Plain Jayne (23 page)

Levi took Sara and Martha to the hospital while I stayed behind to “work.”

“Working” being code for figuring out what to do with my life.

I used to think that was what college was for.

Gemma was right. I either needed to make things better with Shane or at least move on. Staying with him because I liked him as arm candy wasn't fair to him.

And as far as my family went…if my dream was any indication, the dissonance had gone on long enough. They either loved me or they didn't. I either loved them or I didn't. I had to choose one.

It struck me as ironic that, really, my situation surrounding my family and my boyfriend were so similar.

Basically, I needed to make up my mind.

I sighed, picked up my phone, and dialed Shane for the first time in a while.

“Jayne? Where are you? The connection is the clearest it's been since you left.”

“I'm actually in my apartment.”

“Finally had enough?”

“Not really…” I gave him the short and sweet version of Gideon's heart attack. “So Martha and Sara are staying with me while he's at OHSU.”

I sort of edited out the fact that Levi was sleeping in my study.

“I miss you,” he said.

“I miss you,” I echoed back, although I wasn't certain that I did. Maybe I did. I probably did. “Anyway, I called because I think I'm going to cut my time in Albany short and go to Lincoln City to see my family.”

“Oh. That's nice.”

“I was wondering…” I paused and then took a deep breath, “if you wanted to come with me.”

“Why?”

“I thought…I thought you might want to meet my family.”

“You want me to meet your family.”

“Yes.”

“You realize that would involve me talking to them.”

“Yes.”

“And you still want me to go?”

“Wait. Let me think about it…”

“Jayne!”

“Just kidding! Yes.”

“And this isn't just because you're going and you need a buffer.”

“No.”

“No, you don't want me as a buffer?”

I couldn't lie. “Well, it's one of those side benefits. But not the only reason. At all.” I released the breath I'd been holding. “This next weekend?”

“That's fine. I may need to bring some work with me.”

“Bring whatever you need, as long as yourself is included.”

“You're doing okay?”

“I'm…” I thought about it. Was I okay? I was conflicted. And confused. And not looking forward to the Lincoln City trip. Did that make me not okay?

I straightened my spine. “I'm fine.”

I was alive and healthy. That made me okay enough.

I ran errands that afternoon, picking up a bag of Stumptown coffee for Levi as well as a coffeemaker, reasoning that at some point I might brew coffee at home.

It's also possible that I went to Powell's, because, well, I hadn't been to Powell's in more than a week and I was low on reading material.

The Martha who returned to the apartment seemed younger and, I don't know, lighter than the one who left. Not that she weighed less, but that there was less weighing her down.

“He's doing very well,” she reported, her cheeks glowing. “The doctor said that if he continues to do so well, he can leave in two days. Two days!”

“That's good news!”

“I insist on making dinner,” she said, tugging at her apron. “After a day of sitting around at a hospital, I need to do something useful.”

I couldn't stop her, not without feeling horribly guilty. “Knock yourself out.”

She frowned at me. “Knock myself…”

“Er…go ahead. The kitchen is yours with my blessing.”

“Is that a thread on your shirt?” Sara glued herself to my side and picked at the hem of my cowl-necked T-shirt.

“It is,” she said, before I could reply. “The hem's coming out. This wasn't sewn together very well. Would you like me to fix it?”

I figured if I let her fix it, she'd let go.

“Can you take it off?”

I had to physically restrain my eyes from darting to Levi for his reaction. Instead, I schooled my features and said, “Why don't we go to my room? You can mend this shirt, and then you can look for other garments in need of your care. Does that sound like fun?”

She all but skipped down the short hallway. I followed.

In the short expanse of time that followed, Sara found six T-shirts, two blouses, and three pairs of pants in desperate need of her service. Then she looked at me. “Where's your needle and thread?”

Seriously. “Sara, I don't have a needle and thread.”

She rolled her eyes in such a way as to make me a believer that teenagerdom is a reality that crosses cultures. “You probably don't have extra buttons either, do you.” It was a statement more than a question.

“I save the buttons that come with my clothes,” I said defensively, and it was true. I did save them. I didn't know how to attach them if and when the need arose, but I had them just the same.

She pointed to the pile of clothes on my bed. “I can't fix these without thread.”

I chose not to suggest dental floss, instead opting to bundle up and make a trip to Fred Meyer's.

Freddy's has everything.

“Need company?” Levi asked when I returned to the living room.

I shook my head. “Just a quick trip. I'll be right back. Did you see the coffee?”

“Coffee?” The look in his eyes turned a bit desperate.

“I bought coffee for you. It's on the counter.”

“You don't have a coffeemaker.”

“The box next to the coffee that says ‘Mr. Coffee' on it.”

I could hear his grin as the door closed behind me.

I found all sorts of things at Freddy's. Scissors made especially for fabric. Who knew such a thing existed? My mother, probably.

There were needles of all lengths and thicknesses, and a little more thread than I felt comfortable around. But I struck gold with what they called an “Emergency Mending Kit,” which contained thread of assorted colors, needles, a miscellaneous button, a tiny measuring tape, tiny scissors, a tiny thimble, and two small safety pins.

I don't know what kind of emergency might necessitate this sort of kit, but I was pretty sure it had everything Sara might have asked for.

When I got back to the apartment, dinner simmered on the stove and the scent of brewed coffee filled the air. Martha bustled around the kitchen, putting the last touches on her meal. Levi sat on the couch, a book in one hand and a mug in the other, while Sara breezed in and out of the living room, putting away items that had managed to drift out (mostly by me) since morning.

The sense of family took my breath away. Was this what coming home to people was like?

I pulled the emergency kit from the plastic Fred Meyer sack and waved it in the air. “Hope this works,” I told Sara, “otherwise we'll have to improvise. Yank thread from my duvet, that sort of thing.”

Sara's eyes narrowed. “What is that?”

“A kit.”

“What kind?”

“Emergency mending, and you're the field medic.”

Her eyebrows pitched forward in an expression of complete confusion.

“She means you're an emergency doctor,” Levi said, looking up from his book.

“Oh.”

He looked at me, his eyes twinkling.

Sara began to peel away the plastic covering. “This has everything I need,” she said. “I should have your clothes done right away.”

“But not until after dinner,” Martha called from the kitchen. “Sara, would you set the table?”

Sara dropped her eyes and moved back toward the kitchen as if driven by an invisible force.

When we sat down to dinner, I found myself struck again by the sense of family. I couldn't remember the last time the idea of family was so appealing.

My mind wandered before I could stop myself. I wondered what Martha would be like as a mother-in-law. Shane's mother was an interior designer (one of the reasons they'd never come to my place on a visit, since I had decorated the place in a postcollege eclectic style she probably wouldn't approve of) and married to her career. I couldn't see her preparing and serving dinner, unless it involved a caterer with excellent presentational skills.

I shook my head. Not that it mattered. I didn't see myself getting married anytime soon—or at all—and certainly not to a carpenter from Albany.

Seriously.

Even if he was good looking, handy, and an all-around enjoyable person to be with. Didn't matter.

The next few days flew by. Gideon continued to steadily improve, and the Burk-holders began to ready for departure. Levi and I never had a chance to go for coffee, which was fine with me. I was with Shane.

Sara and I never had a chance to paw through Gemma's closet, which was also just as well. As far as I knew, Sara hadn't yet made up her mind about her future with the Amish. Exposing her to Gemma's closet would just be unfair to her. I didn't know how the Amish could compete with a French and Italian wardrobe.

Levi never visited Gideon in the hospital. “I can't run the risk of upsetting him, not when he's like this,” Levi told me when I pushed the issue for the last time. “I don't want to be responsible for killing him.”

“At least there are health care professionals around, unlike at the farm,” I reasoned halfheartedly.

Levi shrugged. “Another time.”

His plan was to leave before I drove Martha and Sara to the hospital to pick up Levi. “I want to thank you,” he said, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

I waved my hand. “It was nothing.”

“You let the Amish take over your home for five days.”

“They're good people.”

“I noticed you have a lot of books.”

“You're very perceptive.”

“I thought I could make you a bookcase. As a thank-you gift.”

I opened my mouth to protest but decided against it. “That would be nice.”

“I was thinking a tall one, with short shelves to fit a lot of books, but two taller shelves in the middle.”

“I could live with that.”

“Light wood? Dark?”

“You're the carpenter.”

“You're a special lady, Jayne.”

He left, then, and I found myself wishing that maybe things could be different.