.

“Sure.”

They spoke in whispers, neither wanting to wake up Charlie.

Very gently, Daz probed the shoulder with his fingertips. Right when he hit the middle of the collarbone, she winced.

“Okay,” he said. “That could be cracked.”

“Maybe so.” Please just let it be bruised, not broken.

“I'm going to wrap your arm tight against you. The less it moves, the better.”

“Sure.” His face was inches from hers. She inhaled. He smelled good, sweat and all. He'd felt good too. So good. Perfect. No use denying it. She'd always wanted Daz.

“Unfortunately, I don't have a shoulder sling in here, so we'll have to make do with ACE bandages,” he said.

“That's fine,” she said.

“You always did make do without complaint, Wonder Woman.”

Her tongue felt thick. He was so close again. She leaned her head back against the cushions. After their lovemaking, for the first time in ages, she'd been at peace. That lasted all of what? An hour before she heard Charlie's screams?

“Before you start, could you throw another log on the fire? It looks like it's going out,” she asked.

He picked up a heavy log with ease, set it on the fire, and shifted it to a better position with the fireplace poker. The flames threw shadows on the opposite wall, adding a romantic flair to her basic living room. Daz, his form silhouetted by the dancing flames, never seemed so enticing.

“Thanks,” she said.

“No problem.” Daz sat next to her again.

He set his fingers lightly on her shoulder, the tips just touching her bare neck. She took a deep breath.

“Hold your arm in front of your chest and I'll start by running the bandage from your neck to your wrist and work back from there.”

She nodded, her throat tight. “Remember the last time you bandaged me up?” She flexed her hand. She still had the scar near her thumb.

“I'll never forget. The damned bear nearly tore off your hand but all you were worried about was Thor.”

“Thor protected us.”

“I know.” He glanced down at Loki.

More silence as he finished wrapping her up.

“You're wearing the sweatshirt,” he said.

What did he mean by that? Oh, right. This was the oversize Navy sweatshirt that Daz had bought her on their real first date. Sometimes, on long nights when she couldn't sleep, she wore it and thought of what might have been. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“I'm glad you kept it,” he said.

She resisted the urge to shrug, knowing that would hurt. “It's a nice big warm sweatshirt.”

“You didn't have to wear it tonight.”

“I guess not.” She hated that Daz would guess she'd kept it all these years because it reminded her of him. How pathetic was it that sometimes she smelled it just to see if it still held Daz's scent? Absolutely pathetic when their love had gone only one way. “But it's warm.”

“Ah.” Daz smiled.

Well, he was right not to buy her excuse. No matter how much it hurt, she liked remembering him. And, oddly, today had been one of those days when he'd remembered her.

“What prompted you to rush to us today, Daz? I didn't expect you.”

“I heard about the storm, remembered how isolated this house can be, and headed straight here.” He taped the edges of the ACE bandage together. “I wanted to offer you guys shelter from the storm at the Phoenix Institute, where I work. We've got plenty of generators, plus guest rooms, including a game room Charlie would love.”

“You'd let us into your workplace? You're kidding. You never say anything about your work beyond that it's a private security firm.” This was a side of Daz's life he kept secret, even back when things had been good between them. That was still true, obviously, given how he'd put her off when she asked about the handprint scar. Bodyguard work, he'd said. Another example of the very real distance between them.

“Yeah, well, it's time you knew more about what I do,” he said.

“Why now?” Because they'd had sex?

“That's complicated and has to do with Charlie.” He finished up the wrapping. “Does that feel snug enough?”

She tried to move at her elbow. No go. But it didn't feel so tight that circulation was being cut off. “Seems to be just right. That's another one I owe you.”

“You don't owe me anything. You're family.”

“Okay.”

He packed up the duffel.

“Daz, what's complicated and what does your work have to do with Charlie?” Was he about to move away from New Jersey? Disappear on a high-security mission? What new crisis loomed?

He threw another log on the fire and faced her, catching and holding her gaze.

“What do you think I do?”

“I've never been quite sure what that is, except it's dangerous.” The new scar on his shoulder proclaimed just how dangerous it was. “But what does it have to do with Charlie?”

“That's complicated. Let me take the long way around. You're right, I've done private-ops missions and bodyguard work for the Phoenix Institute. But we've shifted lately from that focus to something more like rescue work.”

“More like what I do? Hostage rescue, then?”

“Yes, something along those lines, though without your dogs.” He grinned, leaned down and scratched Loki's ears. “We figured there's more elite troops can do to help people than fight.”

“But you're obviously still fighting something or you wouldn't have that new scar.”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, this is still not without risk.” He sighed.

“That all sounds good and you sound happy about it, Daz, but could you get to the point about what this has to do with Charlie?”

A long pause. Renee closed her eyes, resting, waiting.

“The thing is, the psychologist that I talked about earlier for Charlie is at the Phoenix Institute. Her name's Beth Nakamora. She's the person I want Charlie to see.”

“A psychologist is part of your Institute? And you think she could help Charlie?” She'd had a small hope that Daz did know a psychologist who could help Charlie. But he needed a child psychologist. “Daz, Charlie needs a pediatric specialist, not one who deals with veterans. Though she must be good, if you like her, but that doesn't mean she's right for Charlie.”

“I hear your objection, but Beth's specialty is pediatrics, specifically kids with issues like Charlie,” Daz said.

“Now you've really confused me. How did a pediatric psychologist get involved in your line of work?”

“She's a pediatric and adolescent specialist. Hey, it's not that much of a reach. You always said some military types are like children.”

“That's true enough but—”

“But nothing. Listen. Beth works for us part-time. She also has a private practice where her patients are children and teens.”

“Oh. Okay, then. Now that sounds more promising,” Renee said.

“I'm convinced we should get Charlie to her ASAP. I've seen her work wonders.”

“If she's so good, why didn't you mention her before?” Renee asked.

Daz looked away. Did he feel guilty about something?

“I guess I didn't think Charlie needed the help. Or that you had it under control already and didn't need another psychologist. I didn't realize how rough it was with him until tonight.”

“Oh.” It was her turn to look away. “I'm not very good at asking for help. I guess I could have told you how scared I am about this before.”

“No, I should have paid better attention.”

She sighed and put her head on Daz's shoulder. “I need help. Charlie needs help
.
I'm glad you think this Beth will help now.”

“Thank you,” he whispered into her ear. “I promise I'm going to be here in the future. I'm not going to make the same mistake again.”

I promise.
That was what Daz had said about coming back in time for their son's birth. She'd hung on to that promise for five months, including the two after Charlie was born. All those months, no word from Daz and no word from the Navy because she wasn't his relative. She wasn't his wife, just his baby momma. After a while, she let go of his promise and simply concentrated on her son.

“I won't let you or Charlie down this time,” he said.

Maybe he guessed what she was thinking. He pulled her close. His body was so warm and she needed to feel not so alone, so she let him.

“I wish we'd never broken up,” he said.

“We had good reasons for that.”

He stiffened. “You sent me away.”

“After you made it clear where your priorities were and they weren't with me.”

“I came back from that mission as soon as I could. I went to see you right away. I wanted to stay together.”

“You wanted to be together for our son. That's what you said. Not for me. You never said anything about wanting to stay with me.” She swallowed hard. “I was crazy in love with you, Daz, but I couldn't stay with someone who didn't love me back.”

Silence. Daz put his hand on her knee. “You never said you were in love with me.”

“You never gave me reason to think that love was welcome. It was the opposite. You said I was an
obligation
.” She closed her eyes. If she could have, she'd have closed off her hearing as well. Her stomach flipped over.

“I didn't know,” he whispered.

She shrugged and winced. “It doesn't matter now. What matters is getting help for Charlie.”

“But—”

“Look, Daz, there's nothing wrong with you not loving me back. We had good times and great fun and that's okay. You can't force someone to love you back. I know that.”

“And tonight?” he whispered.

“Tonight was us being what we always have been to each other. Fun. So let's just focus on Charlie from here on out.”

Her voice stayed even through the entire little speech, which surprised Renee. Because she knew now that she was probably still in love with Daz and always would be.

He cleared his throat. “I didn't realize. I'm sorry. But you're wrong when you claim I didn't care.”

“I didn't say you didn't care. Just that you didn't care as much as I do for you. Did,” she said. There. She still managed to be composed. Good, now they could move forward without all these issues from their past.

“I came back as soon as I could,” Daz said. “I wanted you to marry me. How is that not showing how much I cared?”

Could he please just stop this? She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees.

“Think about what you said when you asked me to marry you. You said you wanted to get married right away. That meant moving to a military base in an area I don't know with people I don't know and then hoping you wouldn't be assigned to missions that would require you to vanish for weeks at a time, which would leave me on my own with an infant son, without any support structure. And not once did you explain why you'd left me without word for so long.”

“I—”

“No, you started this discussion. Let me finish.” This time, her voice did waver. “Not once did you ever say to me that you loved me. Your proposal was all about Charlie and taking care of him.”