Play Hard (The Devil's Share Book 5) (13 page)

“This band is going to shit, Lex.” The drugs, the booze, it was destroying them. They couldn’t handle it.

“You’re right. This will probably be your last tour with them. So try to enjoy the ending.”

“After tonight, after what happened to you… All I want to do is get you home, keep you safe. I can’t believe I—”

“Lukey. Stop. You can’t be next to me every second of every day from here to eternity.” Shows what she knew. I’d move heaven and earth to make that my reality. “Enjoy what’s left of this band, of these boys you grew up with. Say a proper rock-and-roll good-bye.”

I tightened my arms around her and then kissed her forehead. Nothing was going the way it was supposed to. “I just wanted us to be bigger than this, you know? I wanted this band to go somewhere other than dive bars and rehab.” Music was all I knew. This was the life I wanted for myself and we were going to burn out before we even got started.

“You are so talented, Luke. You are so driven and focused. You aren’t like them, but you can’t stop this train they’re on and you know it. They have to choose to want it too.” I leaned my head against the headboard. We were in a motel for the weekend. A rarity for us since we barely made any money on the road.

“I love you, Lexi.” I’d never said that to her before, even though I’d loved her for a long time.

“I love you too, Luke.”

I closed my eyes and rested my cheek on the top of her head. I knew she loved me, I knew she cared for me and wanted the best for me. But I could hear it in her voice; she didn’t feel the same way I did. Not yet, anyway. I just had to keep trying. Keep trying to be more, be better, be the kind of man a girl like Lexi would end up with. I had time. We were young. I’d make her see that I was made for her.

“Are you asleep?”

I opened my eyes and raised my head. Harlow was standing before me in nothing but her lacey black bra and panties. Did all of her clothes scream
fuck me
? Her face was scrubbed clean and her hands rested on her slender hips. I smiled. “No, Pix. Just, uh, thinking.”

She cocked her head to the side. “You do that a lot.”

I chuckled. “Think? Well, that’s a good thing, right?”

“It would be if you were actually thinking, but you’re not, you’re getting lost in a memory.”

I had to swallow past the lump in my throat. How did she even know that? I’d been around this girl for less than two days and she already had me figured out. “You’re too intuitive.”

“No such thing.” She climbed onto my lap, straddling me. “I’m sorry I went off on you in the elevator.”

I dipped my chin. “Everything you said, I needed to hear.”

“I know. But still, it was harsh.”

“You don’t have a harsh bone in your body, Lo.” I put my hands on her cheeks, cradling her beautiful face. “You looked so damn gorgeous tonight. I wanted to punch that bartender when he winked at you.”

She looked sad for the briefest moment, and then her cheerful smile returned. “Careful, caveman. Don’t blur the lines.” She climbed off me and got under the covers.

“What’s that mean?” Don’t blur the lines? The sex line she drew?

“You’re not my boyfriend, remember? Keep spouting lines like that and a girl could get the wrong idea.” She reached up and turned off her light.

I got up and changed clothes, brushed my teeth, then climbed in next to her. I wanted to reach out and touch her. I wanted her to sleep on my chest like she had last night and again today when we napped. I liked having her near me. I liked the way she smelled and the way she felt in my arms. But she was right, I didn’t need to confuse either of us. She was doing me a favor. She’d said it herself; she’d been let down enough.

She didn’t need another man who was emotionally unavailable.

Chapter Twenty-two

Harlow

Luke left early. The band had a lot of radio stops to make before noon. I’d stayed in bed, watching trash TV and being lazy. My mind had been too preoccupied to go back to sleep. I wanted to shake Luke. I wanted to scream at him until he heard me. The only one holding him back was him. He was the only one keeping himself from healing, from moving on. He constantly got lost in the memory of Lexi, in the memory of what was. And he grieved a daydream. Luke needed to come back to reality and take a good look around. He needed to stop running. And I needed to stop getting lost in this little lie of ours. There were some moments when it all seemed so real. I was as bad as him, believing in something that wasn’t there. I’d just gotten up when my phone started ringing on the nightstand. I let out a sigh when I saw that my dad was calling. Again. He’d just keep it up until I answered.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Harlow, honey. I’ve been calling you for the past three days. Where the hell have you been? I was worried.” His tone was harsh and brisk. The only tone he’d ever used with me.

And if he really was that worried, which I highly doubted, all he had to do was call my mom. I’d told her I’d gotten here safe and sound. I’d told her all about Luke too. She wanted pictures of him shirtless. “Well, I am in Nashville and everything is fine.” He was probably just afraid I’d back out and his new wife would throw a temper tantrum.

“I saw that. You’re all over the gossip rags this morning with Luke Matthews. You want to tell me what the hell that’s about?” My father used the word “hell” a lot.

Press travels fast. “Not really.” I could very well shove Luke in my dad’s face. It’d no doubt piss him off, but I just wasn’t in the mood this morning.

“Harlow, honey. You know that I—”

“Whatever you’re going to say, just save it. Please. I don’t want to talk about Luke with you, not right now.” He also almost always added “honey” to the end of my name, but again his tone was sure to let me know it wasn’t necessarily a term of endearment.

He let out an irritated sigh, but thankfully dropped the Luke questions. Of course my dad would recognize the Devil’s Share. Music was his world. Or his bankroll so to speak. “You’re still coming, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there next week.” Unfortunately.

“I’m so excited to see you, honey. Your stepmother and I have missed you.”

Gag me with a mother-bleeping spoon. “I’ll let you know flight times once I do.”

“You haven’t booked your ticket yet? Do you want me to send one of the jets to get you?”

It was a nice offer, over the fucking top since I knew the cost of fuel prices whether you were flying ten people or one, but nice nonetheless. “No, I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Okay. See you soon.”

I hung up and calmly set my phone back on the nightstand. I wanted to throw it against a wall. I wanted to scream and pitch a fit like a child. I didn’t want to see my dad. I didn’t want to see my stepmom. The fact that he was trying on this family man role and attempting at nice and accommodating just pissed me off more. I knew he was only doing it to make his trophy wife happy. He was getting old and he needed to make sure this marriage stuck.

My phone rang again, my mom this time. “Good grief.” I plopped back down in bed and put her on speakerphone. “Morning, Mom.”

“Hello, my gorgeous girl. What are you up to this morning?” She sounded far away, like she’d put me on speakerphone as well but then walked away to do something else.

“Come back to the phone, Mom.” I laid my forearm over my eyes.

“You there, sweetie? I can barely hear you.”

“Yes, Mom. Just come closer to the phone.” I loved my mom, but she was an artist and she had an artist’s spacey nature.

“Okay, I’m here.” Her voice came through much clearer. “What are you doing? Why do you sound so morose?”

“Just got off the phone with Dad.”

“Oh, well that’ll do it.” I heard some clanging around. “You’re doing the right thing, love.”

“I haven’t seen him since his wedding, and I’d be fine not seeing him again until his funeral.”

Just like I knew she would be, my mom was not having any part of my pity party. “Now, Harlow Davis Miller, you take that back. The man may be an asshole. He may love money more than anything else on this planet, but he’s still your father. And he’s the only one you’ve got.” She paused for effect. “I don’t want you to have any regrets in life, kiddo. Seeing your dad every once in a while won’t kill you.” She laughed. “And then one day, when you are at his funeral, you’ll be at peace knowing you did everything you could when it came to your relationship with him.”

My mom was the reason I’d finally accepted his offer to visit. She was on me constantly about my karma. “I know. And I’ll go, I just refuse to be happy about it.”

“I don’t blame you. That man is an asshat.” I could picture her on her back deck, overlooking the ocean. “Now tell me how things are going with Mr. Wonderful?”

I’d told my mom everything about Luke when I’d talked to her last, while he was in the shower. I was confused about my feelings for him, and my mom, although she was slightly off her rocker, was a really good listener. “The same, he’s been gone all morning so I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him.”

“I want pictures.”

“Just Google Image him, Mom.”

“No. I want good pictures, ones when he’s with you so I can get a read on his soul.”

My mom thought she could actually read people. “I love you. I’ll call you later.”

“I love you too, sweetie. Bye.”

I’d almost made it to the bathroom to get dressed when there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peephole to see a smiling Landry and a sleepy-looking Bryan, both of them with their mounds of dark hair piled on their heads. These were my kind of chicks, hot mess express. I opened it with a flourish. “Hellllllo, ladies.”

Landry walked in like she owned the place. “We wanted to see if you wanted to go down to the pool with us.”

I put my hands on my hips. “You, pretty girl, are a fish.”

Bryan sat down at the desk chair. “No joke. Good thing this hotel has an indoor pool. I don’t know what we would do to keep her occupied otherwise.”

“You wanna come?” Landry was practically bouncing. I loved her little Southern accent. I loved all their accents actually. Especially Luke’s. His voice slid over me like butter.

“Yes, ma’am. Let me get changed real quick.” A distraction was definitely in order. I had no right to compare Luke’s voice to butter. That was counterproductive to say the least.

***

Bryan and I stayed in the pool with Landry for over an hour. Eventually, we convinced her to work on her breaststroke while we watched from the side. “That little girl would live in the water if you’d let her.” I was amazed at her energy level.

“We finally broke down and got a heater installed in our pool at home so she can be in it year-round. We live in Texas, it’s only cold for like two months.” Bryan glanced my way. “Are you planning on making a trip to Texas anytime soon? I noticed you’re only scheduled on the tour until New York.”

I was suddenly sad because I knew I’d probably never be to Texas to visit. They would all move on, go home together as a family. And I’d head in the opposite direction, back to Florida. “My dad lives in New York, so I’m going to spend some time with him before I need to get back to Miami.” I didn’t really answer her question, but she let it go when Lexi walked up.

“Hey, y’all.” Lexi came and sat on the edge of the pool with us, Halen strapped to her chest in this soft t-shirt sling-looking thing.

I smiled at Lexi and then reached and shook Halen’s little hand. “Hi, gorgeous baby.” She really was beautiful.

Bryan searched the pool area. “Where is Dylan?”

“Gym.” Lexi snorted. “I worked out for an hour straight with her while Halen slept in the pack-n-play. And then she wanted me to go on a run too? She’s crazy.”

Landry came swimming over to us. “B, I need to go to the bathroom.”

Bryan hopped up. “Come on, sweet girl.”

I was left alone, for the first time, with the mythical Lexi. There was an awkward silence after Bryan and Landry left the pool area. And you know me and loaded silence. “Luke says you’re a photographer. That’s really cool. I’d love to see some of your work. I’m into art. I collect a little here and there. I picked up pottery for a little while, just for fun. One of my friends owns this super hip gallery in Miami. But you know how Miami is, everything is so darn bright and colorful, it all starts to look the same.” I took a deep breath, fully prepared to keep talking if I needed to.

Lexi picked up where I’d left off, easily and unhurried. She reminded me of Luke in that way; they both seemed smooth to an extent. “It’s actually been a while since I picked up my camera, other than to take pictures of Halen.” She leaned down and kissed the top of her baby’s head. Almost like she was apologizing to her. “I miss it.”

My mom had been a really talented sculptor when she was young. She’d put it on the back burner when she and my dad started their record label. And then, after I was born my dad was never around, so it was hard for her to justify leaving me alone so she could do something for herself. As I got older I saw it, saw that she craved it in a way. So I acted interested, asked her to teach me. I’d never seen her so at peace. “Creative people, artists, it’s a part of them. An extension of who they are. When they don’t practice, when they don’t pick up their paintbrush, or their pen, or their camera, a piece of them is missing.”

She looked over at me, a smile on her face. “I have felt like something wasn’t right. Like something was missing.” She lifted one shoulder. “To be honest, until you just said that, I assumed what was missing was Luke. A lot of my past work, it revolved around him, around his music.”

Jealousy. I couldn’t deny it any longer, Lexi talking about Luke, the fact that she still had his heart. It made me jealous. “You two were close.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. But she answered me anyway.

“Luke is my best friend. We’ve been through so much. It’s been him and I for so long, it was really hard when he left.” She pulled the straps off her shoulders and unloaded Halen, setting the baby on her lap. “For a second I didn’t know who I was without him.”